When The Fog Clears

After dropping one of the boys at football training, I had 50 minutes to kill before picking him up again. So I drove until I found a park for me and the other boys. It was cold and foggy and it wasn't the best park in the world; lots of "interesting" things written in graffiti and some broken wood to climb and conquer. But I had supplies, because that's what mums do. We feed, we drive, we have supplies and we conquer 50 minutes in the cold fog. So I hid mini chocolate rabbits and lollipops around the park, one for each boy. The three year old was onto it and treats were found in a matter of minutes, accompanied by laughter and jumping. Most of his life is accompanied by laughter and jumping. He then helped the baby find his and again laughter and jumping filled the air. Ah the sweet sound of successful parenting...until the not so sweet sound of the 5 year old's complete meltdown because he was cold and couldn't see the park or find the treats. I helped the 5 year old find them, talked about his heart and his words and said that due to the tantrum he could only choose one, and then said the dreaded words "If you tantrum again, you can't have any". And like a bull to a red flag, the boy lost it. Tears, screaming, shouting, looks of anger, and off he ran into the mist.

I saw through the fog, that he had found a spot on a grass bank and could hear him screaming and shouting "mummy" very crossly. Now my boys are not allowed to scream and shout and cry for very long in these moments. They are spoken to and their outcry is explained to them; that they are demanding what they think is best for them, rather than obeying what we know is best for them. But I just couldn't do it today. If the husband had been there it would've probably been dealt with, but I was tired and cold and fed up too.


So I told God how I felt. I told my Heavenly Father that what had started off as a wonderful moment, my son had now messed up by making bad choices. I told God that he was screaming for me but wont come to me. And as I said this rant to God. I felt so clearly and so powerfully God's reply, "I made it wonderful for you and you have made bad choices and messed up. You have screamed for me but I don't make you come to me, instead I come to you. I pick you up. I hold you. I let you cry. I forgive you and I love you".

So with tears in my eyes, and the fog in my mind cleared, I climbed up the bank to my son. I picked him up and carried him down the bank, to a bench where I held him and hugged him and kissed him and told him that I loved him and that i forgive him. And he cried and said sorry. And we both learned  something about unconditional love that day.

"We love because he first loved us."

                         1 John 4v19

Interview With A Legend

Some people get a 'once in a lifetime' experience, when they get to meet a legend. For example, I got to meet The Queen, or as I like to put it, The Queen got to meet me! But recently I got the chance to have tea with a very special lady indeed. Not only did I get to keep her hat, but I also got an interview for my blog. Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you Wendy Virgo...

As a mum, I would like to know how you managed your quiet time

I used to get up pretty early, 6 am. If I had a really young baby, regular time was difficult, but I lived on ‘bite sized chunks’ for a while. i.e, grab a few verses when I could and pray on the run! Terry and I tried to pray together but often it was pretty sporadic, depending on the state and ages of the kids at the time. When I had just 2 really small kids, I got them into bed early in the evening and spent a lot of time studying the Bible. A lot of my knowledge of the Bible was stored up in those years.  I had unwittingly created a storehouse from which I drew in the years ahead.

There were times I got rather discouraged about not being regular or systematic in prayer and Bible study, but I came to understand that God wasn’t clocking up merit points, and was willing to have time with me while I was breastfeeding, going to Sainsbury’s, or cleaning the bath! We just talked. As time goes by, things change, and your rhythm of life changes and you can be more structured.
What priorities did you put in place as a mum? 

I kept trying to focus on the reasons we were parenting: Our children were God’s gift to us, and therefore raising them was a serious commitment to him and to his will. Our goal was that they might fulfil his purpose for them and that we would eventually be able to release them into the world as responsible, caring people, with clear principles and guidelines for their lives. We tried always to be loving and affectionate; time spent playing with them wasn’t wasted.

What was the best and hardest thing about being a mum?
How long have you got?! Hard things were the relentless time pressure; always having to rush from thing to thing to get everything in. I am by nature not very organised and like to drift along with the flow…fat chance when you are trying to get 5 kids out of the door in the right clothes at the right time, with the right things in their bags, and then run a women’s Bible study or something else. It was hard not really getting any ‘me’ time to read, have a buble bath, or take up some pursuit such as French classes or learning a craft. Being consistent in discipline was also a hard thing.

