It's A Girl's World, But He's In It!

As I wrote recently in "It's a Boy's World, but I'm in it!" , there are things which I do just because I am a mum to boys and I want to be engaged in their physical, adventurous, all guns blazing, tree climbing blue world. I want to be involved in order to be able to relate to them, enjoy time with them and share Jesus with them. But it is time to hear from a dad of girls who wants to be involved in his girl's pink glittery world, for the same reasons. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Adrian Holloway.

I have never understood the need for glitter and 'make and do'. However,our house is often full of small creations made from toilet rolls, old strawberry punnets and fairy liquid bottles. It is very important that the majority of them are created before 8am and they are displayed for at least 2 weeks before they are forgotten about. They can then be transferred to the very, very top cupboard...a half way house that is used in case a) they are requested back b) they are sadly forgotten and make their way slowly but surely to the great recycling bin in the sky.

For me this table of activity is not inspiring, in fact if anything it seems, dare I say pointless. However, it is a time of learning and understanding, nurturing and bonding. If I share the passion for a Pritt Stick and a pink neon feather, I hope they in turn will learn to share my deepest desires.

Teaching our girls about having a true personal relationship with God, is the most important thing that I see I can do as a Father. This takes many forms from, my day to day responses to them, to our one on one God times. Our 'Daddy bible times' could probably be described as being unconventional. Julia, my wife, often expresses concern as to what the neighbours are hearing through the walls of our terraced house. Rather than sit and read bible stories in our house we prefer to go for the role play approach. Therefore Lazarus is often raised from the dead, Jesus is, possibly too graphically crucified and raised from the dead. Demons are cast and miracles are witnessed. Why? Simply because they love it, I love it and God's word is remembered.

I want them to know that I will always listen to them, offer them advice when needed and endeavor to understand their needs when they initially seem alien to me. Ultimately I will love them unconditionally.

Being a Dad of 4 girls isn't necessarily how you might expect. I have spent hours of time sitting next to our older girls cheering on Fulham FC. I have even caught one of them getting up extra early on a Sunday to watch match of the day!

Adrian Holloway http://www.theshockofyourlife.com/

"Come On Lad"

While we were on holiday, we went for a walk to a place called Dancing Ledge. It was a lovely day for a walk; the sun was shining, there was a nice breeze, beautiful scenery, we had a picnic ready and knew it would end in a fun climb. A lovely day for a walk indeed! Unless you were a four year old boy who really wasn't up for a walk, then it was quite an ordeal. If you were four and you were tired and your legs were sore and you didn't care about the scenery or the breeze or the picnic or the climb, then it was not a lovely day for a walk.

Between ignoring the whining and complaining, being told off for the whining and complaining and being distracted from the whining and complaining, the walk turned out to feel a bit longer than it should. The husband was ahead pushing the youngest in the buggy, carrying the picnic and keeping up with the other two, while I was holding hands/dragging the reluctant four year old, attempting to enjoy some one to one time with him on a beautiful day. The husband held back and explained to the four year old that enough was enough, and that he was to enjoy the walk! Point well and truly made, daddy was listened to, the whimpering lessened and we looked for beetles which we were going to name Judy and Alex, but never found any.

That was only the way down! It had been quite a long way down, so I was wondering what the climb up would be like. Same situation as before; older two ran up, fueled by testosterone and a test of their manliness. The husband carried the two year old on his shoulders, as the buggy had been abandoned at the top of the climb. And I followed with a hot and tired four year old, who stood at the bottom and looked up and up and up to the top. It looked a long way up from my perspective, but from a tired four year-old's view, it looked insurmountable. At first he sat down, not defiantly, just defeated before he began! We played 'chase mum's shadow' which got him going, and we ate a few blackberries on the way for 'energy and strength'. But then he got weary of the climb. His head was low and his hands were pretty much dragging along the grass.

