To Do List

Yesterday, I attended the evening meeting at the 'Together On A Mission' conference in Brighton. What a privilege. I had had quite a busy day with school runs, nursery runs, sport's day, sweeping, washing, dinner making, picking the husband up from the conference etc... the usual things that make a mum's day feel a bit busy. So I was especially looking forward to some worship time.

As Phatfish and Kate Simmonds started to lead thousands of people in worship, I closed my eyes and started talking to God. The first thing I said was "Father, I am sorry that I haven't done my bit today."  I knew I hadn't managed a bible time today, and my prayers had been sporadic and mainly 'Help me' ones. I hadn't fulfilled my checklist of things that I probably should do if I'm going to come the presence of God. As soon as I had said it I laughed. I laughed because I heard how ridiculous it sounded, and I laughed because I know God is speaking to me about Grace at the moment! I laughed because I knew, and God knew that I was saying sorry for not having anything to bring to the table. When do I have anything to bring to the table with God? At what point can I suitably pray "Father, you know I've done so well today, so here I am for you." Ha! How ridiculous. I felt that gentle reminder again, that I don't actually have anything to bring to the table, ever. It's all about Him. His love for me. It's all about what He has done for me through His son.

 There is nothing I add to the deal. And even on my most super spiritual, bible reading, calm and gentle days, where I have trained the boys perfectly and led people to know Jesus, and served the husband, and spoken to him with the right tone and when I've prayed for hours about real issues not my own little needs....(I'm sure I must have had one of these days?!) Even when I have done all of this, what is it that I then think I bring to the table with God? 

Have I earned more of His love? Am I more accepted by Him? Is His death on the cross somehow more because I've ticked some spiritual boxes? I know it is right to obey God's word and live my life in a God glorifying way, but I also need to make sure I've got it the right way round. I need to ask myself, "Am I more righteous because of me, and what I have achieved, all the ticks I've done today or because of Jesus, and what He accomplished at the cross?" Thank God, it's because of Jesus every time! And that righteousness is then my foundation for obeying and doing. Thank you God for worship times where I am able to move quickly past self reliance and into your presence.

   "But when the kindness and love of God our Saviour appeared,  he saved us, not because of righteous things we had done, but because of his mercy.

    He saved us through the washing of rebirth and renewal by the Holy Spirit, 

whom he poured out on us generously through Jesus Christ our Saviour,  

   so that, having been justified by his grace, we might become heirs having the hope of eternal life." Titus 3v4-7

Turn to The Dark Side

There are brief moments in our household when peace and tranquility actually reign. But these are never found during the five minutes just before we do the school run. Organisation isn't one of my strong points, so the stress of searching for my own two matching shoes as well as eight little shoes of varying sizes, can be a little hectic. Mixed with grabbing two lunch bags, finding four coats, locating one baby, looking for two books in the right book bags, and the right amount of children can be a little on the stressful side for me. This is usually accompanied by a little brotherly shoving and joking, a timely dirty nappy and some high energy boys.


Such a morning was had in our house last week and the stress was added to by one of my boys making a few bad choices and not behaving well. I started to talk to him about how unhelpful he had been. But rather than calmly talking to him, explaining his mistakes and showing him his heart, I instead had a bit of an unnecessary rant at him. The kind of rant that is over the top, and not wise, not controlled, not godly, not gentle. I walked into the kitchen still moaning at him and as I turned towards him to carry on my rant, the song coming out of the kitchen speakers changed to the dark and gloomy  "Imperial March" from Star Wars, as if it it were my very own sound track.

Because of the dramatic song change and because of God's grace, we both burst out laughing! We talked about how it was the part in the film when The Emperor is telling Luke Skywalker to be consumed by anger, and that is exactly what I had allowed to happen. I had got angry rather than love my son. I had been consumed by my emotions rather than patiently taking time to explain. I had got stressed rather than have godly self control. I had tried to do the morning in my own strength rather than rely on God's. It was an amusing and humbling moment as I once again had to apologise to and be forgiven by my son and thank God for His faithful grace towards me. I'm so grateful that God never deals with me in anger, but is slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love.

We decided it would be a great idea, if every time I got a bit cross "The Imperial March" started in the background, because then I would be aware of my emotions and would be reminded to change my behaviour. Thankfully, I know I have the Holy Spirit, speaking to me and prompting  me in these moments to go to God and giving me the power to change my behaviour and my attitude. Now I just need to convince the boys that The Holy Spirit's power and the Jedi Force are very different.

"And he passed in front of Moses, proclaiming;

 “The LORD, the LORD, the compassionate and gracious God,

slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness.."

                                                                 Exodus 34v6

"Strangers On A Train"

As I sat on the train on the journey home, I found myself sitting next to a chatty, friendly stranger called Louise. She offered me and the other stranger at the table, a glass of wine each. And her and her boyfriend shared a glass. A new friend for the journey. We talked about books and films. I now have a new recommended film to view from Kieran, her boyfriend. We talked about home schooling with Chris the other stranger  at our table. We talked about our kids, the beauty of Quentin Blake (me and Louise share a love for his illustrations), we talked about Brighton and engagement rings. (Not sure the boyfriend will appreciate that part!) We talked about who would get killed off first if the train scenario was actually part of a book. It was a wonderful journey home.

