One Blue Toothbrush

Although many aspects of raising boys and girls are the same, I do not feel able to comment on the aspect of raising pink ones. I was shocked enough to discover that my friend takes over half an hour sorting her girls' hair in the morning. Whereas, unless my boys have got nits, I barely even touch their hair! So I asked a few men who have daughters to comment on their world. A view from 'One Blue toothbrush' as it were. So ladies and gentlemen, I give you Matt Hosier.

I live in a house of women. One wife. Four daughters. Even our dog (which we got before we had kids) was female. Sadly she went to doggy heaven last year, but I now have two boy dogs, so the Y chromosome is fighting back. We used to do three kinds of clothes wash: lights, darks, and pinks. But now the girls are older pink is no longer the colour of choice – God is gracious. We don’t have one blue toothbrush and five pink – we have a rainbow collection of oral healthcare products.

It is funny how often people give me a pitying look when I tell them I have four daughters. The comments are now predictable: “Just wait till the hormones kick in; I hope you’re saving for all those weddings.” But here’s the thing – I was never disappointed when another daughter was born rather than a son, and I’m not worried about what the future might bring. So when those predictable comments come, I either just smile and move on, or say, “Yes, I’m a very blessed man.”

Simply at the practical level I feel the odds are stacked in my favour. Look at it this way – who’s going to look after you when you get old? All things being equal, it’s the daughter of the house who takes on the care of her aged parents at the point that becomes necessary. I’ve got four options there. I’m going to be well looked after!

But more than any scheming about nursing cover in my old age, having daughters is simply a wonderful gift. Grace and I get to raise four young women and defy all the doom mongers who think that a scary prospect. We get to teach our daughters what it means to be godly women – women who are strong and sassy, but also charming and winsome. Our ambition is to produce women who weak or corrupt or sleazy men find too hot to handle. But women who know how to respect and follow men who are worthy of them. We do this with Jesus as our model. Read the gospels and it is pretty clear that Jesus was never intimidated by a woman, or intimidating towards them. We want our girls to follow him, and to be able to recognise other men who reflect him.

I love my girls. They are quite simply amazing. They are amazingly different, but also very recognizably members of the family. And this is one of the great challenges and opportunities of parenting – recognizing and cultivating the God-given gifts and personalities of each, while also recognizing the great extent to which all of them inevitably mirror what they see in their parents. In both cases, Grace and I want them to see Jesus – in their own distinct personalities to display the glory of God, and in their family resemblance to find something worthy of Christ.

Girls rock! And I’m the luckiest dog alive.

matthewhosier.blogspot.com

For a look at life from another 'dad of daughters' perspective Another Blue Toothbrush

From Boys to Men

I was recently at a wedding and at the entrance to the bride, I saw a little girl in awe of the pretty dresses, and a little boy looking around trying to work out how and where the sound was coming from. It reminded me again of those wonderful differences God has created. My boys play games that I never played as a little girl. I don't remember trying to imitate being Indiana Jones or Luke Skywalker like my brother did. I remember writing to The Queen and pressing flowers!  I remember having two dolls, one called Hannah and one called Soo Soo. And Hannah and Soo Soo never blew stuff up or killed alien dinosaurs. Their cots were not space ships and their bottles weren't laser guns.

Playing, for my boys isn't just rough adventure play for the sake of it. My nephews building a tree house and making weapons isn't just to keep them busy. It is helping them to be the men they're going to grow into one day. They need to have a go and take risks. They need to 'live to fight another day' and go on rescue missions. They need to know how to do things. They need to conquer and fight for what they believe in. They need to battle on like a Jedi would, or conquer like David did. And according to John Eldredge's "The Way of the Wild Heart", they need someone telling them that they can achieve it. They need to be told that they can do it. They need to know they are loved and secure in order to take risks. But they need to be spurred on and challenged by the right source in their life. I know fully that my role as mum is important, valued, and needed in their lives but I also know that they need to be taught most of this stuff by a man in their life. A man who has got vision and purpose for their life.

For me, I know that I am blessed to have a husband who is very serious about teaching our boys well; challenging them, teaching them, and encouraging them in line with God's word. I can't even imagine how hard it is for single mums to parent alone. Some of my friends are single mums, and they didn't all choose to raise their kids alone. They didn't ask to be both mum and dad to their children, but they find themselves in this situation. A friend of mine who is single handedly raising her kids, said to me that she never quite realised how much her son needs a good godly man in his life, in order for him to become a good godly man. She knows there is stuff her son goes through that she, as a woman and as his mum, has no idea how to handle properly. She can't teach him or understand him in some ways. So she makes an effort to ask the men she knows and respects to spend time with him, to be an example for him to copy, to encourage him and listen to him. I admire her for doing this.

Boys need men to love them, teach them, show them, help them, guide them, be 'for them', encourage them and be a humble example to them. Girls of course need this too. (And they will feature tomorrow.) The greatest man our children will ever know is Jesus. I want my boys to follow His loving, sacrificial, powerful, strong example.

