My previous post talked about one of my favourite verses, John 10v10. "The thief comes to steal, kill and destroy. I have come that you may have life in abundance". The blog concentrated more on the second part of the verse, the God of abundance. It's definately the part you would put on a fridge magnet. I guess this blog looks more at the first part of the verse, the stealing, killing and destroying part. Not so fridge-magnety.
I had been in a bit of a funk for a couple of weeks. I knew what the cause was and I eventually chatted about it with people. I originally told the husband I didn't want to talk about it which I know will have frustrated grown him a little. He does love to pastor, pull on threads, find the root, speak truth into it, ask follow-up questions and he couldn't do any of that, because he only had a headline to go on. I could literally see on his face, 'she's asked not to talk about this, so try to not dig, but still show care for her'. Ah the joys of the marriage do-si-do*. When one of us isn't ready to talk, we have to give each other just the subject headline, so the other one doesn't go out of their mind wondering what it could be let alone what it actually is. No follow up questions until the other one is ready, or until the questioner explodes.
I also wanted to talk it out with God first. I'm quite good at talking it out with other people, and sometimes I forget to let God in from the beginning. I come back to Him when I've worked it out with a buddy, or externally processed it on a voice note to someone instead. This is a silly way round of doing things seeing as God is already very aware of all my thoughts and feelings which there are many of. As I was praying, I started to cry at the phrase, I feel like I have made a fool of myself. It was helpful to put words to an unknown feeling. I was feeling similar to how I feel after childbirth, suddenly exposed and vulnerable, which is normal after childbirth but isn't necessarily a normal everyday feeling for me.
It caused me to be more cryey than usual, second-guess myself and retreat a little. Again, not my usual feels, excpet for the crying maybe. The husband found me crying at a reality show the other day, when the contestant does that sad story bit looking off camera. And I may have welled up in an advert too. Not even a Christmas advert, just a normal one. Oh and I cried yesterday because I watched a dog get found by a drone. So that bit is fairly normal, but the second-guessing and withdrawing, not so much.
The husband's advice even without knowing details was and always is, 'Do not listen to yourself, talk to yourself'. Don't listen to the thoughts and doubts in your own head, or from the world or from the enemy. Instead tell yourself Biblical truths. He's a keeper. I did let him into my head. He took me out for dinner, ordered me a glass of Merlot, asked if I was ready to talk... that's 24 years of marriage training right there.
Maybe what she said struck me more because it's a verse I know and love. And maybe because her focus was on the part of the verse that I don't always dwell on. There is an enemy of my soul whose aim is to steal, destroy and kill. Was I giving permission to have my joy stolen? I had a picture in my head of someone stealing my gold bag. It doesn't hold much in it - a slightly relevant book, pen, mascara, Christmas stamp, Yorkshire tea tin, some extra-strong mints, some Ibuprofen but if someone tried to take it, I would probably hold onto it. I'd fight for it. I wouldn't just let them take it, passively handing it over. I'd tug back on it, maybe mentally weighing up if I could take the person out, using said bag. Unless there was a threat to life, I would hold onto it and pull it back towards me. It's mine, not theirs. This image caused me to gather myself, sharpen my thinking. Am I fighting to hold on to my joy? Or am I passively letting the enemy just take it. Am I fighting in prayer, in spiritual battle, in godly input or am I not making it much of a fight at all? Am I talking truth to myself or allowing enemy lies to be the louder voice?
I found myself saying similar things to my daughter recently. She was listening to all kinds of lies and the mumma bear in me wanted to literally fight these lies away from her. Maybe it's easier to do it for someone else, for a child even. How dare she think or say that about herself. Nope, not having it. I spoke truth to her, prayed truth over her and literally wrote truths out on post-it notes and hung it in her room. I think that's how our Heavenly Father is with us His children, with me His beloved child. He doesn't want me to live under any kind of lies. He wants me to be assured in Him. He came to bring life in abundance, in all its fullness. He has spoken and written out truths to me. Words for battle, words of encouragement, words of comfort, words of faith, words of strength, words of joy, words of dignity, words of forgiveness, words of life, words of hope. And He fought for me. There was quite literally a threat to His son's life, and at the point of Jesus' death, it must have looked like God had merely handed His son over to the enemy, let go of the bag so-to-speak, letting go of my life and my joy in the process. Defeated. Battle lost.
However, I seem to remember that's not how it ended. The enemy did come to steal, kill and destroy but of course Jesus came to bring life, resurrection life, victory life, over-flowing, running-over life. And I get to live in the joy and freedom of that life. It's mine. Mine to hold onto, mine to fight for."O death, where is your victory? O death, where is your sting?' ... But thanks be to God, who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ." 1 Corinthains 15v57
"Though you do not now see him, you believe in him and rejoice with joy that is inexpressible and filled with glory, obtaining the outcome of your faith, the salvation of your souls." 1 Peter 1 v 8-9
"Therefore my heart is glad, and my whole being rejoices; my flesh also dwells secure. For you will not abandon my soul... You make known to me the path of life; in your presence there is fulness of joy; at your right hand are pleasures forevermore." Psalm 16 v 9-11
Why has God told us all these things? Why do we have all these truths written down? So that when the burdens of life bear heavy or the storms get firece or the enemy attempts to steal from us, we get to stand firm, already victorious, already living as God intended, holding onto what is rightfully ours, righteously ours, a life of Joy. "I have told you these things so that you will be filled with my joy. Yes, your joy will overflow!" John 15v9
*Do-si-do: a common folk dance where two dancers walk around each other, back to back, without turning around.
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