Dad Knows Best

We recently visited my brother and sister in law for a couple of days during half term. I was the designated driver, which is usually unheard of for any journey, especially a 3 hour journey. Usually that is the husband's role, because he man, me woman! (One of the changes that just happens after the wedding ring is on) But he had work to do, so he wanted to use the time to do some prep.


I sat in the driver's seat, driving at the speed I wanted to drive at, over-taking safely when I wanted to, and enjoying the time pretty much to myself whilst watching the husband out of the corner of my eye, with the tiniest of smiles on my face. Because the passenger seat isn't the easiest of seats to occupy. It comes with a price. You see, in the back of our car, we carry these four things which can disturb any intentions, let alone the intention to work. They are called children and they have a different take on a three hour journey.


So I watched in amusement, as the husband had to give out Cheddars, juice cartons, dried hoops and biscuits. As he picked up dropped toys and put music on, as he answered questions and looked for Ewoks, as he found a dummy and put blankets on, as he answered their cries of "daddy" when they didn't even want anything, and as he saw to the ultimate "wee on the hard shoulder" event! There were needs that had to be met, and some which the husband said no to. I just sat in the driver's seat, blissfully unable to do anything because I was the designated driver. On the return journey, the two year old stayed awake for the first hundred miles despite his father telling him it was time to sleep.


It made me think of how the Heavenly Father deals with us. Firstly, unlike even the best earthly father, he is NEVER too busy and NEVER feels disturbed by us, but patiently listens and loves us. He is generous and tells us to ask of Him, and He provides and gives abundantly. But sometimes I know I can ask Him for things just thinking about my own immediate needs, rather than realising it's a long journey I'm on with Him. Sometimes I forget that He knows what is best for me. Sometimes I ignore His wisdom of knowing when I need to rest. Sometimes I don't like his answer and I can spit my dummy out, or I may not understand His answer, so I keep asking in a self seeking way. Sometimes I may even come to the conclusion that He has stopped loving me, because He doesn't meet my demands or doesn't answer in the way I want. But I know this is untrue. I know that if the husband gave into every demand placed on him from our children, it would not be beneficial to them, regardless of what they thought about their needs. I know they need to trust that he knows best for them. And I know this is the same for me and my Heavenly Father.

"The LORD is merciful and gracious,
slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love."

                                                       Psalm 103v8

Swimming With Phatfish

So I thought it would be a good idea to have a sneaky 'behind the scenes' peak at life in the world of Phatfish. And the best way to do that is to join the band! But I can't really see that happening, so maybe an interview with a couple of the wives will be a good route in. Rachel is married to Luke, the non-long-haired bass player, and Jenni is married to Jos, the really hot guitarist (his wife's words!) and she's the little sister of Lou who is married to Nathan, who is Luke's younger brother. Clear? Then let's begin.


What is the vision behind Phatfish?
Rachel;  to use music to bring revelation of God to people and to see Jesus made famous.
Jenni; to write theologically correct songs which equip, encourage and inspire worship in church, and to write songs aimed at the non believer.

And do you have a role to play?
Rachel; to support my husband, provide childcare, occasional backing vocals, and I make the bacon butties. 
Jenni; to support my husband, provide childcare for Lou and Nathan and to pray.


What is your favourite Phatfish song/album?
Jenni; "Higher" is definitely my favourite album, and all the songs my husband has written.
Rachel;  I love "Heavenbound" and "Nothing but the truth". But the new album "Higher" is my favourite.

What do your kids think about Phatfish?
Rachel; they are huge fans.  Lucy made her own t-shirt recently with Phatfish written on the front. Poppy has played the CDs at school and turned her class and teacher into fans. And even Audey who is 18 months is already singing along in the car. They do miss Daddy when he's away though.
Jenni; Caleb absolutely loves them. He dances and sings and plays on his guitar when he hears them.

If your hubby could perform anywhere with anyone...?
Jenni; Glastonbury with Coldplay.
Rachel; maybe Muse at Wembley.

What do we not know about Phatfish?
Rachel; Bertie (aka Mike) really doesn't like orange peel. Lou once posted a whole envelop full of it to him. Ben thinks he's Australian, whereas Lou actually is.
Jenni; Lou's new hair is actually Luke's old hair. Being Lou's youngest sister, all I will say is a perm plus hot red lipstick and NHS glasses was not a good look!