"Behold, children are a heritage from the LORD,
    the fruit of the womb a reward.
Like arrows in the hand of a warrior
   are the children of one’s youth.
Blessed is the man
   who fills his quiver with them!
He shall not be put to shame
   when he speaks with his enemies in the gate."

                                                 Psalm 127v3-5

Frogs and Snails, and Puppy Dog Tails

As a mum to four boys, I am having to get used to the fact that girls and boys are very different indeed. Today I took my son for a wee, and there was bright blue cleaning product around the bowl. My son took it as his mission to wee in just the right way that would totally clear all of the cleaning product away in a circular motion. This is something I have never done. This is a 'boy thing'. I'm coming to appreciate that bottom burps can sometimes actually be quite funny! I'm getting used to nakedness being hilarious and any vague willy or bottom revealing also being a source of great amusement. I'm seeing the skill it takes to hold a spider by one leg and catch a slow worm and keep it in a bucket on the kitchen side for a day or two.

I'm also coming to experience how physical the little blue ones are. I am often so tired at the end of the day, and I realise it is because I have been climbed over and jumped on. Everything they do involves a climb, a run, a roll or a flying kick rather than just a walk. Everything is there to be conquered whether its a tree, a large rock or a river. When I feel tired I take them to a park, so they can use actual climbing equipment to climb on. I now count bruises and scrapes on little knees and say "that's a good one" after showing the initial mummy tenderness after a fall. I watch them being pirates, aliens, space rangers, Jedi knights and superheroes on a daily basis. I hear them being the least secret, secret agents. I watch them act out Daniel in the lion's den, and fight to be chosen as Joshua as they conquer Jericho. They want the role of David as they sling a stone into Goliath's head and cut it off! I don't fully understand why wrestling is fun and why pain is something they 'man up' to and get on with. But I accept and love that boys are different!

I might not always understand what they're doing or why they're doing it. But I do appreciate our differences. I love how God made us different. I love that I get to appreciate why God made them how they are, and why God made me to be me. He made us to complement one another within different roles. He made us different to bring Him glory, and to reveal the different characteristics that He has. His tenderness and mercy. His power and strength. His compassion and gentleness. His boldness and steadfastness. I know it's not 'male' characteristics and 'female' characteristics and we don't all fit into a stereotypical mold of what a boy is like and what a girl is like. But it is good to appreciate the diverse creativity that God has made. I know that I don't need to change to be like them, and I know that I don't need to try and make the boys more like me. I can accept and praise God for our differences.

"So God created man in his own image,
      in the image of God he created him;
  male and female he created them."

                               Genesis 1v27

Happily Ever After

So I did head up to London for the Royal Wedding celebrations. I went to Trafalgar Square, wearing Wendy Virgo's hat. I took my flags and my Pimms. I sang Jerusalem and God save the Queen with a few thousand people and waved my flag whenever I saw a member of the Royal Family on the big screen! I spent time with friends. I made whooping noises when I saw Prince William, and of course when I saw Kate's fabulous dress. I got lost somewhere in front of Buckingham Palace, behind the statue! Got stuck in a few crowds. Smiled and laughed and sang with strangers enjoying the day, and got covered in confetti. I said a few "ahhs" when the happy couple took their vows and when they gave each other loving glances, convincing us all that they may actually live "Happily ever after".

And after hearing the words of Romans 12 being spoken to millions around the world, I found myself praying for them as the service continued. If William and Kate choose to live their lives as the verses encouraged them to do, then they will live according to the will of God, and there is no better way to live.

"I appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship. Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect."

If they seek to let love be genuine, abhor what is evil; hold fast to what is good, love one another with brotherly affection, outdo one another in showing honor  and  not be slothful in zeal,  if they seek to be fervent in spirit, and serve the Lord, if they seek to rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, and be constant in prayer, then they will be living how God intends them to live.

God puts rulers and authorities in place and I want to be committed to praying for this couple in the position they are in. I want to pray that they will live how the Bishop of London stirred them to live, as he quoted St Catherine of Siena; “Be who God meant you to be and you will set the world on fire.” I pray that God would reveal Himself to them, and draw them to His son Jesus, and I pray that they would seek to worship Him and live according to His will for their lives, their marriage and the influence they hold.

Forgiven

Last night I was being a bit tired and grumpy with the husband. Even though I often say to the boys that they're not to let their tiredness or feelings effect how they are with people, that's often easier said than done. In my grumpiness I was expecting the husband to know exactly what I needed from him, without telling him what it was that I needed. And I've been married long enough to know that the husband cannot actually read mind! Anyway I said sorry to him, but still got into bed quite sad and grumpy.

The husband forgave me quickly as he does, and I said I was sorry again! He said if I had repented to God about it, then God had also forgiven me. Then the husband's question came; Had I had forgiven myself? Mmm... no I hadn't. The reason I was still grumpy was because I felt cross with myself. I thought I'd accepted God's forgiveness and the husband's forgiveness, but I didn't feel forgiven, and was still punishing myself.

