An Hour in the Life of Home Learning...

*7:45am - Wake the boys up

*Check on the girls who are downstairs watching TV. Try to work out how long they've been downstairs watching TV. (Be mindful of mums with little ones who can't put the TV on yet)

*Put the kettle on for a cuppa, and for a hot water bottle

*Turn on and log into old laptop (Argument Avoider)

*Make cuppa and put hot water bottle on the sofa to apease and warm a grumpy morning   child

*Turn on and log into newer laptop. Find charger for said laptop, and plug it in before child   needs it. (Time Wasting Avoider)

*Wake boys up round two

*Put bowls, spoons, cereal, milk and sugar on the table. (Time Wasting Avoider)

*Be disappointed with yesterday's you for running out of milk

*Find dressed child to send to shops for milk with a 10p bribe (Be mindful of mums with little   ones who can't go get milk yet)

*Congratulate yesterday's you for putting the dishwasher on last night

*Wake the boys up round three - this time with a little encouragement about education and a little something about independence and leaving them to it if they don't get up

*Turn on PC, get notebook and pens ready (Argument Avoider)

*Ask the littlest member of the house if she is going to wear more than pants and a mermaid blanket for her home learning

*Make toast for a small army 

*Child asks what's for dinner

*Be disappointed with yesterday's you for not defrosting the chicken

*Answer 'Pesto Pasta'

*Again?

*Yes!

*Yes you're aware of the one who doesn't like Pesto

*Clear away cereal and toast

*Wonder why so many plates, even with this many kids

*Welcome child back home with milk, don't tell them the milk wasn't needed

*Mentally tick off a walk, fresh air and money maths for that child

*Decide you care more about the boys' education than their independence and wake boys up, round four

*Turn their light on and open window widely

*Loudly remind household that lessons start in 10minutes

*Scroll through emails to find log on details

*Ask a boy who is awake to help a sibling log in

*Get cereal back out for boy who has finally got up and wants to know where the breakfast is

*Keep mouth shut

*Thankfully there is milk

*Turn TV off, explaining that although that child doesn't have a lesson yet, it doesn't serve the house to have it on

*Not even for a little bit

*Not even on mute

*Find headphones for little person in her mermaid blanket

*Tell her she'd be less cold if she put clothes on 

*Walk away (Argument Avoider)

*Find iPhone adapter cable for headphones

*Be grateful that headphones were on two people's Christmas lists

*Put the kettle on because you forgot to drink your tea

*Wake the last boy up who has a later start

*Explain that he hasn't got much time, but you'll make him toast (Time Waster Avoider)

*Listen to him explain that you should have woken him up sooner

*Keep those lips tightly closed

*See child that found hot water bottle, and know that he's probably grateful on the inside

*See if everyone is where they should be and doing what they're meant to do

*Don't answer the question, 'where else would I be?'

*Encourage the pant wearing mermaid girl back to her seat

*Remind her it's not cartwheel time

*Ask the one who hasn't got a lesson, to read

*Spend time looking for book

*Say yes to colouring instead

*Say no to colouring whilst wearing Heelies to skate in the kitchen

*Find charger for child who is old enough to take care of his own equipment

*Go to child who cannot hear the teacher

*Take headphones out and put them back in again

*Log off lesson

*Scroll through emails to find log in details

*Log back into lesson

*Realise that the headphones had just been turned down

*Lips closed

*Go to child who says their lesson is boring

*Encourage them to push through because it's been   7minutes

*Go to child who says the internet isn't working

*Log out and in again

*Say no to snacks, because they've just had toast

*Drink luke warm tea

*Find a pen for child whose pen isn't working

*Remind child where spare pens are

*Be amused at hearing a teacher say, "I'm just going to turn off the chat function now" (Be mindful of, and forever grateful for teachers)

*Ask house to be quiet for a child who has to speak Spanish to his class

*Ask house to not pretend they can all speak Spanish

*Ask child who is singing to not

*Say no to snacks 

*Ask child who is commenting outloud on everything he is doing, to not

*Put thumb up to child who just had their name mentioned

*Hope it was for a good reason

*Hear child asking Alexa for the answer to a maths question

*Realise Alexa is your new TA (Be mindful of Teaching Assisstants who know every child individually)

