It Was All Going So Well...

It was all going so well...(the best start to any story); she had told people, even in the last few days that she was finding this lockdown possibly easier than the other two lockdowns, attributing this maybe to outside circumstance. Oh how she wished she could attribute her well being to her stable inner-self, her faith in God even, but she knew herself only too well to know that circumstance was still a major influence on her emotional stability. 

She had started the morning well. It was early enough to make herself tea and toast, and take it back up to her room. She knew her presence wasn't required yet. She had a window of time, a window of opportunity to consume her breakfast in the quiet of her bedroom quarters. She knew the timing, she sensed the opportuinty, and she took it. Soon the devices would need to be switched on, and plugged in, while a persistent adult from the other side would attempt to engage the screen watchers. Will they respond today? Will they wait until the end of her thought-out speech, just to say, 'You were on silent Miss'? Will they rub the sides of their heads, no doubt mirroring the persistent adult's behaviour? Can they both go through this again?

But that time had not come yet. Instead in the peace and quiet of her bedroom, she began to breathe, to meditate, to allow song from her own device to filter into the room around her. She joined in the chorus with gumption, longing for the days when she would also know the verses too. It did her good, a great start to the day. With love and enthusiasm she awoke the inhabitants of the other rooms. Their grunts and glooms did not match her buoyant spirit. It was all going so well.

With devices on, the screen watchers were engaged to various degrees dependant of course, on their own attitudes, on the persistent adult's ability to peak interest, and if another member of the shared room was in their space or not. Then she did something unheard of. After spending some time alone with her thoughts earlier in the morning, in her bedroom quarters, she attemtped to go there again. This time not to breathe and meditate as once before, but to organise, to sort, to tidy, to clean, to hoover. What was she thinking? She knew this could not possibly work. She had tried this before, to no avail. To sort, to tidy, to bring order while the house was full, was foolishness. She argued in her mind, 'but the house is always full'. She knew this argument may well be truthful, but it would not change the outcome. Yet she ploughed on with her recklessness.

One by one the inhabitants needed her, demanded her presence, requested her answers, sought her help. She would give them instruction from the upper dwelling place, rather than engage with them on the lower level of the house. And one by one it seemed, the inhabitants would allow the instructions to magically disappear, as if they could not even hear her cries, her words, her helpful comments, her threats even. She was being clear, and loud it seems, but once they heard the words, they became like frosted glass, distorted, unable to make any sense.

Yet still she pushed on with ordering her room. Why? Why would she bring this onto the household? She knew better. But she had a goal, and she went for it. She had made it to that part where it looked worse than when she had started. She couldn't quit now. She had to defend herself when the accusations came; she wasn't shouting, she was merely trying to be heard over the hoover. One of them unhelpfully pointed out that it wasn't on. Eventually she stomped downstairs with disdain for anyone who came across her path. One of them was cartwheeling and one was on a trampoline.Why were they not plugged in? Did she reslly need to orbit them for them to stay where she put them? One was entertaining the family dog. One had arranged to go out, to take a turn around the park with one other member from another household. 

She threw her arms in the air, like she just didn't care. But of course she did care, and she just wanted one of them to care. She yearned for one of them to see what she has carried. She went to non-screen watcher after non-screen watcher flinging words and arms and huffing and puffing. The house was indeed falling down. She went to the one screen watcher who was engaged and gave them a piece of her mind too, for no reason. The switch had been switched and she lit up all the rooms. She needed a power cut.

A teary redhead inhabitant approached her and stated that maybe she was taking some stuff out on the household. Although she knew that the redhead was indeed right, she did not want this information to be so publically shared. This would mean acknowledging the redhead's wisdom in the moment. She agreed passionatly that the redhead was probably right. But she also told the redhead that she had every right to be responding this way. The redhead went to her room, and took her tears with her. So freely she went to her room, no one needing her. 

The reminder of earlier's song and meditation came to mind. It felt like so long ago, a distant time, a memory. It was however about two hours ago. She could choose to step back into that moment, in the here and now. She could allow herself the humility to stand down. She could choose to walk with her God in this moment too. She didn't need to count all the times she had had to do this before. She could lean in again to the demands and the needs and the requests. She could actively decide for circumstance to not be her master. She went to the redhead and apologised for her lack of gentleness. She went to another and used the same words, and another the same. She gave the prickly one space, so their thorny bits smoothed down, protecting all involved from unneeded prickly hurts. The inhabitants didn't hold grudges. They were kind and bouncy. She appreciated them for this. They were just how she needed them to be. It could all go well again. 

