Off-Peak

So yesterday I took the plunge and joined a gym. Eeek! I'm not really a gym type person. I tend to convince myself that there are so many workouts on-line, I could just do them whenever I want to, which is pretty much never. (Although I would recommend a 20min Beyonce Dance off with your daughters, for the giggles, the moves and the fitness.) There was a deal on, it's near my place of work, it can fit it in with my week, so I went for it. I was fairly relieved when yesterday turned out to be just a tour and the payment schedule. I didn't dare tell them I had a scraped together gym kit in the back pack I was wearing. I went for the off-peak option because it was a) cheaper and b) the gym's 'peak hours' are also home's 'peak hours' so I wouldn't be able to get there then. Besides, being at home between 4pm and 8pm is a different kind of workout. (I think it's called exercising the fruits of the Spirit). 

This morning I had my Induction at 8am. A little bit of me-time at 8am. Of course, first I needed to make sure I could leave the house well. I took the toothbrushes out of the bathroom in order to eliminate the "I'm in the shower" shout to the siblings knocking on the door to use the toothbrushes. I woke one of them up for his first wake up on my way downstairs with the toothbrushes. I took the sandwiches out of the fridge. Like Martha Stewart or some other organised mum guru, I had made the sandwiches the night before whilst watching an episode of Police Interceptors. I had to pre-empt the night-owl teenager that the sandwiches in the fridge are not for him as a late night snack. (Side note: apparently sandwiches are not working for one of them so we're trialing wraps). I leave the sandwiches and wraps out in age order. It's just easier that way. 

I put the kettle on for a hot water bottle for the one who is too sick for school. I got the uniform out of the dryer for the one that needed it washed last night. I leave out Ibuprofen for his sore back. Yes he could go looking for it all, but at 6:45am that's a lot to ask from a teen. I put the cereal on the table and pack the littlest one's lunch. I'm making her go to a buddy's house early so I can go to a stupid gym induction so she wont quite be fully conscious enough to pack her own lunch. I take up the hot water bottle, a snack, a note, fresh water and Calpol for the poorly one and leave it within reach for when she wakes up. (She was prepped the night before that I'd be gone for an hour. She possibly wont even wake until I am back). I do a second wake up of the one who needs waking, and a third with a reminder to get his football gear ready. He can't find his black jeans. I'm pretty sure black jeans are not in the uniform policy but that is his battle with the teachers, not mine. I find his black jeans. And his belt. 

I do the first and second wake up of the littlest who can't believe it's not the middle of the night. It was a whole 15minutes earlier than normal because I had a gym induction to get to. I help her to get dressed. She is of course old enough to get dressed by herself but this morning, mummy is going to help because mummy has some me-time booked in. Thankfully she has plaits in which will last her another non hair-brushing day. I sign her reading record, while getting her sleepy self to choose which cereal she wants. (I assume she has indeed read Tom Gates' Dog Zombies Rule but the teachers can pick that up). I put a washing load on because any sane mother knows that missing one day of laundry creates 7 extra days of laundry. One of them has asked for an early drop off down the road so he can get the bus to work. One of them is poorly in bed. One of them I walk across the road to her buddy's house. One of them I hope gets the bus to school and one I'm not sure what his plans are but I have left a hopeful note about the washing being put away. 

And then I'm off to the gym, off to get a little me-time. I catch a breath-taking sunrise across the sea, and I have a little chat to God. I am reminded of Psalm 113, "From the Rising of the sun to the place where it sets, the name of the Lord is to be praised". I thank God that there is much to praise His name for. For the abundant household I have just come from, for the gym I don't particularly want to go to, for the joy of the sunrise behind me. 

I read in the gospel of Mark later that day, that after the sunset people had brought all the sick to Jesus to be healed. 'The whole town gathered at the door'. Early the next morning, while it was dark Jesus had left the house and gone to a solitary place to pray. Simon had gone looking for him. He needed Him back because 'everyone was looking for Him'. I am not comparing my ministry at home with Jesus ministry to everyone in Galilee, but I did smile knowing that Jesus sees me and understands me. He knows what the demand is like to a whole other level, and yet He is still always availe to me. There are no off-peak hours with Jesus. Another reason to praise Him before the sun goes down.