That's when we heard the shout come from the top; "ETHAN, YOU ARE DOING REALLY WELL. KEEP GOING. YOU CAN DO IT. YEAH. COME ON LAD". The voice of course was his daddy's voice booming loud and proud from the top. The weary four year old beamed his brightest smile as he looked up at his dad.
And with his eyes fixed on his dad, he ran and ran!

It was a wonderful moment and I could see my Heavenly Father in it all. How He knows me by name, because I am His child. How He loves me and He is so for me, encouraging me, rooting for me when I am weak and feeling defeated, reminding me that I am not defeated, drawing me to Himself, going before me, causing me to fix my eyes on Him, encouraging me to quit complaining and whining and listen to His voice and run. And when my boy ran to his dad, I ran alongside him, encouraging him to go to his dad. How wonderful to remember that once Jesus had ascended to Heaven, He sent the Holy Spirit to come alongside us, encouraging us, comforting and strengthening us, helping us along the way to fix our eyes on what Jesus has done for us and to run to the Father!

"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses,

 let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles.

 And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith.

 For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.

Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart." Hebrews 12v1-3

It's A Boy's World, But I'm In It!

We have just come back from a much needed holiday. We had a few days in a beautiful house, courtesy of an old friend, who let us use her home. We went to see Windsor Castle and Princess Katherine even gave me a signed postcard and novelty pencil (her handwriting is very similar to that of the husband's!!). And we went camping for a few days after. The husband isn't the biggest fan of living in a tent for a week. He says it would be better if it had a sofa, and a non air filled bed and if the walls were firstly not near his face when he slept, and secondly if they were made of brick not canvas.

There were a couple of new things I did. One out of politeness and one because I am a mum of boys. On the Sunday, we went to church and back to the pastor and his wife's house for lunch. We had a lovely time, and they were very hospitable to us. The boys realized that girls can be very cool indeed, especially with a snake, a tarantula, ferrets and dogs as pets. As a non fish lover, I was served home caught fish, with eyes and a tail and everything! I looked at my plate, and politely smiled. The husband correctly assessed the smile as one of slight despair, and asked the wife to give me a little help in cutting the fish which was staring at me. The fish was swiftly decapitated, de skinned and de boned, and it was actually delicious. First new thing!

Secondly, it was my birthday while we were away. I got nice presents which the boys thought were a bit of a let down; smellies, jewellery and a flowery bag. No Lego or Star Wars is seen as a bit of a disappointment in our house. We went to a swimming pool or more of a water world, with rapids and slides. My son asked me to go on the water slides with him which I did about 6 times. But then I went on the really fast one on my own, while the husband had all the boys. I'm not sure I would have gone on it if I wasn't a mum to boys. But I went on it twice, once for them and once for me. I was advised by a mum recently, a Bear Grylls kind of mum who has three older boys. She said that as they continue to get older, I should do more and more active things with them rather than sit out and watch. Not just letting the husband be the only one involved in the fun side of things, but for me to be an active part of it too. It is such a privilege to look after them and care for their needs, knowing that part of this is to get into their world and have fun with them. It's definately a boy's world, but I'm in it! This creates great opportunities to share Jesus with them and it also proves to be jolly good fun along the way!

"And you must commit yourselves wholeheartedly to these commands that I am giving you today. Repeat them again and again to your children. Talk about them when you are at home and when you are on the road, when you are going to bed and when you are getting up."
Deuteronomy 6v6-7

Yes Sir, Yes Sir, Three Bags Full

With all this sheep talk recently, I have been thinking about how Jesus charges me to be a shepherd to my own flock, like He is the Good Shepherd to me. As a mum, I tend to four lambs. I tend to their needs, keeping them warm and safe. I feed them with food from Asda, rather than grass from a field. I don't lead them to a river to drink, but I do show them where the tap is. I call them and they know my voice and they come running straight away...mmm occasionally! They don't ever fall into ravines, but I do help them when they're stuck up a tree. I'm not allowed to shear them as I once did a terrible job of that, but the husband has taken on this role.I know each of them by name, although I do mix them up, much to their amusement. I aim to guide my lambs, care for them and love them. This is what shepherds do.

