The Other Husband (Part Two)

...continued from Part One

So the husband may at times be in a different zone to me and the boys. He may be physically busy or mentally busy. He may find himself ill, the kind of ill where you have to keep bringing him toast in bed. And ask the boys to play secret agents in an attempt to keep them quiet so he can sleep. He may be tired. He may be working late or away from home. He may have done a hard day's work and need some downtime. He may be serving someone else. And sometimes he may just not notice my needs or meet my expectations.

God's grace is available for all such ocassions. But I am only able to show grace if I am dwelling in My Beloved's presence, experiencing His grace, His word and His truth. At times, I don't do this though. Instead I attempt to show the husband 'my grace', in place of God's grace. My grace quickly forgets, and quickly runs out, and is actually downright selfish and isn't really grace at all!

In our early married days, in these moments I would go quiet on the husband. I've stopped that now after he brought to my attention that it felt like I was punishing him. Or I would say all was fine, and give a smile. But it was ever so fake, and we both could see that. (We once watched a film, where FINE was an acronym for Freaked out, Insecure, Neurotic and Emotional, which pretty much summed it all up!). God in His grace, over the years has used many ways to show me how I can live in the good of that grace and let it affect all my relationships.

This includes how I relate to the husband. Do I only love him when he is being all that I need him to be, when he's meeting all my expectations? Do I only love him because I want to be loved in return? Do I only love him when he is ticking all the boxes? Do I only love him when he is well, and energetic and attentive? Do I only love him when he is helping out with the boys? Or do I love him unconditionally, like the vows I took, said I would? Do I love him with a selfless love? Do I love him with the unconditional love that Jesus has modelled to me? Do I want my boys to see examples of selfless and unconditional love? Do I remember that God's grace is sufficient for me even when I haven't done any of this? Mmm...time to delve deeper into God's grace and go love the husband.

"My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you."

                                                            John 15v12

"Love is patient, love is kind.

       It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 

 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered,

      it keeps no record of  wrongs. 

 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 

       It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

 Love never fails.."

                                                           1 Corinthians 13v4-8

The Other Husband (Part One)

The husband is a wonderful man. He's committed to me and our family, he reads a marriage or parenting book every 6 months or so. He asks me whether I am feeling more like his wife or "just a mum" on a regular basis. He listens when I ask for a date night. He puts the coffee and sweetener in my mug and boils the kettle so that its ready for when I need it, and makes me laugh so much.  However there are the odd occasions when he is not quite in the same zone as me. He may be in the work zone, the tired zone, the ill zone or the iPhone zone. He may be unable to be at home due to work commitments. He may have worked so hard that he falls asleep when he's at home. He may be at home in body but not quite in mind.

And this is when I need to remember that I am my beloved's and He is mine. And by My Beloved, I mean Jesus. According to God's word, I am part of the church, and the church is the bride and the bridegroom is Jesus. He has made me spotless and righteous. He is an attentive husband to me. He is never too busy. He is never asleep.  He is available to me at all times. He knows me so very well. He loves me. He understands me. He chose me. He is consistent. He is faithful. And He is never on an iPhone.

I often go to the husband first when I should go to My Beloved. I sometimes try to be content in the husband's love, when I actually need to dwell in My Beloved's love. I seek acceptance from the husband, whereas it is My Beloved who accepts me fully. I expect alot from the husband, whereas it is My Beloved who will actually fulfil all my needs.  This is always true and would be true even if God hadn't blessed me with a wonderful husband at all.

"As a young man marries a young woman,

          so will your Builder marry you;

as a bridegroom rejoices over his bride,

         so will your God rejoice over you."

                                              Isaiah 62v5

Click here for Part Two

Amazing Grace...

The husband came home from work the other day and asked me how my day had been. Now I know perfectly well that from the tone I was using, and the slightly heavy cupboard-door closing that was going on in the kitchen, that he could assess for himself how my day had been. And maybe that was what had even prompted him to ask.  

I proceeded to tell him my day had been rubbish and that I had been a rubbish mum. The husband deals very well with these slight over exaggerations of mine. Firstly he gives me a hug, because it's his love language. Secondly he asks the boys if they can think of any ways they may have caused 'fun mum' to turn into 'slightly crabby mum'. After they have said sorry, he then asks me if there is anything I need to repent of. And lastly he says "Grace". I'm usually slightly annoyed with him by this point. My pride doesn't want me to repent. And my self pity wants me to wallow and write the whole day off.

However the husband is right. And he's right because he understands Grace. He has read up on it and he has listened to Terry Virgo's four talks on it. http://kingschurch.org.nz/?s=virgo So after eating a little chocolate and thinking that might help me. And after wasting some time in front of the TV, thinking that might help me. I asked the husband to pray for me and I listened to the first talk.

Wow! The more I understand what living by grace actually means, the more releasing it is. The more freeing it is. The more wonderful it is. To know that God accepts and loves me completely as I am and that I cannot earn righteousness by being 'Super mum'. Neither can I lose it by being 'Crabby mum'. Righteousness is a free gift. I may have made a few bad decisions throughout the day which I need to repent of, but that doesn't change how my father in heaven views me. It doesn't mean I am a 'rubbish mum'. It means I am a sinner who needs grace. And that grace is available to me. (To be continued...)
    
"For if, by the sin of the one man, death reigned through that one man,
       how much more will those who receive God’s abundant provision of grace
and of the gift of righteousness reign in life through the one man, Jesus Christ."
                                                                                   Romans 5v17

"Aint No Mountain High Enough"

My boys are being taught many things by the husband. Two of these are climbing and risk taking, which seem to go hand in hand. My eldest will spot the highest part of a park and set himself the challenge to reach it and then wave at me. I then have to casually wave back without any fear on my face, take a photo and smile at the other mums who are relieved its not their child. Seeing as he's the eldest, he often sets the example to his three brothers. So I find the 5yr old at the top of the shed, the baby on top of the DVD cupboard, and when we drive past the new stadium being built, the 3yr old proudly claims that he will one day climb it!

