When The Fog Clears

After dropping one of the boys at football training, I had 50 minutes to kill before picking him up again. So I drove until I found a park for me and the other boys. It was cold and foggy and it wasn't the best park in the world; lots of "interesting" things written in graffiti and some broken wood to climb and conquer. But I had supplies, because that's what mums do. We feed, we drive, we have supplies and we conquer 50 minutes in the cold fog. So I hid mini chocolate rabbits and lollipops around the park, one for each boy. The three year old was onto it and treats were found in a matter of minutes, accompanied by laughter and jumping. Most of his life is accompanied by laughter and jumping. He then helped the baby find his and again laughter and jumping filled the air. Ah the sweet sound of successful parenting...until the not so sweet sound of the 5 year old's complete meltdown because he was cold and couldn't see the park or find the treats. I helped the 5 year old find them, talked about his heart and his words and said that due to the tantrum he could only choose one, and then said the dreaded words "If you tantrum again, you can't have any". And like a bull to a red flag, the boy lost it. Tears, screaming, shouting, looks of anger, and off he ran into the mist.

I saw through the fog, that he had found a spot on a grass bank and could hear him screaming and shouting "mummy" very crossly. Now my boys are not allowed to scream and shout and cry for very long in these moments. They are spoken to and their outcry is explained to them; that they are demanding what they think is best for them, rather than obeying what we know is best for them. But I just couldn't do it today. If the husband had been there it would've probably been dealt with, but I was tired and cold and fed up too.


So I told God how I felt. I told my Heavenly Father that what had started off as a wonderful moment, my son had now messed up by making bad choices. I told God that he was screaming for me but wont come to me. And as I said this rant to God. I felt so clearly and so powerfully God's reply, "I made it wonderful for you and you have made bad choices and messed up. You have screamed for me but I don't make you come to me, instead I come to you. I pick you up. I hold you. I let you cry. I forgive you and I love you".

So with tears in my eyes, and the fog in my mind cleared, I climbed up the bank to my son. I picked him up and carried him down the bank, to a bench where I held him and hugged him and kissed him and told him that I loved him and that i forgive him. And he cried and said sorry. And we both learned  something about unconditional love that day.

"We love because he first loved us."

                         1 John 4v19