Navel-Gazing

A blog post written by a pregnant, overdue friend of mine. (Wife of 'One Blue Toothbrush')

Navel Gazing; (Oxford Dictionary Definition) 'complacent concentration on oneself or a single issue at the expense of a wider view'.

The last 6 days have been challenging. I have been somewhat absorbed in waiting for the arrival of the next Simmo baby! On Monday I had a few quiet moments while the two big girls were at school and the little one was sleeping, so I decided to open my bible. I have started reading the Chronological Bible this year; I’m a few days behind but turned to the right date and read “Who is this that darkens my counsel with words without knowledge? Brace yourself like a man” Job 38:1-3

Ouch!! There I was thinking I was going to turn to a comforting piece of scripture and instead my heavenly Dad, who loves me and delights in me, thought it was time I stopped sulking and started looking up! In the passage, God continues to question Job; asking Job where he was while He was creating. As I read on I felt my gaze lifted to the God of heaven who holds all things in His hands and is more than able to sustain me in the last weeks of pregnancy. 

Since then I’d love to say that I have responded with grace to all those well meaning people who ask if I’m ‘still here?’ or ask 'has the baby come yet?', I'd love to say that I’ve been kind to the girls when they’ve frustrated me, that I’ve put Matt first but it wouldn’t be true! However there have definitely been times when I’ve chosen to lift my eyes off myself and onto the One who can help me.


Today, I could have chosen to stay shut away, waiting impatiently for this baby or instead believe that God has things for me to do today. It was such a joy to be able to pray with a friend this morning, to help lift her gaze, to point her to Jesus and hopefully encourage her. 


Lifting our eyes off of ourselves and our circumstances and fixing our eyes on our Heavenly Father changes everything. It changes our perspective to look to the One who has laid the foundations of the earth. Declaring truth to one another and to ourselves gives strength and stops us navel-gazing!

“I lift my eyes up to the hill. 

From where does my help come? 

My help comes from the Lord,

who made heaven and earth.”

                                   Psalm 121:1

Marlon and Me

A rare treat in our house; my son chose 'Finding Nemo' to watch today. It's a treat because the older two have grown out of it, or so they think. And the younger two (influenced by their older brothers) tend to choose films with spies in them, or superhero dogs or Jedi knights. So I was happy that calm and gentle Nemo was chosen today. I made the choice to sit and watch it with them, zone out for a while, rather than think about the washing and the dirty plates which wanted my attention.

As I was watching, I realised that the whole story of Nemo getting lost, is pretty much all his dad Marlon's fault. He starts off a bit on the over protective side; so fearful for his son. He jumps to the wrong conclusion about Nemo. He assumes he was about to make a bad choice, and swim out to the butt. But actually Nemo was explaining to his friends that his dad wouldn't want him to. He then doesn't listen to Nemo, and then embarrasses Nemo in front of his friends!

Oh Marlon, why must you remind me of my own parenting? Must I really compare myself to a Clown Fish? Why cant I just watch the film, and enjoy it? I don't want to be challenged about not listening to my children. I don't want to think that there is the possibility that I may jump to the wrong conclusions about their actions. I definitely don't want to think that sometimes I tell them off publicly and embarrass them, rather than deal with their behaviour in private. It would have been easier to go and do the washing and the dirty plates, rather than think about these things.

Oh Marlon, Marlon, Marlon why wont you accept Dory's help, when you need it to help your son? Are you really that proud? She may have a few issues, but does that mean you can't give her the time of day? I wonder if I've missed someone's advice because I've pre judged them? Or missed their help because I was too proud? What if they were right? What if they could actually speak whale?

Marlon, my fishy friend, I watch and see how wrong you get it, but I also see the love that you have for your boy. And I'm happy to compare myself to you now. You make some bad choices, and you do let your boy down. But you do fight for his life, you do go to extreme measures in order to rescue him. Like any good parent, you happily take on the jelly fish!

As I watch the film, I start thinking. Im drawn to think about my Heavenly Father's parenting of me. I think about how grateful I am, that He never makes bad choices. He never embarrasses me. He always knows my heart's motivation behind my actions. He always listens to me. He protects me but allows me to make my own choices. He still accepts me when I mess up in my pride and swim towards the butt! He most victoriously fought for my life when I deserved death, and He went to extreme measures to rescue me!

I also get to thinking that if I'm comparing myself to a fish, then I should probably turn the television off and get out a bit more!

 "For you did not receive the spirit of slavery to fall back into fear,
 but you have received the Spirit of adoption as sons,
  by whom we cry, “Abba! Father!”
The Spirit himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God.."
                                                                                             Romans 8v15-16

Heavenly Jelly

This morning, my four year old was taunting his younger brother by holding his new Christmas present just out of reach. The way that only an older sibling knows how to. (I would know, I have one!) When I questioned his actions, he explained that he was helping his little brother to be selfless!

Now we do use the 'selfless' word quite a lot in our household, but I guess after hearing his response, it needs more teaching into! We give the boys lots of opportunities to be selfless. When there is only one jelly available after dinner, we explain that some boys need to be selfless and go without, and let their brother have it. 
When it's DVD time, everyone chooses their favourite, and then we ask who is going to be selfless and let their brother have the best.