Some best things were seeing children develop in all sorts of ways. We had lots of laughter and fun, and great holidays together. The endless bustle and interest of a large family is both demanding and stimulating.
How does God speak to you?

Through reading the Bible, prophetic words from people, through my husband. (I’ve learnt that if he says God has said something to him, then he usually has!) hearing preaching and circumstances backed up by the above. I hardly ever get meaningful dreams. I have had a few visions.

How did you make your husband a priority? 

Terry is not religious, but he was almost religious about always having a day off. Monday worked for us, and we still regard it as specifically just for us. We walk, talk, pray, have lunch out , go to a pub, make love in the afternoon if we feel like it. Its time to review, take stock, discuss, or just hang out. Also the children learnt I think, that Daddy always came first. God had called him to serve Him in a special way. When he was away we would put a map on the fridge so we knew where he was, and pray for him. I never moaned about hm being away etc in front of the kids.

How did you grow in the gifts of the spirit?

Mostly by having a go!

What are you currently reading?

I always have several books on the go. At the moment, “A History of Modern Britain” by Andrew Marr; “The Message of John” by Bruce Milne in the Bible Speaks Today series, (highly recommend) and Long Way Down by Nick Hornby.
How are you feeling about the move to Kingston?

Excited about the new challenge; exasperated with the slow pace it is going! We had been edging toward it, but were waiting for the green light from God. When we got it, there was peace that this is the next step. It might be easier to slow down and take it easy, but rather boring!

Can you share a funny moment about one of your children?

Some things were not funny at the time but became funny later when we looked back. One of my sons had a very sore bottom, and found a pink bottle of what he thought was baby lotion. We heard anguished shrieks of pain coming from the bathroom. His poor little bottom was pulsating and bright red. What he thought was lotion was hair removing cream….poor child. (That will keep us guessing as to which one!)

And lastly, would you rather buy new shoes or a new bag?

New shoes, every time!

The Gospel And The Dragon

Today my son brought home a dragon named Dan. Dan arrived in a box full of straw, in the arms of a grinning child. Dan the dragon likes to eat chocolate and be stroked on his tummy. Apparently we are looking after him for the night, and then he needs to be safely returned to school for the next willing parents to take him home. My son carried the box carefully home and has fed Dan the dragon chocolate, raisins and Cheerios. Dan has watched Mary Poppins with us, played games and has had a wonderful time. *

My son has to read Dan the dragon a bedtime story and then he has to write in Dan's dragon diary. This is the actual reason for his visit. How clever and imaginative of the teacher to use such a simple thing to get a slightly reluctant five year old to read a whole book and fill a page of writing. If my son's teacher can use her imagination to add to his reading and writing skills, how much more should I be using simple every day occurrences to teach my boys the gospel. William Farley, in his book 'Gospel Powered Parenting' suggests that we need to go after our children's hearts, not their environment and that we change their heart by teaching them the gospel. He says that us parents need a clear grasp of the cross and it's implications for daily life.

I discussed this today with some mums that I pray with. We looked at teaching the gospel in every day moments so the children can grasp what Jesus has done for them, and relate it to their world. We looked at a few examples;

 - while watching Tarzan where the daddy gorilla jumps in front of Tarzan and takes the bullet instead of his son, I took a minute to have a simple chat about who did that for us. I spoke to the boys about how Jesus rescued us, He took our place. He took the punishment for us.  He died on a cross instead of us.
 - a child not inviting a friend to church because they are a bit naughty at school, and mum being able to give a sentence to explain that that child needs God in their life.
- a child feeling guilty that they sinned, even after the discipline and restoration had occurred, and pouring soil from a plant around the sink to show the sin, but turning the tap on  and washing it wash away, to show the forgiveness.
- a child complaining that getting the smaller piece of cake 'isn't fair' , and reminding them of how selfless Jesus is and attempting to explain that grace 'isn't fair' but it's not fair in our favour. We don't get what we deserve. Sometimes just one line will do it, other times a more detailed chat about it.

I want my boys to grasp the gospel. I want them to know that they deserve punishment for their sin, that they deserve to be separated from God, but that Jesus took that punishment and separation so that they didn't have to. I want them to get this wonderful act of selfless love. So I need to be willing, and creative and take the time to explain this again and again to them.

