True Romance

I have recently been reading two books, which are quite different in genre. Both books can be pretty much summed up by their titles. One is called ‘Faithful Women and their Extraordinary God’ by Noel piper and the other ‘A weekend with Mr Darcy’ by Victoria Connelly. One is encouraging, thought provoking, challenging and faith stirring and one is about a boy who gets the girl, loses the girl and gets the girl back (Sorry if I’ve spoilt it!).

I enjoyed reading ‘A Weekend with Mr Darcy’. It took two days and it was like watching a movie for a couple of days, a nice bit of escapism and girlie-ness. I was especially amused by a line from a disgruntled boyfriend in the book;

“I know you women-you don’t care who the man is as long as he’s on a horse. Put Jabba the Hutt on a horse and you’d all be swooning over him”.

I enjoyed the book immensely but was very aware of the caricature of men throughout. They were pretty much brandished as losers, cheats and liars, apart from the handsome, funny, sensitive and romantic heroes of course.

 As I read the book, I was reminded of a blog I had read recently, it was interestingly titled “Beware Romantic Pornography”, written by Betsy Hart for The Gospel Coalition. She describes romantic comedies as stories which usually involve a wonderful woman and an idiotic man. The idiotic man does not realise how romantic he is until the wonderful woman shows him and he starts to talk about his feelings and as she quite rightly observes, it usually involves a fountain at some point.

 The title of the article is quite striking, but she is wanting to voice her opinion clearly and dramatically, as she says;

“Sexual pornography twists an understanding for men about real women’s bodies and sexual appetites, so romantic pornography twists the perception for women about real men and how they ‘ought’ to behave toward women, which tends to amount to… behaving like a woman”.

She makes such a valid point, and it was an interesting read. As a mum to my boys, I know I have a duty to teach them how to treat women but also to be secure in their masculinity, and not be feminised by the culture or the girls they meet. As a wife, I need to remember that the husband is made in the image of God. I’m not expecting the husband to arrive home on horseback this evening, however delightful and also amusing that might be, but I may well have let other incorrect expectations of him creep in from one too many romance novels. I need to let him be the man that God has made him to be, as well as keeping my eyes fixed on the ultimate husband Jesus Christ to captivate my heart, care for me and rescue me.

"So God created mankind in his own image,
in the image of God he created them;
male and female he created them."

Genesis 1v27

Come As You Are

This morning at church, I was thinking of one of Nirvana's songs, as you do. Maybe I was attempting to stay young, although the song I was thinking of was released in 1992, so I'm not sure how that will make me feel young! And I'm not sure Kurt Cobain would have thought that a mum at church would one day be thinking of his song. I know that his song is actually about people's expectations of others, but all I could think of was the words "Come as you are".

I walked into church this morning, and could see the husband sitting on the front row. I walked to the front, carrying five boy's jumpers, 2 kids work cards, a child's belt, a Play Station cable, a small knight, a pocket full of Lego and a naked Action Man! And that's when I thought of the song, 'Come as you are'. It made me smile, because I knew how true it was. I knew God had seen the morning, the fact that I dressed my youngest in the church lounge, and that I could come to Him just as I was, naked Action Man and jumpers in tow.

How wonderfully encouraging and refreshing, that God let's me come to Him just as I am, a sinner, a mess, a rushed mum, a jumper carrier. I had nothing to bring Him, I came to Him a bit like the Action Man I was carrying; naked, empty handed and not really able to do anything by myself. Whether I'm tired or flustered, I know I can come to Him just as I am. No qualification needed or tick list checked. Just me. Because of what Jesus has done for me, because He has made a way for me, I can come to Him! I sat down to hear the preacher talk about the Samaritan woman who had come to draw water. She came as a woman who actually put all her trust and comfort in men. She came as she was and Jesus approached her and offered her salvation. He didn't offer it to her because she was good or had it all together. He offered her salvation as a gift. I'm always moved by people's stories and as it was a baptismal service, there were testimonies to hear. I love that each person shared about God meeting them just as they were. It's not about getting it all sorted before we come to Him, Jesus let's us come to Him just as we are, offering us so many undeserved blessings.