The husband promptly challenged me that my forgiveness was no greater than God's powerful, undeserved forgiveness. I had no right to punish myself, and I shouldn't hold myself guilty, because Jesus had already been punished on my behalf and I had been declared forgiven by my heavenly father. What wonderful truth! And to wake up on Easter Sunday, and know that we celebrate today that Jesus rose from the dead, He conquered death and sin. He held all my sins and shame on His shoulders as He died, and today I can celebrate His mercy and grace.

"He does not treat us as our sins deserve
   or repay us according to our iniquities.
 For as high as the heavens are above the earth,
   so great is his love for those who fear him;
 as far as the east is from the west,
   so far has he removed our transgressions from us."

                                      Psalm 103v10-12 

The Message of the Buns

This morning someone dropped round a bag of the tastiest hot cross buns I have ever had. They were still warm and smelt delicious. I thought it was a kind gesture to bring hot cross buns to us on Good Friday. And they were quite quickly consumed by us all.

I've bought quite a few hot cross buns recently in an attempt to talk to a man at Asda about Jesus, as you do! I bought some quite a while back and as we were standing at the checkout, the man said "I wonder what the cross is for" and I pathetically replied, "Don't know". Then I heard the cockerel crow, so to speak, as I realised that I had missed an opportunity to explain the gospel to someone. When we were discussing the sins of omission (things you should do, but you don't) at small group I used what I had done as an example of it. I was challenged to go and make it right with him, which I didn't particularly want to do. I was just using it as an example. But they were right to challenge me. What's the point of meeting with people regularly to talk about God and life, if we are not willing for them to then speak into our lives?

So I've been buying hot cross buns for quite a while now and trying to find the right man at the checkout. I did find him a couple of weeks ago and started the conversation. It didn't go too well, and the man wasn't really interested, and for some reason I thought having all four boys with me would be the best way to start quite a big, slightly awkward chat about the most important thing that the man will ever hear. I promptly bought an Easter card and wrote in better detail what I wanted to say; that God loved him so much that He put all the punishment that we deserve for our sins, on Jesus instead of us.

I was gently reminded by my hot cross bun encounter, that I need to be willing to use this Easter celebration as an opportunity to explain what it is all about. We've made a point of telling the boys that it is not about the chocolate that we will enjoy on Sunday. It is about what happened on Good Friday, when Jesus was punished in our place, and when He was separated from God in our place too. We will look forward to celebrating His resurrection with them on Sunday too.

"You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless,

      Christ died for the ungodly.  

Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous person,

      though for a good person someone might possibly dare to die. 

 But God demonstrates his own love for us in this:

     While we were still sinners, Christ died for us."

                                                  Romans 5v6-8

Princess Emma of Brighton

As I drink coffee out of my new "William & Catherine" celebration mug, I'm aware that the Royal Wedding is drawing near. I've got my blue and red flower for my hair, and I've got my flags at the ready. Friends have been sending me pictures of Royal Wedding fridges and Royal Wedding play sets and knitted Royal Wedding people. I'm still undecided as to whether I am venturing up to the big city of London for it, or whether I'm putting bunting up and getting a better picture of it all from the tele, with some friends. I'm not staying at home though, where the husband and the boys are not entirely sparked with enthusiasm in the same way that I am.


The husband didn't write letters to the Royal Family when he was younger, and he's not overly bothered about seeing a real life princess, or the royal carriage, or wondering what her dress looks like. The husband isn't still hoping for an invitation like I am. Now the husband does think that the Royal Family are important, he's just not taking it to a new level of excitement like his wife seems to be. Maybe I will get him a stick on royal tattoo like I have got for the boys, to boost his enthusiasm for the whole thing. 

I met with some friends recently and we agreed to pray for one other person beforehand, and ask God to reveal something for that person. My friend felt that God wanted to remind me of my Royal status. She had this verse for me from Isaiah 62v3

"You will be a crown of splendor in the LORD’s hand,
   a royal diadem in the hand of your God."

She said that the diadem is a symbol of royalty, worn with dignity. Now I will of course be checking out Princess Catherine's version of a tiara. But my friend wanted me to realise that that is my status in God. He sees me as a 'Royal crown of splendor in His hand'. And as excited as I am about the Royal Wedding, it should not take place of the excitement and wonder of knowing the King of kings, and because of what He has done for me, I am now royalty too.

 "I delight greatly in the LORD;
   my soul rejoices in my God.
For he has clothed me with garments of salvation
   and arrayed me in a robe of his righteousness,
as a bridegroom adorns his head like a priest,
   and as a bride adorns herself with her jewels."

                                                    Isaiah 61v10

Proud Little Engine

I came down the stairs this morning and my son told me that he had been watching Thomas the Tank Engine. Now Thomas is not usually one of my favourites, but it had kept three boys entertained and allowed me to have an extra 40 minutes in bed, so today I love the programme! 

"Mum, one of the trains was really proud today." My son said to me. "He had been told not to go out in the fog, but the train said, 'I'm a fine engine and I can do what I want'".

"Oh" I replied "And what happened to the little engine?"
"He got lost in the fog mum. He didn't accept the advice from The Fat Controller". Came my son's response.

I grabbed the moment to open the bible and look at Proverbs 16v18

"Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall."

