He Made Me Do It

As a family we have started reading The Jesus StoryBook Bible, again, and as I explained in my last post 'You are what you eat', we're attempting to link the stories with dinner, or pudding, or a snack, to help the teaching sink in more visually and more tastily! The world on a pizza took a while, with a comment from my oldest of "Maybe a little too much Pesto". He may have had a point, but it was for artistic purposes. He was on the phone to his friend, before he arrived at our house for a sleepover and he said to his buddy, "you may wanna eat before you get here". Rude!

"The Terrible Lie" (pg 28-37) was a great discussion for us. The older ones have to think of a way the story relates to them personally, or how it talks to them practically where they're at in life. The younger ones talk about what they liked, or ask questions. The three year old just asks for the apple, makes snake noises if engaged at all, or just grumpily says, "that's my Barbie", snatching her back and pulling off the Parsley modesty leaves, thus exposing Eve, and causing giggles throughout the family. Anyway, we plough on. They tasted the organic carrot cake nakd bar; two in favour, four not so much. 

One of the topics which comes up is of course disobedience. We talk about how Adam and Eve were not allowed just one thing, whereas it was a yes to everything else, and the disobedience was actually A&E not trusting God. 
They gave in to the temptation that they knew better than God, they gave in to the lie that God's best for them wasn't actually the best for them. It's such a great parenting topic, not to become all law-based, and use it as mum ammunition, but to teach our kids that we have their best interest at heart. Of course, with the humble admittance that we may well get it wrong, and the wonderful truth that God doesn't. His best for us is His best for us. No mistakes.

Our kids know that if we can trust them, their world gets bigger (boundaries stretched, independence upped) and if they break that trust, their world gets smaller. There's plenty of stuff I didn't understand as a kid about my parents wanting the best for me, because it didn't look like that at the time, but some teaching only comes into fruition when you're an adult; that's a long time for a mum to wait for fruit!

Another topic which came up was of course nakedness. Standard. The boys actually tried not to burst into hysterics, when it was mentioned; just sly looks at each other and a smirk. (As a side note, our kids aren't allowed to tell each other about sex, until the husband has individually taken them on a little camping trip, explained everything, and only then the older ones can talk to the younger ones about it. It's like a coming of age. It involves a library book, a campfire, and being able to laugh at a Sperm Whales. I'll get him to write a guest post on it! All the boys have had this chat so smirks are allowed...

We talked about the nakedness in Adam and Eve's story, and how it represented shame. We just thought for a moment how shame felt, and we understood why A&E wanted to cover up and hide. It was a great chat, with one boy really sharing about temptation in an area of his life, and another boy seeing how vulnerable his brother had been in sharing it. It's important that the Bible has application for us as adults, and for kids to grasp too. There's reasons for the Bible stories. They're not Fairy Tales or just moral teaching. And that's what The Jesus Story Book does so well; pointing everything to Jesus.

We all laughed at Adam's, "She made me do it". I sometimes say to a child, "I'm really sorry for shouting, you just made me snap". That's not an apology, and neither is it a taking of responsibility for my own actions. It may well be true! But one of the fruits of the spirit is 'self-control' no matter which kid pushes my buttons! (This is a life long lesson for me I'm sure). And the kids had to admit, that they all do throw the "he made me do it" excuse out into the justification speech. It may not be as clearly said as that, more like, 
"well we were both.... and then he....so I....."

It was good to remind them that God has an enemy, and therefore they do also, and we shouldn't be fearful of the serpent, but we should remember that he is always whispering, "does God really love you? Do your parents really love you? Does God really want what's best for you"? Because if they learn to recognise their enemy's voice, with God's help they'll learn to ignore it, dismiss it, refuse it. Instead they can tune into God's voice telling them they are; 

chosen John 15v16,

loved Ps 86v15 

created Ps 139v13-14

 forgiven Ps 103v10-12

 loved some more Romans 8v37-39

righteous Romans 5v1

 protected Psalm 46v1

  blessed Ephesians 1v3

 and loved even more John 3v16 

Adam and Eve's garden story ends with God's compassion, God's love for them, even in the midst of their discipline, even in the midst of their sin, and their shame. Our story begins in sin and shame, but God's compassion, God's love for us had a great rescue plan attached to it; Jesus. A terrible lie outweighed by a tremendous truth.