One of my boys is naturally more selfless. He is made in the image of God, as all of us are, but this characteristic really shines brightly through him. He recently asked us if he needs to be selfless every time, and to be honest, I understand why he would ask. He regularly sacrifices what is best for him, in order that one of his brothers has the best instead. So much so, that we have to choose for him sometimes, so that he does get to enjoy a jelly or a DVD at times.

Sometimes it's hard to give the right answers to the boys. Sometimes I want to soften the blow of the gospel. It is shocking. But softening the blow of the gospel, would result in me watering down the word of God, which I definitely don't want to do! But the answer to his question is 'Yes'. Yes he is to be selfless every time. And not in a legalistic way, but in recognition of God's selfless, undeserved grace that He shows us. Every time we are selfless, we are remembering how selfless God the father is. He gave us His only son to die in our place, for our sins, and take the punishment we deserve. And every time we are selfless, we are worshipping Him! So, the answer to my son was  a resounding yes. Not a watered down, "No it's okay to put yourself first sometimes" response, to make it easier for him. But what a challenge it was to say that Yes to him. Thankfully of course, that 'Yes' comes with great grace, and I get to teach him that too. I also get to teach him that what he gives up here, His Heavenly Father will give him back many times over - Heavenly jelly probably rocks!

"Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit.
Rather, in humility value others above yourselves,
 not looking to your own interests
 but each of you to the interests of the others." Philippians 2V3-4

I Want It Now!

Over Christmas, we watched some great old films with the boys; 'Honey I shrunk the kids', 'Home Alone' with the oldest and one of my favourites, 'Willy Wonka & the Chocolate factory'. Once the boys got over the hilarity of 'willy' being in the title of the film, they watched in awe at all the magical moments which I remember enjoying as a little girl. One of my favourite scenes features the wallpaper that you can lick which tastes of strawberries and snozzberries. In my magical childhood world, this would be wonderful. In reality, as a mum, I think this would be sticky and unhygienic and my walls would be covered in spit!

I love the characters in the film. If I could choose a part to play, I would go for Veruca Salt. She is immense! She is spoilt, demanding, selfish, precocious, arrogant and she has her daddy wrapped around her little finger. She wants an Oompa Loompa, she wants a golden goose, she wants pink macaroons and a million balloons and performing baboons, (who wouldn't?) And she wants it now!

And thus Veruca, what a teaching point you are....


As my boys watched her, I told them that they would be just like her if I never disciplined them, if I never told them off, if I never said no to them. If I said yes to all their demands and gave them all they wanted, they would be just like Veruca Salt. The four year old didn't necessarily see what was wrong with this wonderful spirited girl, she looked like a lot of fun! But my older two really saw what I was saying and didn't like her ugly characteristics. I explained to them that Veruca was the one in charge in their family. She got whatever she wanted and her daddy hadn't done her any favours by giving into her. I explained that actually Veruca was not to blame. Her daddy should have disciplined her.


As the Oompa Loompas sing their song, and you will be tempted to as you read; "Who do you blame when your kid is a brat, Pampered and spoiled like a Siamese cat? Blaming the kids is a lie and a shame, You know exactly who to blame: The mother and the father!". They were obviously paraphrasing Proverbs 13v24; "Whoever spares the rod hates their children, but the one who loves their children is careful to discipline them."

Even though the Oompa Loompa's version comes with an upbeat song, dungarees and a dance routine, the proverbs verse seems to come with more of a punch. It suggests that Veruca's dad, through his lack of discipline, was actually hating his daughter. If he had said 'no' to her and disciplined her in the right way, he would have shown his love to her! It was a helpful moment for the boys to grasp. And as usual, it's a helpful moment for me to grasp too.Thankfully God knows that if he gave me everything I wanted, whenever I wanted it, I would end up going down the 'Bad Egg' shoot, like Veruca did. Instead in His love, He sometimes has to discipline me and say 'no' to me, no matter how much I make a song and dance of it!

This One's For You

So my New Year's resolution last year was to write a blog about every day life as a mum and a wife, honing in on the moments where God reveals Himself more to me. I think it's the only resolution I've ever kept. And it's been much more enjoyable than giving up chocolate! I have a couple of personal favourites; What's On Your Finger and When The Fog Clears. They are quite different from each other; one made me laugh and one made me cry. But that seems to be how it is as a mum. The husband's most memorable post is Come On Lad. And I like that one is simply called Knickers!


For the stat lovers out there, or just for the husband, I wrote 75 posts in 2011, and had 20,300 views. One Pink Toothbrush has been viewed in several countries; India, Ireland, Germany, South Africa, Pakistan, Canada, Qatar, Ukraine, Australia, Russia, Venezuela, Lebanon, America, United Arab Emirates, Poland, and New Zealand to name but a few. Oh and a few from Brighton! I have read many encouraging comments and messages about the blog, and not just from my mum, (although she is my biggest fan).