I asked my son what he thought the verse meant. He thought 'destruction' meant breaking things. So I asked him what bit had got "broken" then in the Thomas the Tank Engine story this morning, and my son realized that the "broken bit" in the story was the fact that the engine had got lost in the fog. The engine's pride had produced destruction. Simple but effective in making that verse seem so real to him.

I was pleased that Thomas the Tank Engine had given me a lie in and I was pleased that there was an arrogant little engine who hadn't accepted help and had therefore taught my boy something. I was pleased too that my son could spot the sin involved because that's the hardest bit sometimes.

I remember being pregnant with my last son and suffering from a bit of pre-natal depression. I was just laying on the sofa and I didn't want to do anything. I didn't think I could do anything. So my friend arranged for people to make meals for the family, for the rest of the week. I was so cross about it because I didn't want people to know I wasn't coping. I didn't want people to think I needed help. I didn't want to accept help. It was hard to see at the time that I was being proud; worrying what people thought and not accepting help. But the husband gently pointed out that that's what it was. The meals of course were a real blessing, as was letting people in when I was so low. And more importantly It allowed God to take me out of my destructive pride and teach me humility.

"Humility is the fear of the LORD; its wages are riches and honor and life."

                                                                                                 Proverbs 22v4

When The Fog Clears

After dropping one of the boys at football training, I had 50 minutes to kill before picking him up again. So I drove until I found a park for me and the other boys. It was cold and foggy and it wasn't the best park in the world; lots of "interesting" things written in graffiti and some broken wood to climb and conquer. But I had supplies, because that's what mums do. We feed, we drive, we have supplies and we conquer 50 minutes in the cold fog. So I hid mini chocolate rabbits and lollipops around the park, one for each boy. The three year old was onto it and treats were found in a matter of minutes, accompanied by laughter and jumping. Most of his life is accompanied by laughter and jumping. He then helped the baby find his and again laughter and jumping filled the air. Ah the sweet sound of successful parenting...until the not so sweet sound of the 5 year old's complete meltdown because he was cold and couldn't see the park or find the treats. I helped the 5 year old find them, talked about his heart and his words and said that due to the tantrum he could only choose one, and then said the dreaded words "If you tantrum again, you can't have any". And like a bull to a red flag, the boy lost it. Tears, screaming, shouting, looks of anger, and off he ran into the mist.

I saw through the fog, that he had found a spot on a grass bank and could hear him screaming and shouting "mummy" very crossly. Now my boys are not allowed to scream and shout and cry for very long in these moments. They are spoken to and their outcry is explained to them; that they are demanding what they think is best for them, rather than obeying what we know is best for them. But I just couldn't do it today. If the husband had been there it would've probably been dealt with, but I was tired and cold and fed up too.


So I told God how I felt. I told my Heavenly Father that what had started off as a wonderful moment, my son had now messed up by making bad choices. I told God that he was screaming for me but wont come to me. And as I said this rant to God. I felt so clearly and so powerfully God's reply, "I made it wonderful for you and you have made bad choices and messed up. You have screamed for me but I don't make you come to me, instead I come to you. I pick you up. I hold you. I let you cry. I forgive you and I love you".

So with tears in my eyes, and the fog in my mind cleared, I climbed up the bank to my son. I picked him up and carried him down the bank, to a bench where I held him and hugged him and kissed him and told him that I loved him and that i forgive him. And he cried and said sorry. And we both learned  something about unconditional love that day.

"We love because he first loved us."

                         1 John 4v19

Interview With A Legend

Some people get a 'once in a lifetime' experience, when they get to meet a legend. For example, I got to meet The Queen, or as I like to put it, The Queen got to meet me! But recently I got the chance to have tea with a very special lady indeed. Not only did I get to keep her hat, but I also got an interview for my blog. Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you Wendy Virgo...

As a mum, I would like to know how you managed your quiet time

I used to get up pretty early, 6 am. If I had a really young baby, regular time was difficult, but I lived on ‘bite sized chunks’ for a while. i.e, grab a few verses when I could and pray on the run! Terry and I tried to pray together but often it was pretty sporadic, depending on the state and ages of the kids at the time. When I had just 2 really small kids, I got them into bed early in the evening and spent a lot of time studying the Bible. A lot of my knowledge of the Bible was stored up in those years.  I had unwittingly created a storehouse from which I drew in the years ahead.

There were times I got rather discouraged about not being regular or systematic in prayer and Bible study, but I came to understand that God wasn’t clocking up merit points, and was willing to have time with me while I was breastfeeding, going to Sainsbury’s, or cleaning the bath! We just talked. As time goes by, things change, and your rhythm of life changes and you can be more structured.
What priorities did you put in place as a mum? 

I kept trying to focus on the reasons we were parenting: Our children were God’s gift to us, and therefore raising them was a serious commitment to him and to his will. Our goal was that they might fulfil his purpose for them and that we would eventually be able to release them into the world as responsible, caring people, with clear principles and guidelines for their lives. We tried always to be loving and affectionate; time spent playing with them wasn’t wasted.