Is it Lou's hair, her shoes or her voice which carries most influence?
Jenni; you can't have one without the other.
Rachel; obviously her hair and shoes are striking and her style is unique but her singing is her true gift - and her passion for people and her generosity with all she has is very challenging.

Did the music change when Luke cut his hair?
Jenny; it got better.
Rachel;  yes - he's rubbish now. Can't play a note. He just mimes.

What do Phatfish eat?
Rachel; anything except fish..... that would just be wrong. They like bacon butties. And curry. They get a lot of lasagne when they gig. Ben doesn't like anything spicy!
Jenni; depends on how well the album sells.

What do Phatfish do to relax?
Jenni; boxsets. We do like a good series, the current one is aptly 'The Good Wife'.
Rachel;  fishes and wags like to eat food and listen to music and watch DVDs and go for walks and some play sports and ski and drink wine and most do kid related activities like the park and several wash and  a couple even belong to the national trust!!!

What would you like to plug?
Rachel; new album out - "Higher" honestly I'm so excited about it. The song writing is mature and the songs are so powerful. I'm so excited about what God is going to do with these songs. I am praying that as people listen they will meet God and have their lives changed.  Listen while you jog, wash up, drive, whatever - it will do you good I promise. It's got Pop moments and some weighty issues tackled and will have you moving and singing and worshiping. Seriously it's brilliant and I'm not just saying so b'cos I have to. And if you can then come along to the tour. Dates on the website. It's going to be powerful. And your attendance will stop our children from being homeless!

Jenni; Phatfish are currently touring. Come to The Komedia, Brighton on October 20th and buy their latest album "Higher".


For tour dates, album news and to purchase tickets visit www.phatfish.net 

Feed The Birds

I had a nice healthy bowl of roast chicken soup for my lunch yesterday and decided to eat it as a Take Away. I put it on the banister at the top of the stairs, and as I carried the different piles of washing to the correct set of drawers, I had a mouthful each time I passed the bowl. A drive-thru of sorts.
It didn't take long for my littlest boy to realise that there was something worth following me for. So like a little chick in a nest, he opened his mouth every time I got to the banister. One spoonful for me, one spoonful for him, until the washing was put away and the soup was all gone.

It left me with a simple thought. My littlest knew there was good food on offer if he followed me and simply opened his mouth. I know that when I read the bible, when I feed on God's word, it doesn't just benefit me, but it benefits my children too. If I'm reading it and living by it, my children should see the benefits of it. I also know that there are times when we sit down and we feast on a meal, in the same way it is good to feast on the bible. But it is also helpful to feed on the go sometimes. I was able to eat and get the washing done, and occupy a little person. And I know that when I dwell on the word, while I'm still on the go, it blesses my day.


I learnt something else today, that birds can be loosely put into one of two types; Altricial or Precocial. The Precocial ones pretty much fend for themselves from birth, whereas the Altricial ones require nourishment and care for a long period of time. So my little chicks need Altricial care from me in lots of ways, they need me to care for their physical and emotional needs. But they also need me to nourish them with the things I learn from reading and feeding on God's word. I'm not about to chew up some worms and spit them into my boy's mouths, gross! But I do want them to learn from and be fed by what I am chewing on!


Jesus answered, "It is written: 'Man shall not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God.'" Matthew 4:4

Are We There Yet?

Me and the husband have very different approaches to a trip out with the boys. I like to enjoy it from the beginning; making the picnic lunch, getting the bags ready, and leisurely heading to wherever we are going for our day's fun, enjoying the journey on the way. The husband however, thinks that all that other stuff is periphery and the fun can only start once we are at the designated place. (The question 'Are we there yet?' from the back of the car, and from me, doesn't really help the husband on these journeys) Many an 'interesting' chat have we had about such different approaches to the journey.

I was amused yesterday at a journey I had with a friend. Our destination was to be a mum's prayer group. Sounds simple enough. But the journey to our destination actually didn't seem that simple. It was delayed by a hospital phone call, after the two school runs to drop off six children. There was a detour due to three fire engines and a house fire. There was an errand to run on the way. There was traffic. There was the beeping of horns and even a man dressed as a pizza who attempted to slow us down as he stepped in front of the car. There was a phone call from my friend's husband, a sleeping baby and time restraints, but also a lot of giggling especially as my friend told the pizza man off!

