Keep Smiling!

I have noticed that mums have a look on their face that other mums totally understand. It is a smile of sorts, but not a natural smile. It's more of a strained smile; a tight, closed mouth smile which lifts both corners of the mouth up high to uncomfortable levels, and it is usually accompanied with a nod or head tilt or very wide eyes, or all three. Someone may look at that smile and think the lady was bordering on insanity or struggling with constipation, but another mum would look at that smile and she would just know.


She would know that that smile is trying to communicate an intense positive thought process, such as "I am rising above the current stresses", with maybe a touch of "I am carrying on regardless", and a slight hint of "This will not beat me." While inside she is silently screaming, "I'm a mother, get me outta here!!" You notice this look in the supermarket, on the school run, at church, and coming in and out of caravans at Newday.

And as a mum, there is a look that you give back. It is a smaller smile, a more natural one. Not as intense as the manic/constipated look described earlier.  It communicates to that other mum, "I understand" and it lets you know that you are going to be okay and that you will survive! Because in that moment, you want someone else to understand the stress or gritted teeth joy that you are experiencing.


I saw this understanding look as I was in the chemist at 10pm buying worm medicine. What a totally gross and embarrassing medicine to have to stand at a counter and ask for. The reassuring look came from the mum standing to the left of me not quite at this point, but when the pharmacist asked if there was anything else I needed apart from the worm medicine for my kids, and my hushed reply was "a bottle of head lice treatment please"...that's when the smile came. A comforting, "been there, done it" smile. She understood that the last thing I wanted to be doing that evening was buying these particular products, let alone having to admit that I needed them, revealing some of the secret horrors of motherhood. And then having to part with cash for the joy of owning such products. She also knew that that meant my following morning would be one of hair combing and linen washing! But she would also know that that is what you do as a parent, you care for your kids and help them, in all sorts of ways!


I was comforted by that lady's smile. And it caused me to smile too. I realised how I simply needed someone to understand my plight at 10pm that evening. No talk about it needed, just an understanding smile was enough. Its a tedious link, but I know My Heavenly Father understands my plight. He sees all and knows all. He knows what my groans are, the big heavy groans and the lighthearted almost comical ones. And He makes all grace abound to me because I am His daughter, so He knows what it is to love His kids, to love me. He knows I need looking after, and help and care when I get myself into a mess. And I know that the messes I get myself into are far worse than nits and worms!

 "And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work." 2 Corinthians 9v8

A Helping Hand

At a recent baby shower, we were asked to give the mum-to-be a word of advice. My piece of advice was that she should ask for help, and accept the help offered. Sounds like a simple bit of information to give someone, but it actually proves quite hard to do. That familiar sin called pride stops us from admitting we need help, asking for it and then accepting it.

I'm reminded of a recent Sunday after church. Sundays can be a little on the difficult side at times, as I have to get four boys from their Cogs groups, the husband usually has to talk to someone about something, the boys are tired and hungry and I have to get them to the car to wait for the husband. So on a Sunday like this, I crossed the road with the tribe and walked them towards the hot car. They weren't being altogether helpful. The baby's hunger and tiredness had evolved into relentless screeching and I couldn't find the magical dummy which brings peace to all mankind. There was silliness and hot and bothered, non brotherly love going on. So quite loudly I demanded some quiet and tried to get them all in their seats with their belts on.

Then it happened, I spotted the wife of an elder at our church, coming towards us, a loving caring lady, who would be happy to help me. So did I approach her? No I ducked down and hid behind a green van next to our car! I said "Oh God, please help me". And then I started laughing. How ridiculous! God actually helped me by pointing out my pride; scared of what she might think and not asking for the help she would gladly offer.

We say to our boys that it's good to do things on our own at times, but if were doing it on our own, because we're worried what people think, or because we think we know better or because we don't want to admit that we're weak, or incase we put people out, then that's just pride! But there I was hiding behind a van in case this kind lady thought I was weak and needed help!

The worst kind of pride is when we don't ask God for His help, we don't admit that we are weak or in need and we try to do it all in our own strength. Instead we hide behind a green van, or money, or a relationship, or working harder, or looking better, or  our own self worth. How much better would it have been for me to ask the elder's wife for a helping hand? And how willingly she would have given it to me! How much better is it for me to ask God for His help and how willing is He to give it to me? His words are strong in regards to our pride. He has offered us His help and a relationship with Him through His own son. He knows that I am weak and need His help, His strength, His joy, His peace, His salvation, His forgiveness, His guidance, His care...But it is a choice to seek Him or have no room for Him.

