POV

Perspective is a wonderful thing. Me and the husband are about to embark on a new adventure, which feels massive, huge, far too big, painful and a little ridiculous even. We are packing up our home, taking on the task of cross-cultural mission, and moving to Surrey! In some ways it's really not too big of a difference. We are moving an hour and a half away (an hour and 15 if the husband is driving). We are moving to a similar church to the one we are leaving, with a great kids ministry, a vibrant youth work and a heart for the poor. Schools with uniforms, streets with houses, a local football team and a Primark. 

Some of the differences feel too hard to comprehend - no seaside, no students and no Lidl. I mean, what a test of faith that will be. Do I go over to the other side, and embrace Aldi or is Waitrose the new me? (Spoiler alert - no. No it's not quite). 

From my point of view, leaving two or three sons and their gorgeous ladies behind is quite big. Familiy dinners will no longer be all of us together, twice a week. My heart breaks a little when I dwell on this, so we will move swiftly past it. Leaving the church that we have been part of for nearly 25 years also sits on the fairly big side of things. Reflecting back on all God has done; friendships made, lives lived together, services led, meetings hosted, preaches crafted, griefs grieved, joys celebrated. Leaving the community that we have raised our kids in for the last 20 years is also on the bigger side of things. The friendly nods, the 'stop and chats' at the middle park or at Mulberrys, the snow-day sledges, the wrongful arrests, the kids growing up, Dave's music box, and the sense of just being known. Saying Goodbye to the Primary school after 17 years was quite emotional last week. 

And packing up our wonderful home, ah that will pull on the ol' heart strings. If I had a pound for every mug of tea enjoyed at my kitchen table, a pound for every pair of trainers we have gone through, for every friend who has popped in, for every teenager who has been welcomed, for every Lego model we have made, for every cold compress applied, for every head injury sustained, for every play fight gone wrong, for every Weetabix eaten, for every dish dropped, for every doll dressed, for every football lost, for every movie watched, for every meal served, for every dummy hidden, for every laugh had, for every Bible story told, for every dance-off had, for every game won, for every vegetable not eaten, for every sock stolen, for every time the table was extended, I'd be a rich lady indeed.  

And that is what perspective brings. From my point of view, I am rich, abundantly rich in every blessing there has been in this home, in this church, in this community. I have known of God's goodness, His faithfilness, His provision. I have so much to be grateful for. I am moving from one place of security to another. I am free to worship God and proclaim him. My children are safe, the ones coming with us and the ones staying. I am not crossing the Red Sea or living in the Wilderness. I am not living in fear. I am trusting the God of the past, the present and the future. From my point of view, to be adventuring with Him is the best thing any of us can do.

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are yiur ways my ways" declares the Lord. "As the Heavens are higher than the Earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts higher than your thoughts". Isaiah 55v8-9

Think About It

I have just got back from a couple of days at a conference. The conference was called Think. This is partly of course, because it really stretches your mind, gets the ol' grey matter working. But thankfully for me, I like to think it is called Think, because someone else has done a lot of the thinking for me. Hurrah! A dear friend of mine runs the conference, and despite him calling me names from the stage, (a sign of endearment on his part) he did and usually does do, a splendid job of communicating. 

He is one of those people who provokes you to use the word spendid in a blog post, because you want to better your language skills around him. He is one of those people who can communicate some mind-baffling Biblical concepts in a way that doesn't make you feel stupid, (even if you have to look up some of the words he is using*). And boy does he use a lot of words, which I know is rich coming from me! He is one of those people who can engage the cleverest mind in the room, as well as those people who use the word cleverest in a sentence. He is one of those people who does all the thinking, in order to get you thinking, about what God was thinking. Ultimately he takes you from thinking about Jesus, to being full of awe of our Lord and Saviour.

It is always wonderful when you see someone in their lane, doing the thing that God created them to do. And do you know what I kept thinking about at the Think conference? His mum. I met her, she's lovely. There must have been a period of time where this man as a young boy, would have listened to his mum read the Bible to him, explain the gospel to him, teach the meaning of Righteousness to him, explore the Scriptures with him, model forgiveness to him, sing cheesy christian songs with him. I'm not sure if her repertoire included building Jericho out of wafer biscuits, like mine does, but I bet she got him to dwell on higher things. I bet she got him to think.

A mother running in her lane, doing the thing that God created her to do, is a most splendid thing indeed. To communicate Biblical concepts to a child, to let them know that God knows their name, that He created them, He loves them, He sent His son to die for them, He forgives them, He has plans for them, He thinks about them, is no small thing. Do we always feel like it, no. Do we feel qualified, no. Do we have the energy, no. Do they ask unanswerable questions, yes. Are we riddled with guilt when we don't, yes. 