I was thinking about the journey today, rather than the destination, in regards to our walk with God. The destination is our main focus; a citizen of Heaven we shall be! But there is so much that happens on the journey itself. And that is the stuff that shapes us and causes us to grow. It depends of course, on which route we take, and how much we trust God to lead us. But it is all part of the training. It is what moulds us into who we are, and actually makes us more expectant of our final destination. With these thoughts, I decided to let the youngest two walk at their own pace on the lunchtime school run. It was sunny and I had no plans, and I wanted to see what the journey would look like and what it would teach me. It took thirty minutes instead of ten, which for someone a little on the unorganised side of life was a nice change from the last minute rush! 

The boys ran giggling, they stopped to pick up ants, they stopped to look at a brick, one of them tripped over, one of them needed discipline for disobedience, they climbed up a steep muddy bit while I stuck to the path, they went their own way, the same one tripped up again, they were scared by a dog, they rescued a baby snail, they walked up and rolled down a hill, they looked for woofs, they sat down, they climbed on a fence, they wandered aimlessly, and there was very nearly a dog poo incident!

My role in the walk seemed to be to lead them, to encourage them to keep walking, to ask them about their day, to take an interest in the baby snail and the ant, and to hold their hands near the roads, keeping them safe because I love them and don't want them to be in danger. I guess it made me think about how God keeps me safe, how He encourages me to keep going and how He leads the way for me to follow Him, how He takes an interest in my life and how He loves me dearly, but how He allows me to make my own choices. And sometimes that means I take the wrong path, sometimes I go the more difficult route, sometimes I need discipline, sometimes I get scared, sometimes I get distracted and sometimes I end up in dog poo. But just like I didn't leave my children to go it alone, my Heavenly Father doesn't leave me to go it alone either. And I know it shapes me as I journey on, trusting His ways. I guess I learnt from my two adventure-seeking giggly boys today to slow down a bit and enjoy it, rather than keep asking God if I'm there yet!

"But our citizenship is in heaven,

and from it we await a Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ,

 who will transform our lowly body to be like his glorious body,

by the power that enables him even to subject all things to himself."

Philippians 3v20-21

Interview With a Legend 2

Time for another interview with a legend. If I refer to her as the Bear Gryls of mums, that might give it away. Ladies and Gentlemen I give you the delightful Ashleigh Smyth.

So Ash, you became a Christian....when I was 15 during confirmation classes at a Presbyterian church with an amazing youth pastor called Rory Spence.

And you and Pete got together....when I was 16 & he was 18. We met at a Christian concert the first time I went to that Presby Youth Group after being saved. We were friends for about 18 months (liking each other alternately while the other liked someone else!) We went out for 5 years, all of which was long-distance (boarding school & separate universities).

Has he ever taken you for a Mr Darcy "turn about the room"? No, at our high school dances I loved dancing & he hated it. He rather annoyingly spent more time soul-winning than shaking his chassis! 

Ashleigh enjoys....my friends, my kids, Pete, our dogs, 'The Vicar of Dibley' and '24'.  Food. Cupcakes & ice cream & chocolate & puddings. Holidays by the sea, full body massages at the spa...

Currently you are reading....."Leave it to Psmith" by P.G Wodehouse (a delight) & "The Me I want to be" by John Ortberg.

So your role in life is....to be Pete's wife, to love him, support him, be best friends with him, encourage him. And to raise, mother & train my 3 sons. I'm involved in Godfirst, with the key leaders and their wives. I travel a bit with him to visit other churches or conferences, which I love. I also teach swimming lessons at a nursery school in summer.

And your view of being a mum....I love being a mum. I love being able to be a full-time 'stay at home' mum for my boys. I'm so grateful not to work full-time. It's my best thing. And I'm so grateful for sons. I am one of 3 girls & wished I had a brother, so now love being surrounded by boys! I was a tomboy, so love the noise, activity & energy of boys. My parenting style is "Go outside & play" so I am very grateful not to have to dream up craft activities etc! I love being outside & doing outdoorsy stuff with my boys, anything from water-skiing to swimming the Midmar Mile to sliding down sand dunes. I love laughing with my boys, & cuddling with them (they all still cuddle!) And I'm very competitive & am finding it hard that they're starting to run faster, be fitter & beat me at things!!

How  did you share with the boys about Pete's cancer.....We explained that Dad had a type of cancer, which was bad, but that it was a 'good' kind of cancer in that the doctors were hopeful that chemo would get rid of it. We also said we were trusting God to heal him completely. We kept talking openly with them about their fears & questions, & regularly asked them how they were coping with it all.