Snow and Tell

Yesterday, beloved Brighton came to a standstill due to heavy snowfall. When I say heavy, I mean heavy for this tiny part of Sussex. The snow actually settled for once, rather than just a colder than usual, wetter than usual slushy drizzle. And of course, chaos ensued. The snow arrived on the school run, the perfect time of the day for a little extra madness. Parents couldn't get to school, kids couldn't get home from school and some teachers had to stay at other local teachers' houses for the night, because they couldn't make the trecherous drive home. Certain roads became gridlocked with some people abandoning their cars, whilst others skidded along hoping their non winter tyres would get them up the hill, only to find abandoned buses, police cars and ice everywhere. 

I witnessed the heroic ventures of one man who had borrowed another man's boots and jogged for 40minutes to collect his wife and son who had wisely decided to stop their car rather than attempt the rest of the journey home. He wrapped the boy up and put him in a carrier and walked him and his wife safely home, spotting multiple snowmen along the way. One of my children managed to get the early bus home, so she was safe and dry. Her brother however had left a little later, so he sat on a non moving bus for an hour and was a little put out when I couldn't drive to pick him up as my car had been iced in by this point. He had a cold walk home.

One person however was delighted with yesterday's antics! My youngest always asks Alexa in the morning what degree it will be today. She then decides her wardrobe based on the answer. Alexa told her it would be Zero degrees. Rather intrigingually she then asked if there would be snow. Alexa said there would be later in the afternoon. Rather delighted with that answer, she came and told me that snow was expected. She then said how sad it was because the snow never settles. It gets washed away and it's never deep enough to actually play in. 

Well role on the school run! She didn't want to get a lift home in the car. She wanted to run in the snow, giggling with her best buddy. Ah the life of a nine year old. When she got home, we put on extra jumpers, found some snow gliders that I had picked up from the side of the road in the Summer and we headed back out. Oh what fun we had... snow gliding, snowball throwing, yellow snow avoiding, trecking up the Racehill, learning to roll rather than crash into the metal gate (after crashing into the metal gate) and of course building a snowman. 

It was a memory making day and we both loved it. After the post-snow meltdown, (all the tears because you can't feel your fingers or your toes and all your clothes are wet and freezing and clinging to you) she had a hot chocolate and snuggled into her fluffy Onesie. 

I took a moment to remind her about the morning. How she was sad because the snow wouldn't settle or be deep enough to play in. I told her she must be God's favourite! She looked up at me with questioning eyes. I explained that God didn't actually have favourites, just like parents shouldn't (although you might find one easier than another). But He is a good Father and He does know what we need and what brings us joy and she is a child of God. I said that I don't do everything the same for each of my children, but I know what blesses each one of them. I suggested that perhaps the snow was just for her, perhaps it wasn't at all but either way we should be thankful to Him for the fun we had had in the snow because not everyone's account of yesterday's snowday would have been as much of a blessing as it was to her, as it was to us. 

"As the snow... comes down from Heaven...watering the Earth making it bud and flourish...so is my word that...will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it". Isaiah 55v10-11

Like Father, Like Son

Happy New Year!

So 2025, what do you have in store for us?! If only we knew ahead of time, so we could put aside the right amount of energy, people-ing, crisis management, health, happiness, rest, antibiotics and money to see us nicely through each season that comes our way. Alas, this is yet to be invented or discovered. Perhaps I'll look into that for next year...

I feel I may have peaked too soon this year, just one day in. I went on a New Year's Day walk with some friends. Friends who I usually just admire from afar. Two of them run a gym, one of them goes swimming in the sea (in his Budgy Smuggglers) and one of them who just happened to swim the Channel. This didn't bode well as a starting point, plus there was a weather warning, plus we went for a walk in the windiest part of Brighton, possibly the UK. 