"God saved you by his grace when you believed. And you can’t take credit for this; it is a gift from God. Salvation is not a reward for the good things we have done, so none of us can boast about it." Ephesians 2v8-9 

It's A Girl's World, But He's In It!

As I wrote recently in "It's a Boy's World, but I'm in it!" , there are things which I do just because I am a mum to boys and I want to be engaged in their physical, adventurous, all guns blazing, tree climbing blue world. I want to be involved in order to be able to relate to them, enjoy time with them and share Jesus with them. But it is time to hear from a dad of girls who wants to be involved in his girl's pink glittery world, for the same reasons. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Adrian Holloway.

I have never understood the need for glitter and 'make and do'. However,our house is often full of small creations made from toilet rolls, old strawberry punnets and fairy liquid bottles. It is very important that the majority of them are created before 8am and they are displayed for at least 2 weeks before they are forgotten about. They can then be transferred to the very, very top cupboard...a half way house that is used in case a) they are requested back b) they are sadly forgotten and make their way slowly but surely to the great recycling bin in the sky.

For me this table of activity is not inspiring, in fact if anything it seems, dare I say pointless. However, it is a time of learning and understanding, nurturing and bonding. If I share the passion for a Pritt Stick and a pink neon feather, I hope they in turn will learn to share my deepest desires.

Teaching our girls about having a true personal relationship with God, is the most important thing that I see I can do as a Father. This takes many forms from, my day to day responses to them, to our one on one God times. Our 'Daddy bible times' could probably be described as being unconventional. Julia, my wife, often expresses concern as to what the neighbours are hearing through the walls of our terraced house. Rather than sit and read bible stories in our house we prefer to go for the role play approach. Therefore Lazarus is often raised from the dead, Jesus is, possibly too graphically crucified and raised from the dead. Demons are cast and miracles are witnessed. Why? Simply because they love it, I love it and God's word is remembered.

I want them to know that I will always listen to them, offer them advice when needed and endeavor to understand their needs when they initially seem alien to me. Ultimately I will love them unconditionally.

Being a Dad of 4 girls isn't necessarily how you might expect. I have spent hours of time sitting next to our older girls cheering on Fulham FC. I have even caught one of them getting up extra early on a Sunday to watch match of the day!

Adrian Holloway http://www.theshockofyourlife.com/

"Come On Lad"

While we were on holiday, we went for a walk to a place called Dancing Ledge. It was a lovely day for a walk; the sun was shining, there was a nice breeze, beautiful scenery, we had a picnic ready and knew it would end in a fun climb. A lovely day for a walk indeed! Unless you were a four year old boy who really wasn't up for a walk, then it was quite an ordeal. If you were four and you were tired and your legs were sore and you didn't care about the scenery or the breeze or the picnic or the climb, then it was not a lovely day for a walk.

Between ignoring the whining and complaining, being told off for the whining and complaining and being distracted from the whining and complaining, the walk turned out to feel a bit longer than it should. The husband was ahead pushing the youngest in the buggy, carrying the picnic and keeping up with the other two, while I was holding hands/dragging the reluctant four year old, attempting to enjoy some one to one time with him on a beautiful day. The husband held back and explained to the four year old that enough was enough, and that he was to enjoy the walk! Point well and truly made, daddy was listened to, the whimpering lessened and we looked for beetles which we were going to name Judy and Alex, but never found any.

That was only the way down! It had been quite a long way down, so I was wondering what the climb up would be like. Same situation as before; older two ran up, fueled by testosterone and a test of their manliness. The husband carried the two year old on his shoulders, as the buggy had been abandoned at the top of the climb. And I followed with a hot and tired four year old, who stood at the bottom and looked up and up and up to the top. It looked a long way up from my perspective, but from a tired four year-old's view, it looked insurmountable. At first he sat down, not defiantly, just defeated before he began! We played 'chase mum's shadow' which got him going, and we ate a few blackberries on the way for 'energy and strength'. But then he got weary of the climb. His head was low and his hands were pretty much dragging along the grass.

