Exam Season

I was recently asked to write a post on the pressure of exams, for The National Parenting Initiative. You can read the post below, or check out their website for other resources.

Exam season is upon us. In our house, we have one teen just about to start his A Level exams, and one about to start his GCSE exams. 

I remember one of mine getting upset about his SATs. He worried he might not get a job if he failed them. He called himself stupid, compared himself to others and had a good cry. That was just at age 11. 

It's hard as parents to navigate these concerns well. You don't want to brush it off as nothing, you don't want to make it a bigger deal than it should be. We know as adults, that we grow personally through times of pressure. But it's hard to watch your child under pressure. It's hard to watch them doubting themselves. I'd quite like to save them from ever experiencing any pain or stress in their life. But I do know this isn’t helpful, in training them up for life.

I remember trying to help that little boy put these tests into perspective. I drew a rather simple diagram and on his eyebrows, I wrote 'Literacy' and 'Maths'. With the rest of the drawn body, we wrote as many of his hobbies, his strengths, his characteristics, his likes, his talents, his joy-givers and his identity in Christ. Sure, the maths and literacy were there somewhere, but they were a small part of him as a whole. 
 

We do need to encourage our children to work hard. This is a Biblical principle. We also need to trust God, that "He will do far more than we can ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us". The Father's plans and purposes for our lives, are not reliant on just us. Teaching our children to trust God with their futures, their jobs, their paths in life, is invaluable. (And continually learning it as adults is also key).

In our house, we have kids that love school/college, kids that don't see the point. Kids that use educational settings as social gatherings, and kids who would rather avoid the pressure of people. One of ours had to really process that he wouldn't be letting us down if he didn't do well in exams. He put pressure on himself that wasn't healthy for him. One of ours puts no pressure on himself whatsoever, giving us examples of people who have soared in their careers with no qualifications, as inspiration for him to not attend school.
 

Through life, as well as through exam season, children need to know they are loved and accepted. They need to know that we are in their corner. They need to know we believe in them, whilst being realistic and not setting them up to fail. Knowing your children well, is key to encouraging them, along with praying for them. Some of my kids simply feel loved by food. So money on a school canteen card, or a favourite drink in their lunch, communicates that I have thought about them. One of ours asks for a Lego model on completion of exams, not on the results of the exams. We celebrate the effort put in, and the pressure coming to an end, not the final outcome. A couple of ours are cash incentivized, so we budget for this. One got a cash amount dependent on his results, which pushed him personally to achieve more. One has received cash if he can honestly say that he tried every question. 
 

This morning, I tidied the room of the one getting ready to take his GCSE exams. His head is in a better space, if his room is in an ordered space. I have also had to choose my words carefully. As one left the house recently, I said, "Let's really knuckle down today". He came back to me and stated that all he could hear from that phrase was that he hadn’t been knuckling down, and that wasn't a fair comment. Rather than argue what I meant, I just said I was sorry and appreciated him bringing it to me. There have also been occasions, where we've given our kids just a day off from school, a mental health day, a reset day when they have asked specifically, or when we have seen that the pressure is too much. The Bible teaches resting and sabbathing well too. 

They may need more sleep during exam season, (if indeed they can sleep). Like little ones though, they may not realise that more sleep is needed. They may need encouragement to get out of the house and do something fun. Offer to do it with them or give them a lift to it. They may need to be active, or get a change of scenery. They will need downtime, in the midst of it all. They may simply need new pens, or revision cards, or even a revision partner, who has no understanding of what they are studying. They may want lots of help or none at all.

 

Sometimes as parents, we have to work out how to help them on the sly. They don't tend to want nagging. They do need to know that we are available when and if they need us. (This tends to be between the hours of 11pm and 1am for some reason). They may well take out the pressure they are feeling unfairly or unkindly on you. This is a time to absorb. Let them offload their rubbish, so they're not carrying the rubbish around with them. And make sure we offload to our Heavenly Father so we're not carrying around that rubbish either.

Exam Season (National Parenting Initiative)

Before you get my next random bunch of thoughts on all things me, (with tenious links to the Gospel), you can check out a recent blog post I was asked to write for The National Parenting Initiative on supporting kids through the pressure of exams. 

Exam Season

Check out the rest of the NPI website for blog posts, parenting courses, podcasts and family resources. 

https://www.thenpi.org.uk/

God Save The King

So, Friday was eventful. Took a little train up to London, to see how comfortable it would be to sleep on a picnic blanket, on the ground, on the Mall. Turns out, it wouldn't be very comfortable at all. If you add some rain, some waiting around, some noise, and a lack of toilets, tea and sleep, it really adds to that discomfort. But myself and a few others found ourselves there, for the coronation of King Charles lll.

It was wonderful to meet new people; a couple of Aussies who have never seen a Koala, a lady who has been everywhere and done everything it seems, a smiley chatty police officer, an American photographer, and some other interesting characters. People who spend the night on the ground, on the Mall, can be a little bit quirky. It's funny how you can just hit it off with the right people; enjoy an experience together, laugh a lot, try out each others accents and you have a new friend as a result. 

Of course, the strange thing about going up the night before, and camping out, is you actually miss a lot of the whole thing. From the comfort and warmth of your own home, with your own TV, near your own toilet, you can watch the preparations beforehand, you can get real close ups of the different family members and guests. You can see the service and the choir and all that is happening, while hearing historical facts, being given to you. Whereas, as we waited for the carriages and marching bands, we could only hear the service.