You Are What You Eat

In my morning Bible reading, I've been looking at the building of the Tabernacle, (the place where God's presence rested) and I have been struck by what the different people bring to the making of it; some people bring gold, some silver, some bronze, some scarlet yarns, some Acacia wood, some goatskins, and some precious stones. Then there are others who bring oil, some who bring spice for the oil, and some who bring goat's hair.

I really like where it says, 
"Whoever is of a generous heart, let him bring the Lord's contribution". Exodus 35v5

You could be led to think that surely the person who contributed Gold, contributed a better, more worthy substance to this Holy build, than the person who contributed goat's hair or oil. But as always with God, He's interested in the state of our heart, rather than the stuff.

Yesterday I arrived at church, and headed straight for the coffee; standard behaviour for any mum! I was offered instant instead of filter coffee, because the lady knew me, she knew my preference. That felt like a generous heart towards me. And although not as many hours went into the refreshment set up, as it did the preach prep, her servant heart added to the building of church that morning. 


A few weeks ago, I was making the world on a pizza, while the husband was editing himself gagging on a bowl of peas, and I got the giggles. It seems that our own unique creative ways of adding to the building of the Tabernacle, could be considered more like goat's hair than gold. But it's our hearts that God is interested in, not our contribution. 
I know the husband's heart is for young people to have a place to find good, clean, fun, godly content on the internet. (Check out his Youtube channel Jibflik). And my heart is to encourage and spur on mums. 

The verses I'm reading in the morning, seem to be attaching themselves to different points during my day or week. I have a couple of friends who really look for moments in their week to see where God is bringing that point home more heavily, and I'm trying to do the same, rather than just read it and tick it off. The Bible is meant to impact our life, our daily choices, our ups and downs, not just be mere words to read. We have tried various ways over the years to keep our kids engaged in Bible reading, because we want them to be reminded of, and changed by what they hear & read. We want it to sink in today, but also in ten years time, because parenting isn't just about today, it's for shaping them for their whole life. (Which helps me breathe a sigh of relief if I get today wrong). 

We have been better with it in some seasons than in others... mornings don't work for us now due to teens leaving early and childminding kids arriving. We aim for some dinner times as a family now. The older ones and us two are attempting to go through the New Testament at our own bedtimes. I've dropped the ball on that one recently, so the teens may have too. Need to get back on that. The girls have a Bible story read to them each night, one from The Rhyme Bible, with me reading the sentence and her finding the last word which completes the rhyme. And one from My First Bible. I have to admit I'm sometimes grateful when they forget to ask, as I'm pretty spent by bedtime. But they tend not to forget because it's become a habit, and of all the habits kids can stick to (like the boy who puts socks on after a bath, so he's ready for bed) I'm most pleased with this habit. My 8 year old has just borrowed Diary of a Disciple as his bedtime reading, after completing The Action Bible.

But what comes around again and again is The Jesus Story Book Bible. Oh it's so good. It's helped me hear truths when I've struggled, it's helped in leading a few of my kids to become Christians, it's a great book to give non-christian friends. It just goes on and on about God's never ending, never breaking, unstoppable love for us, and that's what I want my children to soak in. 

So our new little family venture is to read a story from it, alongside having made a dinner, pudding, or snack to go along with it! (Hence the 'World on a Pizza' from earlier). Some of them are easier than others, and I've recruited help from slightly more creative friends at times. The teens have thrown in some suggestions when it comes to John the Baptist and his diet of locusts and honey! Mmm... can't wait for that one. But I'd love you to join me in it, and show me photos of your own Bible Dinner Inspirations. Have a look on Instagram 'jesusstorybookfood_onepink, after all "man cannot live by bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God". Matthew 4v4

Mothering Autism

Due to April being 'Autism Awareness Month', and to link in with the ongoing mothering series, I interviewed a mum who has two children with Autism. I'm very grateful for her honest answers...

