Another Fine Mess

Last night we put the Christmas tree up. Whoop whoop! Usually the husband makes us wait 'til December, but I rounded November up, and got the go ahead. (It could posssibly be because the husband was feeling joyful with a lone trip to Ikea that day). The grand tree-decorating day, had to be a Monday evening, because Mondays are Family nights. (We have teens with independant lives who come and go, but Monday evenings and Sunday lunch times, we all eat together). And the following Monday would be the 6th December....that just wouldn't be right. 

"Technically", the tree should go up the first Sunday of Advent, so we were actually a day late! It's one of my favourite days of the year; the house gets all cosy and twinkly, and memories are forced to be made. We get in the nice snacks, the wine starts mulling, the Christmas playlist starts its first play of many, and mum hypes the kids up as soon as they walk in. Everyone knows to expect it... I personally, have had to lower my expectations over the years, which has really helped me not to be stressy mum, and just to enjoy it instead.

Because it's not like the movies. It's not perfect. It's far from harmonious. But it is special. Someone likened it today, to the beginning chaotic scene from the film, Home Alone. Very true. But I love it. I forget what tack we have stored away for a year, and it all comes out in the same taped up boxes. The husband by nature, would choose an elegant, classy looking tree with a colour scheme. But he chose me as a wife and he chooses to loves me, by accepting that our tree looks like Christmas threw up on it. My friend describes it as the 'tree of anxiety'. It really brings out the best in her!

This year, the four hyped up boys seemed to be extremely jokey and physical, and not at all helpful with the branch ordering. The husband was trying to make Christmas Tack look stylish. I was videoing it all for video nights, memories and Insta Reels, and the girls were flitting between dancing and slight emotional outbursts, and possibly drinking too much fizzy. One kid got sent to the bathroom for a strong word, three got asked not to burn each other repeatedly. (Not physical burning; we would hopefully stop that.... No, I mean burning as in joking at one another/taking each other down. I believe I still do it when I am around my brother. There is a fine line between a harmless joke and a hurtful comment and as a family we do not always know where that line is). 

At one point I watched the oldest who should potentially know better, hang a broken Bauble on the tree. When I asked him about it, he suggested it symbolised our broken family. Burn! (I believe it is still on the tree). Anyway, teens and little people can be a wonderful culmination of family life, as can boys and girls, but also these differences can cause all sorts of chaos.

As I was trying to comfort one of my smaller people, she explained how she had wanted the evening to be all lovely and special, but her brothers had messed it up. I had to teach her that family life is a bit messy, especially when the family is big, and it might help her to expect mess rather than expect perfection. I reminded her that the first ever Christmas was really messy; there was no room even for the Christmas to take place. There was only a messy stable, with a messy manger, with messy guests, and even a messy murder threat. But that's why Jesus had arrived as a baby, to connect with all our mess and rescue us from it. She either heard me or decided in her head, to have less kids if she had the opportunity. 

"For God so loved the world, that He gave His one and only Son, that whoever shall believe in Him will not perish, but have eternal life". John 3v16

Lights, Camera, Action!

A couple of weeks ago me and the husband ventured out to Gail's Bakery, because I quite fancied their baked cheesy eggs. We had both just come out of having the ol' Corona, so we had been inside for a little while, trying to isolate from the kids. The girl ones were literally crying because we wouldn't kiss & hug them lots, and the boy ones made us stay very much away from them, because they had plans! 

So post Corona, and still in the middle of post viral fatigue (which by the way, I liken to the tiredness of being 8months pregnant) we headed off for a breakfast which I wouldn't be able to smell or taste. After a general blub over my eggy breakfast, an emotional outpouring about everything & anything, I asked the husband for some advice. 

That might not sound so strange, but I asked for specific advice; I asked him to advise me as if he was my line manager and not my husband. This had all the potential to be ever so confusing for him, as I have previously asked him to just listen to me, not advise me, and especially not advise me as if he is my line manager. (**Thus confirming what the Bible says in Ephensians 5 about marriage being "a profound mystery").

I assume it's normal for a mum to cry, when that mum suddenly stops juggling it all, thinking about it all, holding it all, especially if there's bits she thinks she's not juggling well. Or on this occassion, when the husband asks her to tell her what she's thinking. (It's normal for this mum anyway).

What I'm thinking... Gosh! How long has he got? The big stuff, the little stuff, the silly stuff, the scary stuff, the middle stuff...

I recently heard in a preach, the phrase 'inbetweeness'. It has stayed with me, that phrase. I think a lot of mumming feels like inbetweeness; the bits inbetween all of life which seem all consuming, a bit dull and just get in the way a bit. It's important to remember that God is with me the inbetween bits. He cares about these bits. He still wants me to honour Him in the inbetween bits....

In answer to what I am thinking...."Oh nothing much," followed by everything I am thinking, some of which I didn't even know I was thinking, some of which I was purposefully not saying, each and every thought which had been in my head, in a wave of words that came crashing down, often with tangents to the left, right and centre, and to finish, a flourish of shallow bits, bits which aren't worth saying at all, but I may as well throw them out there too.

Sometimes I then feel a little better! Not sure if the husband does. But he did ask. He's twenty years in now, so when he is on good form, he has worked out the perfect response, "I'm so sorry you're carrying all of that". That's it, that's usually all I want.  Then I watch him physically keep his mouth closed so as not not give the advice I haven't asked for. But in this particular moment, I asked not just for advice, but line-manager advice. 

This for the husband, means actions. Lights, Camera, Action! We've highlighted the area, taken a snapsot and now it's time to Act. He loves an action, because it means something will actually change. Whereas I'm more of a 'just talk about it' person, (which possibly gets less done). 

His 'line manager advice'; he told me to write, (in one of my many notebooks) a heading on each page. It was up to me what headings I chose to use, but it would be helpful if they related to some of the areas I covered in my deluge of verbalised thoughts. Then I was to write thoughts/feeling if I wanted to, maybe some Biblical truth, but mainly to write one action underneath; something I could aim to do. Just one thing to change or add or act on.

In my last blog I was encouraged by my swimming friend, to just do the next thing, take the next step, look at the next thing in front of me, rather than be overwhelmed by the whole. And yesterday as my son was feeling the pressure of homework engulfing him, I told him that he couldn't shove a whole pizza in his mouth but that I had seen consume a whole pizza slice by slice. 

Hmmm... seems we have a theme. So I will aim to share some of my headings here on this digital notebook, with some thoughts, truths and actions. Maybe you'd like to join me in doing so? You could share your own headings (and actions) with a friend or with me. Or not. Capacities are low. I get that. Mine are the lowest they've been for a while. Maybe I'm ready to make a change or two...

But for now, scripture. Because Truth is always needed!

"Whatever your hand finds to do, do it with your might..." Ecclesiastes 9v10

"I can do all this through Him who gives me strength". Philippians 4v13

**Marriage being a profound mystery, doesn't mean it's bizarre, confusing and unknown (even when it is). It's actually referring to the wonder of Jesus' love for the church, laying His life down for her and marriage being likened to this.