"...I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received. Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace." Ephesians 4v1-3

Bad Hair Day

As I mentioned in a previous post, we seem to use Barbie as a teaching point quite regularly at the moment. We have always used what the kids are into, to speak in some Bible truth. I have to admit, sometimes the link can be quite tenuous but if it starts a relevant chat and gets some scripture in, then I'm happy with tenuous links. Barbie and the Superpops, that's where the eldest girl is currently at. (The smallest can't get enough Power Rangers). And I believe God is God-enough to speak to us through secular things.

I know boys and girls can be quite similar at times. We're all on a spectrum of different levels of femininity and masculinity. Stereotypes are far too simple I get that, and as much as I don't want to just stereotype my kids, I also firmly believe that boys and girls are quite different. I believe God has designed us that way. I reckon my eldest daughter could give any of her brothers a run for their money if they were climbing a tree for example. But she's quite the girlie girl when it comes to hair! Many a tear has been shed over her hair, which is ridiculous as she has lushious long red hair. To date, four boys in and seventeen years of experience, none of my boys have cried about their hair. 

My daughter's tears have come because her hair wont go well. It wont sit perfectly. It wont go up in a perfect way. It wont stay where it's meant to. I have tried to explain that every girl has a bad hair day or two; no one's hair is perfect. We all have those whispy bits which do their own thing but the frustration and tears have carried on. We've had to take some deep breaths, and we've allowed hair spray on some days. 

About a year ago, we realised a big shaper of the tears - Barbie, the Superpops, and every other Disney Princess!! They all have perfect hair. Absoloutely perfect, not a strand out of place, unless its perfectly out of place of course! And so much volume! And why do they have this hair?! Because they are either cartoons with perfect drawn hair, or they are wearing wigs of perfect hair. The discussions suddenly became clearer, with the simple fact that the hair she was seeing just wasn't real, let alone realisitc. (I mean she sees my hair thrown up in a ponytail every day so she's had a fair dose of hair reality, but maybe I am not the required standard). It was such a simple realisation, yet so huge at the same time.

We have spoken to an artist friend this week, who has explained that even perfect drawn hair, takes ages to complete. She had a Facetime chat with my daughter about drawn princess hair, which was so helpful. Another valuable conversation we had, was with my black friend about her hair, and a mum friend who has a black daughter. I contacted them on my daughter's behalf, and asked them how come their hair was 'perfect', always in place. We talked about braids, corn rows and wigs, as well as some of the horrible things black ladies have had to go through in terms of their natural hair not being accepted by society. My friend sent me pictures and videos and we went through some Youtube videos. It was informative for both of us and helped my daughter to come to a better understanding of lots of hair related thoughts, and to realise new things that we had a limited education on.

The conversations on comparison, and "perfection" have been so helpful. And a little challenging for myself too. I've made it a point to not talk negatively about my body shape in front of the kids, and to use healthy words for describing their own bodies, mine and other people's. I've also had to point out that Barbie's body, as well as her hair, is not based on a real person, and that there isn't a hair 'norm' or a body 'norm'. As for the Power Rangers, I've explained that Lycra can be tricky for some people to get into quickly, to fight off evil.

We have spoken about how God looks at our hearts; our character, our actions, our words, and our kindness to others, rather than our outside appearances. We often look at Cinderella's sisters to see how their characters come across; what their hearts reveal about them, even in such beautiful dresses, with not a hair out of place. My youngest today, after watching a second Cinderella film in a row, (Lockdown Saturday) said "Well, I don't like her attitude, but her hair is beautiful". I was pleased she had found something positive to say, to build up a fellow female, whilst remaining true to some mummy teaching! There's more on this in the blog post, 'Happy Ever After'. It's been a reminder for me too, of what I let shape my kids' thinking. I want the gospel to keep shaping their thinking, and their understanding of who they are, and of the world around them. I need the gospel to shape me too.

"But the Lord said to Samuel, “Do not look on his appearance or on the height of his stature...... For the Lord sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart.” 1 Samuel 16v7

Happy Ever After

This weekend, seemed to be a Cinderella marathon. At one point it was me, the girls, the dog and my seventeen year old lad. As we watched the old cartoon version, and then the more modern version, I dropped in some Bible teaching truth here and there as I do. 