*Say yes to water for one child

*Then get water for subsequent other children

*Remind them about liquids and computers

*Remind yourself we have rules for reasons

*Remind yourself to just let it go, and get through this

*See if everyone is where they should be and doing what they're meant to do

*Celebrate when they are

*Explain to a child that they cannot take a photo of their work to email to their teacher because their sibling has your phone for a lesson

*Explain that they are not the priority

*Explain what 'rummaging' means to a child

*Give an example of rummaging through the bin if you'd thrown something away by mistake

*Go to child who has your phone because someone is ringing

*Hang up phone

*Lesson has been logged off due to phone call

*Scroll through emails to find log in details

*Log child back in

*Phone rings again, cutting child off from lesson

*Explain to the husband that he cannot ring you at 8:30, 9:30,10:30,11:30, 12:30, 1:30 or 2:30 

*Tell him you will see him in February, maybe 

*Hear that a child has been asked a question by the teacher

*Child shouts about rummaging through a bin

*Shouting because they're wearing noise cancelling headphones

*Other child tells shouting child to be quiet

*Give a thumbs up to the child who was shouting

*Say 'I know' to the child who was annoyed at shouting child

*Nod when child asks if I heard them give their answer

*Go to text a friend 

*Realise phone is in use at 8:30, 9:30, 10:30, 11;30, 12:30, 1:30 and 2:30

*Realise you can never text a friend again

*Have friends again in February, maybe

*Ask a child why they are no longer on a lesson

*They have a break at 9:30

*Realise other child should have started their lesson at 9:30

*Scroll through emails to find log in details

*Log child in with different username

*Say no to a snack

*Still no, even if child is starving

*Start getting 11am snacks ready 

*Change no to not yet

*Realise phone is nearly out of battery

*Move child to awkward position to learn   where phone can be charged at the same time

*Realise phone cannot be charged while   headphones are in

*Move child to another room so they can hear   their lesson outloud (Argument Avoider from   child that can hear their lesson)

*Move other child to PC to do their home learning after their live lesson

*Watch them log in wrong because they can do it by themselves

*Not so patiently do it for them

*Agree with them that their teacher is probably better at this

*Explain there is no need for tears

*Say yes you will change your tone

*Walk away (Argument Avoider)

*Get called back before you get to the kitchen

*This work needs help with

*Other child calls for help

*Prioritise the one that said they were the priority

*Release the little one to start a Barbie shop

*Despair a little

*Hide in the toilet to wee

*To pray

*To breathe

*Ask child to just wait a minute

*Ask other child to just wait a minute

*Rather firmly say "I just want to wee in peace"

*Thank child for reminder about your tone

*Go to scroll socials on phone

*Realise your phone is no longer yours

*Just got to get through the 10:30, 11:30, 12:30, 1:30 and 2:30 slots

*Or not

"There is a time for everything,

    and a season for every activity under the heavens". Ecclesiastes 3v1

Mouth to Mouth

A friend of mine shared a memory this week, of when she had said to her child that if they didn't go to sleep, they wouldn't be able to watch Cbeebies the next morning. Instant regret! Because us mothers know that Cbeebies is one of the best babysitters out there, especially in the mornings where there's the possibility of getting an extra 5mins in bed. And of course, it didn't work, so it was a painful morning all round the next day. (Although I must add, the fact that she stuck to it, was a parenting win). 

What comes out of our mouths can be a real mixture, or at least for me it is. With our mouths, we can speak life, and encouragment to our kids, and those around us. Our mouths can bring challenge, and perspective. Our mouths can speak the good of the gospel, hope-filled and truth-filled. Also our mouths can tear down, or cause upset, especially with a classic case of 'speaking before thinking'. Many a regretted comment has come out of my mouth, comments that I wish had stayed put and not ventured out of my lips. It's worse for those of us who speak a little more than others! 

This week, I managed some "top parenting" when I was cross with one of my children. I asked them what they were thinking after I had just told them off. They then had the audacity to actually tell me what they were thinking. I therefore told them off again and sent them to their dad. Their dad ageeed that I may have overreacted...that I may have invited a response without being ready to hear a response. (When one is calm, this is actually a really useful tool, having your child tell you what they're thinking during a discussion. When one is not so calm, it's probably best avoided). 

