Terrible Twos vs Terrific Teens (hopefully)

We have moved into the world of teens over the last couple of years, and are trying to navigate this world well. Like with all parenting, you pick your battles. Some are worth fighting and some you can leave until next time. If it's a heart issue, it will simply come up again; maybe they can deal with it better, or maybe we can parent it better on the second or third time round, or even the one hundredth time.... (Of course, it may be our heart issue that needs dealing with, because parenting brings out all sorts in us). We've told them that we don't want the teen years to be years of dread for them or for us. We're only at the early stages, with two young teens and a pre-teen, so we know we have much to learn, much to experience and much to experiment with. 

So far we've avoided the perils of Snapchat (never going to happen) Facebook (now outdated) and Instagram (possibly one day) due to them having Nokias instead of Smart phones. This means of course, we've also avoided the cost of breakages. (Teens are droppers, as is the husband, to be fair). We all know you can drop, kick and bounce a little Nokia, and just put the three bits back together. Unfortunately though, not even a Nokia can live through a washing machine cycle! Here there has to be compromise, so I sometimes find myself having swapped my iPhone for a Nokia, because you can't play Fortnite on a Nokia, and apparently the Nokia snake game, isn't such a big deal as it was back in the day?! And I've heard me having a Social Media break isn't a bad thing either...?!

For now, some aspects of the teen years feel a lot easier than that of the younger years; there is less poo to deal with, but possibly more smells to comment on. There are less mind-numbingly repetitive questions, but possibly more of a need to push for any verbal answer.  There is less arguing about the disgusting dinners I serve them, but possibly more discussions on who consumed all the cheese, bread and milk. There are less early wake ups, but possibly more later nights to sit through. There are less changes of clothes in a day, but possibly more money needed for the right clothes to be purchased. (Cool cousin hand-me-downs are still acceptable). There is less complete and utter dependence (at times) and possibly more gradual independence given. (One went to London on a train yesterday). There is less screaming, but possibly more banter.

The banter is an interesting one. Obviously my kids are growing up with a mother of sheer hilarity and a 'not so low-key' father, so finding the right level of banter is a tricky one. It's hard not to be sarcastic with them. It's hard not to find their inappropriate burns of each other amusing. And it's hard not bantering back in such a way that destroys them. They're sensitive souls. I have quite a bantery relationship with one of them, one of them doesn't quite know the line, so it doesn't serve him for me to model it, and one of them is sensitive to too much banter. The husband has to remind the four of us quite regularly that in this household, we try to speak with honour.

A couple of nights ago, I wanted one of my teens to go to bed. He had already stayed up late to watch a film with us, but was now finding new topics and questions and ways of stretching out his already questionable bedtime. We are trying to take on the Number One piece of advice from the parenting sages gone before us; to spend time with the teens if they want to spend time with us. (Number Two being, feed them and their friends good snacks). But his banter was wearing thin, and I wanted a little time at the end of the day, without an offspring nearby. 

So I threatened him with more opportunities to teach into his life if he stayed around, and even threw in that it literally says in the Bible that his life will go better for him if he listens to his mother's teaching. Possibly not my most positive of threats but it worked. He retaliated with, 'not everything has to be a teaching point mum'. Silly boy. Proverbs in the Bible gives me all the ammunition I need to speak into his life. I mean teaching, not ammunition. Bants. (A tricky balance here; not to force feed them the Bible, not to be disrespectful to the word of God, some light-hearted banter whilst also being serious... a fine line indeed, sometimes achieved and sometimes not so much). 

The more I study Proverbs though, the more practical wisdom I see for running my own life. And running my own life has to of course come first, before it spills out to the kids. Does everything really have to be a teaching point God? This blog is about parenting, not for my own learning! (It's as if my Heavenly Father insists on a bit of parenting banter too....) 

"My son (daughter), do not forget my teaching, but keep my commands in your heart, 

for they will prolong your life many years and bring you peace and prosperity. 

Let love and faithfulness never leave you; bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart.

Then you will win favour and a good name in the sight of God and man. 

Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding;

 in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.

Do not be wise in your own eyes; fear the LORD and shun evil.

 This will bring health to your body and nourishment to your bones.

Honou

r the LORD with your wealth, with the firstfruits of all your crops; 

then your barns will be filled to overflowing, and your vats will brim over with new wine. 

My son, do not despise the LORD’s discipline, and do not resent his rebuke,

 because the LORD disciplines those he loves, as a father the son he delights in."

Proverbs 3v1-12

Cogs Turning

My kids are well accustomed to me stopping them doing whatever they're doing, to vaguely or completely relate it to something Biblical. They sometimes take it in, and sometimes roll their eyes at my sheer audacity to try and bring a teaching point into it. It is one of my parenting roles, to 'bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord'.

For example, if they're fighting over Lego or Minecraft, I remind them that both those activities are for building up, not tearing down. (Technically not true in Minecraft if TNT is being used, but still...) So, a good verse to tell them might be, 'So then let us pursue what makes for peace and for mutual upbuilding. And a favourite which can be thrown in daily is, 'Behold how good and pleasant it is when brothers dwell in unity!'. Even if it's a little 'tongue in cheek', it draws them back to God's word, without me barking law at them. 

