Cloud Cover

Last week, I hopped on a plane to Lanzarote. The little mini-break was booked a while back, with a different friend. It was going to be our post-Pnuemonia getaway. We scanned deals for somewhere warm and cheap, with a pool! Only her Pnuemonia didn't go away, so she couldn't come, which was gutting for us both. (I mean, not gutting enough for me not to go. Such the good friend am I). I was either going to head out on my own or grab the sister in law to come with me, which she happily did. 

The blessing of this little holiday was in the nothingness, but that is a whole different blog post!

Where our little apartment was, meant that the sun would rise opposite our balcony. And because we're both mums with bodies and minds wired for the early rise, (despite desperately hoping for a later wake up), one or both of us were up to see it. 

I wrote the following, and sent it to a friend who has experienced her fair share of grey clouds lately, with the hope of it being a blessing and an encouragement to her. I thought maybe it would be a blessing and encouragement for others to read too.

I had the joy of watching the sunrise this morning. I was prepared to enjoy it. I had a blanket over my knees, a cup of tea, my notebook in case I felt inspried and my phone ready to take beautiful pictures. I was a bit disappointed because grey clouds kept covering parts of the sunrise. I couldn't get the photo I wanted. I even looked to the side, over the sea and could see that more grey clouds were on their way, moving quite quickly. I felt God start to speak to me, which if I'm honest, I was a bit annoyed about. Turns out I wanted the nice photo, more than I wanted to actually be inspired!   

I would get a glimpse of the beauty unfolding behind the grey clouds...the pinks, and the oranges, and the occasional hit of bright light. But the clouds kept moving and I couldn't see the full sunrise. Then the sun was just up in the sky. I'd missed all the pretty, breathtaking colours that I wanted to see, to capture and experience, and of course, photograph. 

I felt like God wanted to remind me (and you) of what is happening daily as the sun is rising; the colours, the brightness, the pinks, and oranges, the brightness, the warmth. None of these things aren't there just because the clouds are covering them. In my frustration of it not being what I had hoped for, what I wanted, what I felt I deserved even, I felt God say;

'I am right here. I am in my full glory and power. Can you even grasp the magnitude of that? 

I am in my full gentleness and goodness. Do you know what that means for you? I am all these things, regardless of whether the clouds keep coming. 

My promises, my hope, my victory remain steadfast even when the clouds keep coming. 

The truth of who I am, of what I have done remain true even when the clouds keep coming. 

Regardless of what is on the horizon, I am'.

There were moments of bright warmth, when I was looking at the sunrise. They hit my face, I closed my eyes and it was wonderful. I breathed them in, (which is much easier to do in a sunny country with the kids not around). How often do I think the sun isn't there because I cannot see it or feel it today? How often do I only see the rain, or the grey or the clouds? Does that mean the sun hasn't risen? Of course not. I must  look beyond the clouds even if it is an act of faith, knowing that the sun, the Son is there in all His radiance. He's not dulled down, even by constant clouds that keep coming.

I was reminded of the tomb with the massive stone in front. No one could see what was happening in that dark cave, where death was. The power and the life that was happening, even though no one could see it, was and still is, the greatest power in Heaven and on Earth. Absolutely amazing and faultless. And I have access to that, to Him, every day! He's not dulled down, even by death.

As powerfully as I felt God speak to me watching that first sunrise, still on the second day, I chose to lay in my bed on my phone instead. I know there is no guilt or shame in this, as the mini-break was for much needed rest and recuperation. But I think it's still worth mentioning. It is still a choice to seek Him out each day. 

And on the 3rd morning, I was packing, sorting out the apartment before we were due to fly home, and I nearly missed the sunrise in my busyness. I wanted to see it, I was up early enough, but I got distracted by what needed doing. In God's kindness, a bright ray of sunshine broke through the room, and caught my attention. It is probably my favorite photo of the holiday, because it speaks of His gentle lifting of my gaze to look for His. A wonderful reminder, that He wants to meet with me again today. He wants to get my attention. He wants me to experience His nearness, His warmth, His mercy. A reminder that the Son has indeed risen.

"Let the name of the Lord be praised, both now and forevermore. From the rising of the sun to the place where it sets, the name of the Lord is to be praised".  Psalm 113v2-3

A Moment in Time

One of my favourite presents from my last birthday, was a photo album from the boys. (Another favourite was a pen, thoughtfully inscribed with One Pink Toothbrush!!) The boys had replicated photos of themselves from when they were little. I love it. Of course I cried. That was probably their goal. I look at the photos of when they were little, and I can hear their sweet cheeky voices and their laughs. The voices are much deeper now, and they are nowhere near little. 