And how were they coping with it all...They all did very well. We prayed a lot for them & they coped in different ways. The youngest (7 at the time) didn't fully understand, & would often just sob & say "It's the cancer making me sad". The middle one was a bit more stoic and needed to be asked how he was more than offering his feelings. The oldest talked a lot, he's good at expressing himself, & he took on a lot in a supportive role to me & his brothers.
The boys talked a lot with us, but at school after peoples' initial kindness & sympathy, they preferred people not to keep asking them how dad was as they struggled not to get tearful, & wanted things to be as normal as possible. We kept lines of communication open, but also tried to carry on with life as normally as possible. Whenever Pete could manage it, he went to watch a cricket or soccer match. When it was Jack's birthday party we asked some young guys from church to come, as Pete had no energy to engage, but was present. We were probably more emotionally sensitive to them during that time, but maintained normal behaviour & standards & discipline!

Can you share your first reaction of it all.....I was devastated when we first found out about Pete's cancer. I lost my mum to breast cancer as a child & I've fought my own battle fearing the same would happen to me. So it was a shock. I think the 'cancer' word is powerful & we hear it & think 'death' initially. I didn't want to lose my husband.

Your role must have changed......As Pete became sicker through the chemo, our roles shifted & I became more key in running the family. I was the primary parent, the primary presence, often the only decision-maker, & often the leader. For one who has a husband who is a strong & brilliant leader, this may have been a shock! But it was amazing how God enabled me -I hardly ever thought 'I just can't do this'. It was only when Pete started to get better & our roles slowly started to change back, that we realised how much they'd shifted. We often look at people who are suffering through something difficult & think 'I couldn't cope with that' but God really does come to you in suffering & enable you to do all that is needed.

And your support of Pete through this time......

And at home.....I accommodated myself & the boys & our household to him. He became quite reclusive at times, feeling too sick to even sit through family meals, so I learned when to shield him from people (even the kids). And the kids & I learnt to get on without relying on him being there. Sometimes I needed to encourage him strongly to keep his faith up, sometimes I had to help him sleep. Occasionally I got overwhelmed & he had to comfort & encourage me!

The worst part.....fighting the fear of losing Pete. How would I live without him? Who would father my boys? How would I support our family? My prayers swung between confident claiming of healing for him, & begging God to have mercy on me & my children & give him back to us. Also, it was very hard seeing him constantly feeling terrible, getting sicker, & feeling like he'd never be well again. We had a particularly difficult December (last month of chemo) when Pete was in hospital twice for different things & thought he might well die, & we came under quite severe emotional attack. That period almost finished us both off.

And your faith throughout....I never questioned God or said, "why us?". I was so grateful that God was sovereign, that we had medical aid to pay bills, that we had great support & friends walking alongside us, great oncologist & doctors etc. And we knew God's help, comfort & strength all the time.

You kept going, how....my relationship with Jesus kept me going, & my love for Pete. Keeping the family going as normally as possible and being part of a church kept me going. We had one particular couple who walked very closely with us throughout & I met with her nearly every week & poured out how we all were. They were very wise, understanding & hugely supportive in everything from bringing food to us at chemo, and flying to Durban to bring us all home when Pete went into hospital. Also, I learnt what my limitations were in that period. I had very little emotional buffer, so only did things that didn't require much from me. I didn't do any church ministry, & only met with supportive friends, & I cut my activities down to a minimum, mainly centred around Pete & the boys' school & sports.

Worship encouragement.....Chris Tomlin's albums were wonderful for me, & Pete found Lou Fellingham's album so helpful.

You have learnt along the way.....that God really is God, & is all that he says He is. I've learnt that he helps us to go through what we imagined was impossible to cope with, & that I'm stronger than I thought I was. I've learnt that I love Pete very deeply, in sickness & health, for better or for worse. Our marriage stood up very well through the ordeal & we remained close & very in love. I've learnt that my boys are fantastic & there's more to them than meets the eye. I've learnt how different friends provide different blessings or meet different needs. I have deeper respect & compassion for families who are suffering or living through trials. And I've learnt that there can still be great joy in the midst of great sadness & difficulty.