I was struck by my new friend on the train. Her warmth, and generosity, and interest in people's lives. She wasn't afraid to give her opinion, or be open to other's thoughts. Anyone who shares their wine with me on the train, strikes me as kind and thoughtful, and selfless. She could've quite happily just drank wine with her man and conversed with him only, and that would have been totally acceptable. But I'm so pleased that her qualities shone beyond the awkwardness of strangers on a train.

This morning I received post, which I love. In this technological age, it is so nice to get hand written post from a friend. The letter was one of encouragement, and my friend reminded me that I am made in God's image. It made me think back to my encounter with Louise yesterday. I don't know her beliefs or if she holds any kind of faith, but the qualities of warmth, kindness, and a selfless attitude that she showed, reminds me that she too is made in God's image. Any act of kindness, hospitality, sacrificial love, or goodness that people show is because we are all made in the image of God, whether we choose to know Him or not. Today I will look for other examples of this and be encouraged by who God is as I see His image displayed in the people around me.

Then God said, "Let us make man in our image, after our likeness….”
So God created man in his own image,
in the image of God he created him;
male and female he created them.

                              Genesis 1v26-27

The Great Escape

I'm sitting on a train, alone. Well technically I'm not alone, I'm  with all the commuters to London. But I'm alone in the sense that it's just me that I know. I'm not talking to anyone. I'm not responsible for any of these people. None of these people need me. None of them are hoping I've got Fruit Shoots  and Cheddars on me. None of them are asking if we are there yet. None of them are climbing on me. None of them are dancing in the aisle and need me to ask them to move. They are all just quietly reading their papers or playing/emailing on their phones. 

I'm struck by the size of my bag. It's small and pink. It has a phone, my keys, a wallet and a book in it. That's it. No nappies, no wipes, no antibacterial hand gel, no Lego, no McDonalds toys playing Beyonce, no bits of broken biscuit at the bottom. No one would even know I'm a mum as I sit on this train. 


I'm off for a couple of days away with my sister in law. Between us we have seven boys, but for today and tomorrow, it's just us. Just us, no responsibilities, no one needing us, no bulk meals to prepare, no packed lunches to make, no buggy to push, no shoes to tie, no little teeth to brush, no uniform to put out, no one to serve. No responsibilities just adult conversation, chocolate, wine, pistachio nuts, books and the Pride and Prejudice series on dvd which I've never seen.


I am fully aware that I could treat these two days in one of two ways. I have recently read an article about escapism, so I know I could look at these two days as a way of escape. Avoiding my real life and opting for two days of all the things I don't get to do with a great sense of abandonment and escape; all that I deserve! 
Or I could look at these two days as a way of refreshment and rest in order to plug straight back into my real life. I could still get to do all the things I don't get to do, but view it as a blessing, rather than something I deserve. 


I know that one of the enticements of escapism would be to escape from God too. To have just 'me time' but what a wasted opportunity if I do this. Even though the husband and my boys don't need me these two days, I still have a responsibility to them. I have a responsibility to make sure I go home rested, refreshed, and with renewed energy for them, but also to go home with my relationship with God strengthened so that I can be all I have been called to be by Him.


I do not want to go home just rested to the avoidance of going home renewed. I do not want to go home after two days of just 'me time' to the avoidance of 'intimate me and God time'. I do not want to go home just knowing I have conversed and laughed with my sister in law to the avoidance of pouring out my heart to my heavenly father and saviour. I do not want to go back home knowing Mr Darcy a little better to the avoidance of knowing Jesus Christ better.


So I will laugh and chat and watch Mr Darcy's smouldering looks, I will drink a little wine and eat a little chocolate, but I will also plan to walk and talk with He who brings great rest and renewal and comfort and strength and joy. I need it for myself and I need it for those God has asked me to serve.


"but they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength;
they shall mount up with wings like eagles;
they shall run and not be weary;
they shall walk and not faint."
Isaiah 40v31

Claim the Reward

When it was raining recently, my oldest took off his hooded jacket, and gave it to his younger brother who's jacket didn't have a hood. He did it without any prompting. He selflessly loved his brother. Hallelujah! All the training of the past seven years paid off in this one incident. It encouraged me to keep going with all the daily seed planting and heart training, even when it looks like there is no fruit in teaching them. After all, God so gently and so patiently keeps training my heart even when I am slow to bear fruit!

I was so pleased with my boy, and told him so. I told him that God loves seeing selfless acts of love, because it is the essence of what He did when He gave His son to die for us. My son sometimes asks in these situations if he can tell his dad or if that's being proud. I find it hard to make a call on things like this so I leave it to the husband, and seeing as the husband wants to cultivate a home where our boys can talk to him about anything, he inevitably says yes to them.

