I cried because I miss my church family, I cried because it was nice to worship, I cried because I was tired, I cried because I was done, I cried because I needed to cry. A friend from church messaged me jokingly to say that I looked like I wasn't enjoying myself. Darn it Zoom. I messaged back to say that I was in fact enjoying the worship but close to tears. She offered to call me and pray for me, over the phone. Part of me wanted to jump at the chance, and part of me wanted to fob her off and say it was unnesscessary. I waited a bit, and then text her back with a Yes, hoping she wouldn't see the text as it was quite late.
But she called, prayed, didn't ask questions and then hung up. I cried and felt a huge relief, and realised that was just what I had needed.
It's funny, the emotions that are thrown up in this Lockdown; some fear, some anger, some joy, some hilarity, some stress, some peace, some laughter, some doubt. My littlest girl has an online lesson with her teacher, and the teacher asks her to draw a face of how she's feeling. So far, she has only drawn a sad face, which is sad. She's actually doing very well, and happy a lot of the time. But the on-line lesson makes her miss her teacher.
A couple of weeks ago, we did a Science experiment in our house. We wanted to test the theory; 'people feel better after drinking hot chocolate'. My Instagram friends got involved, sharing pictures of their hot chocolates, and how they felt after drinking them. It turns out you don't feel better if you've just eaten a whole Roast dinner! Or if your mum has pulled you off Fortnite to drink hot chocolate and talk about your feelings. But on the whole, we proved the theory to be true.
As well as getting a hot chocolate out of it, and the kids enjoying Science, I loved the chat we had about how we were feeling. We wrote down what was sad or hard about our current situation; not seeing friends, staying in the house, not being at school, (even school dinners got a mention), not going to church, or friends' houses, not going to restaurants, not going to Youth, not playing football with friends, the virus, the deaths, missing the playground, and cafes with Daddy.
Then we read Philippians 4v11-13
"I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength".
I have read the last part of this verse many times before, but for some reason it really struck me this time. I think I sometimes want to add, 'except this' to it. I can do all things, except this.
We chatted through the meaning of contentment. And it's quite the challenge when you're looking into it, and having to explain it to little people. You have to be honest too, and say where you find it hard. It's good for them to know you're in the same boat as them, and it's only God that is 'other/separate' from us. I explained that thankfulness is a really good way to help us to be more content. So we listed the things we were thankful for; the NHS, a garden, people in the house with us, binmen, Joe Wicks, ice cream, daddy in every evening, screens, films, flour, Facetime, and of course, hot chocolate.
I'm pretty sure the exercise did me just as much good as it did the kids, and we've stuck the 'Content' picture up in our kitchen, so we can remember what were thankful for. Because we can do all things through Christ, who gives us strength, even this.
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