I also aim to protect them. Maybe I'm not protecting them from wolves and predators, like a shepherd would, but from other things which are dangerous for them. Things that will make them fearful or feel scared, things which will cause nightmares or take away their innocence, things which may even lead them to death.

So for instance, me or the husband, will watch new films with them. If it has a scary or sad scene, we may skip it for them or get them to look away or walk away until it has finished. Or we may talk through the scene with them. We know it is important to protect them at times, by preventing them from seeing or hearing or knowing certain things. But we mustn't wrap our children up in cotton wool. Sometimes our protection comes in the form of allowing them to see something and explaining why it is harmful and teaching them how to guard their own hearts and live godly lives. If we hear the news in the car, we turn the radio down because the content is often too adult for their young ears. But other times we talk to them about things in the news and pray with them about it.

We also protect their hearts by teaching them about sin and about God's enemy and his tactics.

"The thief’s purpose is to steal and kill and destroy.
 My purpose is to give them a rich and satisfying life." John 10v10

Our boys need to know that they will be tempted to sin. We want them to be prepared to protect themselves, and understand why they need to do it. So our six year old will now tell us when he thinks a dvd is too scary for him, and our seven year old will turn the news off when it comes on the TV. We want them to learn to protect themselves from temptation, whether it's temptation to vandalise property and disrespect authority, or whether its a sexual temptation. We want them to protect themselves from sin, and point them towards Jesus' protection, by making godly choices and following The Good Shepherd for themselves.

"Direct your children onto the right path,
and when they are older, they will not leave it." Proverbs 22v6

Have You Any Wool?

Due to the two year old's new love for all things Baa, I am aware of sheep again and again. I recently read John 10, and thought about Jesus' description of us as his sheep. (As I mentioned in my last post). He talks about thieves who come to steal the sheep, and why He cares for the sheep, and the fact that there are some sheep still to be found. It's hard to remember that he is talking about us as he refers to sheep, but He is. He talks about the sheep having eternal life and never being snatched from Him. He talks about Himself as the shepherd, the good shepherd who lays down His life for the sheep. But He also talks about Himself as the gate, which to be honest I haven't always understood.

I read something recently, which helped me understand it better. I read A Slice of Infinity, which is a daily reading from the Ravi Zacharias International Ministries (RZIM). It is written by a lady called Jill Carattini. She explained parts of John 10 in her daily reading, which was new to me, so I thought I would share her thoughts here;

As Jesus was standing in the temple preaching, He would have been surrounded by real "baaing" sheep. Sheep which were being bought and sold,  and then led through a door into the temple, in order to be used as a sacrifice. There was a gate on the north of the city of Jerusalem which the sheep were led through. It was fittingly called the Sheep Gate. When the sheep were inside the city, inside the temple, there was no way out. An entrance for the sheep, but no exit. They were then sacrificed for the sins of men and women. Jill Carattini writes "For first-century hearers of Jesus' words about sheep, such knowledge added to the shock of Christ's words: "I tell you the truth, I am the gate for the sheep.... I am the gate; whoever enters through me will be saved. He will come in and go out, and find pasture.""

The hearers of Jesus' words would have known that the sheep had no way out, that they were heading for death. For Jesus to say that He was the gate for the sheep, He was declaring that there was a way out for the sheep. And we remember that Jesus refers to us when He talks about sheep. So He was saying He was and is the way out from death for us. If we come to God through Jesus, we are rescued from death and given life. This is wonderful news for us, and a reminder that those who don't yet know Jesus as their rescuer and saviour are still heading for death, and we need to point them in the right direction, towards the gate, towards Jesus.

"I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.