     "In his pride the wicked does not seek him; in all his thoughts there is no room for God." Psalm 10v4

"Though the LORD is on high, he looks upon the lowly, but the proud he knows from afar." Psalm 138v6

The Young People of Today

This week I have been blown away by people's willingness to just help. I am at Newday, a Christian youth event with my boys, occasionally with the husband, some folk from our church and about 6000 young people.
As I sat in a marquee with our church's youth for my breakfast, one of the leaders came in and said he needed five guys to help with the slop buckets. Straight away some lads stood up to volunteer and followed the leader out to do this gross job. 
Later on I approached one of our youth leaders and asked him if he would help me get my coats out of my car. He was completely willing and in the pouring rain, he set out to find my car and get our family's coats for me.
I had help from a lovely teenage girl who went and got two of my boys from the children's work. She didn't even need to think about it. Her heart was just willing to serve me.

And I managed to get to an unexpected seminar because three of our youth offered to watch all four boys, and even treated them out of their own money.
I was encouraged because all of the people who I have observed helping have been under twenty. Why are they so willing? Why would they go out of their way in the rain? Or do the non glorious jobs? Because our young people are following examples. Whether it's the example of their parents, or by men and women in our church, or elders and their wives, or the examples of their youth leaders lives. Or the example of Jesus Himself.
Jesus loved his disciples and showed this by washing their feet. He wanted to make it clear that He had come to serve not to be served. He gave his life in place of our's to pay the price for our sin. The ultimate act of a servant, selfless heart.
We need to continue to be an example to our young people in how we serve. Would I have been willing to do the slop buckets? Or go out in the rain for someone? Or sacrifice a seminar so someone else could go? I hope I would. 
The next generation coming through often carries with it, a bad reputation.  But I wonder if they have had any examples to follow? Who has shown them the right way? Who has taught them to serve and respect? Are we willing to serve this next generation? Are we willing to be an example for them to follow? Especially those young people who have not had any good examples? Or do we expect to see it, without any part in it? 
So today, I'm honouring this next generation, especially the youth I have been served by this week.

Be Our Guest

Recently we told the boys that some very special guests were coming for dinner. We wouldn't tell them who, but laboured the point of how special these guests were by asking them to go and get changed into their best clothes, complete with ties, and be on their best behaviour.

I prepared a wonderful dinner, and the table had a table cloth and napkins. The husband wore a suit and I a pretty skirt and top with a flower in my hair. The boys were asking if it was The Queen. (I wish, I thought!) And started naming important people. We asked them to go outside and look for the guests. So they all skipped off to sit on the front wall, and excitedly wait for them to arrive.

Me and the husband went back in and closed the door. Our eldest came back and rang the doorbell, at which point we enthusiastically welcomed our boys in as our very special guests. We explained that they were the most important people we knew, and that the party was in their honour. With a happy tear in one of their eyes and a beaming smile on the other boys' faces, we sat down to our wonderful dinner party, followed by a dance off. (That's how most events finish in our house.)

We totally stole this idea off of a family we know. (Tony and Jackie, I salute you!) They said they were constantly blessed by their three daughters and their son, and they often had people at their house at dinner time, and their children were great with them. So it was their way of saying 'Thank You' to their kids. We loved the idea, and enjoyed repeating it. This weekend we were going to a BBQ with some old friends and we said there would be some special guests there. One of my boys suggested it was him and his brothers, so I know the point was made.

I am reminded of these verses.

In my Father's house are many rooms; if it were not so, I would have told you. I am going there to prepare a place for you.

And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am.
John 14 v2-3

Because of what Jesus has done for us, in making a way to the Father, we have the privilege of being His special guests where he has prepared a place for us. I wonder if there will be a dance off?

Frazzled

This evening could have gone one of two ways. It had been a bit of a full on afternoon; there had been an energetic wrestling match between the four boys, which had been going fine up until there were too many tears, there was extra washing to do, due to a poorly boy in the night, there was a brief thirty minute 'hello' from the husband between him coming home and heading back out, there was a head injury due to a car ramp being enthusiastically thrown by the baby, there was the dramatic loss of a Lego spaceman, there was an alien story to be written and that was all before dinner.

Putting the boys to bed alone, meant the baby followed me upstairs when I needed the four year old to settle. The older two were finding it hard to 'do something calm' before bedtime and the unsettled four year old got out of bed about six times. The last time he wanted his hideous red teddy bear which we got from the school fete for 20p. I was a bit short with him as I settled him back into bed, without his bear, and said a quick goodnight to them all.

I changed the baby and got him ready for bed, and I saw the hideous red teddy. I felt compelled to take it up to my boy. He gave me such a big smile as he took the bear and cuddled it. It brought him such comfort. And I tenderly kissed him and told him I loved him, because I do. Even when being a mum is hard, even when my boys are demanding, even when it's been a full on afternoon. I still love them. I just need to keep showing it and saying it. With the baby in his cot, I came downstairs and put some washing on, and sat on the lounge floor, frazzled and I wept.