It got me wondering about my own motivation to do things. Stopping to ask the questions "Am I doing this to look good? To impress someone? To make people think better of me?  To get recognised? To gain some kind of earthly reward or proud trophy?" Or am I doing it to be selfless, following Jesus example, and therefore bringing glory to God? I'd hate to think how many times my heart's motivation is wrong. I find it hard not even pointing out to the husband when I've hoovered or put the washing away. I want him to be pleased with me and say something fabulously encouraging about my selfless act. I want to get that small bit of earthly recognition. But the bible is very clear about such motivations. No reward from my Father in Heaven! Is it really worth seeking man's approval when I miss out eternally? I think not!

"Beware of practicing your righteousness before other people
 in order to be seen by them,
for then you will have no reward from your Father who is in heaven."
                                                                        Matthew 6v1

That's Not My Name

"Mum, can I have a drink?...Mum, I need you...Mum, can you wipe my bottom?...Mum, he hit me...Mum, where's my uniform?...Mummy...Mum, I've swallowed a piece of Lego...Mum, can you help me with my homework?...Mum, look at me jump...Mum, why did God put metal in the earth?...Mummy...Mum, I'm hungry...Mum, can I have Sport's Candy?...Mum, where's dad?...Mum, come see...Mum, can you deal with him...Mum, what you typing?...Mum, I need string and some glue...Mummy...Mum, I'm stuck...Mum, can you play with me...Mum, I'm hungry...Mum, maybe we should calm down with a DVD...Mummy...Mum, can you make Buzz a spaceship...Mum...Mum...Mum..."

After a day of this, I turned to our lodger and said "I think I might change my name". And her response was simply quite profound in that moment; "Mum isn't your name." Her comment stunned me, I don't think I believed what she said. Of course Mum is my name, I get called it a few hundred times a day. It is what I am most often referred to as. It is what I do, so it must be who I am. Even the husband will say things like; "Ask mum". That's me, that's who I am. That's my name!

But actually our lodger (and wise friend) is right. Mum is not my name. It is one of my roles; a challenging, wonderful, blessed role, But it does not define who I am. The husband sometimes asks me if I feel more like a mum or more like a wife. And if I answer 'mum', it usually results in him booking us a date night. Which is of course a result, so hopefully he's reading this! But of course 'wife' doesn't  define me either. So what does?

"In love he predestined us for adoption
 as sons through Jesus Christ,
according to the purpose of his will,
to the praise of his glorious grace,
with which he has blessed us in the Beloved." 
                                                  Ephesians 1v5-6

My identity is in Jesus christ. Because of what He has done for me on the cross, I am adopted and blessed as God's beloved. I am loved and forgiven and chosen and adopted as His. I am righteous in His sight because of Jesus Christ. I am my beloved's and He is mine. This is my identity, whilst being a mum and a wife, and anything else for that matter.

9 A Day

During a slightly stressful moment in our house, I sent a text to a couple of friends. Slightly tongue in cheek I asked "What are the fruit of the Spirit again and do I really have to try and show them all at the same time?" Their wonderful responses ranged from "I'm about to boil over myself" to "It's about dwelling in the Spirit, which enables us to show such fruit, it's not about 'trying harder'." In short, go and pray, rather than try harder and end up losing it at the boys!

I asked my eldest if he could remind me of the fruit of the Spirit and he did. It's one of the verses the husband has taught him. 

"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law."

Galations 5v22-23

We often ask him what the second part of the verse means, "And against such things there is no law". And because we often ask him, he was able to respond (in that way a child responds when his parents try to drum in a lesson) by saying that there is no limit to how kind and loving he can be to his brothers. Some of the lessons we teach our boys, seem so easy when we are teaching them to grasp something. But when I'm reminded to put that verse into practice, I can so easily forget this part. I tend to think that I have already been long suffering about something for long enough, or I have already showed that person kindness or gentleness. Or I was self controlled yesterday. Or my patience has run out. But I need to remember that there is no law (and no amount of reasoning, however good they seem) against such things.

My second son asked me what we were talking about, so I grabbed the teaching opportunity. I said that when we plant an apple seed in soil and water it and look after it, after time an apple tree grows and produces healthy apples. And likewise if we plant ourselves in Jesus then as we grow, we will produce fruit like kindness and gentleness. On asking him if he understood, he replied, "I am an apple!" Not put off, by his silly answer in a silly voice, I showed great patience by explaining it once more, in a very gentle, self controlled tone. I even acted out a seed being planted and growing healthy fruit and likened this to planting ourselves in the Holy Spirit, and us growing good fruit. I asked again if he had understood, and he replied, "Can I show you my Nanny McPhee impression by sticking pieces of Lego in my teeth?"

I gave up and accepted that maybe the best way to teach him about the Fruit of the Spirit, was to model it to him, which is often a bigger challenge than teaching it!

Another Blue Toothbrush

Previous OneBluetoothbrush(Matt Hosier)

Just to clarify, I'm not pregnant as the title may suggest. But rather I've asked another dad of daughters to comment on life as One Blue Toothbrush. Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you Matt Simmonds.