What was the best and hardest thing about being a mum?
How long have you got?! Hard things were the relentless time pressure; always having to rush from thing to thing to get everything in. I am by nature not very organised and like to drift along with the flow…fat chance when you are trying to get 5 kids out of the door in the right clothes at the right time, with the right things in their bags, and then run a women’s Bible study or something else. It was hard not really getting any ‘me’ time to read, have a buble bath, or take up some pursuit such as French classes or learning a craft. Being consistent in discipline was also a hard thing.

Some best things were seeing children develop in all sorts of ways. We had lots of laughter and fun, and great holidays together. The endless bustle and interest of a large family is both demanding and stimulating.
How does God speak to you?

Through reading the Bible, prophetic words from people, through my husband. (I’ve learnt that if he says God has said something to him, then he usually has!) hearing preaching and circumstances backed up by the above. I hardly ever get meaningful dreams. I have had a few visions.

How did you make your husband a priority? 

Terry is not religious, but he was almost religious about always having a day off. Monday worked for us, and we still regard it as specifically just for us. We walk, talk, pray, have lunch out , go to a pub, make love in the afternoon if we feel like it. Its time to review, take stock, discuss, or just hang out. Also the children learnt I think, that Daddy always came first. God had called him to serve Him in a special way. When he was away we would put a map on the fridge so we knew where he was, and pray for him. I never moaned about hm being away etc in front of the kids.

How did you grow in the gifts of the spirit?

Mostly by having a go!

What are you currently reading?

I always have several books on the go. At the moment, “A History of Modern Britain” by Andrew Marr; “The Message of John” by Bruce Milne in the Bible Speaks Today series, (highly recommend) and Long Way Down by Nick Hornby.
How are you feeling about the move to Kingston?

Excited about the new challenge; exasperated with the slow pace it is going! We had been edging toward it, but were waiting for the green light from God. When we got it, there was peace that this is the next step. It might be easier to slow down and take it easy, but rather boring!

Can you share a funny moment about one of your children?

Some things were not funny at the time but became funny later when we looked back. One of my sons had a very sore bottom, and found a pink bottle of what he thought was baby lotion. We heard anguished shrieks of pain coming from the bathroom. His poor little bottom was pulsating and bright red. What he thought was lotion was hair removing cream….poor child. (That will keep us guessing as to which one!)

And lastly, would you rather buy new shoes or a new bag?

New shoes, every time!

The Gospel And The Dragon

Today my son brought home a dragon named Dan. Dan arrived in a box full of straw, in the arms of a grinning child. Dan the dragon likes to eat chocolate and be stroked on his tummy. Apparently we are looking after him for the night, and then he needs to be safely returned to school for the next willing parents to take him home. My son carried the box carefully home and has fed Dan the dragon chocolate, raisins and Cheerios. Dan has watched Mary Poppins with us, played games and has had a wonderful time. *

My son has to read Dan the dragon a bedtime story and then he has to write in Dan's dragon diary. This is the actual reason for his visit. How clever and imaginative of the teacher to use such a simple thing to get a slightly reluctant five year old to read a whole book and fill a page of writing. If my son's teacher can use her imagination to add to his reading and writing skills, how much more should I be using simple every day occurrences to teach my boys the gospel. William Farley, in his book 'Gospel Powered Parenting' suggests that we need to go after our children's hearts, not their environment and that we change their heart by teaching them the gospel. He says that us parents need a clear grasp of the cross and it's implications for daily life.

I discussed this today with some mums that I pray with. We looked at teaching the gospel in every day moments so the children can grasp what Jesus has done for them, and relate it to their world. We looked at a few examples;

 - while watching Tarzan where the daddy gorilla jumps in front of Tarzan and takes the bullet instead of his son, I took a minute to have a simple chat about who did that for us. I spoke to the boys about how Jesus rescued us, He took our place. He took the punishment for us.  He died on a cross instead of us.
 - a child not inviting a friend to church because they are a bit naughty at school, and mum being able to give a sentence to explain that that child needs God in their life.
- a child feeling guilty that they sinned, even after the discipline and restoration had occurred, and pouring soil from a plant around the sink to show the sin, but turning the tap on  and washing it wash away, to show the forgiveness.
- a child complaining that getting the smaller piece of cake 'isn't fair' , and reminding them of how selfless Jesus is and attempting to explain that grace 'isn't fair' but it's not fair in our favour. We don't get what we deserve. Sometimes just one line will do it, other times a more detailed chat about it.

I want my boys to grasp the gospel. I want them to know that they deserve punishment for their sin, that they deserve to be separated from God, but that Jesus took that punishment and separation so that they didn't have to. I want them to get this wonderful act of selfless love. So I need to be willing, and creative and take the time to explain this again and again to them.

"I charge you in the presence of God and of Christ Jesus,

      who is to judge the living and the dead, and by his appearing and his kingdom:

preach the word; be ready in season and out of season;

      reprove, rebuke, and exhort, with complete patience and teaching."

                                                                              2 Timothy 4v1-2

* (On a side note, the husband took my son's 'Dan the dragon project' a little further as he alarmingly called us out to the garden because young Dan had set fire to a cardboard box. There it was in the front garden, a cardboard box with a burning corner and only Dan to blame. I'm not sure if the already wild imagination of the five year old knows it was his dad or not!)