The first bit was lovely, little catch up with people about their Christmases. Kids happy to see their friends and run ahead, a little slip on the mud here and there but mostly a joyous outing. Then we were covered by the trees so conversation was able to continue, kids were happy. It felt healthy to be out in nature, a little smug even. Then we turned the corner and had to face Mordor, the land of Shadow, with its harsh geography and representation of all that is desolate and dark in the world. I tried to walk behind people in order to lessen the sheets of wind and ice attacking my face. I tried to make it look like I wanted my own space, a bit of alone time with my own thoughts, some meditation amidst nature. Truth was I couldn't breathe, let alone think about nature or even talk to people. One of my daughters said her face and legs hurt, her hands were cold, her legs were slipping. I left her to her own devices. She should have made better life choices. Each to their own. Survival of the fitest. (She was in her dad's care). 

There was a moment when I told the husband I physically couldn't do it. He didn't have much hope to offer me, because he knew I couldn't turn back. So he helpfully said, "It's just up that bit and then across that bit" pointing up towards Mordor itself. Yeah thanks for that! I was joined by my friend's ten year old daughter. She told me how hard this part of the walk was. I didn't believe she was finding it hard at all. She had told me earlier that she once run up it with her brother, pushing a feeding trough. I think she simply had compassion for me. She tried to distract me too at one point. I said she could walk ahead but she put her hand on my back and told me I could do it. She said this a few times as she walked alongside me. 

I knew she was modelling what her parents had taught her. Yes she's got an adventurous spirit and she is used to seeing her parents physically push themselves, but she modelled compassion to me, she encouraged perseverance in me and she walked alongside me at my own pace, not ahead of me,  just alongside. Attributes her parents are known for.

I thought back to Christmas morning when the biggest brothers in our household were very thoughtful with their sibling gifts. They loved big. I know some of that is what I have modelled to them. I do try to love big where I can. I thought back to this summer at Newday (a Christian Youth event). I had had a chat with a dad who had watched his two grown daughters loving their youth group by praying with them individually. He humbly knew this had come from his example. And I had had a chat with a mum whose teenager was happy to miss out because she was sorting through response cards from young people who wanted to follow Jesus. Again, a humble acknowledgement of all that that mum had taught her was important in life.

Interesting, encouraging, (sometimes daunting from a parents point of view)
what we learn from our parents or parental figures in our life. Spending time with them, watching them in action. Choosing what to emulate, what to pass on. 

Some of us will head into this new year with exciting goals and fresh expectations. Some of us will just be hoping that this year is easier than other years may have been. Some of us are not even sure what day of the week it is. Hopefully many of us will head into 2025 trusting that our Heavenly Father has got us. He knows what we need and He will be with us every step of the way, every day of the new diary. His Grace is sufficient for what lies ahead. He has strength for us, joy for us, peace for us, favour for us, blessings for us. He will also have comfort for us, rest for us and help for us when crisis comes our way, when we need another round of antibiotics, when we've run out of energy or money. As His children, He wants us to know Him, to spend time with Him, to enjoy His presence and to not only love His character but to model His character to others.  

"Follow God's example, therefore, as His dearly loved children and walk in the way of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering to God". Ephesians 5v1-2

'Tis the Season

A friend of mine encouraged me to take a moment during this busy Christmas season. To sit for twenty minutes. To sit with all lights off apart from the twinkling lights of the Christmas tree. To have a coffee in my hand. To just sit and be still. To sit at the feet of Jesus. To remember that Jesus is seated at the right hand of the father because He is of equal position to the Father and because His work of redeeming me is done. To dwell on the seated Jesus, who right now is interceding for me. He sees me. He knows me. He's praying for me.

She then left me a short voice message of prayer, acknowledging the craziness of the outside world which has came into my home. She spoke the truth of the gospel. She reminded me that Jesus is the wonderful counsellor, the wounded healer, the prince of peace. She said that my family sits in His family tree which is bigger and stronger than me, than my worries, than my concerns, than my fears and failings. She said that I am carried under the refuge of His wings. In Him, I am safe. She said that Jesus identifies with messy family life. She prayed I would be still and know Him today. What a gift of a friend. (Not to self; Be more like Jesus and more like this friend).

