From Boys to Men

I was recently at a wedding and at the entrance to the bride, I saw a little girl in awe of the pretty dresses, and a little boy looking around trying to work out how and where the sound was coming from. It reminded me again of those wonderful differences God has created. My boys play games that I never played as a little girl. I don't remember trying to imitate being Indiana Jones or Luke Skywalker like my brother did. I remember writing to The Queen and pressing flowers!  I remember having two dolls, one called Hannah and one called Soo Soo. And Hannah and Soo Soo never blew stuff up or killed alien dinosaurs. Their cots were not space ships and their bottles weren't laser guns.

Playing, for my boys isn't just rough adventure play for the sake of it. My nephews building a tree house and making weapons isn't just to keep them busy. It is helping them to be the men they're going to grow into one day. They need to have a go and take risks. They need to 'live to fight another day' and go on rescue missions. They need to know how to do things. They need to conquer and fight for what they believe in. They need to battle on like a Jedi would, or conquer like David did. And according to John Eldredge's "The Way of the Wild Heart", they need someone telling them that they can achieve it. They need to be told that they can do it. They need to know they are loved and secure in order to take risks. But they need to be spurred on and challenged by the right source in their life. I know fully that my role as mum is important, valued, and needed in their lives but I also know that they need to be taught most of this stuff by a man in their life. A man who has got vision and purpose for their life.

For me, I know that I am blessed to have a husband who is very serious about teaching our boys well; challenging them, teaching them, and encouraging them in line with God's word. I can't even imagine how hard it is for single mums to parent alone. Some of my friends are single mums, and they didn't all choose to raise their kids alone. They didn't ask to be both mum and dad to their children, but they find themselves in this situation. A friend of mine who is single handedly raising her kids, said to me that she never quite realised how much her son needs a good godly man in his life, in order for him to become a good godly man. She knows there is stuff her son goes through that she, as a woman and as his mum, has no idea how to handle properly. She can't teach him or understand him in some ways. So she makes an effort to ask the men she knows and respects to spend time with him, to be an example for him to copy, to encourage him and listen to him. I admire her for doing this.

Boys need men to love them, teach them, show them, help them, guide them, be 'for them', encourage them and be a humble example to them. Girls of course need this too. (And they will feature tomorrow.) The greatest man our children will ever know is Jesus. I want my boys to follow His loving, sacrificial, powerful, strong example.

"Behold, children are a heritage from the LORD,
    the fruit of the womb a reward.
Like arrows in the hand of a warrior
   are the children of one’s youth.
Blessed is the man
   who fills his quiver with them!
He shall not be put to shame
   when he speaks with his enemies in the gate."

                                                 Psalm 127v3-5

Frogs and Snails, and Puppy Dog Tails

As a mum to four boys, I am having to get used to the fact that girls and boys are very different indeed. Today I took my son for a wee, and there was bright blue cleaning product around the bowl. My son took it as his mission to wee in just the right way that would totally clear all of the cleaning product away in a circular motion. This is something I have never done. This is a 'boy thing'. I'm coming to appreciate that bottom burps can sometimes actually be quite funny! I'm getting used to nakedness being hilarious and any vague willy or bottom revealing also being a source of great amusement. I'm seeing the skill it takes to hold a spider by one leg and catch a slow worm and keep it in a bucket on the kitchen side for a day or two.

I'm also coming to experience how physical the little blue ones are. I am often so tired at the end of the day, and I realise it is because I have been climbed over and jumped on. Everything they do involves a climb, a run, a roll or a flying kick rather than just a walk. Everything is there to be conquered whether its a tree, a large rock or a river. When I feel tired I take them to a park, so they can use actual climbing equipment to climb on. I now count bruises and scrapes on little knees and say "that's a good one" after showing the initial mummy tenderness after a fall. I watch them being pirates, aliens, space rangers, Jedi knights and superheroes on a daily basis. I hear them being the least secret, secret agents. I watch them act out Daniel in the lion's den, and fight to be chosen as Joshua as they conquer Jericho. They want the role of David as they sling a stone into Goliath's head and cut it off! I don't fully understand why wrestling is fun and why pain is something they 'man up' to and get on with. But I accept and love that boys are different!

I might not always understand what they're doing or why they're doing it. But I do appreciate our differences. I love how God made us different. I love that I get to appreciate why God made them how they are, and why God made me to be me. He made us to complement one another within different roles. He made us different to bring Him glory, and to reveal the different characteristics that He has. His tenderness and mercy. His power and strength. His compassion and gentleness. His boldness and steadfastness. I know it's not 'male' characteristics and 'female' characteristics and we don't all fit into a stereotypical mold of what a boy is like and what a girl is like. But it is good to appreciate the diverse creativity that God has made. I know that I don't need to change to be like them, and I know that I don't need to try and make the boys more like me. I can accept and praise God for our differences.

