The Bench and The Plank

Last week I helped a friend move house. Well, I say 'helped' in a very loose way; me and my youngest were definitely there. I drank tea, and made some for the removal men but that was my level of help. It was a beautiful sunny day and we sat on a little bench, while I gave my son a running commentary of what was leaving the house and what was going in the van. He seemed happy enough to repeat everything I said and occasionally get in the way just a little as heavy furniture was manoeuvred around him.

While we sat on the bench the window behind me opened and a little old, grey-haired head popped out. I smiled sweetly at the little old lady, and carried on the great furniture departure story with my boy. The lady smiled and told me that the bench was not communal. I said, "Ok...." in that kind of questioning way of saying, 'surely it's okay for me and my two year old to sit on it though?' But I had heard right the first time. The bench was not communal. It was her's and she'd like me and my son to not sit on it.


Aware that the two removal men were now watching this little moment unfold, I got off the bench and sat on the grass. The removal men made up a song about 'sad busybodies who had too much time on their hands' which I uncomfortably smiled at. And I sat and played with my youngest.

About ten minutes later, the little old lady opened her front door and asked me to come inside for a chat. So in I went to her little house. She started to explain to me that she lived with her old aged brother and his wife who was very disabled, and the noise travelled in from the bench by the window and disturbed her poorly sister in law. She thought I was moving in next door to her, and we had clearly got off on the wrong foot, so she wanted to apologise and explain her reactions.

I guess the whole thing got me thinking of how quick we are to judge one another. Without the little old lady's explanation, I wonder how I would have told the story to the husband when I got home. I presume I would have judged her as a busybody like the removal men had. I presume I would have judged me as the one in the right, and her as sticking her nose in, and being old and selfish. I wonder what judgements I make of others, their words and actions, without knowing the whole story or their heart behind those actions. I wonder what I take as a judgement about me, my kids, or my parenting when people say things. I wonder what my heart is like when I make these judgements or hear them back. The lady went from being a selfish busybody to a caring sister in law all in the space of ten minutes. Funny how a plank in the eye can really distort your vision!

 “Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?
 How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye?
You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye." Matthew 7v3-5