"I charge you in the presence of God and of Christ Jesus,

      who is to judge the living and the dead, and by his appearing and his kingdom:

preach the word; be ready in season and out of season;

      reprove, rebuke, and exhort, with complete patience and teaching."

                                                                              2 Timothy 4v1-2

* (On a side note, the husband took my son's 'Dan the dragon project' a little further as he alarmingly called us out to the garden because young Dan had set fire to a cardboard box. There it was in the front garden, a cardboard box with a burning corner and only Dan to blame. I'm not sure if the already wild imagination of the five year old knows it was his dad or not!)

Mary, Martha and Me (Final Part)

....continued from Part Three

My last encounter with my new friend Martha finds her coming to terms with the death of her brother. When she hears that Jesus is on His way, she goes out to meet Him. Martha talks to Jesus. She either is questioning or stating that if He had been with them, then Lazarus wouldn't have died. She also states that she knows that Jesus could ask for anything and it would be given to Him.


I love that Martha goes to Jesus. I love that she doesn't wallow in any self pity, thinking that she got it wrong last time Jesus was around, so maybe she shouldn't go to Him again. Whereas I know that when I have sinned, when I've made a wrong choice, I can sometimes live in the guilt of my sin, and feel condemned and therefore miss out on just coming to Him again, approaching the throne in repentance and receiving His grace and forgiveness. Martha doesn't hide in the guilt of her last meeting with Jesus. That was then, and this is now. She goes straight to Him in her mourning and she talks to Him. I need this encouragement to keep going to Him, and not allow my emotions to control me.

Martha when she talks to Jesus, she pours her heart out to Him. Last year I was suffering with a terrible back pain, and my small group leader told me that it was okay to tell Jesus how I really felt, and cry out to Him like in the Psalms. I'm reminded of this as I read about Martha. She had such a close relationship with Him that she could approach Him in her frustration and grief and be real with Him. Her heart may not have even been right if she was questioning His actions, but she follows it up acknowledging Jesus authority in any situation, that He can ask His father for anything and it will be given. And she shows her faith as she presses in to Him. Again Martha encourages me to press in to my Heavenly father, in faith, and acknowledging His authority.

So my journey with Martha has come to an end, and I'm sure she will come to mind when I think I am too busy to pray and sit at Jesus' feet. I'm sure she will come to mind when I find myself moaning when I'm next cleaning the kitchen floor or serving my family or church in some way. When I hear her being used as an example of how not to be, I will smile and secretly be rooting for her. And know that she was much loved by Jesus and was in a close relationship with Him where she could pour out her heart to Him, even when she got things wrong or didn't understand.

"With my voice I cry out to the LORD;
      with my voice I plead for mercy to the LORD.
I pour out my complaint before him;
      I tell my trouble before him.

 When my spirit faints within me,
      you know my way!"

                         Psalm 142v1-3

Mary, Martha and Me (Part Three)

...continued from Part Two


So sticking with my new found sisters Mary and Martha... I know that I am to enjoy more 'Mary moments' sitting at Jesus' feet, listening to His voice, and wrapped up in His presence. I also know that Martha was loved by Jesus just like Mary was loved by Jesus, just like I am loved by Jesus. But I want to look once again at my dear friend Martha.

Martha welcomed Jesus into her home.The passage in Luke 10 says that Jesus entered the village and Martha welcomed Him in. She was hospitable. She opened her home up to Him. She wasn't too busy to have people round. I want to be that kind of woman. Matthew 25 talks about giving food to the hungry, a drink to the thirsty, clothes to the naked, visiting those in prison, looking after the sick and inviting the stranger in to your home. I want to learn from Martha's example in doing this.

Martha was servant hearted. She wanted to prepare for and serve those around her and surely this is an admirable characteristic. It is good for me to serve the husband and my boys, friends and family, those in church and those outside of church. But where did it all go wrong for Martha? What can i learn from her mistakes? Martha's attitude is what went wrong. She was moaning about serving. She was complaining  about what she had to do and anxious about getting it right. She felt sorry for herself and wanted her works to be noticed. She was seeking attention for her servant heart and pointing out Mary's lack of serving.

Martha sounds familiar to me once again. How often do I serve the husband and want him to notice? How often do I serve my family or my church and moan about it? Do I complain about the jobs I have to do, and point out when others aren't doing them? Do I expect some attention when I have served in some way? And feel sorry for myself when no one notices? Do I even feel sorry for myself when I am too busy to have a 'Mary moment' and life is full of 'Martha moments'?

