Steal Kill, Destroy (Bit dark...)

My previous post talked about one of my favourite verses, John 10v10. "The thief comes to steal, kill and destroy. I have come that you may have life in abundance". The blog concentrated more on the second part of the verse, the God of abundance. It's definately the part you would put on a fridge magnet. I guess this blog looks more at the first part of the verse, the stealing, killing and destroying part. Not so fridge-magnety.

I had been in a bit of a funk for a couple of weeks. I knew what the cause was and I eventually chatted about it with people. I originally told the husband I didn't want to talk about it which I know will have frustrated grown him a little. He does love to pastor, pull on threads, find the root, speak truth into it, ask follow-up questions and he couldn't do any of that, because he only had a headline to go on. I could literally see on his face, 'she's asked not to talk about this, so try to not dig, but still show care for her'. Ah the joys of the marriage do-si-do*. When one of us isn't ready to talk, we have to give each other just the subject headline, so the other one doesn't go out of their mind wondering what it could be let alone what it actually is. No follow up questions until the other one is ready, or until the questioner explodes. 

I also wanted to talk it out with God first. I'm quite good at talking it out with other people, and sometimes I forget to let God in from the beginning. I come back to Him when I've worked it out with a buddy, or externally processed it on a voice note to someone instead. This is a silly way round of doing things seeing as God is already very aware of all my thoughts and feelings which there are many of. As I was praying, I started to cry at the phrase, I feel like I have made a fool of myself. It was helpful to put words to an unknown feeling. I was feeling similar to how I feel after childbirth, suddenly exposed and vulnerable, which is normal after childbirth but isn't necessarily a normal everyday feeling for me.

It caused me to be more cryey than usual, second-guess myself and retreat a little. Again, not my usual feels, excpet for the crying maybe. The husband found me crying at a reality show the other day, when the contestant does that sad story bit looking off camera. And I may have welled up in an advert too. Not even a Christmas advert, just a normal one. Oh and I cried yesterday because I watched a dog get found by a drone. So that bit is fairly normal, but the second-guessing and withdrawing, not so much. 

The husband's advice even without knowing details was and always is, 'Do not listen to yourself, talk to yourself'. Don't listen to the thoughts and doubts in your own head, or from the world or from the enemy. Instead tell yourself Biblical truths. He's a keeper. I did let him into my head. He took me out for dinner, ordered me a glass of Merlot, asked if I was ready to talk... that's 24 years of marriage training right there. 

Annoyingly a friend told me that I needed to allow any shaping and pruning to actually happen. She reminded me that seeds literally grow into plants and trees and fruit, but those seeds grow in the dark dead place, and that I needed to sit with God in these moments, otherwise I may miss a growth moment. Over voice memo, she reminded me of who I am, where I am and God's placing of me. She then said that I mustn't let the devil steal my joy. She said I was a joy-bringer but that currently I was letting the enemy steal my joy. 

Maybe what she said struck me more because it's a verse I know and love. And maybe because her focus was on the part of the verse that I don't always dwell on. There is an enemy of my soul whose aim is to steal, destroy and kill. Was I giving permission to have my joy stolen? I had a picture in my head of someone stealing my gold bag. It doesn't hold much in it - a slightly relevant book, pen, mascara, Christmas stamp, Yorkshire tea tin, some extra-strong mints, some Ibuprofen but if someone tried to take it, I would probably hold onto it. I'd fight for it. I wouldn't just let them take it, passively handing it over. I'd tug back on it, maybe mentally weighing up if I could take the person out, using said bag. Unless there was a threat to life, I would hold onto it and pull it back towards me. It's mine, not theirs. This image caused me to gather myself, sharpen my thinking. Am I fighting to hold on to my joy? Or am I passively letting the enemy just take it. Am I fighting in prayer, in spiritual battle, in godly input or am I not making it much of a fight at all? Am I talking truth to myself or allowing enemy lies to be the louder voice? 

I found myself saying similar things to my daughter recently. She was listening to all kinds of lies and the mumma bear in me wanted to literally fight these lies away from her. Maybe it's easier to do it for someone else, for a child even. How dare she think or say that about herself. Nope, not having it. I spoke truth to her, prayed truth over her and literally wrote truths out on post-it notes and hung it in her room. I think that's how our Heavenly Father is with us His children, with me His beloved child. He doesn't want me to live under any kind of lies. He wants me to be assured in Him. He came to bring life in abundance, in all its fullness. He has spoken and written out truths to me. Words for battle, words of encouragement, words of comfort, words of faith, words of strength, words of joy, words of dignity, words of forgiveness, words of life, words of hope. And He fought for me. There was quite literally a threat to His son's life, and at the point of Jesus' death, it must have looked like God had merely handed His son over to the enemy, let go of the bag so-to-speak, letting go of my life and my joy in the process. Defeated. Battle lost. 

