Let the Battle Commence

I came down this morning to last night's reminder, of a Nerf battle. When the boys were little, Nerf battles were an every day occassion. One of mine would put a Nerf toy on every birthday list, and I was 'Mum of the Year' if I just bought a packet of the foam bullets for no reason. We have a drawer of them under one of the beds, and every de-clutter of the house that I try to do, I suggest we lose one or two of them, and I am met with strong oppostition from every child in the house. 

We started out saying they were to 'freeze' people, 'stun' them maybe, because I wasn't too comfortable with the play shooting, for all kinds of good reasons. Then we moved on to asking them to use different words in front of the little ones, in order to protect their understanding. What actually happened, is the little ones just ended up with quite a vast vocabulary for words they shouldn't know. 

Last night, the Nerfs were out. Quite cleverly, the use of a screen-ban was utilized well; either the one on the screen ban convinced the one not on a screen ban, to play with them somewhow, or the one not on a screen ban manipulated the one on the screen ban, because "what else were they going to do?" 

Annoyingly for me, this happened already past the girls' bedtime and moving to the next kids' bedtime. The earlier I get at least three into bed, the more chance I have, to chill a bit, reset for tomorrow. I suggested it was a bit too late as the girls were meant to be heading to bed, and the boys played me beautifully;

"But mum, we're having family fun. You love family fun. Plus we are including the girls, they are the ball girls. C'mon, you know you want to lean in mum." 

Mmm...they make a good point. Well, they can rest assured that they played me, and I can confidently say that I wasn't played, and that I made my own choice. (One of us is right I'm sure). The girls were very happy to be included in the crazy late night hype, even though they just ended up running around after their big brothers, being bossed around, without actually being part of the battle, 

So this morning's find was a nice reminder. I'm glad I did lean in, and I wasn't stressy mum, or too-tired mum, even though there was of course, far too much excitement in the house, to then actually go off to sleep, which I knew there would be. It was definitely worth grabbing the moment, an opportunity for sibling goodness can be a rare find.

"Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all people, especially to those who belong to the family of believers". Galatians 6v10

Happy Mother's Day

Today, (in England) is Mothering Sunday. At church, we thanked God for babies; some babies which were born during the Pandemic, so technically toddlers, which always adds a layer of family fun to a service. And we thanked mothers for all they do, as well as those who nuture us without being mums. There was a funny and cute video from kids and adults about their mums, and all the ladies got a bar of chocolate. I was hoping it was a bar per child, but it was just the one bar each. 

The video struck a chord. Us mums are emotional creatures, and a cute video can bring out all the feels, especially if it also happens to be the day when the clocks go forward, so you lose an hour's sleep. (That does seem a little unfair by the way).

It's always interesting, (and amusing at times) to hear what kids say about their mums. I think it's important for mums to stop and actually listen to what is being said about them, or mums in general. I came downstairs this morning to find a card on the kitchen side, with seven little messages (six kids and a dog) which were very sweet, but one in particular stood out, 'Thanks for being in my corner since day one'. Ah what a joy to read that one. I've also had, 'Thanks for trying' and 'thanks for being a big mum' written in cards before, so you win some, you lose some.

(I'm aware of the privillege of even getting such a card on Mother's Day, knowing that my single mum friend had no such thing today). 

Mums can have a slight tendancy to feel a little unappreciated, even if they are greatly appreciated. Mums can have a slight tendancy to focus on what they haven't done, rather than what they have, or maybe even compare themselves with a different mum, or themselves as a mum a season or two ago. I personally have felt discouraged because I remember being a really fun mum of four small boys, I was physically exhausted but I would say I had a lot of intentional fun; picking them up from school with already prepared water balloons to attack them with, for example. And I sometimes can look back a little nostalgic at that time. But I was 10years younger, I only had 4, I didn't have teenagers, or a job, and there hadn't been a global pandemic; seasons do change... I think if there is something that was once enjoyed, then I can aim to intentionally bring that back, and if I'm inspired by another mum, then that has a different feel to it than comparison. 

