To Do List

Yesterday, I attended the evening meeting at the 'Together On A Mission' conference in Brighton. What a privilege. I had had quite a busy day with school runs, nursery runs, sport's day, sweeping, washing, dinner making, picking the husband up from the conference etc... the usual things that make a mum's day feel a bit busy. So I was especially looking forward to some worship time.

As Phatfish and Kate Simmonds started to lead thousands of people in worship, I closed my eyes and started talking to God. The first thing I said was "Father, I am sorry that I haven't done my bit today."  I knew I hadn't managed a bible time today, and my prayers had been sporadic and mainly 'Help me' ones. I hadn't fulfilled my checklist of things that I probably should do if I'm going to come the presence of God. As soon as I had said it I laughed. I laughed because I heard how ridiculous it sounded, and I laughed because I know God is speaking to me about Grace at the moment! I laughed because I knew, and God knew that I was saying sorry for not having anything to bring to the table. When do I have anything to bring to the table with God? At what point can I suitably pray "Father, you know I've done so well today, so here I am for you." Ha! How ridiculous. I felt that gentle reminder again, that I don't actually have anything to bring to the table, ever. It's all about Him. His love for me. It's all about what He has done for me through His son.

 There is nothing I add to the deal. And even on my most super spiritual, bible reading, calm and gentle days, where I have trained the boys perfectly and led people to know Jesus, and served the husband, and spoken to him with the right tone and when I've prayed for hours about real issues not my own little needs....(I'm sure I must have had one of these days?!) Even when I have done all of this, what is it that I then think I bring to the table with God? 

Have I earned more of His love? Am I more accepted by Him? Is His death on the cross somehow more because I've ticked some spiritual boxes? I know it is right to obey God's word and live my life in a God glorifying way, but I also need to make sure I've got it the right way round. I need to ask myself, "Am I more righteous because of me, and what I have achieved, all the ticks I've done today or because of Jesus, and what He accomplished at the cross?" Thank God, it's because of Jesus every time! And that righteousness is then my foundation for obeying and doing. Thank you God for worship times where I am able to move quickly past self reliance and into your presence.

   "But when the kindness and love of God our Saviour appeared,  he saved us, not because of righteous things we had done, but because of his mercy.

    He saved us through the washing of rebirth and renewal by the Holy Spirit, 

whom he poured out on us generously through Jesus Christ our Saviour,  

   so that, having been justified by his grace, we might become heirs having the hope of eternal life." Titus 3v4-7