Dumb Phone

Getting ready for the new school term, working out what we already have, what can be passed down from sibling to sibling, and what needs to be budgeted for and bought afresh. We have one starting senior school in a month's time. She is READY! She is suitably nervous and excited about it all. Nervous about the bus route, but excited all the same. Nervous about being judged by new people, excited by the possibility of new friends. Nervous that she will get lost in a big school, excited by all the new places including an actual Drama room, where you're meant to bring the drama!  

Choosing a pencil case was an interesting one. She over-ruled some for being too young, too fun, too out there. But the plain ones were too plain, and not very her. She didn't necessarily want to bring unwanted Yr 7 attention her way, but she didn't want to shy away from her own likes and preferences either. We've watched enough terrible gymnastic shows, to know there is always some mean kid who picks on other kids if they're different to them, or if their stuff isn't the 'right' stuff. Usually, that mean kid gets taught a moral lesson, or we find out their life is sad in some way or they fall off the gymnastics bar and depending on the programme, they get laughed at or shown grace. 

So she went with a pencil pencil case. It looks like a pencil. She thought that it would be really funny on day one, to say 'Want to see my pencil case?' and pull out a giant PENCIL case. She said the ones who laugh, will be her people. I don't know whether to be proud or question my parenting influence. I wonder if she will look at the other pencil cases on display and get an insight into their owners' characters. Knowing her, she might see a more plain one and wonder if they've changed who they really are to fit in, and she will make sure they can be themselves around her. She's a bit like that. 

As parents you have to navigate some of this stuff too. As Christian parents maybe even more so. You want to encourage them to be who God created them to be, with the plans and works He has for them to do. You also want to prepare them for what the world can be like, the patterns the world conforms to. You want to make sure that if they do stand out it's for the right reasons. I remember being mocked many years ago, for carrying my PE kit in a broken nameless carrier bag and that was way before we were in a society where we simply cancelled people or where disagreeing with someone meant you couldn't be friends with them anymore. On the whole, our kids have to deal with a lot more now than we had to. The circumstances that us parents are in, the choices that we make, the beliefs that we hold, have an impact on their lives which they have to navigate. It is important that they are prepared, covered in prayer and to an extent understand (or at least trust) the decisions that we make for them. 

My fresh new Year 7 child will rock up with her new pencil case, her packed lunch in a sturdy bag for Life, maybe from one of the posher shops and a Nokia phone. (Currently in the book she is reading, the criminal has a Nokia phone so that is amusing). A big decision we have made for our children is that they can have a Smartphone in Year 10, which they have to buy themselves. The internet is a wonderful place, and I enjoy my Social Media interactions, but we have decided that access to both of these at a young age isn't what is best for them, or best for our household. There is enough for kids to have to deal with already. We are also quite strong on the content that they consume, from TV and YouTube. And when a Smartphone enters our house, there is a need to warn against the dumb decisions a Smartphone can tempt us to make. Teaching them wisdom as Scripturally based as we can.

They know this will probably be seen as unusual, not the norm. My fresh Yr 7 knows some might mock her for her phone. We may be setting her up for some uncomfortable chats, or decisions to defend. She herself may not like it at times, but that is okay because we are the parents. We are responsible for her until she can be responsible for herself. We don't want to parent fearfully, we want to parent as wisely as we can. I'm sure this decision will be seen as quite extreme by some, but we also believe that extreme decisions at times just need to be made in life, especially when it comes to our children. One of our older ones told me recently that he sees the benefit of our Smartphone decision now, even though he didn't like it at the time.  

We want them to feel safe and prepared for the world outside of Primary school, outside of our home but we also want them to be comfortable with the uncomfortable. We want them to trust us and ultimately trust God. Jesus Himself made choices to go against the flow, to be different to the cultural norm, to love the unloveable, to save those who do not deserve to be saved. And as much as I want my daughter to make friends, enjoy school, and fit in even, I do want her to become more like Jesus and know of His love for her, His best for her.

"Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is - His good, pleasing and perfect will". Romans 12v2

**By using this verse, I am not saying it is God's will to not give your children a Smartphone. It's just a great verse to challenge us to seek more than what the world has to offer us.