These little niggles can cause disappointment or bitterness, which can come out in a variety of ways. So it's good to keep check on them, or lovingly point them out to a mum friend if you notice any, asking them to do the same for you. Usually these kind of niggles can change with a cheesy but very true, 'Attitude of Grattitude'. What can I be thankful for today?

The people from the video answered why they loved their mums;

....she is a good example, she cares, she gives us time to talk, she makes me spaghetti and meatballs, she loves other people, she serves, she makes cakes, she tidies my room, she works hard at all she does, she's good at what she does, she makes money, she encourages, she turns negatives into positives, she helps me navigate my dreams, and my personal favourite... she's always there, giving her whole life to look after me. 

We might not be nailing every area of every part of mothering. (Side note, only God the Father, is the perfect parent). And we've probably got areas of improvement, even areas to repent of. But we may well be doing ok in some areas too, maybe even soaring at times. We may be inspiring other mums, you never know. Or maybe we are communicating love to our kids, maybe we are modelling something of the Father's Heart to them, and that is worth celebrating. 

What good mumming have you done this week that we should be celebrating?

"Come, let us sing for joy to the Lord; let us shout aloud to the Rock of our salvation.
2 Let us come before him with thanksgiving and extol him with music and song."       Psalm 95v1-2

Another Fine Mess

Last night we put the Christmas tree up. Whoop whoop! Usually the husband makes us wait 'til December, but I rounded November up, and got the go ahead. (It could posssibly be because the husband was feeling joyful with a lone trip to Ikea that day). The grand tree-decorating day, had to be a Monday evening, because Mondays are Family nights. (We have teens with independant lives who come and go, but Monday evenings and Sunday lunch times, we all eat together). And the following Monday would be the 6th December....that just wouldn't be right. 

"Technically", the tree should go up the first Sunday of Advent, so we were actually a day late! It's one of my favourite days of the year; the house gets all cosy and twinkly, and memories are forced to be made. We get in the nice snacks, the wine starts mulling, the Christmas playlist starts its first play of many, and mum hypes the kids up as soon as they walk in. Everyone knows to expect it... I personally, have had to lower my expectations over the years, which has really helped me not to be stressy mum, and just to enjoy it instead.

Because it's not like the movies. It's not perfect. It's far from harmonious. But it is special. Someone likened it today, to the beginning chaotic scene from the film, Home Alone. Very true. But I love it. I forget what tack we have stored away for a year, and it all comes out in the same taped up boxes. The husband by nature, would choose an elegant, classy looking tree with a colour scheme. But he chose me as a wife and he chooses to loves me, by accepting that our tree looks like Christmas threw up on it. My friend describes it as the 'tree of anxiety'. It really brings out the best in her!

This year, the four hyped up boys seemed to be extremely jokey and physical, and not at all helpful with the branch ordering. The husband was trying to make Christmas Tack look stylish. I was videoing it all for video nights, memories and Insta Reels, and the girls were flitting between dancing and slight emotional outbursts, and possibly drinking too much fizzy. One kid got sent to the bathroom for a strong word, three got asked not to burn each other repeatedly. (Not physical burning; we would hopefully stop that.... No, I mean burning as in joking at one another/taking each other down. I believe I still do it when I am around my brother. There is a fine line between a harmless joke and a hurtful comment and as a family we do not always know where that line is). 

At one point I watched the oldest who should potentially know better, hang a broken Bauble on the tree. When I asked him about it, he suggested it symbolised our broken family. Burn! (I believe it is still on the tree). Anyway, teens and little people can be a wonderful culmination of family life, as can boys and girls, but also these differences can cause all sorts of chaos.

As I was trying to comfort one of my smaller people, she explained how she had wanted the evening to be all lovely and special, but her brothers had messed it up. I had to teach her that family life is a bit messy, especially when the family is big, and it might help her to expect mess rather than expect perfection. I reminded her that the first ever Christmas was really messy; there was no room even for the Christmas to take place. There was only a messy stable, with a messy manger, with messy guests, and even a messy murder threat. But that's why Jesus had arrived as a baby, to connect with all our mess and rescue us from it. She either heard me or decided in her head, to have less kids if she had the opportunity. 

"For God so loved the world, that He gave His one and only Son, that whoever shall believe in Him will not perish, but have eternal life". John 3v16