Sometimes it's better to keep the mouth closed altogether. Wearing a mask daily, is a good reminder to guard what we say. (I should probably start wearing mine at home to help this process). Other times its best, right even, to open it, and speak up. 

It's worth mentioning too, that we often remember just as keenly, the negative speech spoken towards us and over us, as well as the life giving words. I remember a teacher of mine saying she looked forward to reading my written work, my essays, because she found them humorous and enjoyable. I want my speech to have the same long-lasting affect that her words have had on me, on those around me but especially those inside my household. 

I think as a mum, we have real power to speak joy into our homes. (Often we can open our mouths and somehow inadvertantly manage to stick our foot completely in it. At times with teenagers for example, it doesn't matter what is said, it's received how they want to hear it). Thankfully the mouth can and must be used to say we are sorry, as well as using itto  offer grace and forgiveness.

Words uttered can also cause eyebrows to be raised or laughter to follow, especially if you are trying to be serious at the time. I have four boys, so usually it all goes to pot, if balls or nuts are mentioned, even in the loosest of terms. They can't seem to help themselves, and it's only made worse if I try to clarify what I mean. I tend to roll my eyes and walk away at this point. But today, I outdid myself....

The male child species can sometimes be seen puffing out their chest. I guess they are marking their territory (definately better than peeing in the corner). Sometimes they are proving they are the Alpha male. Sometimes it's simply because I have already banned them from touching each other, so it's their way of still annoying their sibling. One of those grey areas that kids find. 

Today after one such display, I heard myself saying to two of them, "You know who has the biggest chest around here? I do. My chest is the biggest. And when you're puffing yours out, you're actually competing with me, and you wont win". Needless to say, the two boys gaffawed their way up the stairs in hysterics, and the moment was dispersed. 

Now for some kind of godly wrap up, to finish this post.... 

The Bible says A LOT about what comes out of our mouths. Here's a link to 100 verses on the subject, should you really want to study it. But I'll highlight just a couple.

"Gracious words are like a honeycomb, sweetness to the soul and health to the body". Proverbs 16v24

"Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear". Ephesians 4v29

New Year, New You (or Not)

It's a new year, Whoop Whoop! 2020 can do one! 

It's 2021...anything can happen... the world's our oyster... new year, new you.... Gotta be in it to win it... fresh start... new year's resolutions... open a new chapter... life begins... adventure awaits... new beginnings... when one door closes, another one opens... 

But of course, we're all a bit shattered and worn down, by the previous year, so actually we would rather curl up under the duvet, than tentatively see what is behind Door Number '21. We'd rather not open a new chapter, as we're a bit shocked by the one we just lived through. How can we look forward to a fresh start when the world is feeling pretty stale?! Instead of fresh air, weve got our own musty masked breath to breathe in. It's hard to think about the newness of life, when we're actually faced with the reality of death and loss. Adventure itself, has been whittled down to, "I got pasta today", and the new me, is simply just the same old me, just a bit slower, and lonlier, and no one actually likes Oysters!

Well, that was a quick turn of emotion from hope to despair. But I think sometimes that can be what is wrong with new year's resolutions; they promise so much, and then disappointment creeps in, either through circumstance or in my case, a sheer lack of discipline. The husband has always been a Monday person... he loves the hope and fresh start that a Monday brings. He owns it. It's his for the taking. It's a blank canvas. Anything can happen, and he actually plans for it to happen, and sees it through, so it does indeed happen. I've always admired this about him, (shh don't tell him) but admired it from a distance, whilst avoiding him on these days in case he inspires me.

I made a vlog the morning of New Year's Day, on my own, out of the house, in a car park with a cuppa, watching people out on cold walks. (Side note, some people have excellent coats, like sleeping bags with a hole for the legs, and some people's dogs are better warmed than I am). Anyway, I guess I felt a glimmer of 'newness' on that morning. I dropped my son off to his Pops' house, to walk a few hours over the Downs, back to our house. (Thankfully only two people can walk together presently, otherwise they may have invited me, and no one needs that much inspiration on the first day of a new year). I took my new Lou Felli journal with me, in the hope of a bit of me time, a bit of reflection, maybe to start the year with a bit of intentionality, and I ended up doing a vlog saying all that I guess. Took seven minutes to say what you can write in one sentence.