Hello I’m not Emma, I’m Matt. Surprise. I have three daughters, ranging from 5 years old to 18 months. A few weeks back my eldest daughter opened our front door and proclaimed to a neighbour of ours that mummy couldn’t answer the door as she was changing the sheets because ‘daddy had an accident in the bed’. Since then lurid rumours have been spreading so I’d like to use the worldwide platform that Emma’s blog gives me to clearly state that this did NOT happen.
I can’t find even the most tenuous link to connect the above story to the following article Emma asked me to pen but ho-hum, I trust it got your attention.
I guess what it does give is a small window into the world of family Simmonds. We like to have fun, laughter and lots of it. Games of Rugby are frequent (I always win), shouting competitions are an occasional pastime (I win those too) and dancing competitions get the blood flowing on rainy afternoons (I don’t need to tell you who wins those). Having kids doesn’t have to be a chore, a fight or a battle.
As well as fun we major on themes like kindness, compassion, generosity, quick forgiveness, obedience etc. Oft quoted phrases include cheesy lines like ‘Simmonds Girls Share’ & ‘Guests Get Best’.

Much of our parenting rationale is influenced by something God spoke to us whilst Jo was pregnant with our third daughter about our daughter’s middle names; Grace, Rose & Joy. There was no deliberate intention in any of their names other than Grace being my mothers name, however we felt God say that these middle names would reflect each of the girls characters. That’s shaped our parenting and our prayers.

We’re also convinced it’s crucial that girls know the love of their dad, lack of space in this article precludes me from properly elaborating on ‘the why’. Although I will say briefly, that for girls in particular to be secure in my love isn’t the end goal, not really. Actually I want them to be secure in the love of God, but knowing the love of an earthly father will go a long way to helping them recognise love from their heavenly father.
Now, to be straight with you folks, I’m not the most tactile chap but I’ve deliberately put that to one side (with 3 girls that wasn’t difficult). My girls get kisses, cuddles, bundles, and tickles in abundance. I ensure my speech isn’t inhibited either; encouragement and affectionate language are so vital and I hope are dished from my lips in abundance.

One thing I didn’t tell you about the story at the beginning is that I discovered later that the UNTRUE comment was actually planted in my daughter’s fertile mind by my dear wife. Thanks love. Despite this deception Jo (my wife) and I work very much as a team. We’re now outnumbered so we have to work as a team. Parenting is very much like riding a tandem bike, you can’t go in differing directions and if you try, you’ll just fall over, together.

What's on Your Finger?

Yesterday I took a bag of vegetables to my friend's house. I knew I had people coming for dinner, and I wouldn't have proper time to chop the veg and prep for dinner after the school run. So after a few cups of coffee, lunch with four mums and seven kids, a tadpole disaster, a few discipline opportunities and a brief but honest chat, I headed off to the school run with the same bag of vegetables, unchopped. And my afternoon went something like this...

Pick up two boys from school.

Carry two sleeping boys and a bag of vegetables into the house.

Send oldest two to get out of their uniform.

Put a DVD on.

Make four drinks and four snacks. 
Start chopping vegetables. (Skip peeling)
Put thirty sausages under the grill.
Chop more vegetables.
Sort out a 'disagreement' between two boys.
Check sausages.

Say "Wait a minute" to the youngest calling me.

Start to turn sausages.

Say "Wait a minute" to the youngest calling me.

Wonder what is on youngest's fingers.

Smell youngest's fingers.
Gag on the smell of poo.
Shove sausages back under the grill.
Repeatedly say "Don't touch anything. Don't touch anything."

Grab wet wipes.

Wet wipe the youngest.
Antibacterialise youngest's fingers.
Strip the youngest.
Throw clothes near washing machine.
Change a nappy on kitchen floor.
Throw nappy in outside bin.
Antibacterialise my fingers.
Smell slightly burning sausages.
Say "No" to boys asking for raw carrots and apples.
Realise it's the only way to get fruit & veg in them tonight... 
Change "no to carrots and apples" to "Yes to carrots and apples".
Hand out four carrots.
Turn grill down.
Text someone to bring two chairs and milk tonight.
Chop some vegetables.
Fry some vegetables, with youngest on hip.
Hand out more carrots.
Put dummy in youngest's mouth.
Laugh.
Text the husband to ask for Estimated Time of Arrival.
Add half an hour to the husband's Estimated Time of Arrival.
Open some plum tomatoes.
Vaguely read recipe.
Tell youngest "Hot hot hot" as I move each sausage to the plates by hand.
Stop youngest drinking Antibacterial gel.
Take a photo of the table.

Laugh.

Quote to myself,

"You know when I sit and when I rise;
   you perceive my thoughts from afar.

 You discern my going out and my lying down;
   you are familiar with all my ways." (Psalm 139v2-3)

Feel encouraged by the fact that God is watching me and my day.

Feel encouraged that He is familiar with all my ways.

Hand out four plates of sausages.

Think the plates look a bit empty.

Remember they've had carrots and apples.

Butter some bread and give them chocolate biscuits.

Find a Bonus Feature on the DVD to keep them occupied for a few more minutes.

Throw vegetables, sausages and other stuff in a big pan and stick it in the oven.

Stop the youngest from playing with the clothes by the washing machine.

Praise the Lord for the sound of keys in the door.

Kiss the husband.

Notice him scan the kitchen and not react.

Start to clear the table.

Thank the husband for his help.

Clean two toilets.

Put four little people to bed.

Set the table.

Breathe.