So, in true Oscar style, this one's for you! I would like to thank everyone who has read a post, shared a post, stumbled across a post by accident on Facebook, been interviewed for a post, written a post or just said something which has ended up in a post! I'd like to thank the husband for his role as 'the husband', and my four little boys who keep me and others entertained. And of course, I want to thank God for using my crazy moments to draw me closer to Him and to somehow bless and encourage others, especially other mums. The wonderful fact that God chooses to use the weak so that He may show His strength will always astound me. He could've chosen to use a perfect mum to write a blog about her perfect children, but she and they just don't exist, so you've got me instead! With gratitude in my heart, thank you for reading.

 "Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly

as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom,

 and as you sing psalms, hymns and spiritual songs

with gratitude in your hearts to God." Colossians 3v16

You're Not Invited

I asked my eldest to imagine it was his birthday already, rather than wait the six weeks he has to. I told him to imagine coming downstairs, to all the family having a party and giving each other presents and eating all the party food. I told him to imagine that we hadn't bothered inviting him to his birthday party because we wanted to celebrate it without him, and we didn't really think he was important enough to be invited. He said it was quite a sad thing to imagine. 
(I had to remind him that we were just imagining this scene, and that we wouldn't do this to him in six weeks time!)

I explained to him that this was how Christmas had been for lots of people. They will have eaten their Christmas dinner, and opened presents from each other. They may have even played a game of Charades too, but they won't have invited Jesus to the party. They will have celebrated His birthday, without Him. My son understood my point as we drove to Asda on Christmas Eve. And as I started to pray in the car, I think my son understood my tears too. He knew I was grateful that actually Jesus has invited us all to His birthday party. He has invited all to come and share with Him. And he has such fantastic gifts for us; gifts of salvation, forgiveness, and eternity in Heaven with Him, to name just a few.


Not everything related specifically to Jesus yesterday. The yellow and blue baby aliens that were thrown at my ceiling, didn't really point me to Jesus. Neither did the pigs in blankets, or Kung Fu Panda 2, and I'm not convinced that the Baileys or Pepsi made me think of Jesus either. But the giving of gifts and as Her Majesty put it, the essence of family and community, did point to Jesus. He gave the best present, Himself. And He did so to save us and bring us into God's family, adopted as His children.

"For God loved the world so much that he gave his one and only Son,

so that everyone who believes in him will not perish but have eternal life."

                                                                                                       John 3v16

Lost It

I seem to have misplaced my patience this week. Can't find it anywhere. A combination of 'end of term-itis'; everyone in the house is worn out and tired. Mix this with four boys at home for the Christmas holidays and lots of last minute things to do. Mix this with the 'too busy to pray' syndrome, and the husband busy at work. And finally throw in a carol service and preparation for family arriving, and it's the perfect recipe to test my patience. In all honesty, if it were a test, I would have failed! I have lost my patience. I have been snappy at the four little people in my life. I have used the 'you are putting me out, I've got stuff to do' tone with them. I have raised my voice, which is the nicer version of saying I have shouted. I have phoned the husband in one of those 'moments' to plead for help. I have not had a lot of fun with the boys. I have done things they've asked with a huff, some actual out loud huffs, like I did in my teenage years, and quite a few huffs inside my heart.

In short, I have sinned. I have sinned against my boys and against God, by this distinct lack of patience. I know it's not down to circumstances, although circumstances can alter the pressure gauge. It's not down to tiredness either, although this can cause the pressure gauge to tip slightly into the danger zone. But it's how I've dealt with the pressure, not the pressure itself which has shown my heart in it's honest state. It's all about my heart, my selfishness, my sin. The classic error, was of course allowing busyness and tiredness to tip the scales, rather than prayer and praise. I have not been walking in the good of the Holy Spirit's strength and help, and therefore I have not known the joy or the fruit of living in Him. I have not learned to be content in this situation. I have not cast my burden onto the Lord and I have not sung a new song unto the Lord. So seeing as I haven't been living in the truth of God's word, I decided to open the bible and look at 'patience'.

And straight away, what am I faced with? What is it that softens my heart and brings it back to a place of worship?

"but God was merciful to me in order that Christ Jesus might show his full patience in dealing with me, the worst of sinners, as an example for all those who would later believe in him and receive eternal life." 1 Timothy 1v16

God, my Heavenly Father shows me mercy through Jesus. Jesus shows His full patience in dealing with me. As a sinner, God's wrath was heading straight for me. But because of what Jesus did on the cross; because He stepped in and took that wrath instead of me, I now live in God's glorious mercy. If Jesus showed His full patience in dealing with me, enough to bring me salvation instead of wrath, then it is the same full patience He shows me today. It is the same full patience He shows me when I am impatient, when I am angry, when I am selfish, when I am sinful.

Oh what wonderful truth to dwell on. What a joyous revelation again of my Heavenly Father's long suffering with me. The Lord is compassionate and merciful, slow to get angry and filled with unfailing love. How this causes me to say sorry to the boys and ask for God's help today as I remember He doesn't lose it with me. How this causes me to sing a new song, to worship and thank Him; to repent and receive His beautiful mercy.