Mary, Martha and Me (Final Part)

....continued from Part Three

My last encounter with my new friend Martha finds her coming to terms with the death of her brother. When she hears that Jesus is on His way, she goes out to meet Him. Martha talks to Jesus. She either is questioning or stating that if He had been with them, then Lazarus wouldn't have died. She also states that she knows that Jesus could ask for anything and it would be given to Him.


I love that Martha goes to Jesus. I love that she doesn't wallow in any self pity, thinking that she got it wrong last time Jesus was around, so maybe she shouldn't go to Him again. Whereas I know that when I have sinned, when I've made a wrong choice, I can sometimes live in the guilt of my sin, and feel condemned and therefore miss out on just coming to Him again, approaching the throne in repentance and receiving His grace and forgiveness. Martha doesn't hide in the guilt of her last meeting with Jesus. That was then, and this is now. She goes straight to Him in her mourning and she talks to Him. I need this encouragement to keep going to Him, and not allow my emotions to control me.

Martha when she talks to Jesus, she pours her heart out to Him. Last year I was suffering with a terrible back pain, and my small group leader told me that it was okay to tell Jesus how I really felt, and cry out to Him like in the Psalms. I'm reminded of this as I read about Martha. She had such a close relationship with Him that she could approach Him in her frustration and grief and be real with Him. Her heart may not have even been right if she was questioning His actions, but she follows it up acknowledging Jesus authority in any situation, that He can ask His father for anything and it will be given. And she shows her faith as she presses in to Him. Again Martha encourages me to press in to my Heavenly father, in faith, and acknowledging His authority.

So my journey with Martha has come to an end, and I'm sure she will come to mind when I think I am too busy to pray and sit at Jesus' feet. I'm sure she will come to mind when I find myself moaning when I'm next cleaning the kitchen floor or serving my family or church in some way. When I hear her being used as an example of how not to be, I will smile and secretly be rooting for her. And know that she was much loved by Jesus and was in a close relationship with Him where she could pour out her heart to Him, even when she got things wrong or didn't understand.

"With my voice I cry out to the LORD;
      with my voice I plead for mercy to the LORD.
I pour out my complaint before him;
      I tell my trouble before him.

 When my spirit faints within me,
      you know my way!"

                         Psalm 142v1-3

Mary, Martha and Me (Part Three)

...continued from Part Two


So sticking with my new found sisters Mary and Martha... I know that I am to enjoy more 'Mary moments' sitting at Jesus' feet, listening to His voice, and wrapped up in His presence. I also know that Martha was loved by Jesus just like Mary was loved by Jesus, just like I am loved by Jesus. But I want to look once again at my dear friend Martha.

Martha welcomed Jesus into her home.The passage in Luke 10 says that Jesus entered the village and Martha welcomed Him in. She was hospitable. She opened her home up to Him. She wasn't too busy to have people round. I want to be that kind of woman. Matthew 25 talks about giving food to the hungry, a drink to the thirsty, clothes to the naked, visiting those in prison, looking after the sick and inviting the stranger in to your home. I want to learn from Martha's example in doing this.

Martha was servant hearted. She wanted to prepare for and serve those around her and surely this is an admirable characteristic. It is good for me to serve the husband and my boys, friends and family, those in church and those outside of church. But where did it all go wrong for Martha? What can i learn from her mistakes? Martha's attitude is what went wrong. She was moaning about serving. She was complaining  about what she had to do and anxious about getting it right. She felt sorry for herself and wanted her works to be noticed. She was seeking attention for her servant heart and pointing out Mary's lack of serving.

Martha sounds familiar to me once again. How often do I serve the husband and want him to notice? How often do I serve my family or my church and moan about it? Do I complain about the jobs I have to do, and point out when others aren't doing them? Do I expect some attention when I have served in some way? And feel sorry for myself when no one notices? Do I even feel sorry for myself when I am too busy to have a 'Mary moment' and life is full of 'Martha moments'?

My example to follow, of course doesn't come from Martha or Mary. But from Jesus Himself, who loves me even when I serve with the wrong attitude, who loves me even when I complain, who loves me even when I seek attention from people, who loves me even when I remind Him of His beloved Martha. And most of all, He is the one who did the ultimate act of service, by obeying his Father's will and dying the death I should have died. Once again I am thankful for God's grace.

     "just as the Son of Man did not come to be served,
             but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many."
                             Matthew 20v28

    "Create in me a pure heart, O God,
             and renew a steadfast spirit within me."
                             Psalm 51v10 

Click here for Final Part                                           

Mary, Martha and Me (Part Two)

...Continued from Part One

So yesterday I shared about my 'Mary moment' in amoungst my many 'Martha moments'. And today, I read the account in Luke's gospel again, and thought about the two sisters. I kind of feel a bit sorry for Martha. She is remembered throughout history as 'the one who was too busy to sit at Jesus' feet'. She is used in illustrations about priorities, and quiet times and some people have even blogged about the poor woman!