The Heart of the Matter

Undoubtedly the Toy Story Trilogy rocks! What's not to love? A Space Ranger (now with Spanish mode) a Cowboy, fantastic story lines, humour, friendship, little green men, Barbie & Ken, plus heartfelt emotion. (Even the husband and his brother found the incinerator scene quite hard to watch!) We waited with anticipation for Toy Story 3 in our house. And it didn't fail to win our affection. I watched it on Christmas day, and bawled because I thought my boys were about to leave me to go to college! Then I realised I had about eleven years until that may start happening.

Now with all good kid's films, there is always a baddie. Boo...Hiss... Sid the boy next door, Stinky Pete the Prospector, and Emperor Zurg. But Toy Story 3 presents us with Lotso. Lotso is a soft cuddly bear who smells of strawberries, and comes across as very kind, gentle and caring. But no no no. Lotso is a mean, selfish bear. He was rejected and became a bitter and hard hearted 'not so cuddly bear'. There is a moment in the film, where Lotso has a chance to redeem himself. Woody helps the undeserving bear because he is in danger. But when he has a chance to help the others, he opts out and chooses to think only of himself. Boo...hiss...indeed!


I thought I'd use Lotso Bear's antics as an opportunity to teach the boys. So I asked them what they thought was wrong with Lotso. My eldest responded that he was nice on the outside, but inside his heart was selfish. We looked at Proverbs 27v19 "As in water reflects face, so the heart of man reflects the man." The boys needed the verse explaining to them, so I spoke to them about how if we look in water, we can see what our face looks like. And so it is with our heart. If we look at what we say and do, it shows us what our heart is like. We looked at Lotso's heart, and talked about his actions and his words. Mark Driscoll puts it quite clearly "Your heart is the reflecting of your identity, of your essence, of your nature. It is a reflection of who you are." And Lotso's identity, essence and nature shows us that his heart is cold, mean and selfish. He had allowed his rejection to turn into bitterness and selfishness.


We also looked at Psalm 51v10
"Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me." And we asked God to do that for us. We asked Him to make our hearts good and clean, and that people would be able to know what our hearts looked like, by looking at our words and actions. My hope for when we train and discipline our boys, is that their hearts are changed which is reflected in their behviour and not the other way round.

Out of the mouths of babes

A wise old elder (not sure he'll enjoy being referred to as that) told me yesterday to look for what God may be saying to me, through what my children are saying and doing sometimes. So taken to the extreme, this of course could be quite amusing. I don't think God is telling me to believe in dragons. Neither is He pointing out to me that there is some great spiritual message in the building of a Lego spaceship. I don't think that God is saying He wants me to talk like Yoda. I also don't think He is telling me to use my 'spiritual scooter' today, or eat yoghurt with my hands or throw expensive things in the bin.

But what He may well be saying to me is to follow the example of my three year old, which is humbling. Today I heard him downstairs, building with Duplo while singing "Praise the Lord, Praise the Lord, let the sea(!) hear His voice...Come to the Father, through Jesus the Son" over and over again. He then came upstairs to me, where I told him that I had loved hearing his singing to Jesus. He asked me if he could help me to put the washing away, which he proceeded to do. Later when his dad was explaining to him, that God loves that he was serving his mummy. He replied "God loves me so much. He loves me when I'm good, He loves me when I'm naughty, He loves me all the time. I want to give Him all my money".

Wow, humbling indeed. So in short, through watching my son today and learning from his example, I am to;

Build whilst worshipping.
Worship before serving.
Know what God's love and grace looks like.
And give all I've got to Him.

Amen to that!

  "At that time the disciples came to Jesus, saying,

 "Who is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven?"

 And calling to him a child, he put him in the midst of them and said,

 "Truly, I say to you, unless you turn and become like children,

 you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.

Whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven."

                                                                                         Matthew 18v1-4

Obey Straight Away

This morning I read from my son's Good News Bible because my own bible is sitting on the back seat of my friend's car. Someone had offered to have the baby for a couple of hours so that I could go and get some 'head space', drink tea, and read. (A complete blessing, which felt like I had enjoyed a week's restful beach holiday, rather than just a couple of child free hours, sitting down, drinking tea!) So with my son's Good News Bible open, I found his scrawled writing on a blank page which said "I love God and the bible". Such a wonderful statement to read.

I found myself reading Proverbs 3v5 and was struck by the simplicity of the words.
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart. Never rely on what you think you know."
Never rely on what I think I know....Mmm this stuck with me, perhaps because I totally rely on what I think I know. I rely on my own thoughts about myself and about God and about others. I rely on my feelings and what I think I know about God's character, and how He views me. I rely on what I think I know about people in my life too.

I found myself feeling quite challenged by this little verse which I had read so many times before in my own bible. And I started to see that when I do rely on what I think I know, it usually ends up pretty fruitless.
When I rely on what I think I know about God, I can come up with all sorts of wrong thinking about trying to earn His love and acceptance. Rather than dwelling in the truth of His lavish gift of love, and accepting what His son's death meant for me.
When I rely on what I think I know about myself, I can quickly end up swimming in my own pride, thinking how great I am. Or likewise I can start drowning with thoughts of how bad I am, and can't possibly be loved.
When I rely on what I think I know about others, I can end up making judgements about them or comparing myself to them.
Relying on what I think I know is fruitless. It does not bring any life. It brings worry, doubt, fear, judgement, and insecurity. It is disobedient to not trust in the Lord. It is sinful to rely on what I think I know!

