TalkTalk

The other evening, I only had one child in the house with me. His two little sisters were in bed. One of his brothers was at a gig with his dad, one was at a youth group, and one was at a Youth Small group. So it was just me and him; a rare moment in this house, just two  people. That's just one conversation going on! 

I think one of the most intense things about having a big family, is the amount of conversations which can be going on at any given time. I'm sure there is some wonderful mathematical way of working it out, but I'll leave that to the people who enjoy stats.

From a mum point of view, its about one million! Some of them, talk without ceasing I'm sure. Now, I'm a chatter so I am partly to blame for the volume of words used...but the thing which takes a lot of patience with this parenting malarkey, is the third party.

You'll be having a conversation with one or two children, but then a third and even a fourth pipe up with something not so helpful, or funny, or just their opinion. Basically something distracting which takes away from the original conversation which you were in the middle of having. Then you have to repeat yourself to ensure you have been understood.

And if a 5th child enters in, it's anarchy. 

(Of course if you have a two/three year old then you're in the repetition stage, which is a whole load of conversation from one tiny human being; they ask a question, you give the answer, they repeat the question, you repeat the answer. They may throw in a 'why' at which point you know you're doomed, and you admit defeat with "just because..." But then something will trigger the 'ask, answer, repeat' scenario. For us currently, it's the traffic lights. When we stop at red, she asks about it, we explain, she asks again....until the next traffic light. Such fun to be had on Brighton seafront!)

The funniest/most stressful of the 'conversation interuption', is when I'm using a slightly raised voice, let's call it a stern voice, so less than shouty, but still with eyebrow involvement, and one of the others just interrupts with nothing relating to the original conversation at all, but now they have found themselves on the receiving end of the stern voice, when they had done nothing wrong. This is both confusing for mum, and said child, and it is a tricky thing to manage the transition from one tone to another with different children. You may have to apologise to the interrupting child, because they have been unfairly 'wrong toned'. Plus the original child, the one being told off, now thinks the conversation is over so they wander off and you have to start again... Aaarrggghhhhh!!

Anyway, that was a lot of words to describe a lot of words. Haha. So back to me and my boy... Now one of the bits of advice we've stolen/borrowed in regards to parenting, is to be available whenever possible and to get into their worlds. When there's multiple children in the house, I hear myself saying "yes in a minute", sometimes because I simply can't get round to all their needs in one go, and sometimes to fob them off, in the hope they forget. But this evening, there was just the one, so I decided to be available to him.

Well...he was on the PlayStation playing a Marvel game, and he sure tested my availability.  "Mum, come and look at what Hulk can do". "Mum, come and look at Captain America's shield". "Mum, look at this epic battle". "Mum, watch me drive this car". "Mum, come see how cool this is". "Mum, look at Iron man fly". "Mum, look what happens if I do this", "Mum, I got multiple coins, look". And with each one of these 'totally cool' observations, I got up and went into the lounge from the kitchen. We engaged in a few minutes conversation about the wonder that beheld him, until he was totally zoned in again, oblivious to my existence once more. Nineteen times I responded, fully engaged in the wonders of Marvel, in less than half an hour. It was amusing to say the least, but I know God spoke through it.

God is always available to me, always. Whenever I call on Him, He's there, available, interested, engaged with me. Sometimes I may not feel as though He is, but if His Bible is true, then He's there, regardless of my feelings. He's never busy dealing with someone else's need, unavailable to me. It's not a chore for Him to say "Yes daughter".

And He's actually interested. I was interested in what my son had to say, but I sure faked some of the excitement of blowing up a Lego villain. God is interested in me. He really likes what I've got to say. He doesn't think I talk too much. Sometimes I think I wont bother God with the little details of my life, but I need to learn to be more like my son was with me. I need to be much more chit-chatty with God. He's my Heavenly Father and He's interested in each conversation, each feeling, each thought, each concern, each fun thing, each exciting thing, each thing I've learned, each fear, each dream, each random bit about me. It's so valuable to have quality time with God, to study His word and take time to hear from Him, but I think there is a real gain to conversing freely with Him too.

Quite simply put...

"pray without ceasing" 1 Thessalonians 5v17

Load of Old Rubbish

No laptop means no blogging! I managed to post the last one on an old iPad. It's one of my favourite things, that old iPad. It doesn't really do much nowadays, hence the lack of blogging. It has it's own little flaws; It doesn't let you go back to see what you've already written. Maybe that's a good thing; I could just go for it, no regrets, but the grammar police would get me, and what if it's too funny, (if there is such a thing) or too serious (I doubt it), or too honest (nah honesty is good for the soul) or it just misses the point...

Anyway, editing isn't really possible, neither is photo transferring, and it is soooo slow.... But I love it. I love it because a dear friend of mine bought it for me, (one of those friends who doesn't have spare cash). She bought it for me when I said I was thinking of blogging, and she wanted to encourage my writing gift. How kind is that?! I also love it because of the valuable lesson it taught one of my boys when he smashed it. (Take a look at iBroke). And of course the valuable lesson it taught the husband. Thirdly, it is a glorified babysitter. It will show countless annoying episodes of Peppa Pig, and totally perfect episodes of Topsy & Tim, literally for as long as I tell it to. 

I guess it's easy to assume it's rubbish now, seeing as it doesn't do what it was maybe designed to do. It's probably monetarily worthless. There are much better models out there. But it's mine, and I'm fond of it...

My mother in law had a wonderful parenting revelation for me recently. I was explaining the attitude you can get back from the kids, along with the burdens and upsets they carry, and how hard that can be. (She parented the husband, so experienced a bit of backchat). He always has to remind me not to take it personally, which I totally do. 
And then she said, "Well of course, you're the dustbin. They're meant to unload all their rubbish into you, so they feel better, and then they don't have to carry it around themselves. You mustn't hold onto that rubbish either. It's not yours to keep".

Well...that revelation of course brought me to tears. It was just such a simple picture of what it can feel like to be a mum; the days when they're sad and you can't fix them, the days when they're mad and you can only try to understand them, the days when you're to blame, even when you're technically not to blame...whether it's a two year old's tantrum, or an older child's outburst, whether it's injustice to one, or heartache for another, this is all offloaded to you the parent, which of course can feel a bit rubbish. 

But like my mum in law wisely suggested, we mustn't keep hold of that rubbish. That wont do us any good whatsoever. We will simply go off! We'll rot. We'll just stink! We need to offload it ourselves. "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.  For my yoke is easy and my burden is light". Matthew 11v28-30

God the Father said these words to us, to encourage us to come to Him, to give our junk to Him, and receive His rest instead. My youngest daughter LOVES the bin lorry. Monday mornings rock her world, as she watches the man take our bin, attach it to his bright green truck and empty the contents into it. They have a weekly wave. It's a very joyous occasion. 

And this is how we should be, with our kids' rubbish, gladly offloading it to The One who can fix their sadness, The One who does understand why they're mad today, The One who took it all and put it on His son's shoulders when He died. Jesus who wasn't at all to blame, not even just a technicality, took it all so that we could live abundantly, so that our kids could live abundantly, even in the midst of their woes.

Sometimes I think I'm a bit rubbish, a bit worthless; there's much better models out there. But when I start thinking like that, I realise I've kept hold of some rubbish. I've started to go off and stink a bit. That's not how I'm designed to be. God is very fond of each one of us. I will look at the bin lorry itself with fondness this week. (Maybe not too fondly, in case I freak out the bin men). But it will be a reminder for me to not keep any rubbish, but to gladly see it carried off, never to be brought back.