You know, how magic seems enticing, fun and harmless but actually it's dangerous and to not be tempted by. Also the classic 'looking at the heart', not outward appearances, the kindness of some people, yet the true ugliness of others', and in the regards to Cinderella's step mother, what going after money can do to a person. I'm pretty sure not all step moms appreciated their Disney sterotype. It does feel a little unfair. But it's all so wonderful, because of the music. In fact, one of my favourite Disney songs is 'Mother knows Best', sung by a kidnapper, in an emotioanlly abusive way, but it's just so chipper. 

The 17yr old suggested we just watch the film, without some moral shaping along the way. I reminded him that he probably knows quite a lot of gospel teaching, because I used to do the same with The Incredibles and Bottle Top Bill when he was little. 

Sometimes it's a wonderful thing when my little people repeat back some of my teaching, and sometimes its a pain in the bum. I remember the same 17yr old precociously telling a babysitter that it was wrong for her to 'promise', because her 'yes should be yes' and her' no should be no'. I also remember, possibly with the same sitter, that when she said she would put some magic cream on my child's hand, that same 17yr old responded, "we don't have magic in this house". One of my kids once blurted out to a dear friend of ours, "you're on our unsafe list". We didn't have an unsafe list, we just had three people that my kids could get in a car with, or open the front door to without question, and we called it our 'safe list'. And of course, that one kid who stripped down butt naked, to tell a babysitter she was not allowed in his room to put him to bed, because he was keeping his private parts, private.

But today, with my drip drip drip approach to teaching into stuff, my daughters did me proud. They stated that Cinderella and the Prince, had kissed before they'd even found out each other's names. Cinderella had given away her kiss so quickly. Then, when prompted by me, (and a possible blog post), they were on a roll... 

Ariel and Cinderella changed who they were for a man. Aladdin changed who he was. He lied about himself, and to himself in order to be accepted. Now we have also had the chat about leaning in to someone elses preferences, and not causing that person to sin, but to change who you are completely...no! Ariel gave up her voice, (her voice!) for a man she didn't know. Pocahontas fell in love after one song, and that's not even mentioning some moral wrongs of that film. Anna fell for the first man who paid her any attention and was caught up with True Love, without knowing what it was. Until of course she herself showed it, by giving her life up for her sister. (Spoiler alert). We do love to talk about sacrificial love. It sits with the gospel quite well. And don't get us started on Hans... not a good man, not good at all. But there was that cute song about sandwiches.....

The girls said that it was good that Anna built up a friendship with Kristoff; they laughed a lot and went on adventures together, but he does 'tinkle in the woods'. Cue girlie giggles. Belle stayed with someone who was incredibly mean to her, after being quite a head strong woman to start with, realising that Gaston's arrogance was not what she wanted. They do find it hard to find fault with Belle. I mean, that dress! Moana was actually able to have a friendship with a guy, without everyone asking questions about them. An important one, especially in church life; we are brothers and sisters in Christ. In Tangled, Flynn was a bit full of himself, with selfish intentions, until he built a friendship with Repunzel, and ultimately sacrificed his well being for her's. Aurora fell in love with the man she woke up to, who was kissing her. Erm, that's a no. Elsa actually seems happy to be single, and use her giftings and her creativity without waiting around to be rescued by some guy, and Snow White lived with seven men! 

Don't get me wrong, we will contimue to love all of these films, and sing a long to them regularly, but there's always room to highlight an element or two that seems a little off. In a previous post, we looked at perfect Princess hair, we also chat about body shapes. I mean, those tiny waists!! Did they all have to be modelled on me? We also looked at the men and how handsome they had to be, to be deemed a worthy 'hero', otherwise they were just 'the funny one', and overlooked. We looked at how their daddy loves me, and the good qualities of their brothers (yes there are some, I had to remind them) as well as what the Bible says about how people should act, and whether people are putting God first.

I'm happy to have some of my teaching points come back and bite me, but I'm also happy for wisdom to be dripped in and for opportunities to chat stuff through. Last night we watched some episodes of Friends with the older two. They know we disagree with the sexual immorality of the programme and how pornography is just seens as a 'joke'. I don't perhaps interupt what they're watching quite as much as when they were young, but we did have an open discussion about surrogacy, IVF and abortion after one of the episodes. And some of that I think, is because we have set the expected openess during these kind of chats over the last seventeen years, which started with The Incredibles and is continuing it seems, with Disney Princesses.

"Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect".       Romans 12v2