 I am the Good Shepherd" John 10v11

Baa Baa Black Sheep

My two year old has started to appreciate all things Baa, (as in the animal). So every time we see a sheep or a cow, or a haystack for that matter, he shouts "Baa". Even as I write this, there is a Baa on Bob the Builder this morning. So he is making his point loud and clear with full animal noise and facial expression.

There are some fields we pass on our way home. One field is home to sheep, one to cows and one to haystacks, so for quite a long stretch of road he says Baa, and I have to say it back to him in acknowledgement of the Baas!

It has got me thinking recently about one of my favourite verses;

"He tends his flock like a shepherd: He gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart; he gently leads those that have young." Isaiah 40v11

'Tends his flock' is not a phrase that we use a lot, mainly because we are not shepherds. But to a shepherd, it would mean that he protects his flock from wolves and predators. He looks after his flock, caring for them, feeding them, guiding them, watching over them, leading them to fresh water, and searching for the lost ones. 'Tends to' can also be described as cherish, serves and cares for.  

I love this verse and take it personally. Jesus is my shepherd and I am part of His flock, one of His sheep. I am happy to be a Baa, because it means Jesus tends to me, cherishes me, serves me and cares for me. He feeds me, watches over me and guides me. He gathers me in His arms and carries me close to His heart. What a wonderful place to be. The verse also says that Jesus gently leads those who have young. I have young, four young lambs which I myself tend to. So Jesus is gently leading me as I look after them. Sometimes He leads me through rough terrain, and sometimes through luscious grassy areas. But He is always leading me, while protecting me and tending to me. I am close to the Shepherd's heart, close to Jesus' heart.

 

Keep Smiling!

I have noticed that mums have a look on their face that other mums totally understand. It is a smile of sorts, but not a natural smile. It's more of a strained smile; a tight, closed mouth smile which lifts both corners of the mouth up high to uncomfortable levels, and it is usually accompanied with a nod or head tilt or very wide eyes, or all three. Someone may look at that smile and think the lady was bordering on insanity or struggling with constipation, but another mum would look at that smile and she would just know.


She would know that that smile is trying to communicate an intense positive thought process, such as "I am rising above the current stresses", with maybe a touch of "I am carrying on regardless", and a slight hint of "This will not beat me." While inside she is silently screaming, "I'm a mother, get me outta here!!" You notice this look in the supermarket, on the school run, at church, and coming in and out of caravans at Newday.

And as a mum, there is a look that you give back. It is a smaller smile, a more natural one. Not as intense as the manic/constipated look described earlier.  It communicates to that other mum, "I understand" and it lets you know that you are going to be okay and that you will survive! Because in that moment, you want someone else to understand the stress or gritted teeth joy that you are experiencing.


I saw this understanding look as I was in the chemist at 10pm buying worm medicine. What a totally gross and embarrassing medicine to have to stand at a counter and ask for. The reassuring look came from the mum standing to the left of me not quite at this point, but when the pharmacist asked if there was anything else I needed apart from the worm medicine for my kids, and my hushed reply was "a bottle of head lice treatment please"...that's when the smile came. A comforting, "been there, done it" smile. She understood that the last thing I wanted to be doing that evening was buying these particular products, let alone having to admit that I needed them, revealing some of the secret horrors of motherhood. And then having to part with cash for the joy of owning such products. She also knew that that meant my following morning would be one of hair combing and linen washing! But she would also know that that is what you do as a parent, you care for your kids and help them, in all sorts of ways!


I was comforted by that lady's smile. And it caused me to smile too. I realised how I simply needed someone to understand my plight at 10pm that evening. No talk about it needed, just an understanding smile was enough. Its a tedious link, but I know My Heavenly Father understands my plight. He sees all and knows all. He knows what my groans are, the big heavy groans and the lighthearted almost comical ones. And He makes all grace abound to me because I am His daughter, so He knows what it is to love His kids, to love me. He knows I need looking after, and help and care when I get myself into a mess. And I know that the messes I get myself into are far worse than nits and worms!

 "And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work." 2 Corinthians 9v8