Verse 2 says, "My teaching will give you a long and prosperous life." Well, that quite simply sounds fruitful and brings life. And a prosperous, long life at that! We say to our kids all the time "When do we obey?" and with joyful hearts they are meant to reply "Straight away!" Yet I have read this verse before and I have not obeyed straight away, nor have I obeyed with a joyful heart. Relying on what I think I know, brings death. Obedience and trust of God's word, however simple the verse, brings a long and prosperous life.

Lord, please help me to obey you straight away.

One Blue Toothbrush

Although many aspects of raising boys and girls are the same, I do not feel able to comment on the aspect of raising pink ones. I was shocked enough to discover that my friend takes over half an hour sorting her girls' hair in the morning. Whereas, unless my boys have got nits, I barely even touch their hair! So I asked a few men who have daughters to comment on their world. A view from 'One Blue toothbrush' as it were. So ladies and gentlemen, I give you Matt Hosier.

I live in a house of women. One wife. Four daughters. Even our dog (which we got before we had kids) was female. Sadly she went to doggy heaven last year, but I now have two boy dogs, so the Y chromosome is fighting back. We used to do three kinds of clothes wash: lights, darks, and pinks. But now the girls are older pink is no longer the colour of choice – God is gracious. We don’t have one blue toothbrush and five pink – we have a rainbow collection of oral healthcare products.

It is funny how often people give me a pitying look when I tell them I have four daughters. The comments are now predictable: “Just wait till the hormones kick in; I hope you’re saving for all those weddings.” But here’s the thing – I was never disappointed when another daughter was born rather than a son, and I’m not worried about what the future might bring. So when those predictable comments come, I either just smile and move on, or say, “Yes, I’m a very blessed man.”

Simply at the practical level I feel the odds are stacked in my favour. Look at it this way – who’s going to look after you when you get old? All things being equal, it’s the daughter of the house who takes on the care of her aged parents at the point that becomes necessary. I’ve got four options there. I’m going to be well looked after!

But more than any scheming about nursing cover in my old age, having daughters is simply a wonderful gift. Grace and I get to raise four young women and defy all the doom mongers who think that a scary prospect. We get to teach our daughters what it means to be godly women – women who are strong and sassy, but also charming and winsome. Our ambition is to produce women who weak or corrupt or sleazy men find too hot to handle. But women who know how to respect and follow men who are worthy of them. We do this with Jesus as our model. Read the gospels and it is pretty clear that Jesus was never intimidated by a woman, or intimidating towards them. We want our girls to follow him, and to be able to recognise other men who reflect him.

I love my girls. They are quite simply amazing. They are amazingly different, but also very recognizably members of the family. And this is one of the great challenges and opportunities of parenting – recognizing and cultivating the God-given gifts and personalities of each, while also recognizing the great extent to which all of them inevitably mirror what they see in their parents. In both cases, Grace and I want them to see Jesus – in their own distinct personalities to display the glory of God, and in their family resemblance to find something worthy of Christ.

Girls rock! And I’m the luckiest dog alive.

matthewhosier.blogspot.com

For a look at life from another 'dad of daughters' perspective Another Blue Toothbrush

From Boys to Men

I was recently at a wedding and at the entrance to the bride, I saw a little girl in awe of the pretty dresses, and a little boy looking around trying to work out how and where the sound was coming from. It reminded me again of those wonderful differences God has created. My boys play games that I never played as a little girl. I don't remember trying to imitate being Indiana Jones or Luke Skywalker like my brother did. I remember writing to The Queen and pressing flowers!  I remember having two dolls, one called Hannah and one called Soo Soo. And Hannah and Soo Soo never blew stuff up or killed alien dinosaurs. Their cots were not space ships and their bottles weren't laser guns.

Playing, for my boys isn't just rough adventure play for the sake of it. My nephews building a tree house and making weapons isn't just to keep them busy. It is helping them to be the men they're going to grow into one day. They need to have a go and take risks. They need to 'live to fight another day' and go on rescue missions. They need to know how to do things. They need to conquer and fight for what they believe in. They need to battle on like a Jedi would, or conquer like David did. And according to John Eldredge's "The Way of the Wild Heart", they need someone telling them that they can achieve it. They need to be told that they can do it. They need to know they are loved and secure in order to take risks. But they need to be spurred on and challenged by the right source in their life. I know fully that my role as mum is important, valued, and needed in their lives but I also know that they need to be taught most of this stuff by a man in their life. A man who has got vision and purpose for their life.