However, I seem to remember that's not how it ended. The enemy did come to steal, kill and destroy but of course Jesus came to bring life, resurrection life, victory life, over-flowing, running-over life. And I get to live in the joy and freedom of that life. It's mine. Mine to hold onto, mine to fight for."O death, where is your victory? O death, where is your sting?' ... But thanks be to God, who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ." 1 Corinthains 15v57

"Though you do not now see him, you believe in him and rejoice with joy that is inexpressible and filled with glory, obtaining the outcome of your faith, the salvation of your souls." 1 Peter 1 v 8-9

"Therefore my heart is glad, and my whole being rejoices; my flesh also dwells secure. For you will not abandon my soul... You make known to me the path of life; in your presence there is fulness of joy; at your right hand are pleasures forevermore." Psalm 16 v 9-11

Why has God told us all these things? Why do we have all these truths written down? So that when the burdens of life bear heavy or the storms get firece or the enemy attempts to steal from us, we get to stand firm, already victorious, already living as God intended, holding onto what is rightfully ours, righteously ours, a life of Joy. "I have told you these things so that you will be filled with my joy. Yes, your joy will overflow!" John 15v9 

*Do-si-do: a common folk dance where two dancers walk around each other, back to back, without turning around. 

More than Enough

If you have seen any of my Instagram or Facebook Reels, you may have picked up on our little jolly jaunt to Spain. All the kids, one girlfriend, one fiance, and two daughters in law. Back to where we went nine years ago. The nostalgic expectation was high! 

When we arrived, it felt nice that the supermarket was the same. The crisps were the same. The Sangria was still 3 Euros! My cup was full. However, it was very clear that El Delfin Verde had had some major upgrades since our last visit. The caravans were all bigger than before, which is a positive if everyone you bring with you is also bigger than they were.This time we needed two caravans, which were decked underneath, unfortunately meaning you couldn't look for geckos under the caravans! Maybe there had been feedback about a family nine years ago. The swimming pool had been majorly developed, which was wonderful and weird and sad. The kids used to stand on the eye of the dolphin and jump in. Whereas the eye of the dolphin is now a mini forest. The slides were fairly similar, although realising you go faster if you have someone heavier or taller at the front of the inflatable, meant some strategic pairing. The pirate ship was the same but they were all too big to go on that now. The mini disco was huge, not so mini. When a familiar song came on, it was just warming to watch them all and it was amusing to look around at other holiday folk watching us have a lot of fun. All of us singing along. All twelve of us. The ones we raised and the ones they have chosen to add to this glorious chaos. Gosh my heart was full. 

Then there were moments when smaller groupings happened. For starters, we had a whole afternoon to ourselves, reading in the pool and then dinner out together, just the two of us. That was never able to happen before. Quality time, is always a heart-filler.  A coffee and a walk for one of my girls and their newly acquired older sisters. A brother hanging with a brother's partner. Me and one son enjoying an Aperol Spritz together. (Adult kids can buy you cocktails in the pool, that's a new win!) A couple of couples inviting a little sister to the lake. Cups of tea and books for the early risers. Various late night shenanigans for the ones who stay up too late. And I found myself the new matriach of six beautiful girlies. How times have changed! Joy overflowing. 

Aqua dance was on every day, as it always had been. Nine years ago, this was time to myself, while the husband watched the little ones. I say time to myself: the older boys would chase each other by swiming inbetween the legs of all the ladies doing the Aquadance. We had to establish really quickly on this holiday, that that same game was now wildly inappropriate due to their sizes and ages! Time to myself was instead replaced with various family members joining me. The husband even joined in for a couple of hip sashays, although he was also the much needed cameraman to capture this epic activity. 

Holidaying with more people, potentially means more people to have little run-ins with as well. Misread comments or too many opinions. Couples around families. Siblings and parents. Morning people, evening people, sun-bathing people, people who like walks, people who are made to eat Pesto Pasta and people with their own cash, active people, sleepy people, chill people and energetic people. I guess that's what makes a family, and everyone has to adapt, leaning in to each other as we have hopefully taught them over the years. 

One of my favourite verses in the Bible, is John 10v10, (the second half more than the first) "The thief comes to steal, kill and destroy. But I have come to bring life and life in abundance". My heart was full on this holiday; all the wins, all the joys, all the fun, all the singing, all the dancing, all the Spanish ham in croissants, all the people, all the combinations. I think I have a fairly good idea of what abundance feels like, what overflowing means and I am so grateful.

I learned a little something which blew my mind at the Think conference this year. We were studying the Bible book of Luke written by wordsmith Luke himself. "Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap". All fantastic words with imagery like dropping Mentos into a bottle of Coke. The last part of the verse, "for the measure you use, it will be measured to you", it will be measured to you, in the Greek, is the longest word in that sentance. I loved finding that out. The structure of the words tie in beautifully with the truth of that statement. 

I wonder if I don't actually have a good idea of what abundance feels like. I reckon it is so much more than I could ever imagine. God is the God of the more, the full, the running -over, the extra, the never-ending, the full blessing, the abundance. And this means that even when they've all gone back to their own lives and my cups of tea in the morning are just for one, Jesus is still the king of abundance. Even when the kids are not getting along, He is still the king of life, life in all its fullness. Even when the kids are facing their own doubts and battles, it doesn't change who Jesus is and what He has done for them. Even when it seems like the enemy is stealing from you or from them, it does not change the Victory that we get to live in. Thank God that He never changes. He wasn't any different nine years ago. He wont have changed the next time I meet with Him. He's the same God in Spain as He is in England. His overflowing love, His steadfast faithfulness and His ever-reaching mercy will always be more than enough, more than I deserve, more than I can fathom. His goodness knows no bounds.