At this point I knew I had a choice; I could put the television on and 'socially network' online, or I could cry to my heavenly father. I found myself doing the latter. I knew I could come into His presence so easily. There was nothing I needed to do or achieve or even say, I could just "be". And I could be comforted. I was reminded of how compelled I felt just to take my boy his hideous, but loved red bear. I remembered how comforted he felt over something so small, and I remembered how much I loved him as I kissed him goodnight. And I knew it was all just a tiny reflection of God's love for me, how compelled He is to love me, how He longs to comfort me, by His holy Spirit and whisper to me of His love and joy in me.

How beautiful it was to sit and weep at my father's feet. I didn't really say much. I just wanted to come into His presence and know of His love and His Holy Spirit's comfort, His refuge and His strength. And that's just what I did.

   "What father among you, if his son asks for a fish, will instead of a fish give him a   serpent; or if he asks for an egg, will give him a scorpion?

    If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will the heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him!"

                                                                                            Luke 11v11-13

It's a Dog's Life

Watching my smallest boy play with his new birthday 'Woof Woofs', or dogs as they're actually called to people who don't have a toddler in their house, I'm reminded of how similar my boys are to dogs!

They are ever so cuddly, they enjoy a splash in a muddy puddle, occasionally they smell, and they even lick me at times. They have endless energy and love to run. The smallest one especially, bounds up to new arrivals at our house like a puppy would; excited and jumping up at them. They want my attention, a pat on the head, a treat. They love to play with a ball, and they've been known to dribble.

I have found my boys throwing things and making their younger brothers crawl on their hands and knees to go "fetch" the item in their mouth. I have found them with my bag handle or their grandparents dog lead attached to their trousers, while again the older ones walk them around the house and garden. And I know they are highly amused when they are caught short and get the chance to see how high they can wee up a tree!

My boys, like dogs need training in obedience, so I had a look on a dog training website to look for similarities (I obviously have far too much time on my hands) and the correlation between dogs and my boys continued. According to the website, dogs need to be trained consistently.They need to know who is in charge and which behaviours are acceptable and not acceptable. They need to know clear boundaries in order to have a trustworthy and cooperative relationship with you. And when all this is done, you have a happy, healthy, well adjusted, outgoing, well respected canine citizen!!!

Maybe I won't read any more parenting books, I will just follow the above advice from a dog website and buy a bag of doggie treats?! No, my boys need consistent heart training not behaviour modification. Don't we all?!

"As a dog returns to its vomit, so fools repeat their folly."

Proverbs 26v11

"Train up a child in the way he should go;
even when he is old he will not depart from it."

Proverb 22v6

John

In order to have the husband home for dinner in between the Brighton conference sessions, we went and picked him up. As we were waiting outside the conference centre for him, my eldest noticed a homeless man asking for money. His response was a wonderful challenge and encouragement to me.

  "Mum, we should do something." He said to me.

I loved that that was how he was thinking, but I explained to my son that I didn't have any money on me, and I didn't have any food on me. Again, another challenging response;
  
"Well, maybe just go and talk with him, because that might be nice for him."

I explained that my son was right, but that actually I could not leave all the boys in the car on a busy road and go to help the man. My son sat and watched him, and said how sad he looked. So we said that there is always something you can do, and we sat in the car and prayed for him.
As the husband came to the car, I explained my son's heart for this man. Wonderfully, the husband said that he had been taken out for lunch, so he still had his lunch that I had made him that morning. The husband and my eldest jumped out of the car and headed off to meet the man. The husband introduced my boy to this man and his dog, and told him that our son had spotted him and wanted to give him some food. My son shook hands with John and left him eating his food.

My other son's response was that I should always have something, like money ready to give to people. I tried to explain that his heart was right but sometimes its hard to give money. But as a result, I made two extra lunches the next morning, just in case. After the school run, I wanted to honour my son's request and cultivate his heart, so I explained that I still had the two extra lunches and off we went for a drive into Brighton, looking for a homeless person to feed.

I had to stop myself from laughing as the two oldest sat in the back, looking out the windows, pointing and saying; "He looks homeless, give it to him." So, rather than play 'Spot the homeless man' and offend all the alternative looking Brightonians, I just kept a look out. But after driving for an hour, we remarkably couldn't find anyone. I explained to my son that his heart had been right and that God had seen his heart, even if we didn't get to give anyone any food. The two lunches went in the fridge and I was blessed not to have to make any for school the next day. I was also blessed to have a fridge, a kitchen, a home...

“Then the righteous will answer him,

‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink?

When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you?

When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?’

“The King will reply,
‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers, and sisters of mine, (John) you did for me.’ Matthew 25v37-40