"So God created man in his own image,
      in the image of God he created him;
  male and female he created them."

                               Genesis 1v27

Happily Ever After

So I did head up to London for the Royal Wedding celebrations. I went to Trafalgar Square, wearing Wendy Virgo's hat. I took my flags and my Pimms. I sang Jerusalem and God save the Queen with a few thousand people and waved my flag whenever I saw a member of the Royal Family on the big screen! I spent time with friends. I made whooping noises when I saw Prince William, and of course when I saw Kate's fabulous dress. I got lost somewhere in front of Buckingham Palace, behind the statue! Got stuck in a few crowds. Smiled and laughed and sang with strangers enjoying the day, and got covered in confetti. I said a few "ahhs" when the happy couple took their vows and when they gave each other loving glances, convincing us all that they may actually live "Happily ever after".

And after hearing the words of Romans 12 being spoken to millions around the world, I found myself praying for them as the service continued. If William and Kate choose to live their lives as the verses encouraged them to do, then they will live according to the will of God, and there is no better way to live.

"I appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship. Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect."

If they seek to let love be genuine, abhor what is evil; hold fast to what is good, love one another with brotherly affection, outdo one another in showing honor  and  not be slothful in zeal,  if they seek to be fervent in spirit, and serve the Lord, if they seek to rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, and be constant in prayer, then they will be living how God intends them to live.

God puts rulers and authorities in place and I want to be committed to praying for this couple in the position they are in. I want to pray that they will live how the Bishop of London stirred them to live, as he quoted St Catherine of Siena; “Be who God meant you to be and you will set the world on fire.” I pray that God would reveal Himself to them, and draw them to His son Jesus, and I pray that they would seek to worship Him and live according to His will for their lives, their marriage and the influence they hold.

Forgiven

Last night I was being a bit tired and grumpy with the husband. Even though I often say to the boys that they're not to let their tiredness or feelings effect how they are with people, that's often easier said than done. In my grumpiness I was expecting the husband to know exactly what I needed from him, without telling him what it was that I needed. And I've been married long enough to know that the husband cannot actually read mind! Anyway I said sorry to him, but still got into bed quite sad and grumpy.

The husband forgave me quickly as he does, and I said I was sorry again! He said if I had repented to God about it, then God had also forgiven me. Then the husband's question came; Had I had forgiven myself? Mmm... no I hadn't. The reason I was still grumpy was because I felt cross with myself. I thought I'd accepted God's forgiveness and the husband's forgiveness, but I didn't feel forgiven, and was still punishing myself.

The husband promptly challenged me that my forgiveness was no greater than God's powerful, undeserved forgiveness. I had no right to punish myself, and I shouldn't hold myself guilty, because Jesus had already been punished on my behalf and I had been declared forgiven by my heavenly father. What wonderful truth! And to wake up on Easter Sunday, and know that we celebrate today that Jesus rose from the dead, He conquered death and sin. He held all my sins and shame on His shoulders as He died, and today I can celebrate His mercy and grace.

"He does not treat us as our sins deserve
   or repay us according to our iniquities.
 For as high as the heavens are above the earth,
   so great is his love for those who fear him;
 as far as the east is from the west,
   so far has he removed our transgressions from us."

                                      Psalm 103v10-12 

The Message of the Buns

This morning someone dropped round a bag of the tastiest hot cross buns I have ever had. They were still warm and smelt delicious. I thought it was a kind gesture to bring hot cross buns to us on Good Friday. And they were quite quickly consumed by us all.

I've bought quite a few hot cross buns recently in an attempt to talk to a man at Asda about Jesus, as you do! I bought some quite a while back and as we were standing at the checkout, the man said "I wonder what the cross is for" and I pathetically replied, "Don't know". Then I heard the cockerel crow, so to speak, as I realised that I had missed an opportunity to explain the gospel to someone. When we were discussing the sins of omission (things you should do, but you don't) at small group I used what I had done as an example of it. I was challenged to go and make it right with him, which I didn't particularly want to do. I was just using it as an example. But they were right to challenge me. What's the point of meeting with people regularly to talk about God and life, if we are not willing for them to then speak into our lives?

So I've been buying hot cross buns for quite a while now and trying to find the right man at the checkout. I did find him a couple of weeks ago and started the conversation. It didn't go too well, and the man wasn't really interested, and for some reason I thought having all four boys with me would be the best way to start quite a big, slightly awkward chat about the most important thing that the man will ever hear. I promptly bought an Easter card and wrote in better detail what I wanted to say; that God loved him so much that He put all the punishment that we deserve for our sins, on Jesus instead of us.