So this morning that's what I did. I confess I had tea instead of coffee. It was 6:30am which is cuppa time, cup-of-tea time, not coffee-shop coffee time. Very different things. My twinkling Christmas tree was probably not the most peaceful of trees and I think I actually managed 12 minutes. But I sat. I thought about the mums with little ones, who would love a quiet house as late in the morning as 6:30am. I remember it well. I am grateful for seasons that do change. I thought about the encouragement of Susanna Wesley, pastor's wife and mother of many who put her apron over her head when she just needed a moment to dwell in God's presence. I just sat. I didn't read or sing. I didn't pray even. I was just still, mindful of all the truths that my friend had just prayed over me. And it did me good. It was good for my soul. It was probably good for my household too.

Somewhere in the midst of presents and chocolate and mangers and family and mince pies and school shows and movies and church and candy canes and Lemsip and teacher gifts and ice skating and friends and cards and experiences and shopping lists and placemats and gift lists and turkeys and freezer space and cookies and tinsel and stocking fillers and cranberries and extra chairs and driving around and the weight of it all and the stupid elf, there is Jesus. He is right there in the midst of it all. It does us good to be still, to be quiet and simply know, understand, comprehend, grasp, recognise, that He is indeed God. He is good. He is able. He is Sovereign. He is not just to be acknowledged but He is also to be exalted. It's good to take a moment (maybe more than just one) and sit at the feet of Jesus. And maybe just maybe, another mum could do with being reminded about this too. 

"His name shall be Immanuel; which means God with us." Matthew 1v23

Dumb Phone

Getting ready for the new school term, working out what we already have, what can be passed down from sibling to sibling, and what needs to be budgeted for and bought afresh. We have one starting senior school in a month's time. She is READY! She is suitably nervous and excited about it all. Nervous about the bus route, but excited all the same. Nervous about being judged by new people, excited by the possibility of new friends. Nervous that she will get lost in a big school, excited by all the new places including an actual Drama room, where you're meant to bring the drama!  

Choosing a pencil case was an interesting one. She over-ruled some for being too young, too fun, too out there. But the plain ones were too plain, and not very her. She didn't necessarily want to bring unwanted Yr 7 attention her way, but she didn't want to shy away from her own likes and preferences either. We've watched enough terrible gymnastic shows, to know there is always some mean kid who picks on other kids if they're different to them, or if their stuff isn't the 'right' stuff. Usually, that mean kid gets taught a moral lesson, or we find out their life is sad in some way or they fall off the gymnastics bar and depending on the programme, they get laughed at or shown grace. 

So she went with a pencil pencil case. It looks like a pencil. She thought that it would be really funny on day one, to say 'Want to see my pencil case?' and pull out a giant PENCIL case. She said the ones who laugh, will be her people. I don't know whether to be proud or question my parenting influence. I wonder if she will look at the other pencil cases on display and get an insight into their owners' characters. Knowing her, she might see a more plain one and wonder if they've changed who they really are to fit in, and she will make sure they can be themselves around her. She's a bit like that. 

As parents you have to navigate some of this stuff too. As Christian parents maybe even more so. You want to encourage them to be who God created them to be, with the plans and works He has for them to do. You also want to prepare them for what the world can be like, the patterns the world conforms to. You want to make sure that if they do stand out it's for the right reasons. I remember being mocked many years ago, for carrying my PE kit in a broken nameless carrier bag and that was way before we were in a society where we simply cancelled people or where disagreeing with someone meant you couldn't be friends with them anymore. On the whole, our kids have to deal with a lot more now than we had to. The circumstances that us parents are in, the choices that we make, the beliefs that we hold, have an impact on their lives which they have to navigate. It is important that they are prepared, covered in prayer and to an extent understand (or at least trust) the decisions that we make for them. 