It got me thinking that my eldest especially, doesn't really see the limitations in things. I recently heard Keith Hazel preach on limitations. And how we shouldn't allow limitations to restrict us. Joseph was sold into slavery and ended up in prison for years, but didn't allow these limitations to limit his belief in God or God's destiny for him.

I often hide behind limitations, and I see others doing the same. We hide behind limitations of our character, of our feelings, or how tired we are, or the impossibility of things in the natural, or how many kids we have. We hide behind the limitations the enemy may whisper to us. We hide behind the limitations of finance, or we let limitations direct our prayer life.

The bible is very clear on limitations. I've been reading Mark recently, where I've been struck by the way people refused to let limitations stop them from getting a touch from Jesus. When a paralyzed man wanted a touch from Jesus, he and his four friends didn't allow a busy room to be a limitation. They climbed on the roof and dug their way through and lowered him down in front of Jesus. When Jesus saw their faith, He healed the man and forgave His sins.

God has been challenging me lately to pray through limitations. It's really helping me to keep my view point focused not on the hopeless situation or my limitations but on a limitless God.

        Jesus looked at them and said,

           “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.”

                                                                                                    Matthew 19v26

        Surely the arm of the LORD is not too short to save,

           nor his ear too dull to hear.

                                                                                                     Isaiah 59:1

The 3yr Old Crashed The Car; How Do You Tell The Husband?

Yesterday I spent the morning writing a comic with my eldest about Team Super; a group of Super heroes who save the world by firing bogeys onto a volcano to put out the lava. Followed by 2 hours at the dentist, playing 'I Spy' with the boys using the other people in the waiting room as topics for I spying;  like "N for that man's nostrils". This morning I spent an hour in a cold and wet park, running up and down the zip wire path, pushing my own kids and three random french kids, before bribing all four little people with doughnuts and drinks to do the supermarket shop with me. And this afternoon, I had to ring the husband to ask what the appropriate punishment was for a three year old who crashed our car?! He had climbed over the front seat and somehow managed to put the handbrake down with his foot, so the car quickly rolled down the car park into a metal bar. I then had to listen to the husband say it wasn't a punishable offence, as it wasn't an act of disobedience; it was an accident and accidents happen.

God is so good. But today I can't quite put my finger on the one particular God moment to highlight in this blog post, perhaps someone else will have some insight or a verse to sum it up?

Fifi shows me up!

I sometimes have the joy of hearing how Roary, Timmy, Harry, Charlie and Stingy are getting on. The delightful world of Children's Television! Yesterday, Fifi and her Flower Tot friends were making pancakes and having harmonious kitchen fun together. But Stingo, the slightly self absorbed wasp was stealing the pancakes! Terrible thing to do in the Flower Tot Garden! However, at the end of the programme Stingo had said sorry and asked if he was allowed to eat the pancakes with his friends. And good old Fifi let him share the pancakes and harmonious kitchen fun was resumed.

And then it hit me! Fifi, the pretend children's  T.V character had done a better job of forgiving her light fingered wasp friend, than I had done last night with one of my sons. He had done something wrong so he was disciplined. He said he was sorry, and I said he was forgiven. But over dinner I bought the incident up again and was still cross with him about it. I had not let go of it. I had said I had forgiven him, but it turns out I hadn't. I had not showed him what true forgiveness looked like, therefore I had not modelled Jesus' forgiveness to him.

We talked about Fifi's example of forgiveness, which to my shame had been better than my own, and I said I was sorry. My son forgave me properly, and harmonious kitchen fun was resumed.

     "Then Peter came to Jesus and asked,  

           “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister

       who sins against me? Up to seven times?”

           Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times."

                                                                  Matthew 18v21-22

    "For if you forgive other people when they sin against you,

           your heavenly Father will also forgive you.

     But if you do not forgive others their sins,

          your Father will not forgive your sins."

                                                                  Matthew 6v14-15

The Tonka, Me and a Boy of Three

I sometimes find myself trying to find that serene tranquil moment so that I can pray. But then I remember I live with 4 boys aged seven, five, three and 19months. And they are just not the serene type. Neither is the husband the most calm and peaceful man. He's more the 'rough and tumble', roar at the kids, play dodgeball at them, act out "The Walls of Jericho" and dance to loud music type!

So I live with that daily challenge of  Urgent vs Important. When the baby goes down for his battery recharge and his much needed oasis from the 3 year old's fun. I wonder what I should do? Should I empty the dishwasher so its ready for the dinner dishes? Should I hoover? Should I play with the 3 year old? Should I bless the husband and actually sort out a cupboard? Should I watch Toy Story again? Should I tidy the toys? Should I put the washing away? Should I pray?

Today I decided to pace the kitchen and pray for twenty minutes. And what a wonderful twenty minutes it was. As I walked up and down the kitchen praying, I was soon followed by a Tonka truck and an ambulance. At first I wished for peace and quiet so that I could press in to God's presence. But with each step I took, I was followed by smaller steps and I realized that it was a special moment. The little boy following me, with Tonka and nee naw in tow, was in God's presence with me, hearing my prayers. And for a few steps he prayed too. Reminding me again to demonstrate to my children, that my relationship with Jesus is real in every moment.

       "Fix these words of mine in your hearts and minds;

            tie them as symbols on your hands

            and bind them on your foreheads.

       Teach them to your children, talking about them when you sit at home

           and when you walk along the road,

           when you lie down and when you get up."

                                                    Deuteronomy 11v18-19