And regardless of whether you're a fresh Monday person, or a stale Saturday kind of person, the thing that we all have to come back to, is Scipture. I'm not very good at consistently reading my Bible. Maybe this year will be different, maybe it wont. I've read two out of the three days from the Bible reading plan, so that's over 60% success so far. However, I have read enough of the Bible over the years (obviously you can never read 'enough' of it), to know that the Bible does talk a lot about newness. It talks a whole load about being weary, resting and needing strengthening too...

But newness is up there, simply and quite astonishingly because of what Jesus has done. Whether you're feeling inspired for the new year ahead, or you're crawling through with the burdens of last year on your back, Jesus remains the same. And He came to restore, to refresh and to rescue. He came to bring His new mercies, to make us a new creation, to give us new birth, to secure a new hope, to gift us with a new heart, so we may live a new way, and live in the goodness of a new life; a life with Him. And that is always a good place to start.

Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! In his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, 1 Peter 1v3

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here! 2 corinthians 5v17

I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh. Ezekiel 36v26

Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus. Philippians 3v13-14

“Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland. Isaiah 43v18-19

The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases, his mercies never come to an end;
they are *new every morning; great is your faithfulness. lamentations 3v22-23

*Matt Redman '(Mercies) New Every Morning'

Trick or Treat

I have been asked to put pen to paper, or fingers to keypad, in relation to Halloween. I think I have steered clear of blogging about it in the past, because on the estate where I live, it's celebrated and enjoyed by most people. It's a real bringing together of the community, with houses decked out, hundreds of Trick or Treaters and amazing make up (see my friends in the below photo). I wouldn't want to offend my local friends. But hopefully they know me, and trust that I'm not trying to spook them (see what I did there), or ram my views down their throats, I'm just putting my views out there, because another mum has asked. 

The Bible is very clear about avoiding witchcraft, and mediums, and occult activity, but it doesn't say. "Thou shalt not carve a pumpkin". The Bible is very clear that there is a spiritual world; forces of evil and good. But the Bible doesn't say, "thou shalt not collect candy, wearing a pointy hat". 

For us, we teach our kids that there is Good in the world and there is evil, and we want to steer clear of evil.  People quite like to believe that there may be angels, but not so much the darker side of things The Bible describes the evil one as prowling around, looking to destroy. If there was an actual animal, like a lion prowling down my street, wanting to destory my kids, I would do everything in my power to protect them from it. And I want to do the same for them, spiritually. 

Christians have differing views on Halloween, and that's okay as long as we don't 'allow our own convictions about a holiday to cause division in the body of Christ, nor can we use our freedom to cause others to stumble in their faith. We are to do all things as to the Lord'. (Quote from GotQuestions.Org) Growing up, we didn't have anything to do with Halloween. We didn't answer the door to Trick or Treaters, and that's ok. That's how my parents wanted to deal with it, and it really taught me that the darker side of life, should be avoided. Others embrace the full dress up, in a fun, less spooky way. 

With my own kids, we have varied what we have done over the years. They don't go Trick or Treating, and at school they can opt out of activities if they want to, knowing that colouring in a Pumpkin isn't going to kill them. But based on the starting paragraph, we have tended to want to bless our community. Everyone is coming to our front door, and we know God doesn't turn people away, so we have wanted to show this in our actions. We have given out a good treat, and stuck a verse on it; God being the light of the world, or Jesus coming to save us. I'm not convinced anyone has come to know Jesus because of it, but it's our way of sticking to what we feel is right, and loving our friends and our community.

We've tried to explain that the Halloween holiday is different culturally for some people and countires. And we aim to be non judgemental no matter what others views are. We teach into the history of the holiday; the day after being All Hallows Day, when people would pray for past christians that had died. (Seems a little pointless, if they were already dead, but that's for another day...) And the imagery was that the goblins and witches would come out the night before to hinder those prayers. And trick or treating came from the poor asking to exchange food for prayers for the dead. I mean, there's a whole load of stuff in there?! We aim with our kids, to teach into magic, darkness, things designed to cause fear, and where the line between good and evil isn't very clear. (For example in regards to Harry Potter, but again, that's for another day...) 