My fresh new Year 7 child will rock up with her new pencil case, her packed lunch in a sturdy bag for Life, maybe from one of the posher shops and a Nokia phone. (Currently in the book she is reading, the criminal has a Nokia phone so that is amusing). A big decision we have made for our children is that they can have a Smartphone in Year 10, which they have to buy themselves. The internet is a wonderful place, and I enjoy my Social Media interactions, but we have decided that access to both of these at a young age isn't what is best for them, or best for our household. There is enough for kids to have to deal with already. We are also quite strong on the content that they consume, from TV and YouTube. And when a Smartphone enters our house, there is a need to warn against the dumb decisions a Smartphone can tempt us to make. Teaching them wisdom as Scripturally based as we can.

They know this will probably be seen as unusual, not the norm. My fresh Yr 7 knows some might mock her for her phone. We may be setting her up for some uncomfortable chats, or decisions to defend. She herself may not like it at times, but that is okay because we are the parents. We are responsible for her until she can be responsible for herself. We don't want to parent fearfully, we want to parent as wisely as we can. I'm sure this decision will be seen as quite extreme by some, but we also believe that extreme decisions at times just need to be made in life, especially when it comes to our children. One of our older ones told me recently that he sees the benefit of our Smartphone decision now, even though he didn't like it at the time.  

We want them to feel safe and prepared for the world outside of Primary school, outside of our home but we also want them to be comfortable with the uncomfortable. We want them to trust us and ultimately trust God. Jesus Himself made choices to go against the flow, to be different to the cultural norm, to love the unloveable, to save those who do not deserve to be saved. And as much as I want my daughter to make friends, enjoy school, and fit in even, I do want her to become more like Jesus and know of His love for her, His best for her.

"Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is - His good, pleasing and perfect will". Romans 12v2

**By using this verse, I am not saying it is God's will to not give your children a Smartphone. It's just a great verse to challenge us to seek more than what the world has to offer us.

Abundant Living

We are coming to the end of the husband being off from work/church on Sabbatical. He has had nine glorious weeks off, which is a privilege, and we are massively grateful for the time he has been given. There was definately a bit of adjustment needed in the early days; learning to switch off when he has been so busy, learning to rest when he is naturally so active. We tried to take the advice of not having a goal to 'maximise the time off', or to make sure we 'hear from God', or even the pressure to 'enjoy it', but instead to just let it happen, to experience the rest, whilst not wasting the gift that it was. 

One of the absolute highlights was a family holiday to Scotland. This was to be our last holiday as a family unit, (before the eldest gets married) and our first time flying together as a family. Our flights, accomodation and car hire were generously paid for by someone, which again we are so grateful for. The excitement of us all getting up early, driving to Gatwick, getting the shuttle bus together, being in an airport together, and flying together was such a treat for me. I loved having us altogether doing something we've not done before. 

We decided that no one was allowed to opt out of anything, so if we went to a cafe, we all went, if we went to Lidl or Co-op, we all went, if we put a family film on, or played a board game, we all got involved. Everything was therefore hectic, and expensive, but I think I had a smile on my face the whole time. We caused havoc wherever we went just because of the sheer volume of us! In any aisle you walked down in the Co-op, was someone I was related to, and always in a raincoat! Before we came to Scotland, we spent holiday budget on anoraks and waterproof boots. Not quite cocktails and ice creams, but very much needed. 

The first 'adventure' was convincing one of the teens, who had suddenly come down quite poorly, not to be sick in the hire car. Unfortunately he then had no choice but to opt out of the first day's rainy walk, and climbing of waterfalls while he slept off a high temperature. When he was well again, he was rewarded with £2.50 to spend in the Co-op, whilst his siblings had £1.25 each. (It was meant to be £1 but they won with an inflation argument).

The scenery was breathtaking; lochs and snow-capped mountains. Each morning, I wrapped up under a blanket, opened the front door to our little cottage, and looked over Loch Fyne. It's always easier to connect with God, if nature is nearby. Of course, the same family tensions are always with you, because it's all the same people just in a different setting, being forced to be together all the time, and board games always bring out the best in people! But Scotland's greenery is spacious, so once you get past the moans and groans, and give out the snacks, the big outdoors served us well. Waterfalls were climbed, lakes were bravely jumped into, dams were built, dead sheep were prodded, tracks were walked, tunnels were crawled through, and hours were spent having fun in the rain. I will treasure the memories of this little gettaway. 