And the more I teach them, the more likely they are to bring truth to me, "Mum, doesn't it say in the Bible 'it's better not to nag', and to 'let your gentleness be evident to everyone'. I then of course, can choose to take it in by 'setting the believers an example in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith, in purity', or I can indeed roll my eyes at the audacity of my kids bringing Biblical truth to me! (Oh how much easier it is to give, than to recieve).

So yesterday morning's little grabbed moment, involved my son showing me yet another Lego creation. He had made a Gumball machine earlier the summer, which he conveniently now requires 40p for, for Gumballs, every time he gets the opportunity to show somebody new! Clever. He's also been making Lego safes with cogs and levers to keep the safe locked. The Parable of the talents comes to mind, 'You have been faithful over a little; I will set you over much'. (Paraphrased; you've learnt to fleece your mum/store your money away).

My son showed me the cogs he'd been working on; you move the lever at the back, and it turns the first cog, which in turn, turns the next cog etc. All the cogs are then working together. I genuinely thought it was very cool, and told him so. I then told him that it reminded me of a bit of scripture; 'There is one body, but it has many parts. But all its many parts make up one body. It is the same with Christ.' 
1 Corinthians 12v12-27

I love this piece of scripture, because it has so many layers to it, for family life, work life, for church life... there's the 'everyone playing their part' layer, there's 'everyone needing each other for the good of the whole', there's 'you can't think your part is more or less important than another part', there's the 'do what your part is made to do', there's 'letting others do what their part is', there's the 'honoring of the hidden parts, rather than just glorifying the more obvious parts'. (Someone once told me I was like the mouth, and she was the spleen. Both as important as each other, and both needed, just one was more 'out there' and one was quietly doing its thing. Haha spot on me thinks). 

We talked about what would happen if he removed one of the cogs; a portion of it would still work, but the whole thing wouldn't work as it should. We looked at the importance of that one cog. I reminded him that in this family and in church, he had a part to play, we all do, in order for the whole 'body' to not only work well, doing what it was created to do, but to glorify Christ. A good truth for all of us to hear.

Rules for Living

We went on holiday with another big family, making it 4 adults to 11 children. And as the week went on, more 'rules for living' had to be put in place. 
I'm not convinced that every family would...
a) be able to holiday with us or
b) need these same rules
But for us, these rules helped us to have fun, not die, honour God and protect the building we were holidaying in. Like a modern day book of Proverbs; instilling wisdom, that kind of thing!

Do not wear shoes in the house

Do not wear socks outside the house
Do volunteer to wash up
Do say yes, when a mum volunteers you for the washing up
Do not climb out of the windows
Do secretly bless people
Do not lick sticks
Do help people, especially those younger than you
Do not walk behind a horse
Do not go under the bridge
Do jump over the river
Do not poo in the woods
Do choose your empire wisely
Do close the gate after you
Do not light fires without permission
Do jump over fires
Do be hardcore; use flint & steel
(And matches and fire-starters, and loo roll)
Do give parenting advice
Do not have alone screen time
Do watch movies together
Do not set the fire alarm door off
Do know the difference between a dead mouse 

and an old poo
Do not touch an old poo
Or a dead mouse
Do be kind
Do cook generously for 15
Do not put your head in the oven
Do not eat all the Blackberries
Do put dark chocolate and Brie together
Do not lose your temper
Do say sorry when you do
Do know grace
Do show grace
Do talk it out
Do chose your animal noise carefully
Do not be the amoeba
Do show forgiveness quickly
Do lean in
Do not hold a grudge
Do gather firewood
Do not be lazy
Do be responsible for the kindling
Do teach as you go
Do not nag
Do find a different tone
Do rest
Do read the Bible
Do read novels
Do use a tea pot
Do throw pooh sticks
Do not throw poo
Do climb
Do not run out of tonic
Do get muddy
Do wear clean pants
Do not flood the kitchen
Do feed apples to horses and children
Do always have plasters available
Do take a thorn out of a mum's leg
Do carry Piriton and Calpol
Do not respond to every scream
Do not scream, unless necessary
Do not lose the dummy
Do encourage one another
Do play spoons
And Uno, And Catan, And Picky Picky
Do not experiment with sandwiches
Do not hog the whole path/bridge
Do not leave your shoes behind
Or a child
Do hide behind trees
Do whittle sticks
Do not wear slippers near a fire
Do laugh
Do shower
Do not bring dead or live rodents into the house
Do use sweets as Denarius
Do talk
Do listen
Do ask good questions
Do give space
Do not use unkind words
Do hoover up bean bag contents
Do not spray a fire with deodorant
Do play Grandma’s footsteps
Do play 40:40/44 Save All/Pom Pom 123
Do not Hose-line your friend
Do roll down hills
Do not drink instant coffee
Do challenge
Do not dare
Do trust each other
Do walk
Do not grumble
Do slow down
Do eat squirty cream straight out of the can
Do marinate meat
Do recycle
Do not stuff the bin that full
Do not run out of milk or bread
Do use biscuits as bribes
Do squirrel away instant noodles
Do slide down the stairs in a sleeping bag
Do not put little people at the bottom of sleeping bags
Do thank God often
Do pray for one another

"Pay attention and turn your ear to the sayings of the wise; apply your heart to what I teach, for it is pleasing when you keep them in your heart and have all of them ready on your lips." Proverbs 22v17-18