Bad Hair Day

As I mentioned in a previous post, we seem to use Barbie as a teaching point quite regularly at the moment. We have always used what the kids are into, to speak in some Bible truth. I have to admit, sometimes the link can be quite tenuous but if it starts a relevant chat and gets some scripture in, then I'm happy with tenuous links. Barbie and the Superpops, that's where the eldest girl is currently at. (The smallest can't get enough Power Rangers). And I believe God is God-enough to speak to us through secular things.

I know boys and girls can be quite similar at times. We're all on a spectrum of different levels of femininity and masculinity. Stereotypes are far too simple I get that, and as much as I don't want to just stereotype my kids, I also firmly believe that boys and girls are quite different. I believe God has designed us that way. I reckon my eldest daughter could give any of her brothers a run for their money if they were climbing a tree for example. But she's quite the girlie girl when it comes to hair! Many a tear has been shed over her hair, which is ridiculous as she has lushious long red hair. To date, four boys in and seventeen years of experience, none of my boys have cried about their hair. 

My daughter's tears have come because her hair wont go well. It wont sit perfectly. It wont go up in a perfect way. It wont stay where it's meant to. I have tried to explain that every girl has a bad hair day or two; no one's hair is perfect. We all have those whispy bits which do their own thing but the frustration and tears have carried on. We've had to take some deep breaths, and we've allowed hair spray on some days. 

About a year ago, we realised a big shaper of the tears - Barbie, the Superpops, and every other Disney Princess!! They all have perfect hair. Absoloutely perfect, not a strand out of place, unless its perfectly out of place of course! And so much volume! And why do they have this hair?! Because they are either cartoons with perfect drawn hair, or they are wearing wigs of perfect hair. The discussions suddenly became clearer, with the simple fact that the hair she was seeing just wasn't real, let alone realisitc. (I mean she sees my hair thrown up in a ponytail every day so she's had a fair dose of hair reality, but maybe I am not the required standard). It was such a simple realisation, yet so huge at the same time.

We have spoken to an artist friend this week, who has explained that even perfect drawn hair, takes ages to complete. She had a Facetime chat with my daughter about drawn princess hair, which was so helpful. Another valuable conversation we had, was with my black friend about her hair, and a mum friend who has a black daughter. I contacted them on my daughter's behalf, and asked them how come their hair was 'perfect', always in place. We talked about braids, corn rows and wigs, as well as some of the horrible things black ladies have had to go through in terms of their natural hair not being accepted by society. My friend sent me pictures and videos and we went through some Youtube videos. It was informative for both of us and helped my daughter to come to a better understanding of lots of hair related thoughts, and to realise new things that we had a limited education on.

The conversations on comparison, and "perfection" have been so helpful. And a little challenging for myself too. I've made it a point to not talk negatively about my body shape in front of the kids, and to use healthy words for describing their own bodies, mine and other people's. I've also had to point out that Barbie's body, as well as her hair, is not based on a real person, and that there isn't a hair 'norm' or a body 'norm'. As for the Power Rangers, I've explained that Lycra can be tricky for some people to get into quickly, to fight off evil.

We have spoken about how God looks at our hearts; our character, our actions, our words, and our kindness to others, rather than our outside appearances. We often look at Cinderella's sisters to see how their characters come across; what their hearts reveal about them, even in such beautiful dresses, with not a hair out of place. My youngest today, after watching a second Cinderella film in a row, (Lockdown Saturday) said "Well, I don't like her attitude, but her hair is beautiful". I was pleased she had found something positive to say, to build up a fellow female, whilst remaining true to some mummy teaching! There's more on this in the blog post, 'Happy Ever After'. It's been a reminder for me too, of what I let shape my kids' thinking. I want the gospel to keep shaping their thinking, and their understanding of who they are, and of the world around them. I need the gospel to shape me too.

"But the Lord said to Samuel, “Do not look on his appearance or on the height of his stature...... For the Lord sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart.” 1 Samuel 16v7