But do we want them to think about greater things, which lead them to being filled with awe? Yes, we most definately want that for them. 

Jesus' own mum had quite the response to being told what was in her lane, the task set before her. "I am the Lord's servant" she worshipfully said. There are aspects of mumming which we may not have seen coming when we first thought about it. In hindsight, we can but wonder what it was even like, to be the Saviour of the world's mum. Likewise, I am quite certain that my clever friend's mum raised her eyes Heavenward at times and said, 'really, this one'. But with God's help and grace, we do our bit. We say 'Yes Lord, I will be your servant, I will teach this little one about you. I will get them to think about it, and I will trust the rest of it to you'.

*Polyvalent - (adj); having multiple meanings, functions, or forms; capable of being interpreted or applied in various ways, depending on content.

**Kipper - as in Yom Kippur, the day of Atonment. Not Kipper the fish or Kipper the dog. (Some people ask silly questions at these events. Me - I am some people).

Shut Your Mouth

We have started another round of teaching a child to drive. We do some off road sessions to get the basics across the line. 'Yes you need to put the clutch down with your left foot whilst changing gear with your left hand, whilst steering with both hands, with your right foot on the accelerator, as the left foot comes up whilst checking your mirrors, in a very obvious way'.

Each time they look at us, blink a few times and ask us to explain it again. I wonder if this is a key moment when teenagers allow themselves to think their parents might actually know a thing or two. Not admit it out loud of course, but at least wonder if it could be true. With the basics understood, they then have a few lessons with a professional, and we aim to take them out on the road as much as possible so they can gain experience.They get helpful teaching when their dad is out with them, whereas when they're out with me, I simply enjoy the side by side time with them. (Helpful hint; at first they think a steering wheel turns a car the same way Mario or Luigi turn a Kart on a virutal track; one swift move rather than 'feeding the wheel through' and therefore the McDonald's drive through is not the one for those early days. That was a fun one to explain to the husband!) 

Before I go out in the car with them I give them a little pep talk. I have 30 years driving experience. I do know more than you. The fact that I know more than you will annoy you. You will panic at some point. You will stall multiple times. You will blame me. You will probably raise your voice at me. I will probably have to grab the wheel at least once. I will mostly stay quiet. If I raise my voice it will be to say 'stop the car'. I am not the enemy. I am for you. After the drive your adrenaline will be up. You will think you hate me but you actually don't. We will exit the car and we will still be mum and son. Naturally they suggest that this will not happen at all, until they find themselves shouting at me because I made them stall the car. 

I guess over the years I have learned a thing or two about dealing with teenage sons. I'm sure some of it is similar to raising teenage daughters, I just don't know that yet. I'm sure it will be a wonderful, possibly emotional, rollercoaster over the next few years as I find out. Watch this space. Send help! But so far with teenage boys, apart from making sure they are full of carbs, my number one tip would be to keep my mouth firmly closed.

My mother in law helpfully told me once that us mums are to be like rubbish bins. We are to be available for our kids to offload all their rubbish, get rid of all their yuck out of them and onto us. All that rubbish inside isn't healthy for them.They need to safely off-load onto us, but to note, not 'into' us. We mustn't take it personally. Oh but we so often do. Their words, their tone, just their lack even can wound us mums in ways they might never understand until they have children of their own. It's imperative that we don't hold onto all that yucky stuff. All that rubbish inside isn't healthy for us either. We have to offload it to our Heavenly Father. He can take it. The Psalms model perfectly to us, that we can rant and off-load and question and accuse. The Father models perfectly to us how to listen with grace and kindness, patience and love. 

It was (and is) a slow lesson for me to learn, not taking their off-loads personally. Realising maybe they feel safe enough to pour it all out in our direction. Maybe it's even a little test to see if we will still be there, still love them, still accept them, still be kind to them, still show them grace. The better moments for me seem to have been when I have managed to 'bite my tongue', or to keep it simple, shut my mouth. When I have swallowed hard, not responded, let them rant. When I have just been the bin-man as it were. Sure, I may well have gone into my room to cry or ranted a 'how dare they' at a friend or at their dad but if it's not been at them, then that for me has been a win! Maybe the situation will be brought up at another time. Maybe it will be spoken into. Maybe it will just be left. There have been moments when my mouth has failed me, failed to phyically close and instead 16yr old me has come out to take them on, meet them at their level with pointing fingers and voices raised. Not my best moments at all, but always humbling to be able to ask for their fogiveness. And if they have seen it modelled, felt the effects of it, they start to show us some undeserved grace too. 

"Likewise, the tongue is a small part of the body but it makes great boasts. Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark." James 3v5

I might throw in an extra verse, because parenting teenagers needs all the truth and help you can throw at it. 

"Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires". James 1v19-20