My example to follow, of course doesn't come from Martha or Mary. But from Jesus Himself, who loves me even when I serve with the wrong attitude, who loves me even when I complain, who loves me even when I seek attention from people, who loves me even when I remind Him of His beloved Martha. And most of all, He is the one who did the ultimate act of service, by obeying his Father's will and dying the death I should have died. Once again I am thankful for God's grace.

     "just as the Son of Man did not come to be served,
             but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many."
                             Matthew 20v28

    "Create in me a pure heart, O God,
             and renew a steadfast spirit within me."
                             Psalm 51v10 

Click here for Final Part                                           

Mary, Martha and Me (Part Two)

...Continued from Part One

So yesterday I shared about my 'Mary moment' in amoungst my many 'Martha moments'. And today, I read the account in Luke's gospel again, and thought about the two sisters. I kind of feel a bit sorry for Martha. She is remembered throughout history as 'the one who was too busy to sit at Jesus' feet'. She is used in illustrations about priorities, and quiet times and some people have even blogged about the poor woman!


I feel sorry for her, because I can relate to her. I know what it's like to be "distracted with all the preperations that have to be made". I know what it's like to be distracted by serving, to be the one serving the family, the one making sure everything is thought of, making sure everything is in the nappy bag for any eventuality, the one making a pudding for small group, the one serving the church in some way, and at times the one missing out on the preach because I get called out to change a nappy.


As a mother, there is a tendancy for me to see myself as just a 'Martha'. I do feel drawn to be like Mary and have 'Mary moments', sitting at the feet of jesus, resting in His presence. But I have often resigned myself to the fact that I am a Martha, at least for this season of life. ('The messy years' as Phillippa Stroud once put it.) But how wonderfully encouraged I felt as I read Alie Stibbe's book "Barefoot in the kitchen". She pointed me to John 11v5 "Now Jesus loved Martha, Mary and Lazurus", and commented that 'Martha is as dear to Jesus as her sister is'. Martha isn't a lesser version of Mary. Martha, the one who was too busy was loved by Jesus, no more than Mary and no less than Mary. Mary's time spent at Jesus' feet hadn't earned her more favour from Jesus and Martha's busyness hadn't discounted her from Jesus' love either. So if Jesus loved Mary just as she was and He loved Martha just as she was, then I rest in the knowledge that He must love me just as I am too.

 "No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. 

 For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord."      Romans 8v37-39

Click here for Part Three

Mary, Martha and Me (Part One)

Yesterday was busy with the usual moments which make my days seem busy; dishwasher empty, dishwasher full, washing in machine, washing on the line, juice spilt, juice moped up, dinner cooked, dinner cleared away, clothes in piles, clothes in drawers, nappies on baby, nappies expelled to an outside bin!! There were a few added moments too; waiting at the doctors, waiting at the chemist, sorting out the football kit and driving one to football.


In a quiet moment, when the baby was asleep and the three year old was doing some 'I feel poorly DVD watching'. I grabbed my bible, my journal, a pen, a book on God's character, a book on godly parenting and a short booklet on grace and I sat down to read... The three year old decided that the nice comfy bed I had made up for him on the sofa, wasn't what he needed and he climbed onto my lap. I laughed to myself as I sat surrounded by my books. I had about a twenty minute window. What was I thinking? How much was I really going to be able to get through? A study on God's character, some parenting tips, a read of the bible and then journal about it? I had somehow even made my quiet moment, busy!


I thought about what two of my friends had said recently. One of them has a baby, a busy husband and a house renovation all going on at the same time. So she now has her very own 'Park and Read' system, where she goes for a drive so the baby falls asleep, she parks up and because it is impossible to be busy in the car, she reads or prays or snoozes. My other friend after hearing I was going to try to press into God and try to get refreshed in His presence, suggested that maybe I just needed to climb onto God's lap for a cuddle. As I looked at the three year old on my lap, who was seeking a cuddle and my time, I felt God embrace me too. So I closed my eyes and prayed. I sat on my Heavenly Father's lap and thanked Him for revealing His character to me and His parenting of me without the books this time.

As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him.  She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet listening to what he said.  But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, “Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!”

   “Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things, but few things are needed—or indeed only one. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.”    
               Luke 10v38-42

Click here for Part Two