For me, I know that I am blessed to have a husband who is very serious about teaching our boys well; challenging them, teaching them, and encouraging them in line with God's word. I can't even imagine how hard it is for single mums to parent alone. Some of my friends are single mums, and they didn't all choose to raise their kids alone. They didn't ask to be both mum and dad to their children, but they find themselves in this situation. A friend of mine who is single handedly raising her kids, said to me that she never quite realised how much her son needs a good godly man in his life, in order for him to become a good godly man. She knows there is stuff her son goes through that she, as a woman and as his mum, has no idea how to handle properly. She can't teach him or understand him in some ways. So she makes an effort to ask the men she knows and respects to spend time with him, to be an example for him to copy, to encourage him and listen to him. I admire her for doing this.

Boys need men to love them, teach them, show them, help them, guide them, be 'for them', encourage them and be a humble example to them. Girls of course need this too. (And they will feature tomorrow.) The greatest man our children will ever know is Jesus. I want my boys to follow His loving, sacrificial, powerful, strong example.

"Behold, children are a heritage from the LORD,
    the fruit of the womb a reward.
Like arrows in the hand of a warrior
   are the children of one’s youth.
Blessed is the man
   who fills his quiver with them!
He shall not be put to shame
   when he speaks with his enemies in the gate."

                                                 Psalm 127v3-5

Frogs and Snails, and Puppy Dog Tails

As a mum to four boys, I am having to get used to the fact that girls and boys are very different indeed. Today I took my son for a wee, and there was bright blue cleaning product around the bowl. My son took it as his mission to wee in just the right way that would totally clear all of the cleaning product away in a circular motion. This is something I have never done. This is a 'boy thing'. I'm coming to appreciate that bottom burps can sometimes actually be quite funny! I'm getting used to nakedness being hilarious and any vague willy or bottom revealing also being a source of great amusement. I'm seeing the skill it takes to hold a spider by one leg and catch a slow worm and keep it in a bucket on the kitchen side for a day or two.

I'm also coming to experience how physical the little blue ones are. I am often so tired at the end of the day, and I realise it is because I have been climbed over and jumped on. Everything they do involves a climb, a run, a roll or a flying kick rather than just a walk. Everything is there to be conquered whether its a tree, a large rock or a river. When I feel tired I take them to a park, so they can use actual climbing equipment to climb on. I now count bruises and scrapes on little knees and say "that's a good one" after showing the initial mummy tenderness after a fall. I watch them being pirates, aliens, space rangers, Jedi knights and superheroes on a daily basis. I hear them being the least secret, secret agents. I watch them act out Daniel in the lion's den, and fight to be chosen as Joshua as they conquer Jericho. They want the role of David as they sling a stone into Goliath's head and cut it off! I don't fully understand why wrestling is fun and why pain is something they 'man up' to and get on with. But I accept and love that boys are different!

I might not always understand what they're doing or why they're doing it. But I do appreciate our differences. I love how God made us different. I love that I get to appreciate why God made them how they are, and why God made me to be me. He made us to complement one another within different roles. He made us different to bring Him glory, and to reveal the different characteristics that He has. His tenderness and mercy. His power and strength. His compassion and gentleness. His boldness and steadfastness. I know it's not 'male' characteristics and 'female' characteristics and we don't all fit into a stereotypical mold of what a boy is like and what a girl is like. But it is good to appreciate the diverse creativity that God has made. I know that I don't need to change to be like them, and I know that I don't need to try and make the boys more like me. I can accept and praise God for our differences.

"So God created man in his own image,
      in the image of God he created him;
  male and female he created them."

                               Genesis 1v27

Happily Ever After

So I did head up to London for the Royal Wedding celebrations. I went to Trafalgar Square, wearing Wendy Virgo's hat. I took my flags and my Pimms. I sang Jerusalem and God save the Queen with a few thousand people and waved my flag whenever I saw a member of the Royal Family on the big screen! I spent time with friends. I made whooping noises when I saw Prince William, and of course when I saw Kate's fabulous dress. I got lost somewhere in front of Buckingham Palace, behind the statue! Got stuck in a few crowds. Smiled and laughed and sang with strangers enjoying the day, and got covered in confetti. I said a few "ahhs" when the happy couple took their vows and when they gave each other loving glances, convincing us all that they may actually live "Happily ever after".

And after hearing the words of Romans 12 being spoken to millions around the world, I found myself praying for them as the service continued. If William and Kate choose to live their lives as the verses encouraged them to do, then they will live according to the will of God, and there is no better way to live.

"I appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship. Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect."

If they seek to let love be genuine, abhor what is evil; hold fast to what is good, love one another with brotherly affection, outdo one another in showing honor  and  not be slothful in zeal,  if they seek to be fervent in spirit, and serve the Lord, if they seek to rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, and be constant in prayer, then they will be living how God intends them to live.

God puts rulers and authorities in place and I want to be committed to praying for this couple in the position they are in. I want to pray that they will live how the Bishop of London stirred them to live, as he quoted St Catherine of Siena; “Be who God meant you to be and you will set the world on fire.” I pray that God would reveal Himself to them, and draw them to His son Jesus, and I pray that they would seek to worship Him and live according to His will for their lives, their marriage and the influence they hold.

Forgiven

Last night I was being a bit tired and grumpy with the husband. Even though I often say to the boys that they're not to let their tiredness or feelings effect how they are with people, that's often easier said than done. In my grumpiness I was expecting the husband to know exactly what I needed from him, without telling him what it was that I needed. And I've been married long enough to know that the husband cannot actually read mind! Anyway I said sorry to him, but still got into bed quite sad and grumpy.

