The problem with teaching your children the Bible... which I realise is quite a big statement from a mum who teaches her children the Bible... is that either it can come back to bite re-teach you or you can model hypocrisy if your words and actions do not match up. I remember the moment I was cleaning vomit off of a large Tigger teddy in the bath. The whole family had gone through a sick bug; the baby at the time rubbing it into her beautiful red hair, one child who simply threw up and then got on with his day with an unfazed amount of energy, one child who didn't even try to make it to the toilet, and one who had thrown up in every area of his bed and over every cuddly toy he had squeezed into his bed. I remember the husband catching a child's vomit in his hands and then heaving himself, a look of despair between us as we had hit a new parenting milestone.
Anyway, back to carrot infused Tigger in the bath...my eldest son called out to me, "Mum, remember whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God". He was referring to 1 Corinthains 10v31, a brilliant verse that we had tried to instill into our kids because it covers your attitude to everything, no matter what you are doing, you can glorify God in the midst of it. And if you can't, maybe you shouldn't be doing it. Brilliant, what a wise child we were raising. I thanked him as enthusiastically as I could muster whilst honestly wanting to throat punch the kid! ** That verse was meant to be used by me for teaching into my children's words and actions, not used by my children to teach into my words and actions, like some ultimate Uno Reverse move!
I was reminded of this yesterday. We had driven home from Brighton. One child had an appointment to attend and another child had an optional midday pick up due to the heat, which I decided was an optional full day road-trip instead. We sang along to Heart radio, laughed with the cousins and swam in the sea. It was refreshing, bonding and fun. One of those new-start kind of days that resets the family. Just what we all needed. Much better than the day before where I was feeling sad and grumpy for no particular reason. I had taken myself off to my room to doom-scroll, not to take my thoughts captive, not to dwell on what is praise-worthy, but to swipe up repetitively. One of those things I am not sure I can do for the glory of God. Social-media time for me, can be good. I like seeing what's going on in people's lives, sending relatable reels to the husband and to friends, carefully curating which ones to send to which people and which ones should not be sent at all... However, I am usually aware of when this activity is life-giving for me, and when it is life-stealing, when I am doing it to escape from life.
When we got home, the two that had had a lovely refreshing, bonding, fun day started to bicker, multiplied of course by the tiredness and the temperature. I pointed out that they had had a lovely day together and they shouldn't ruin it now. This kind of thinking is of course not realistic when it comes to family life, as fun and bickering can go hand-in-hand, great days and falling out skip along together in perfect disunity. It's rarely one or the other. It is more often a combination of the two, where mum's reactions and patience can set the tone for the rest of the day.
They both rejected my end-of-day thoughts because apparently they had actually been agreeing on something and I was the one making it worse. It was really difficult to tell by the tones they were using with each other. In that moment, I had the choice to lightheartedly say, 'oh my mistake, I'm sorry, let's continue to dwell in unity together', but I didn't. I'm not sure what I said exactly, but it was all kinds of muttering, ranting in tones that were very clear, closing car doors slightly louder than needed, ending with a bit of guilt-tripping, and my pet-peeve from parents; 'now you've made me out to be the bad guy' as if anyone else is in control of our own reactions. One even tried to say sorry, not neccessarily because she was, but because she doesn't like being out of relationship. I asked them both to get into bed and I headed out for a little bit of space.
I ranted at God about me being in the right and how I as mum always have to be the one to lean in. I was cross too that I probably had to say sorry to the kids, and sorry to God and I didn't want to. On and on I stomped through the woods, justifying my anger, my annoyance, my tone. All other kinds of things spilled out that I didn't quite know were in there, things I had possibly not been acknowledging, things I had possibly been trying to escape. Eventually I sat on a bench in an area of green pasture and I was reminded of Psalm 23. (I nearly laid down in it but I didn't want to be bitten by every bug that has been awoken by this heat). I played the Psalm on my phone... Jesus makes me lie down, He leads me beside quiet waters, He refreshes my soul, He guides me, He comforts me, His goodness and love follow me. I let Psalm 24 and Psalm 25 play on.... Turn to me God and be gracious towards me, for I am lonely and afflicted. Relieve the troubles of my heart and free me from my anguish. I had a good ol' cry. I thanked God that His mercies were indeed new every morning and I didn't have to wait until morning to recieve them.
I was so encouraged in this moment not only because of God's grace towards me, but also because the Scripture was impressed on me, the Bible verses that I knew had given me life. I saw a pasture and was reminded that Jesus leads me to green pastures to restore my soul. The biggest blessing I can give my kids is to teach them that the Bible is life-giving. I want them to have every day reminders of who He is and what He has done for them and how much He loves them. I want them to see the sunrise and the sunset and be reminded that God is doing His Holy, awesome thing every day. He is showing His new mercies to them every single morning. I just need to keep pointing it out to them and living in the good of it for myself.
**Metaphorically speaking.