A brief background…
We have two Autistic children. Our son is 9 and was diagnosed two years ago. Our daughter is 11 and was given a diagnosis in January 2018. Both our kids were initially referred at a young age (our son at 3 and our daughter at 5), but both of those assessments proved inconclusive, which means the process has taken a long time in both cases. Getting a diagnosis is just the beginning of a very long journey, but I feel like we’ve been in the ‘diagnostic’ stage for the past six years!

How does Autism show itself in your children?
They both have something called ‘social communication difficulties’ which means they don’t socialise in the same way non-autistic children do; they find it hard to understand social cues and all the ‘obvious/unsaid’ things that everyone else picks up on naturally. Our son also seems to have some cognitive processing delay (he can take a while to formulate sentences and answer questions) and his learning is quite delayed in some aspects. Our daughter is very high- functioning academically but struggles to understand implied meaning. Both of them are very rigid, literal thinkers, and show some form of ‘stimming’ behaviour (repetitive actions autistic people do to calm down or use as a thinking strategy). Our son paces/walks in circles when he’s thinking aloud. Our daughter at times does finger-flicking or rubs her knuckles together when she’s a bit stressed.

Both of them withdraw when overwhelmed and do a lot of self-talk, often repeating snippets of things they’ve read or heard (another calming strategy). A favourite movie can be repeated for days on end – I’m well and truly sick of Captain Underpants! Our daughter also has very poor organisational skills so she’s always losing things, doesn’t know what she’s meant to do between steps in a process and needs LOTS of reminders. You can see both our kids at times gazing at a fixed spot or standing still because they’ve zoned out or aren’t sure what to do next.

What’s the hardest/saddest thing about having a child with Autism?
I'm sure it changes, but at the moment it's the sense of missed opportunity, and how things might have been different. I'm still at the point where there's a growing sense of the battle ahead and as yet things being somewhat undefined. We’re now in the midst of applying for an EHCP (a Statement) for our youngest, and thinking about whether he can remain in mainstream education for secondary – a decision we can’t even begin to fathom. At the same time, we’re working out the transition process for our eldest from primary to secondary, trying to get to know a whole new Special Needs team in a completely different setting. I’ve joined parent groups/mailing lists/research projects and the paperwork is endless.

What’s the best thing?
The two of them. Who they are. It’s a common paradox that you wish they didn’t have the difficulties they have, but if they weren’t Autistic they wouldn’t be them. And they’re awesome kids.

Are there any funny moments?
All. The. Time. They’re odd kids. In a really good way.

How do you pray about Autism?
I don't. I pray for their needs. We pray that God will help them with the things they find hard, and encourage the kids to do that. My boy asks Jesus to help him with his learning like he helped Daniel, and he asks God to help him to stay calm when he doesn't understand what's happening. My girl struggles to pray at the moment, but I pray she will learn coping mechanisms to improve her focus and that God will deepen good friendships and help her relate to others. She's at a tricky point as she knows he brother is Autistic, and is beginning to recognise the things that make her 'different' from others. She mostly loves being 'weird and wonderful' but there are days when she really struggles with 'not getting it' and in her words, 'feeling like an alien'. It's heartbreaking.

Are there any verses/songs which help you carry Autism whilst having a relationship with God?
Funnily enough, the soundtrack to the movie The Greatest Showman. "This is Me" is a corker of an acceptance song, and "Tightrope" is a fabulous affirmation of a couple’s commitment to live a life on the edge, and walk it together. It helps me when I’m feeling wobbly! Our daughter’s big journey has been with disclosing her diagnosis to friends (she’s fully aware of what Autism is) and walking that line of accepting who she is as well as learning strategies to live and function amongst the rest of the world.
Lou & Nathan Fellingham recently wrote a song, adapted from the Hymn ''He Giveth More Grace" and Psalm 139 especially with the communication stuff; "before a word is on my tongue/you discern my thoughts from afar". God 'gets' my kids absolutely. Even when nobody else does. Even when they can't help anyone else understand them and can't articulate who they are. God gets them. They're not locked in by this thing. They're known deeply and loved deeply by Him. I don't know how my kids will fare through life with Autism. But I know that God knows, it's part of who He's made them to be, and He is their keeper, their provider and ultimately their rescuer.