I feel sorry for her, because I can relate to her. I know what it's like to be "distracted with all the preperations that have to be made". I know what it's like to be distracted by serving, to be the one serving the family, the one making sure everything is thought of, making sure everything is in the nappy bag for any eventuality, the one making a pudding for small group, the one serving the church in some way, and at times the one missing out on the preach because I get called out to change a nappy.


As a mother, there is a tendancy for me to see myself as just a 'Martha'. I do feel drawn to be like Mary and have 'Mary moments', sitting at the feet of jesus, resting in His presence. But I have often resigned myself to the fact that I am a Martha, at least for this season of life. ('The messy years' as Phillippa Stroud once put it.) But how wonderfully encouraged I felt as I read Alie Stibbe's book "Barefoot in the kitchen". She pointed me to John 11v5 "Now Jesus loved Martha, Mary and Lazurus", and commented that 'Martha is as dear to Jesus as her sister is'. Martha isn't a lesser version of Mary. Martha, the one who was too busy was loved by Jesus, no more than Mary and no less than Mary. Mary's time spent at Jesus' feet hadn't earned her more favour from Jesus and Martha's busyness hadn't discounted her from Jesus' love either. So if Jesus loved Mary just as she was and He loved Martha just as she was, then I rest in the knowledge that He must love me just as I am too.

 "No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. 

 For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord."      Romans 8v37-39

Click here for Part Three

Mary, Martha and Me (Part One)

Yesterday was busy with the usual moments which make my days seem busy; dishwasher empty, dishwasher full, washing in machine, washing on the line, juice spilt, juice moped up, dinner cooked, dinner cleared away, clothes in piles, clothes in drawers, nappies on baby, nappies expelled to an outside bin!! There were a few added moments too; waiting at the doctors, waiting at the chemist, sorting out the football kit and driving one to football.


In a quiet moment, when the baby was asleep and the three year old was doing some 'I feel poorly DVD watching'. I grabbed my bible, my journal, a pen, a book on God's character, a book on godly parenting and a short booklet on grace and I sat down to read... The three year old decided that the nice comfy bed I had made up for him on the sofa, wasn't what he needed and he climbed onto my lap. I laughed to myself as I sat surrounded by my books. I had about a twenty minute window. What was I thinking? How much was I really going to be able to get through? A study on God's character, some parenting tips, a read of the bible and then journal about it? I had somehow even made my quiet moment, busy!


I thought about what two of my friends had said recently. One of them has a baby, a busy husband and a house renovation all going on at the same time. So she now has her very own 'Park and Read' system, where she goes for a drive so the baby falls asleep, she parks up and because it is impossible to be busy in the car, she reads or prays or snoozes. My other friend after hearing I was going to try to press into God and try to get refreshed in His presence, suggested that maybe I just needed to climb onto God's lap for a cuddle. As I looked at the three year old on my lap, who was seeking a cuddle and my time, I felt God embrace me too. So I closed my eyes and prayed. I sat on my Heavenly Father's lap and thanked Him for revealing His character to me and His parenting of me without the books this time.

As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him.  She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet listening to what he said.  But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, “Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!”

   “Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things, but few things are needed—or indeed only one. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.”    
               Luke 10v38-42

Click here for Part Two

God Plus Nothing

This week I watched some of the news with my oldest boys. I wanted them to see the terrible situation in Japan, so that we could talk about it and pray together for the country. We couldn't quite believe the devastating pictures we were seeing. I told the boys that we needed to pray. And we needed to thank God that he was sovereign and ask for Him to help. My eldest asked why God didn't just stop it, and I said I didn't fully know, but that God was still in control. My boy looked puzzled. I know he was thinking 'How can God be in control of such a bad thing?' And I felt puzzled. But I wanted them to know that God is in control, all the time.

I'd heard this recently in a preaching series from Job, by PJ Smythe*. He said that Job didn't worship God because He was blessed with children and prosperity. Job didn't worship God because he had property and good health. He worshipped God because He was God. When all Job had was taken away, he still worshipped God. PJ asked which way do we live our lives?

'God + something = worship',  or 'God + nothing = worship'.

The two are very different. One is living in an understanding of God's sovereignty.  And the other is not. The 'God + something' way of life is saying that we will worship God if we have something else added on. I wonder what the 'somethings' are that I want, before I will worship God? Could it be that I worship God if I have good health or if my prayers for healing get answered? Or is it if I understand certain situations or if the kids are being good? Do I worship God if I've had a peaceful night's sleep, or if I know the answers to the "Why?" questions in life or if I'm not experiencing a natural disaster? These are all definitely good things to worship my Heavenly Father for, like it says in the book of James, 'every good and perfect gift is from God'. But what if I don't have these things, do I still worship Him? Do I acknowledge His sovereignty at all times, in all things?


God is ultimately sovereign over the good and the bad that happens. Either He is actively instigating it or permitting it to happen. Knowing that He is God and He is in charge of it all; the good and the bad, is hard to understand. I find it easy to worship God for all His answered prayer and blessings in my life. But sometimes I put clauses in, like the ones above, as to whether I worship God or not. If it's going well, I may praise Him more. But I realise that He is to be worshipped regardless of the situation. Regardless of my emotions. Regardless of whether I understand or like what's going on. And I want my boys to see me worshipping God at all times, during all situations. I want them to know that He is God. He is in charge. His sovereignty rules.