It's Not About Me

Today started with me having a prayerful sleepy moment on the sofa. Thanking God that today was all about Him and not all about me. And asking Him to remind me of this fact throughout the day, because I sensed I was going to forget. I then crawled back into bed for five minutes and suggested that the husband prayed for me too. The husband wisely suggested that I didn't do too much today (he can see my crazed tired state a mile off) and thankfully he was able to do the school run with the older two, so the morning's pace was less crazy.

I attempted a shower as the youngest two were happily being babysat by the Zingzillas. My hair was full of soap as the four year old informed me that the two year old had removed his nappy, and he wasnt going to put it in the bin because it was full of poo and that was disgusting. A minute later with the soap out of my hair, I found said nappy with no poo, and I'm hoping still to this point in the day, that the four year old was mistaken by the contents of the nappy!?

The four year old went off to his second day of big school, slightly reluctant as he thought he had "done school yesterday", not quite realising that this was an everyday occurance for the next eleven years of his life. So it was just me and the clean nappied two year old. I put a chicken carcass and some stock on to boil, did a quick hoover, a dishwasher load, a high chair wipe down, a toy tidy, and sat down with a cuppa, in order to 'not do too much today' like the husband had suggested.

I put some worship on and just watched my little boy dance to the music. He clapped out of time, abandoned and free, with skipping, and pointy fingers and sticky out tongue. He smiled, and hopped and rolled on the floor with his legs up high, and threw Smurfs in the air. The perfect way to worship!  (Abandoned and free, rather than the use of Smurfs!)  Every few minutes he said that he wanted to pray. So we paused the song and he copied my prayer, "Dear God, dear god, Thank you, thank you, You love me, love me, Amen, amen." We repeated this about ten times. I sat and listened to the words of songs written to encourage us that its all about God, not all about me. And realised how powerfully true our simple prayer was.

"For God so loved the world
that He gave His one and only son,
 that whoever believes in Him
shall not perish but have eternal life." John 3v16

I'm No Moses

The other book I have been reading lately is “Faithful Women and their Extraordinary God” by Noel Piper. No one is on horseback and Mr Darcy is nowhere to be seen. (See True Romance post). Noel Piper shows us some real life Proverbs 31 women in this book.  Women, whose lives and deeds are set before us, as examples of what it means to be faithful to God's calling on their lives and women who have made a difference.

One of the women in the book is Gladys Aylward. She has amazed me as she set off to China with no qualifications and after being rejected from the Chinese mission board. She knew that a ‘No’ from people sitting on a committee, didn’t necessarily mean a ‘No’ from God. She persevered instead, and remained open to God guiding her. She adapted to the Chinese culture, even realising that she had stopped growing at 4ft 10, in order to fit in perfectly in China! She was considered small and weak in the natural. But with God, she was bold, courageous and determined. She knew that God was her ultimate authority, so she wasn’t afraid to challenge authority which went against God’s will. She went through terrible seasons, illness and the terror of war.

One part in particular made me cry as I was aware of my own thinking. Gladys was in the process of leading about a hundred children through the mountains to safety during the war, as you do, when she reached an impossible river to cross. She was suffering with ill health and understandably a weakness of faith. One of the children simply asked Gladys why God couldn’t just open the waters like He did for Moses, when he had to cross the Red Sea. Her wearied reply was simply, “I am not Moses”.

The child’s wonderful rebuke however, was to answer this mother figure with the amazing truth that “God is always God”. And by God's amazing provision, they did indeed get across the river.

I know what it is to feel weak and not able, and compare myself with another mum or an inspiring bible hero. But I know that inspiring bible heroes are inspiring because of the all powerful God of the bible who uses the weak and lacking, not because of who they are. And I also know that if you teach your children about the wonderful life giving power of God, then their faith may well encourage you like this child’s faith did for Gladys.

I recently had a moment  which wasn't as terrifying as Gladys', but it was me at the end of me. I found myself crying on the lounge floor. A bit of a heap. One by one, the boys stood round me and prayed. How they comforted me in that moment. How their faith stirred me, to run to Jesus and ask Him for His great help. I might not feel as amazing as Gladys Aylward, and she didn't feel as amazing as Moses. But our God is the same God. The great heroes of the bible are only amazing because of the amazing God they serve. Any of my great mum moments, are only great because of God. And on my weakest days, when there is an emotional river to cross or a mountain of washing to climb, I may not be Moses or Gladys but God is always God.  

"Moses answered the people, “Do not be afraid. Stand firm and you will see the deliverance the LORD will bring you today." Exodus 14v13