"I came that they may have life, and have it abundantly". John 10v10

You First

A rare moment this morning, I got to read the Bible and have my cup of tea, before anyone else was awake. I could actually set an alarm and do this every morning but we don't need to cover that today. The littlest of the family is usually an early riser, but this morning she seemed to be enjoying a snoozy half-term moment. Obviously no teenagers were awake, and no one had work to get to. 

I thought back to my mornings over the years; tired from broken sleep and early wakes ups, midnight bed changes and bottles of milk, brain fog and toddlers, brothers not dwelling in unity and sisters' early morning singing. I remember the days when my only Bible study was reading the Jesus Story Book Bible to the kids. Yet I also remember it sustaining me, because of the truth within those pages. 

The younger they are, the more drip feeding of the Bible you can pour into their minds and hearts. It is just part of their daily routine; Bible reading at bedtime, Bible truths over dinner, acting out their favourite Bible passages, eating edible versions of Bible stories. 

As they get older, it gets harder to provide the input in the same way. They may not be readers, so they may adapt to hearing the Bible, or watching the Bible. Maybe they will actually enjoy learning facts and being tested on them.They might be more inclined to read Scripture over a Sausage and Egg McMuffin, with a promised lift to school. They may move to accepting books about the Bible, rather than the Bible itself. (Not an ideal replacement, but better than no input) Maybe they will get an App, and set themselves a reminder, which they will then choose to respond to or ignore.

Some of course, may choose not to want to hear more of what the Bible has to say. This is where you hope and pray that the early input you dripped in, has indeed anchored them.

As I read the Bible this morning, I read the following verses from Phillipians 2 about Christ's example of Humility: "Let each of you look not only to their own interests, but also the interests of others... Jesus emptied himself by taking the form of a servant..."

I am forever grateful that Jesus put others' first, that he 'emptied Himself', that He became like a servant, that He obeyed God the father, even to the point of death. Without this, none of the Bible reading for myself or for my kids would even be worth it. Even if we read it all day every day...it just wouldn't count for anything if Jesus hadn't given Himself to death on a cross, so that we can be forgiven and made righteous before God. 

As a mum, I relate to the words "emptied (Him) self by taking on the form of a servant". Now comparing yourself to Jesus can be a little on the 'not-so-humble' side, and it can be a pretty tenious connection. What Jesus has done for us all, is not comparable with what I do for my family. However, we are told to imitate Christ, and in all honesty some times mumming and 'emptying oneself' do go hand in hand. 

I find the balance hard if I am honest. I want to raise children who will take responsibility for themselves and the world around them. I want them to know how to tidy up after themselves, how to cook and clean, how to be ready for life, or at least for school. But I also enjoy serving them, blessing them, doing stuff for them. 

One of the things I have found out about teenagers, is the wobbly balance between wanting to be fiercely independant, but also really needing our help. Part of 'emptying myself' requires me to choose my battles, to choose when to bring things up, when to point things out, when to explain that they spoke rudely, when to remind them about serving the household. And therefore, when to keep my mouth shut, when to just help them in the moment, when to just serve them. 

There have definitely been moments where I have not done this well, when I have thought about my own interests (MAYBE BECAUSE I WAS IN THE RIGHT!!). But over time, and having processed four teenagers so far, I have seen the benefit of choosing to be servant hearted in the moment, and bringing it up later, if at all. This might just be making their sandwiches and washing their clothes, but it's more likely to be, silently helping them find their homework when you told them last night to put it in their school bag, or quietly driving them to the bus stop because they didn't get out of bed when you asked them to. 

I guess in these moments, if I can empty myself and serve their needs, then I am still dripping the Bible into their lives, by my actions instead of my words. (The other thing I have found out about teenagers is, the less words used, the better). In order to empty myself, I do of course need to be filled in the first place, and then re-filled again. I need to keep coming into God's presence and pondering on what He has done for me. Maybe even open up to Him if I have been keeping my mouth shut elsewhere. Jesus knows what it is like to look on the interests of others, and some.