"...he who is the blessed and only Sovereign,
           the king of kings and Lord of lords..."
                                        1Timothy6v15

"At this, Job got up and tore his robe and shaved his head.

       Then he fell to the ground in worship and said:

“Naked I came from my mother’s womb,
      and naked I will depart.
The LORD gave and the LORD has taken away;
       may the name of the LORD be praised.”

In all this, Job did not sin by charging God with wrongdoing."

                                         Job 1v20-22

*PJ Smythe's preach; http://godfirst.co.za/node/806

Incomparable

When I attempt to have a worship time, a grown up worship time on my own, I sometimes find myself singing songs from my childhood; "My God is so Big, so Strong and so Mighty, there's nothing that He cannot do." I don't think I have as yet, launched into the actions alone in the kitchen, but maybe I should give it a go. My boys now sing a song they have learned from COGs, the kids work at our church; "Our God is a Great Big God...and He holds us in His hands". I try to remember the wonderful worship songs that I know from the wealth of songwriters at our church, but I do seem to get stuck on the chirpy little ones that are quite simple and easy to remember. 

I think that maybe God likes to remind me of some simple easy truths through these bouncy musical numbers. I don't think I dwell enough on just how big God is. I come to Him with my prayers; about me, and my life, and my boys and my marriage, and my problems and my needs. And I don't always remember that I come before God Himself. I come to the creator of the world. It's not actually about me, and my life. It's about Him. I don't always stop to consider His wonderful magnitude. His awesome creativity. And just how amazingly big He is. Big is such an understatement. But for simplicity's sake it will do.  

I read the following chapters and verses today which made me dwell on God's bigness. I had a bible study with a friend, via the wonderful medium of text! We sent each other verses which made us stand in awe of God's bigness and sovereignty. By the end of it I felt small like grass, and amazed that such a Great Big God would also have abundant love and lavish grace for those who fear Him. Isaiah 45v18-25, Job 38&39, Isaiah 40v9-31

I am also reminded of Andrew Wilson's "Incomparable" book, and in particular a quote from Nicky Gumble;On 20th August 1977, voyager II, the inter-planetary probe launched to observe and transmit to earth data about the outer planetary system, set off from earth traveling faster than the speed of a bullet (90,000 miles per hour). On 28th August 1989 it reached planet Neptune, 2,700 million miles from the earth. Voyager II then left the solar system. It will not come within one light year of any star for 958,000 years. In our Galaxy there are 100,000 million stars, like our sun. Our galaxy is one of 100,000 million Galaxies. In a throw away line in Genesis, the writer tells us, ‘He also made the stars’ (Genesis 1:16). Such is his power.’

Today my song shall be "My God is so Big, so Strong and so Mighty, there's nothing that He cannot do." And I will attempt some actions whether the kids are with me or not.

 

The Other Husband (Part Two)

...continued from Part One

So the husband may at times be in a different zone to me and the boys. He may be physically busy or mentally busy. He may find himself ill, the kind of ill where you have to keep bringing him toast in bed. And ask the boys to play secret agents in an attempt to keep them quiet so he can sleep. He may be tired. He may be working late or away from home. He may have done a hard day's work and need some downtime. He may be serving someone else. And sometimes he may just not notice my needs or meet my expectations.

God's grace is available for all such ocassions. But I am only able to show grace if I am dwelling in My Beloved's presence, experiencing His grace, His word and His truth. At times, I don't do this though. Instead I attempt to show the husband 'my grace', in place of God's grace. My grace quickly forgets, and quickly runs out, and is actually downright selfish and isn't really grace at all!

In our early married days, in these moments I would go quiet on the husband. I've stopped that now after he brought to my attention that it felt like I was punishing him. Or I would say all was fine, and give a smile. But it was ever so fake, and we both could see that. (We once watched a film, where FINE was an acronym for Freaked out, Insecure, Neurotic and Emotional, which pretty much summed it all up!). God in His grace, over the years has used many ways to show me how I can live in the good of that grace and let it affect all my relationships.

This includes how I relate to the husband. Do I only love him when he is being all that I need him to be, when he's meeting all my expectations? Do I only love him because I want to be loved in return? Do I only love him when he is ticking all the boxes? Do I only love him when he is well, and energetic and attentive? Do I only love him when he is helping out with the boys? Or do I love him unconditionally, like the vows I took, said I would? Do I love him with a selfless love? Do I love him with the unconditional love that Jesus has modelled to me? Do I want my boys to see examples of selfless and unconditional love? Do I remember that God's grace is sufficient for me even when I haven't done any of this? Mmm...time to delve deeper into God's grace and go love the husband.

"My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you."

                                                            John 15v12

"Love is patient, love is kind.

       It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 

 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered,

      it keeps no record of  wrongs. 

 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 

       It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

 Love never fails.."

                                                           1 Corinthians 13v4-8