Are you/have you been cross with God about it?
Heck yeah. And I'm sorry every time.

How does having a relationship with God help you as a mum?
It gives me an ultimate place of rest, even if it takes me a lot of scrabbling around in the dark to get there. It means there's reason in this. And a purpose beyond what I see and battle with in the day to day.

What is the best/worst thing people can say/do to help or make it worse?
Best is to just take us as we are if you can hack it. I think social isolation is one the worst. Our kids have very few close friends and social gatherings can be tricky, but the two of them long for connectedness and company, even if it takes a bit of supervision, and training for them. There are a few people who love us so well and pray for us and seek us out and seek our kids' company out. It's a balm to the soul because we (and they) don't get that on a day to day basis.
My pet hate, is when people say “I don’t know how you do it.” I understand where the sentiment comes from, and on a good day it IS encouraging to hear. On those days I can laugh and say “Neither do I!” The bottom line is, as with any form of adversity, we do it because there’s no other choice. We keep going because there’s nothing else to do. It’s not a compliment to say “I couldn’t do what you do” because actually if you had to do it, you would – end of.

Anything you want to add that I may have missed?
Most Autism parents are not experts. They, like all parents, learn on the job, constantly have to readjust, rethink, start over every day and do the best they can in the circumstances. They're not superheroes. Or intrepid pioneers carving out some new path. They're just people, by God's grace, doing the job at hand to the best of their ability. And they need to know they and their kids are accepted and loved as they are. That they don't need to make excuses. Or huge statements. That they don't have to exemplify some neat picture of 'walking with God' through Autism.

It's just life as it comes and some days we cope, and some days we don't. I look around at so many people with varying challenges and think, everyone has tough things they have to cope with. The challenge with something like Autism is that it's a constant thing. It's not a one-off moment of adversity. So even when it's "mild" (as might be my kids' case relatively speaking) there's no let-up. There are better and worse days, but it's an inherent part of life. And I'm sure I'll have lots of wisdom to impart once my kids reach adulthood. But this is it for now.

Now You See Me, Now You Don't

In the last blog, I looked at Hagar and how she was seen by God. I read a blog post a couple of years ago, called Nobody Saw You. It's about being a mum, and how a lot of what mums do isn't seen....the nose and bum wiping, the repeated story reads, the sleepless nights, the tantrum training, the losing it and apologising, the vomit clearing, the nursery rhyming, the bag holding, the gospel truthing, the tired crying etc 
(**The F word appears in it once, just a little warning). 

I remember crying as I read the blog post, because I resonated with it. I had a one year old, and a three year old, as well as the boy ones, and I was touched by it. Mummying can leave you a bit isolated, and feeling a bit invisible. You kind of want someone to see all the little bits that you have done, and give you a 'well done'. But a lot of those little bits aren't seen, and sometimes the house can look exactly how it looked at the start of the day, and the child can sound exactly how they sounded at the start of the day, and you can feel exactly how you felt at the beginning of the day. 

So much actually goes on, in the life of a mum, whether it's noticeable or not. 
The blog post, says at one point,

"Nobody sees you sometimes
but you are building something
that will never be torn down
a love that cannot be removed".

It speaks of a mother's love for her child, the building and training of that little person; a powerful thing indeed. 

"Train up a child in the way he should go; 

even when he is old he will not depart from it". Proverbs 22v6

The blog is written for a friend of the blogger, but I think it resonates with any mum. Like I said, it touched me personally. But also it gave me the challenge to make sure mums felt seen. So I bought some little bars of chocolate, some little bottles of wine, and some name tags. I simply wrote, "You are seen".  And I asked a few other mums to do it too. 

I stopped the car, and got out to give a mum of twins, a toddler and a dog my little goodies, and she was touched. I wanted her to know she was seen. I left a bottle of Gin outside a friend's house, who was and still is in a battle, letting her know she was seen. One of the mums I asked to help me, gave her little treat to a school mum whose son had been quite ill. She put a link to my blog, the above blog and their church details on the label. The mum burst out crying, and accepted a hug and the encouragement. And someone left a mini bottle of Prosecco out for me, which even though I had planted the idea, it actually really blessed me. 