That's when we heard the shout come from the top; "ETHAN, YOU ARE DOING REALLY WELL. KEEP GOING. YOU CAN DO IT. YEAH. COME ON LAD". The voice of course was his daddy's voice booming loud and proud from the top. The weary four year old beamed his brightest smile as he looked up at his dad.
And with his eyes fixed on his dad, he ran and ran!

It was a wonderful moment and I could see my Heavenly Father in it all. How He knows me by name, because I am His child. How He loves me and He is so for me, encouraging me, rooting for me when I am weak and feeling defeated, reminding me that I am not defeated, drawing me to Himself, going before me, causing me to fix my eyes on Him, encouraging me to quit complaining and whining and listen to His voice and run. And when my boy ran to his dad, I ran alongside him, encouraging him to go to his dad. How wonderful to remember that once Jesus had ascended to Heaven, He sent the Holy Spirit to come alongside us, encouraging us, comforting and strengthening us, helping us along the way to fix our eyes on what Jesus has done for us and to run to the Father!

"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses,

 let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles.

 And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith.

 For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.

Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart." Hebrews 12v1-3

It's A Boy's World, But I'm In It!

We have just come back from a much needed holiday. We had a few days in a beautiful house, courtesy of an old friend, who let us use her home. We went to see Windsor Castle and Princess Katherine even gave me a signed postcard and novelty pencil (her handwriting is very similar to that of the husband's!!). And we went camping for a few days after. The husband isn't the biggest fan of living in a tent for a week. He says it would be better if it had a sofa, and a non air filled bed and if the walls were firstly not near his face when he slept, and secondly if they were made of brick not canvas.

There were a couple of new things I did. One out of politeness and one because I am a mum of boys. On the Sunday, we went to church and back to the pastor and his wife's house for lunch. We had a lovely time, and they were very hospitable to us. The boys realized that girls can be very cool indeed, especially with a snake, a tarantula, ferrets and dogs as pets. As a non fish lover, I was served home caught fish, with eyes and a tail and everything! I looked at my plate, and politely smiled. The husband correctly assessed the smile as one of slight despair, and asked the wife to give me a little help in cutting the fish which was staring at me. The fish was swiftly decapitated, de skinned and de boned, and it was actually delicious. First new thing!

Secondly, it was my birthday while we were away. I got nice presents which the boys thought were a bit of a let down; smellies, jewellery and a flowery bag. No Lego or Star Wars is seen as a bit of a disappointment in our house. We went to a swimming pool or more of a water world, with rapids and slides. My son asked me to go on the water slides with him which I did about 6 times. But then I went on the really fast one on my own, while the husband had all the boys. I'm not sure I would have gone on it if I wasn't a mum to boys. But I went on it twice, once for them and once for me. I was advised by a mum recently, a Bear Grylls kind of mum who has three older boys. She said that as they continue to get older, I should do more and more active things with them rather than sit out and watch. Not just letting the husband be the only one involved in the fun side of things, but for me to be an active part of it too. It is such a privilege to look after them and care for their needs, knowing that part of this is to get into their world and have fun with them. It's definately a boy's world, but I'm in it! This creates great opportunities to share Jesus with them and it also proves to be jolly good fun along the way!

"And you must commit yourselves wholeheartedly to these commands that I am giving you today. Repeat them again and again to your children. Talk about them when you are at home and when you are on the road, when you are going to bed and when you are getting up."
Deuteronomy 6v6-7

Yes Sir, Yes Sir, Three Bags Full

With all this sheep talk recently, I have been thinking about how Jesus charges me to be a shepherd to my own flock, like He is the Good Shepherd to me. As a mum, I tend to four lambs. I tend to their needs, keeping them warm and safe. I feed them with food from Asda, rather than grass from a field. I don't lead them to a river to drink, but I do show them where the tap is. I call them and they know my voice and they come running straight away...mmm occasionally! They don't ever fall into ravines, but I do help them when they're stuck up a tree. I'm not allowed to shear them as I once did a terrible job of that, but the husband has taken on this role.I know each of them by name, although I do mix them up, much to their amusement. I aim to guide my lambs, care for them and love them. This is what shepherds do.