I was gently reminded by my hot cross bun encounter, that I need to be willing to use this Easter celebration as an opportunity to explain what it is all about. We've made a point of telling the boys that it is not about the chocolate that we will enjoy on Sunday. It is about what happened on Good Friday, when Jesus was punished in our place, and when He was separated from God in our place too. We will look forward to celebrating His resurrection with them on Sunday too.

"You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless,

      Christ died for the ungodly.  

Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous person,

      though for a good person someone might possibly dare to die. 

 But God demonstrates his own love for us in this:

     While we were still sinners, Christ died for us."

                                                  Romans 5v6-8

Princess Emma of Brighton

As I drink coffee out of my new "William & Catherine" celebration mug, I'm aware that the Royal Wedding is drawing near. I've got my blue and red flower for my hair, and I've got my flags at the ready. Friends have been sending me pictures of Royal Wedding fridges and Royal Wedding play sets and knitted Royal Wedding people. I'm still undecided as to whether I am venturing up to the big city of London for it, or whether I'm putting bunting up and getting a better picture of it all from the tele, with some friends. I'm not staying at home though, where the husband and the boys are not entirely sparked with enthusiasm in the same way that I am.


The husband didn't write letters to the Royal Family when he was younger, and he's not overly bothered about seeing a real life princess, or the royal carriage, or wondering what her dress looks like. The husband isn't still hoping for an invitation like I am. Now the husband does think that the Royal Family are important, he's just not taking it to a new level of excitement like his wife seems to be. Maybe I will get him a stick on royal tattoo like I have got for the boys, to boost his enthusiasm for the whole thing. 

I met with some friends recently and we agreed to pray for one other person beforehand, and ask God to reveal something for that person. My friend felt that God wanted to remind me of my Royal status. She had this verse for me from Isaiah 62v3

"You will be a crown of splendor in the LORD’s hand,
   a royal diadem in the hand of your God."

She said that the diadem is a symbol of royalty, worn with dignity. Now I will of course be checking out Princess Catherine's version of a tiara. But my friend wanted me to realise that that is my status in God. He sees me as a 'Royal crown of splendor in His hand'. And as excited as I am about the Royal Wedding, it should not take place of the excitement and wonder of knowing the King of kings, and because of what He has done for me, I am now royalty too.

 "I delight greatly in the LORD;
   my soul rejoices in my God.
For he has clothed me with garments of salvation
   and arrayed me in a robe of his righteousness,
as a bridegroom adorns his head like a priest,
   and as a bride adorns herself with her jewels."

                                                    Isaiah 61v10

Proud Little Engine

I came down the stairs this morning and my son told me that he had been watching Thomas the Tank Engine. Now Thomas is not usually one of my favourites, but it had kept three boys entertained and allowed me to have an extra 40 minutes in bed, so today I love the programme! 

"Mum, one of the trains was really proud today." My son said to me. "He had been told not to go out in the fog, but the train said, 'I'm a fine engine and I can do what I want'".

"Oh" I replied "And what happened to the little engine?"
"He got lost in the fog mum. He didn't accept the advice from The Fat Controller". Came my son's response.

I grabbed the moment to open the bible and look at Proverbs 16v18

"Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall."

I asked my son what he thought the verse meant. He thought 'destruction' meant breaking things. So I asked him what bit had got "broken" then in the Thomas the Tank Engine story this morning, and my son realized that the "broken bit" in the story was the fact that the engine had got lost in the fog. The engine's pride had produced destruction. Simple but effective in making that verse seem so real to him.

I was pleased that Thomas the Tank Engine had given me a lie in and I was pleased that there was an arrogant little engine who hadn't accepted help and had therefore taught my boy something. I was pleased too that my son could spot the sin involved because that's the hardest bit sometimes.

I remember being pregnant with my last son and suffering from a bit of pre-natal depression. I was just laying on the sofa and I didn't want to do anything. I didn't think I could do anything. So my friend arranged for people to make meals for the family, for the rest of the week. I was so cross about it because I didn't want people to know I wasn't coping. I didn't want people to think I needed help. I didn't want to accept help. It was hard to see at the time that I was being proud; worrying what people thought and not accepting help. But the husband gently pointed out that that's what it was. The meals of course were a real blessing, as was letting people in when I was so low. And more importantly It allowed God to take me out of my destructive pride and teach me humility.

"Humility is the fear of the LORD; its wages are riches and honor and life."

                                                                                                 Proverbs 22v4