We want them to live as children of the light in a world of darkness, believing that Jesus came to be that light. He came to protect us from the evil one who wants to destroy us. He would literally give the prowling lion a kicking, so that it wouldn't be able to get to my kids. 

If you show a child (and let them eat) a slice of cake or pie, explaining that the 'thin end of the wedge', is just the very start of the slice, but how tempting the wide bit of the cake or pie is...you can relate that to what seems like the 'harmless' bits of Halloween; the dressing up and eating sweets, in relation to an enemy who wants to destroy them. Kids do remember teaching more if they can see, feel and especially taste it. Mmm I fancy some pumpkin pie now. (This is a not so subtle hint to my friend who makes them!!)

So we've tried to teach into these areas when we watch films, programmes and see things around. We had to also underline with one very literal child, that he wasn't to shout "Halloween, turn it off" whenever he saw a pumpkin, skeleton or a spider on the TV, and remind him that God did make spiders, skeletons and pumpkins, and we're not to fear the pumpkin!

Mainly, my kids don't want to miss out on sweets! So we make sure they have sweets or treats to enjoy, explaining that God loves to give and He says to taste and see that He is good. We've not allowed our younger children to go to the door to give out treats, simply because the faces and masks can be super scary, and I don't want to expose them to things that will scare them, or numb them to what is actually scary. Sometimes we have celebrated light, during what can be a bit of a darker evening, simply with light up balloons and glow sticks, but mainly they just want the sweets! 

"For you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Live as children of light (for the fruit of the light consists in all goodness, righteousness and truth) and find out what pleases the Lord. Have nothing to do with the fruitless deeds of darkness, but rather expose them". Ephesians 5v8-11

My friend has designed a Halloween Activity Sheet, if you'd like to purchase the printable. And this 3minute spoken word from Glen Scrivener, is a great watch.

We're All In This Together

It feels like quite a big deal to open the laptop, and attempt to put my thoughts on paper. I don't know about you, but the longer I go into this Pandemic, the more some things seem quite free to leave, (which is a bit ironic as so many people aren't actually free to leave). I've watched creativity leave, closely followed by effort, energy, writing skills, new ideas, the ability to focus, and the desire to see people, just slowly up and leave. I didn't even try to stop them. I literally opened the door, and let them walk right out. The ability to stay awake, literally legged it as soon as it knew it could wander off.

So, time for a blog because I'm reminded that mums need to know that other mums feel the same, otherwise we assume everyone is doing better than we are and then the mum guilt, life guilt kicks in...Afterall, we're all in this together, as the new slogan goes.

And not just mums, it seems like the whole world is tired. 2020 is quite the year isn't it?! Disappointments, redundancies, cancellations, changes, 'the new normal', mask wearing, social distancing, plastic screens, Government changes, the Rule of 6 as a House of 8, Zoom meetings, and online life, as well as the normal hardships that life throws our way.

I miss church so much. I think I have realised just how much I relied on

church. I was encouraged by an interview I recently watched, with Andrew and Rachel Wilson. They said that it is right amd expected to find the lack of in-person church, spiritually exhausting. We were designed to be together. But I think I may have relied on church for my own spiritual journey, my own walk with God, and without it, I've found that really hard too. 

I'm so impressed with what has gone into making online church happen. From churches that have hardly any resources or people, to ones that can do a bit more, go a bit further. There is no lack of what you can find online, with Daily Devotions, kids worship albums, quizes, Kids Tv, Zooms, worship, Small Groups, and Alpha, as well as church services. I know it's not the same, we all know it's not the same, it's very different, but the resource is wonderful, and the effort people have put in is amazing. I'm pretty sure that when the Israelites crossed the Red Sea, with huge walls of water either side of them, a few may have said, 'well this is different'. 