The husband forgave me quickly as he does, and I said I was sorry again! He said if I had repented to God about it, then God had also forgiven me. Then the husband's question came; Had I had forgiven myself? Mmm... no I hadn't. The reason I was still grumpy was because I felt cross with myself. I thought I'd accepted God's forgiveness and the husband's forgiveness, but I didn't feel forgiven, and was still punishing myself.

The husband promptly challenged me that my forgiveness was no greater than God's powerful, undeserved forgiveness. I had no right to punish myself, and I shouldn't hold myself guilty, because Jesus had already been punished on my behalf and I had been declared forgiven by my heavenly father. What wonderful truth! And to wake up on Easter Sunday, and know that we celebrate today that Jesus rose from the dead, He conquered death and sin. He held all my sins and shame on His shoulders as He died, and today I can celebrate His mercy and grace.

"He does not treat us as our sins deserve
   or repay us according to our iniquities.
 For as high as the heavens are above the earth,
   so great is his love for those who fear him;
 as far as the east is from the west,
   so far has he removed our transgressions from us."

                                      Psalm 103v10-12 

The Message of the Buns

This morning someone dropped round a bag of the tastiest hot cross buns I have ever had. They were still warm and smelt delicious. I thought it was a kind gesture to bring hot cross buns to us on Good Friday. And they were quite quickly consumed by us all.

I've bought quite a few hot cross buns recently in an attempt to talk to a man at Asda about Jesus, as you do! I bought some quite a while back and as we were standing at the checkout, the man said "I wonder what the cross is for" and I pathetically replied, "Don't know". Then I heard the cockerel crow, so to speak, as I realised that I had missed an opportunity to explain the gospel to someone. When we were discussing the sins of omission (things you should do, but you don't) at small group I used what I had done as an example of it. I was challenged to go and make it right with him, which I didn't particularly want to do. I was just using it as an example. But they were right to challenge me. What's the point of meeting with people regularly to talk about God and life, if we are not willing for them to then speak into our lives?

So I've been buying hot cross buns for quite a while now and trying to find the right man at the checkout. I did find him a couple of weeks ago and started the conversation. It didn't go too well, and the man wasn't really interested, and for some reason I thought having all four boys with me would be the best way to start quite a big, slightly awkward chat about the most important thing that the man will ever hear. I promptly bought an Easter card and wrote in better detail what I wanted to say; that God loved him so much that He put all the punishment that we deserve for our sins, on Jesus instead of us.

I was gently reminded by my hot cross bun encounter, that I need to be willing to use this Easter celebration as an opportunity to explain what it is all about. We've made a point of telling the boys that it is not about the chocolate that we will enjoy on Sunday. It is about what happened on Good Friday, when Jesus was punished in our place, and when He was separated from God in our place too. We will look forward to celebrating His resurrection with them on Sunday too.

"You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless,

      Christ died for the ungodly.  

Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous person,

      though for a good person someone might possibly dare to die. 

 But God demonstrates his own love for us in this:

     While we were still sinners, Christ died for us."

                                                  Romans 5v6-8

Princess Emma of Brighton

As I drink coffee out of my new "William & Catherine" celebration mug, I'm aware that the Royal Wedding is drawing near. I've got my blue and red flower for my hair, and I've got my flags at the ready. Friends have been sending me pictures of Royal Wedding fridges and Royal Wedding play sets and knitted Royal Wedding people. I'm still undecided as to whether I am venturing up to the big city of London for it, or whether I'm putting bunting up and getting a better picture of it all from the tele, with some friends. I'm not staying at home though, where the husband and the boys are not entirely sparked with enthusiasm in the same way that I am.


The husband didn't write letters to the Royal Family when he was younger, and he's not overly bothered about seeing a real life princess, or the royal carriage, or wondering what her dress looks like. The husband isn't still hoping for an invitation like I am. Now the husband does think that the Royal Family are important, he's just not taking it to a new level of excitement like his wife seems to be. Maybe I will get him a stick on royal tattoo like I have got for the boys, to boost his enthusiasm for the whole thing. 

I met with some friends recently and we agreed to pray for one other person beforehand, and ask God to reveal something for that person. My friend felt that God wanted to remind me of my Royal status. She had this verse for me from Isaiah 62v3

"You will be a crown of splendor in the LORD’s hand,
   a royal diadem in the hand of your God."

She said that the diadem is a symbol of royalty, worn with dignity. Now I will of course be checking out Princess Catherine's version of a tiara. But my friend wanted me to realise that that is my status in God. He sees me as a 'Royal crown of splendor in His hand'. And as excited as I am about the Royal Wedding, it should not take place of the excitement and wonder of knowing the King of kings, and because of what He has done for me, I am now royalty too.

 "I delight greatly in the LORD;
   my soul rejoices in my God.
For he has clothed me with garments of salvation
   and arrayed me in a robe of his righteousness,
as a bridegroom adorns his head like a priest,
   and as a bride adorns herself with her jewels."

                                                    Isaiah 61v10