Like Father, Like Son

Happy New Year!

So 2025, what do you have in store for us?! If only we knew ahead of time, so we could put aside the right amount of energy, people-ing, crisis management, health, happiness, rest, antibiotics and money to see us nicely through each season that comes our way. Alas, this is yet to be invented or discovered. Perhaps I'll look into that for next year...

I feel I may have peaked too soon this year, just one day in. I went on a New Year's Day walk with some friends. Friends who I usually just admire from afar. Two of them run a gym, one of them goes swimming in the sea (in his Budgy Smuggglers) and one of them who just happened to swim the Channel. This didn't bode well as a starting point, plus there was a weather warning, plus we went for a walk in the windiest part of Brighton, possibly the UK. 

The first bit was lovely, little catch up with people about their Christmases. Kids happy to see their friends and run ahead, a little slip on the mud here and there but mostly a joyous outing. Then we were covered by the trees so conversation was able to continue, kids were happy. It felt healthy to be out in nature, a little smug even. Then we turned the corner and had to face Mordor, the land of Shadow, with its harsh geography and representation of all that is desolate and dark in the world. I tried to walk behind people in order to lessen the sheets of wind and ice attacking my face. I tried to make it look like I wanted my own space, a bit of alone time with my own thoughts, some meditation amidst nature. Truth was I couldn't breathe, let alone think about nature or even talk to people. One of my daughters said her face and legs hurt, her hands were cold, her legs were slipping. I left her to her own devices. She should have made better life choices. Each to their own. Survival of the fitest. (She was in her dad's care). 

There was a moment when I told the husband I physically couldn't do it. He didn't have much hope to offer me, because he knew I couldn't turn back. So he helpfully said, "It's just up that bit and then across that bit" pointing up towards Mordor itself. Yeah thanks for that! I was joined by my friend's ten year old daughter. She told me how hard this part of the walk was. I didn't believe she was finding it hard at all. She had told me earlier that she once run up it with her brother, pushing a feeding trough. I think she simply had compassion for me. She tried to distract me too at one point. I said she could walk ahead but she put her hand on my back and told me I could do it. She said this a few times as she walked alongside me. 

I knew she was modelling what her parents had taught her. Yes she's got an adventurous spirit and she is used to seeing her parents physically push themselves, but she modelled compassion to me, she encouraged perseverance in me and she walked alongside me at my own pace, not ahead of me,  just alongside. Attributes her parents are known for.

I thought back to Christmas morning when the biggest brothers in our household were very thoughtful with their sibling gifts. They loved big. I know some of that is what I have modelled to them. I do try to love big where I can. I thought back to this summer at Newday (a Christian Youth event). I had had a chat with a dad who had watched his two grown daughters loving their youth group by praying with them individually. He humbly knew this had come from his example. And I had had a chat with a mum whose teenager was happy to miss out because she was sorting through response cards from young people who wanted to follow Jesus. Again, a humble acknowledgement of all that that mum had taught her was important in life.

Interesting, encouraging, (sometimes daunting from a parents point of view)
what we learn from our parents or parental figures in our life. Spending time with them, watching them in action. Choosing what to emulate, what to pass on. 

Some of us will head into this new year with exciting goals and fresh expectations. Some of us will just be hoping that this year is easier than other years may have been. Some of us are not even sure what day of the week it is. Hopefully many of us will head into 2025 trusting that our Heavenly Father has got us. He knows what we need and He will be with us every step of the way, every day of the new diary. His Grace is sufficient for what lies ahead. He has strength for us, joy for us, peace for us, favour for us, blessings for us. He will also have comfort for us, rest for us and help for us when crisis comes our way, when we need another round of antibiotics, when we've run out of energy or money. As His children, He wants us to know Him, to spend time with Him, to enjoy His presence and to not only love His character but to model His character to others.  

"Follow God's example, therefore, as His dearly loved children and walk in the way of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering to God". Ephesians 5v1-2

'Tis the Season

A friend of mine encouraged me to take a moment during this busy Christmas season. To sit for twenty minutes. To sit with all lights off apart from the twinkling lights of the Christmas tree. To have a coffee in my hand. To just sit and be still. To sit at the feet of Jesus. To remember that Jesus is seated at the right hand of the father because He is of equal position to the Father and because His work of redeeming me is done. To dwell on the seated Jesus, who right now is interceding for me. He sees me. He knows me. He's praying for me.

She then left me a short voice message of prayer, acknowledging the craziness of the outside world which has came into my home. She spoke the truth of the gospel. She reminded me that Jesus is the wonderful counsellor, the wounded healer, the prince of peace. She said that my family sits in His family tree which is bigger and stronger than me, than my worries, than my concerns, than my fears and failings. She said that I am carried under the refuge of His wings. In Him, I am safe. She said that Jesus identifies with messy family life. She prayed I would be still and know Him today. What a gift of a friend. (Not to self; Be more like Jesus and more like this friend).

So this morning that's what I did. I confess I had tea instead of coffee. It was 6:30am which is cuppa time, cup-of-tea time, not coffee-shop coffee time. Very different things. My twinkling Christmas tree was probably not the most peaceful of trees and I think I actually managed 12 minutes. But I sat. I thought about the mums with little ones, who would love a quiet house as late in the morning as 6:30am. I remember it well. I am grateful for seasons that do change. I thought about the encouragement of Susanna Wesley, pastor's wife and mother of many who put her apron over her head when she just needed a moment to dwell in God's presence. I just sat. I didn't read or sing. I didn't pray even. I was just still, mindful of all the truths that my friend had just prayed over me. And it did me good. It was good for my soul. It was probably good for my household too.