I do find Sunday mornings quite hard. I think I'm desperate to worship, hear a preach, with my own church community, but the kids are kids, and don't seem to have the same desire in the same way, and the husband is often on screen rather than watching it with us. And funnily enough, when my attitude is better, it does go better. The Bible encourages us to 'go and make disciples', and this is an ongoing action with our children, not just a Sunday morning activity. Likewise for me and God, my walk with Him can't just be dependant on a Sunday morning's input. Thankfully He's available, every day of the week. He came to us, entered our world, to save us, to love on us, to demonstrate that He is with us, that we are all indeed in this together. Now that is a resourse! 

I thought I'd share some helpful tips from myself and others, which may encourage your Sunday mornings, your online church engagement, with kids. I haven't done all of these, (advice is much easier than practise), and those I have done, I have found a range of success and failure in. And probably best to state here, for comparison's sake, that I have passionately shouted, on a Sunday morning, "Would you all just shut up so I can worship", at my darling children. 

Tips; 

*Set and manage your own expectations/attitude. (Easier said than done, in this current season, but God hasn't changed and He promises to strengthen us). 

*Pray beforehand. Go 'expectant' of God to speak to and through you and your kids. (Who could we bless as a family? Who could we pray for? Leave a voice memo prayer for someone. This can help with just 'watching/consuming' church and actively doing church).

*Teach into 'an enemy who wants to destroy' and distract, from church involvement.

*Teach into the importance of church, church community, (committment and serving too) kids ministry, youth work. And acknowledge the difficulties of this season.

*Research beforehand what your children can do/watch/be part of. (If your church isn't doing something, find a church that is. Support what your church is doing, but feel free to add to it).

*No screens before church (So their first screen engagement is church, and there's not a battle to get them off).

*Plan to Sabbath well... what yummy food could you eat during or after church? Even bake with the kids on the Saturday. (But not something that adds stress to the morning). Make it the best hour of their week, your week.

*Colouring books, notebooks for doodles during preaches. (Effective for adults too).

*Do what works best for your family? ....A song and your own teaching, or an online resource all involved as a family...Kids doing something in another room while you do church/zoom... 'do' the service later when kids are in bed...make toys available, like Lego or colouring whilst you engage....all be in for church and talk through it all....kids tune into their church whilst Facetiming other kids from church...kids get their teddies to be part of the congregation...do some ironing while watching, so kids are less likely to bother you (If you sit, kids will want your attention. Just happens).

*Keep going. Try again. Forgive them. Give yourself grace. Talk to God. Repeat next week.

"And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching." Hebrews 10v24-25

Fruit Picking

I live in Sussex, whis is famous for it's 'Downs'; the beautiful, green rolling hills. I have driven to the Downs many a time for a walk with the family, or to meet another family. I see local Brighton people post pictures of the Downs. But yet it came as a bit of a surprise when I recently found myself on the Downs, after walking not very far from my house. I took our puppy for a walk, and found a field, which led to another field....and on mentioning this to my sister in law, she laughed and said I had found the famous Sussex Downs, after living in Brighton about twenty years. I just assumed they were further away, a drive away... and they are, but they start extremely close to my front door. 

Anyway, on my newly found Sussex countryside walk, the grass was dry, the land was dry, and the blackberry bushes were seasonally not ready yet. But on closer inspection, although most of the buds were colourless, some of the very end stems held a beautiful dark blackberry. I picked a couple and had a taste. They were juicy and perfect. I was quite pleasantly surprised that even though it wasn't the right season just yet, the fruit that had managed to grow, was just as good as when it is full on blackberry picking, crumble making season. I also thought that by the time the rest of the buds had changed into fruit, these first fruits would have gone past their perfect juicy stage. It felt like a bit of a sneaky treat to have found them.

It made me dwell on this whole lockdown season. Although in some ways this season has been quite full; full of restrictions, my house has felt very full (like the book 'A Squash and a Squeeze'), the online learning has felt pretty full-on, and the amount of times I have been asked for snacks, felt fuller than a full thing...there has also been a lot of lack; less food in the cupboards, less pasta in the store, less people to see, as well as personal disappointments and rapid changes. It has felt for me, quite a fruitless season; not much growing going on. 