So my challenge to all you mums is to bless another mum this week; a mum you know and maybe one you don't know. Could be a little bar of chocolate, could be a voucher, could be just a card, but let her know she is seen. Maybe you're a mum who longs to be seen, and known. Well this is the week to receive by giving.  Let her know she is seen by another mum, who understands. But more than that, she's seen by God, and loved dearly by Him. I'd love to know how it goes for you! 

"Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, 

just as in fact you are doing". 1 Thessalonians 5v11

Now You See Me

Currently reading through the Old Testament, and I come across a character I was meant to blog about quite a while ago, but somehow she got overlooked...again. Dear old Hagar; a character that shouldn't really even be known to us, an Egyptian servant to Sarai, Abram's wife.

Now Sarai did what we all do, (in principal rather than in practise!). Sarai took things into her own hands. She trusted herself rather than God. She was self-sufficient, self-reliant, self-obsessed maybe. She was impatient and waiting for God's promise to come to light was taking too long, so she improvised. She took the steering wheel and made things happen.

What did this look like in Sarai's case? Well, even though God had promised her husband "as many offspring as there were stars", she decided to give her servant to her husband for him to marry and sleep with in order for him to have the offspring promised to him! Now that's quite an intervention, and there's a whole load of bad choices in this one action, and that's why I said earlier that we all do what Sarai did in principle, not in practise. 

Not surprisingly, this situation doesn't pan out so well. Hagar does indeed become pregnant by Abram. Hagar then arrogantly snubs her mistress Sarai. Sarai then blames Abram and asks him to deal with Hagar. Abram says its nothing to do with him!! And tells Sarai to do what she thinks is best. Sarai then mistreats her servant Hagar. Hagar runs away! Wow, Hollywood could use that storyline.

I could end the blog post here, with a good basis on why we shouldn't take things into our own hands, instead we should trust God for His provision and let Him fulfil what He has said is going to be. But I want to pick up on what happens next with Hagar...

While she's fleeing into the wilderness, the angel of the Lord comes to her. Let me stop you right there. When I'm fleeing into the wilderness; the wilderness of the snack drawer or my phone, I'd be pretty scared if the angel of the Lord appeared to me and asked me what I was doing, and where I thought I was going?! I reckon I'd feel pretty challenged there and then, with an answer of, "mmm I was thinking of eating this chocolate to bring me the comfort I seek". Or, "mmm I was thinking I'd scroll through my phone to escape the issues in my life". But Hagar is honest. She tells the angel of the Lord that she is indeed fleeing from her mistress. I just love Hagar's honesty. She doesn't play it down, or change it slightly, or make it seem better, or justify her actions or lie about it. She says it as it is. Yes Hagar, I have so much to learn from you!

Then the angel of the Lord, just tells her to go back to her life. He knows running away wont help her. She'd be running back to a life of Egyptian idols, pregnant and alone. It is better for her to go back to Sarai and even submit to her. It is better for me to come away from the snack drawer, the glass of wine, the phone, Social Media and back to real life, in submission to God's best for me.

Hagar calls God, 'You are the God who sees me'. The well that she is by is named, 'Beer Lahai Roi' as a reminder that Hagar was indeed seen by God. I love that God saw her. She had been used, treated badly, sinned against, and she had herself sinned, and then legged it, and God saw all of that. He saw her, He knew her, and He was with her all along. That is so reassuring. God sees me when I'm hurt, when I'm sinned against, when I'm sinning, when I'm raiding the snack drawer, and when I'm escaping on my phone. 

He sees me. I am seen by Him. 

Happy Mother's Day

What is a Mother?

I hear you ask...

Someone cheering on footie,

Maybe with a flask.

Someone working late,

Making a Book Day Mask.

Someone knowing what’s needed,

Before it’s asked.

Someone starting and occasionally finishing, 

A million tasks.

What is a Mother?

I hear you say…

Someone who attempts to keep

The monsters away.

Someone who wishes there were 

More hours in a day.

