Terrible Twos vs Terrific Teens (hopefully)

We have moved into the world of teens over the last couple of years, and are trying to navigate this world well. Like with all parenting, you pick your battles. Some are worth fighting and some you can leave until next time. If it's a heart issue, it will simply come up again; maybe they can deal with it better, or maybe we can parent it better on the second or third time round, or even the one hundredth time.... (Of course, it may be our heart issue that needs dealing with, because parenting brings out all sorts in us). We've told them that we don't want the teen years to be years of dread for them or for us. We're only at the early stages, with two young teens and a pre-teen, so we know we have much to learn, much to experience and much to experiment with. 

So far we've avoided the perils of Snapchat (never going to happen) Facebook (now outdated) and Instagram (possibly one day) due to them having Nokias instead of Smart phones. This means of course, we've also avoided the cost of breakages. (Teens are droppers, as is the husband, to be fair). We all know you can drop, kick and bounce a little Nokia, and just put the three bits back together. Unfortunately though, not even a Nokia can live through a washing machine cycle! Here there has to be compromise, so I sometimes find myself having swapped my iPhone for a Nokia, because you can't play Fortnite on a Nokia, and apparently the Nokia snake game, isn't such a big deal as it was back in the day?! And I've heard me having a Social Media break isn't a bad thing either...?!

For now, some aspects of the teen years feel a lot easier than that of the younger years; there is less poo to deal with, but possibly more smells to comment on. There are less mind-numbingly repetitive questions, but possibly more of a need to push for any verbal answer.  There is less arguing about the disgusting dinners I serve them, but possibly more discussions on who consumed all the cheese, bread and milk. There are less early wake ups, but possibly more later nights to sit through. There are less changes of clothes in a day, but possibly more money needed for the right clothes to be purchased. (Cool cousin hand-me-downs are still acceptable). There is less complete and utter dependence (at times) and possibly more gradual independence given. (One went to London on a train yesterday). There is less screaming, but possibly more banter.

The banter is an interesting one. Obviously my kids are growing up with a mother of sheer hilarity and a 'not so low-key' father, so finding the right level of banter is a tricky one. It's hard not to be sarcastic with them. It's hard not to find their inappropriate burns of each other amusing. And it's hard not bantering back in such a way that destroys them. They're sensitive souls. I have quite a bantery relationship with one of them, one of them doesn't quite know the line, so it doesn't serve him for me to model it, and one of them is sensitive to too much banter. The husband has to remind the four of us quite regularly that in this household, we try to speak with honour.

A couple of nights ago, I wanted one of my teens to go to bed. He had already stayed up late to watch a film with us, but was now finding new topics and questions and ways of stretching out his already questionable bedtime. We are trying to take on the Number One piece of advice from the parenting sages gone before us; to spend time with the teens if they want to spend time with us. (Number Two being, feed them and their friends good snacks). But his banter was wearing thin, and I wanted a little time at the end of the day, without an offspring nearby. 

So I threatened him with more opportunities to teach into his life if he stayed around, and even threw in that it literally says in the Bible that his life will go better for him if he listens to his mother's teaching. Possibly not my most positive of threats but it worked. He retaliated with, 'not everything has to be a teaching point mum'. Silly boy. Proverbs in the Bible gives me all the ammunition I need to speak into his life. I mean teaching, not ammunition. Bants. (A tricky balance here; not to force feed them the Bible, not to be disrespectful to the word of God, some light-hearted banter whilst also being serious... a fine line indeed, sometimes achieved and sometimes not so much). 

The more I study Proverbs though, the more practical wisdom I see for running my own life. And running my own life has to of course come first, before it spills out to the kids. Does everything really have to be a teaching point God? This blog is about parenting, not for my own learning! (It's as if my Heavenly Father insists on a bit of parenting banter too....) 

"My son (daughter), do not forget my teaching, but keep my commands in your heart, 

for they will prolong your life many years and bring you peace and prosperity. 

Let love and faithfulness never leave you; bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart.

Then you will win favour and a good name in the sight of God and man. 

Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding;

 in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.

Do not be wise in your own eyes; fear the LORD and shun evil.

 This will bring health to your body and nourishment to your bones.

Honou

r the LORD with your wealth, with the firstfruits of all your crops; 

then your barns will be filled to overflowing, and your vats will brim over with new wine. 

My son, do not despise the LORD’s discipline, and do not resent his rebuke,

 because the LORD disciplines those he loves, as a father the son he delights in."

Proverbs 3v1-12