Thinking about these tasty, juicy blackberries made me wonder if maybe some fruit in my life has indeed grown, but I just haven't noticed it yet. When it's blackberry picking season, you take a tub to collect it all, you're expecting there to be fruit. You don't have to go looking for it, it's everywhere, and you already know what you're going to do with the fruit you collect. 

Maybe I should take a moment to stop and look for the fruit in this dry season, before it passes me by. Maybe it is there, really close by, but because of the quantity of dry grass and fruitless buds, it's harder to recognise it. Maybe it's a bit like driving to find some beautiful Sussex countryside, and not realising that it is actually a lot closer than you think. You just couldn't see it for a while, or for years even, but looking back over the fields, you see all that was growing along the way, and the seeds that had to die for better fruit to grow. Nothing is wasted with God. He uses it all, and He sees the fruit right at the end of the stem, and it is good fruit, because He is the one who has been tending to it.

“I am the true vine, and my Father is the vinedresser. 

Every branch in me that does not bear fruit he takes away, and every branch that does bear fruit he prunes, that it may bear more fruit....

Abide in me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit by itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in me. I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing." John 15

The High Low of Parenting

Parenting is a real mix of highs and lows, throughout any given day, or even hour. 
You can plan for highs, and they can still become lows, and you can be in the middle of a low, and it can turn out to be a high. Many a time a discipline moment, has resulted in us all laughing. Even this morning, I was about to launch into the same old Playstation chat after an argument had broken out, but someone had left the stairgate open, so the puppy jumped on the bed rather excitedly and peace was resumed because of that. And nice moments, which have taken preparation and even a budget, can turn out not so well in the end. 
(Oh those ones are hard to get past sometimes). 
And quite annoyingly, a lot of it can be down to how mum reacts in any given situation... 

Why's it mostly based on my reactions? Thats a bit unfair, and we don't even do fair! What if I'm not in the mood to turn it around, or put the effort in?! What if I'm tired, or grouchy, or I'm 4months into a weird Lockdown season, due to a horrible virus, which has caused disappointments, and now it's the Summer Holidays?! (Hypothetically speaking of course).

So yesterday was one of those days for me. The day, or I, or both, just felt a bit bleurgh. I wanted the kids to get along nicely, not need me, find their own ideas to combat boredom, cope on their own, feed themselves, have no disagreements, (or if they did disagree, to work it out beautifully together with love and selflessness, maybe even with a prayer together. Is that too much to ask?!) I wanted to do nothing, but I was also fully aware that 'nothing' wouldn't serve them or me well in the end. There has to be a 'something'. 

Then there's the parenting decisions which revolve around the 'something'; plan a fun activity and put my all into it, or admit I need a break and ask cBeebies if she will babysit for me, or the middle ground type of decision which I went for. (It usually matters more what my attitude is, rather than what the thing is. But hey...) So we went to a park. But, we went to the right park; the park which meant I didn't have to get too involved. (In other words, swings were out of the way). I counted the cost of parking, a Cappucino and two bottles of Fanta, and then I sat pretty much for two hours in the sunshine while two girls went and had their own fun. It was what I needed, and they benefitted from it. They stopped play only for toilet breaks, refills of water for an inpromptu water fight, to tell me what they'd been up to and to ask for one push of a roundabout. 

It did us all well. Kids can be easily pleased with the smallest of efforts. I took a photo or two, as I tend to do. I am wanting to take at least a photo a day for the whole of summer. Just taking a picture of a 'something', reminding myself that there was a choice made, there was something to be grateful for. I'll put them on Instagram, knowing that one picture doesn't let you into the whole day, but into a moment at least. I hope other mums remember that as they scroll past too. Maybe the photos will all look different, depending on the day, the energy, the amount of kids around, the sleep had, the various moods, the sunshine, or lack of... but so much of mumming feels the same that maybe they will have a similarity to them.

What I do know is that my Heavenly Father never has to weigh up His attitude towards me. He made His choice to love and accept me when He sent His son to die in my place, for all my non worthy choices. And additionally to that, He chooses to delight in me. Every day. His thoughts about me bring Him delight. I wonder which moments He chooses to remember.

"He brought me out into a broad place; he rescued me, because he delighted in me".
Psalm 18v19