Someone who worries about you

So sits down to pray.

Someone who seeks God’s path;

Following the narrow way.

What is a Mother?

I hear you question…

Someone made in God’s image,

A beautiful creation.

Someone with burdens to carry,

Without a mention.

Someone with love to give

And peace to bring during tension.

Someone who knows what’s happening,

Without her full attention.

What is a Mother?

I hear you proclaim…

Someone who is called ‘mum’, 

More than her own name.

Someone who has seen many accidents,

But yet to make a claim.

Someone who needs grace,

Where she’s taken the blame.

Someone who lives to glorify

Jesus’ name.

What is a Mother?

I hear you request…

Someone who is simply

Doing her best.

Someone who puts others first;

That’s her quest!

Someone who is hoping for 

Just a little more rest.

Someone who still mothers

Even with an empty nest.

A mother is usually the one

Who holds your heart

Who puts it back together

When it falls apart

Not all mothers

Are even mums.

We appreciate you all

Each and every one.

Because You're Worth It

Mother's Day is a funny ol' day... Love the handmade cards and nice words, and the forced kisses from teenagers. I'm always going to appreciate new earrings, or a necklace. This year, my son bought me a fish! He told me he wanted to get me a fish, so we had 1:1 time together, popped to the garden centre and he chose a fish for me. (1:1 in itself is a lovely thing, which I should probably aim to do more of. It's nice to spend time with one of the six. You get a chance to see them for who they are, not as a brother or a sister, but just as your son or daughter. Note to self; diary in intentional 1:1 time). 

I had bought a leg of lamb, and apple strudel because I just knew that's what I wanted to eat. I set my alarm for 2am so I could put it in the slow cooker; rather pleased with myself, was I. A friend came for lunch and asked what else I needed, I simply told him wine and chocolate. I was quite sure what I wanted today! I wonder with motherhood, if you get so used to just putting other people's needs, wants and desires before your own, that you forget to have any actual needs, wants and desires of your own...

Proverbs 31 is an interesting chapter of the Bible isn't it?! (Check out my adapted version here.) Maybe we think of reading through this chapter on Mother's Day, and seeing if we measure up to her. Actually I'm not sure many women would do that, (but there is a lot of good in reading it). What us mothers might do however, or women in general, and maybe even men...is to compare ourselves with another. Am I doing a better job than her? Is she doing a better job than me? Are her kids happier than mine? Does she enjoy motherhood more than me? And that is generally an unhelpful mindset; whether we think we're the one bossing it in comparison, or whether we think we're failing in comparison. 

The verses I'm drawn to today, are the ones where she looks after herself. There's plenty about her looking after her household; her husband and her family. Then there's the verses about her looking after her community, and the poor. All wonderful things, and true of a mother; catering for all those needs. But verse 25 says;

"She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come."

'Clothed' says to me, that she wears it, she puts it on. She wears strength and dignity. She puts strength and dignity on. She doesn't muster it up. She steps into it. I want to stop and dwell on what that looks like for me. What brings me strength and dignity in who I am? What strengthens me? What helps my self-esteem, my self-respect? What brings honour specifically to me, to who God made me to be? I think there are things which are universal, like standing in the truth of God's word, what He thinks about me. But there are also things which bring us strength, things which are unique just to us. 

This Mother's Day, I'd like to encourage us mums to think about our own needs, wants and desires. I don't mean to the detriment of caring for our children. In fact, the opposite. We will ultimately serve our children better, if we've looked after ourselves. Do we need to diary in some 'me time'? Do we need a hair cut? Do we need a walk in the fresh air? Do we need to start a class of some kind? Do we need to find a creative outlet? Do we need a coffee out, which doesn't go cold? Do we need some time with friends? Do we need someone to encourage us? Do we need some help with the house? Do we need an early night? Or all of the above?!

And that wonderful next bit; she laughs at the days to come. How secure she is in the future, even the unknown, or the upcoming hard bits... Because she knows where her identity comes from. She knows she is loved by her father in Heaven. She is secure in Him. He's got her. He's for her. He adores her. He cherishes her. She not only knows it, she lives in it.