Somewhere in the midst of presents and chocolate and mangers and family and mince pies and school shows and movies and church and candy canes and Lemsip and teacher gifts and ice skating and friends and cards and experiences and shopping lists and placemats and gift lists and turkeys and freezer space and cookies and tinsel and stocking fillers and cranberries and extra chairs and driving around and the weight of it all and the stupid elf, there is Jesus. He is right there in the midst of it all. It does us good to be still, to be quiet and simply know, understand, comprehend, grasp, recognise, that He is indeed God. He is good. He is able. He is Sovereign. He is not just to be acknowledged but He is also to be exalted. It's good to take a moment (maybe more than just one) and sit at the feet of Jesus. And maybe just maybe, another mum could do with being reminded about this too. 

"His name shall be Immanuel; which means God with us." Matthew 1v23

Dumb Phone

Getting ready for the new school term, working out what we already have, what can be passed down from sibling to sibling, and what needs to be budgeted for and bought afresh. We have one starting senior school in a month's time. She is READY! She is suitably nervous and excited about it all. Nervous about the bus route, but excited all the same. Nervous about being judged by new people, excited by the possibility of new friends. Nervous that she will get lost in a big school, excited by all the new places including an actual Drama room, where you're meant to bring the drama!  

Choosing a pencil case was an interesting one. She over-ruled some for being too young, too fun, too out there. But the plain ones were too plain, and not very her. She didn't necessarily want to bring unwanted Yr 7 attention her way, but she didn't want to shy away from her own likes and preferences either. We've watched enough terrible gymnastic shows, to know there is always some mean kid who picks on other kids if they're different to them, or if their stuff isn't the 'right' stuff. Usually, that mean kid gets taught a moral lesson, or we find out their life is sad in some way or they fall off the gymnastics bar and depending on the programme, they get laughed at or shown grace. 

So she went with a pencil pencil case. It looks like a pencil. She thought that it would be really funny on day one, to say 'Want to see my pencil case?' and pull out a giant PENCIL case. She said the ones who laugh, will be her people. I don't know whether to be proud or question my parenting influence. I wonder if she will look at the other pencil cases on display and get an insight into their owners' characters. Knowing her, she might see a more plain one and wonder if they've changed who they really are to fit in, and she will make sure they can be themselves around her. She's a bit like that. 

As parents you have to navigate some of this stuff too. As Christian parents maybe even more so. You want to encourage them to be who God created them to be, with the plans and works He has for them to do. You also want to prepare them for what the world can be like, the patterns the world conforms to. You want to make sure that if they do stand out it's for the right reasons. I remember being mocked many years ago, for carrying my PE kit in a broken nameless carrier bag and that was way before we were in a society where we simply cancelled people or where disagreeing with someone meant you couldn't be friends with them anymore. On the whole, our kids have to deal with a lot more now than we had to. The circumstances that us parents are in, the choices that we make, the beliefs that we hold, have an impact on their lives which they have to navigate. It is important that they are prepared, covered in prayer and to an extent understand (or at least trust) the decisions that we make for them. 

My fresh new Year 7 child will rock up with her new pencil case, her packed lunch in a sturdy bag for Life, maybe from one of the posher shops and a Nokia phone. (Currently in the book she is reading, the criminal has a Nokia phone so that is amusing). A big decision we have made for our children is that they can have a Smartphone in Year 10, which they have to buy themselves. The internet is a wonderful place, and I enjoy my Social Media interactions, but we have decided that access to both of these at a young age isn't what is best for them, or best for our household. There is enough for kids to have to deal with already. We are also quite strong on the content that they consume, from TV and YouTube. And when a Smartphone enters our house, there is a need to warn against the dumb decisions a Smartphone can tempt us to make. Teaching them wisdom as Scripturally based as we can.

They know this will probably be seen as unusual, not the norm. My fresh Yr 7 knows some might mock her for her phone. We may be setting her up for some uncomfortable chats, or decisions to defend. She herself may not like it at times, but that is okay because we are the parents. We are responsible for her until she can be responsible for herself. We don't want to parent fearfully, we want to parent as wisely as we can. I'm sure this decision will be seen as quite extreme by some, but we also believe that extreme decisions at times just need to be made in life, especially when it comes to our children. One of our older ones told me recently that he sees the benefit of our Smartphone decision now, even though he didn't like it at the time.  

We want them to feel safe and prepared for the world outside of Primary school, outside of our home but we also want them to be comfortable with the uncomfortable. We want them to trust us and ultimately trust God. Jesus Himself made choices to go against the flow, to be different to the cultural norm, to love the unloveable, to save those who do not deserve to be saved. And as much as I want my daughter to make friends, enjoy school, and fit in even, I do want her to become more like Jesus and know of His love for her, His best for her.

"Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is - His good, pleasing and perfect will". Romans 12v2

**By using this verse, I am not saying it is God's will to not give your children a Smartphone. It's just a great verse to challenge us to seek more than what the world has to offer us.