I also aim to protect them. Maybe I'm not protecting them from wolves and predators, like a shepherd would, but from other things which are dangerous for them. Things that will make them fearful or feel scared, things which will cause nightmares or take away their innocence, things which may even lead them to death.

So for instance, me or the husband, will watch new films with them. If it has a scary or sad scene, we may skip it for them or get them to look away or walk away until it has finished. Or we may talk through the scene with them. We know it is important to protect them at times, by preventing them from seeing or hearing or knowing certain things. But we mustn't wrap our children up in cotton wool. Sometimes our protection comes in the form of allowing them to see something and explaining why it is harmful and teaching them how to guard their own hearts and live godly lives. If we hear the news in the car, we turn the radio down because the content is often too adult for their young ears. But other times we talk to them about things in the news and pray with them about it.

We also protect their hearts by teaching them about sin and about God's enemy and his tactics.

"The thief’s purpose is to steal and kill and destroy.
 My purpose is to give them a rich and satisfying life." John 10v10

Our boys need to know that they will be tempted to sin. We want them to be prepared to protect themselves, and understand why they need to do it. So our six year old will now tell us when he thinks a dvd is too scary for him, and our seven year old will turn the news off when it comes on the TV. We want them to learn to protect themselves from temptation, whether it's temptation to vandalise property and disrespect authority, or whether its a sexual temptation. We want them to protect themselves from sin, and point them towards Jesus' protection, by making godly choices and following The Good Shepherd for themselves.

"Direct your children onto the right path,
and when they are older, they will not leave it." Proverbs 22v6

Have You Any Wool?

Due to the two year old's new love for all things Baa, I am aware of sheep again and again. I recently read John 10, and thought about Jesus' description of us as his sheep. (As I mentioned in my last post). He talks about thieves who come to steal the sheep, and why He cares for the sheep, and the fact that there are some sheep still to be found. It's hard to remember that he is talking about us as he refers to sheep, but He is. He talks about the sheep having eternal life and never being snatched from Him. He talks about Himself as the shepherd, the good shepherd who lays down His life for the sheep. But He also talks about Himself as the gate, which to be honest I haven't always understood.

I read something recently, which helped me understand it better. I read A Slice of Infinity, which is a daily reading from the Ravi Zacharias International Ministries (RZIM). It is written by a lady called Jill Carattini. She explained parts of John 10 in her daily reading, which was new to me, so I thought I would share her thoughts here;

As Jesus was standing in the temple preaching, He would have been surrounded by real "baaing" sheep. Sheep which were being bought and sold,  and then led through a door into the temple, in order to be used as a sacrifice. There was a gate on the north of the city of Jerusalem which the sheep were led through. It was fittingly called the Sheep Gate. When the sheep were inside the city, inside the temple, there was no way out. An entrance for the sheep, but no exit. They were then sacrificed for the sins of men and women. Jill Carattini writes "For first-century hearers of Jesus' words about sheep, such knowledge added to the shock of Christ's words: "I tell you the truth, I am the gate for the sheep.... I am the gate; whoever enters through me will be saved. He will come in and go out, and find pasture.""

The hearers of Jesus' words would have known that the sheep had no way out, that they were heading for death. For Jesus to say that He was the gate for the sheep, He was declaring that there was a way out for the sheep. And we remember that Jesus refers to us when He talks about sheep. So He was saying He was and is the way out from death for us. If we come to God through Jesus, we are rescued from death and given life. This is wonderful news for us, and a reminder that those who don't yet know Jesus as their rescuer and saviour are still heading for death, and we need to point them in the right direction, towards the gate, towards Jesus.

"I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.

 I am the Good Shepherd" John 10v11