I was encouraged to hear of Charles being gifted a Bible; "the most valuable thing that this world affords". And I heard him make quite big pledges to God. I believe Queen Elizabeth II had a personal relationship with God, from things she has said and practiced over the years. I do hope and pray that Charles has followed in his mother's beliefs and practices of her faith. We must pray for him. 'God, do indeed save the king'.

After the service, we did get a front row seat of the parade. Well, by seat, I obviously mean a front row, soaking wet, long awaited stand. There were mere yards between me and the king; mere yards, two metal barriers, eight police officers, the king's guards, a footman or two, and a whole host of security. But still, close enough to see inside the carriage and a waving gloved hand. I was rather excited to see William and the kids. Gotta love how Louis is living his best life! (If he wasn't in line to the throne itself, I reckon Louis would be one of those quirky characters who would sleep on The Mall, the night before a royal celebration).

After the procession, I was able to walk down The Mall to Buckingham Palace, with thousands of other people. We got nearer and nearer. It was all rather joyous. With a little surge to the right, I saw in the far distance, a couple of gowned, crowned people, wave and walk through a door. I am to believe this was the royal couple themselves, as I'm not sure who else would have been up there, and I have since seen all the photos and videos to confirm my suspicions.

It's all a bit crazy really isn't it?! Spending money on a train ticket, and an expensive cup of tea, staying up all night, standing in the rain for hours, to get a glipmse of someone who doesnt even know I exist. I know I went for the experience of it all, to be there on the day it happened, and I thoroughly enjoyed myself. 

But as a believer in and follower of Jesus, I actually know that I can come to the true King of Kings, the one who every ruler will one day bow their knee to. And the best thing is, He knows my name. He knows who I am. I am important to Him, welcomed by Him. He knows what I love, what I struggle with. He cares about me. There is no barrier between me and Him. I can just come to Him. There's no one policing my approach to Him. There's no one guarding Him, with a Bayonet and a furry hat. Jesus paid so much more than a train ticket. He gave up so much more than a warm bed for the night. He gave up His life for me, not for a glimpse, a moment, but for a relationship with me. Because of what Jesus has done, taking the punishment for my sins, my wrong doings, because He has been perfect where I have not been, I get to confidently come to him, not as a servant, but actually as a beloved one. 

"Let us then approach God's throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need". Hebrews 4v16

I Wonder....

Yesterday, I opened One Pink Toothbrush, for the first time in quite a while. A friend had asked me to write a post for a website, which I was happy to do. A privilege to be asked. I wrote the piece and sent if off to her. Job done. What I didn't tell her of course, was that when I opened the 'ol Toothbrush page, I saw the lack of activity. I didn't tell her I had only posted 7 blogposts in the last 18months. I didn't tell her that I had had a cry, on opening the laptop. I didn't tell her that I had reached out to a couple of friends, (my writing encouragers), and let them in on all the feels I was now feeling. She was none the wiser. (She may well read this and be more in the loop of course).

The lack was just so apparent. The absence was evidence of quite a difficult season. 

A few weeks ago at church, we sang Matt Redman's song 'Mercy'. I felt to share when my youngest had become a Christian. We were in the sea in Spain. She was holding me tightly, and all we could see was sea. The sea was vast, (warmer than Brighton's sea), but ever so vast. For a 4 year old, it was even more so, with her feet not touching the ground. I spoke to her about the vastness of God's love and forgiveness. I told her that God's mercy was as endless as the sea, for all the naughty things she had done, all the naughty things I had done, all she would ever do, and all I would ever do. With a very simple understanding, we prayed a little prayer together saying sorry to God, and asking Him to forgive us. After church, I felt somewhat emotional for the rest of the afternoon, with the lyrics of Matt's song in my head. 

I hadn't shared in church for a while, again evidence of a lack of some kind. 

The Tuesday after that Sunday, I went off to Alicante, on my own. This is not something I have done before. Well, who knew how refreshing alone can be?! (I do get that for some who experience alone a lot of the time, it can be anything but refreshing). I travelled in silence. No one knew me, needed me or spoke to me. Time wasn't dictated to me by any committments or responsibilities. I ate, drank, slept, walked, sunbathed, swam, read, people-watched, just whenever I felt like it. I took a boat ride, as you do. There wasn't a pack of Cheddars in sight, no laundry to fold, no turns on the Playstation, no school runs to do, no homework to nag about, no bulk cooking. Just me, myself and I. 

The locals had jackets and socks on, but I'm from England and so the comparison is unquestionable; Spain = Warmth. Therefore, of course I went into the sea. I sat on the beach, listened again to Matt's Mercy song, let the lyrics wash over me, and then headed into the quite cold, and empty sea. 

"...mercy, mercy, as endless as the sea. I'll sing your Hallelujah, for all eternity. May I never lose the wonder, Oh the wonder of your mercy, May I sing your Hallelujah. Hallelujah, Amen.."

The sea was vast, ever so vast. And in that moment, God said to me; "You've lost the wonder, the wonder of my mercy". 

The coldness of the sea, and the realisation that I had indeed lost the wonder of God's mercy, and stopped singing my Hallelujahs to Him, took my breath away. I cried, as I looked around at the water; a physical, visual, spiritual reminder of the vastness of God's love and forgiveness. God's mercy in that moment was as endless as the sea, and I was once again in wonder of the beauty of it.

"When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you apss through thr rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned...For I am the Lord your God, the Holy One, your Saviour". Isaiah 43v2-3

Seems the right blog post to share, to fill the gap, on my return.