There was something pretty unique about these four energetic boys, each one different in character but as a unit, as a four, they were just something else. I can probably read through old blog posts and be reminded of the crazy energy they had, and the crazy energy we needed to raise them. Me and the husband were younger back then too which helped. But it was oh so fun!

Recently, I have realised that I have needed to grieve the loss of that special time. (Loss is probably the wrong word. I have friends who have lost a child and what I mean is nothing like that awful pain). I have needed to grieve the change from that special time. I don't quite know where it happened either. They were young, a little unit (not unlike the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles), then they had sisters added in, then it was Covid and now they're all taller than me.

Don't get me wrong, I don't love the boys more than I love the girls, and I really love the teenagers they have become. (One is no longer even a teen!) But there was just something particular about that time. As a mum, you get caught up in the season you are in. Or you find yourself in overlapping seasons, like when you have a newborn, a toddler and one starting school. Sometimes there isn't much space to acknowledge that a season of parenting has changed. You can feel it happening to you. Maybe you look around and suddenly see a difference. Or perhaps they hand you a photo album of them when they were little... 

Us mums need to take a moment. Reflect on what was, and what is, and what is still to come. It's ok to have preferred certain seasons, or enjoyed certain ages, without rejecting everything that came before or after. It's ok too, to realise that we endured rather than enjoyed, a season or two. Somewhere along the way, they changed, they grew. Perhaps as mums, we did too.

Parenting teenagers is a whole different skill-set to parenting little ones. Less physical energy is needed, although you do need to stay up late for when they actually want to chat. Less direction is given to them, although you do need to give your advice carefully and wisely. Less planning needs to go into their days, although you do need to guide their choices. Less reactions and consequences are needed immedietly, although your patience needs to grow as you wait. Less time is spent closely with them, although the time you get is precious. 

Mine are less of a group of four these days, each the main character in their own stories, although I do love it when they re-assemble. 

I am thankful that God is patient with me, His daughter, with
my own personal growth, as I walk in relationship with Him. There have been seasons where I have walked further than I should, and seasons where I have depended so fully on him. "And I am sure of this, that He who began a good work in me, in you, will bring it to completion until the day of Christ Jesus". (Philippians 1v6)

That's All, folks!

You know how in Nature doctumentaries, the film crew are not meant to get involved with any animals; let nature take its course and all that, without human intervention. Well, I've decided some of parenting can feel a bit like that. Do I get involved, or do I take a step back and let Nature do its thang?

Yesterday one of the girls were bored. Her sister was out with a friend, and her mum had said no to 'boredom screen-time'. Yesterday, one of the boys found some water balloons... end of story! Thankfully said girl put up with a couple of water balloons being thrown at her, because it was sunny and because she had a big brother to play with. (As a little sister to a big brother, I remember that feeling of putting up with most stuff if it meant he was up for hanging out with me. I watched a lot of The Empire strikes back, for this very reason).

I realised my son was coming into the kitchen quite a lot to get me to tie the balloons. He was making a batch of balloons. I peered out the window, and could see whispers and secret exchanges between one quite wet sister, and one sneaky brother. I asked what they were up to, and I was met with vague truths, "Just spending time with my sister, that's all", "Just filling up water balloons on a sunny day, that's all". I have been a mother long enough to know that, 'that's all' rarely means 'that's all'. And the raised eyebrows which come with it, to convey trust, should be doubted to the highest regard. (In the same way, I know certain periods of quiet from certain children, should be investigated. Likewise certain screams are to be inspected, whereas most can be ignored).

I was having a cup of tea with a friend, who happens to be the mother of the child, my other daughter was with. They were walking the dog, so should be appearing soon... Ah, I see! An ambush was at stake. 

Now here is the dilema; two of my children are well into an hour's sibling fun together by now. Why would I stop that?! That's like gold dust in a mother's world. But would my other child appreciate the drenching ambush, that was coming her way, whilst with her friend? It's hard to tell. Some days she would think that's hilarious, and she loves water play, always has done. Some days that would be the worst thing to happen, and would possibly bring immediate tears. 

Just like the camera crew who helped the stuck penguins not to die in the ice, a few years back, there was a moral dilema taking place. This was made even worse by the fact that my tea drinking friend had a tracker on her phone, so we could even see how close to the house they were getting. By now the other two gigglers are running through the house with balloons, checking the front garden and the back garden, unsure of which route the unsuspecting victims were going to take. Possibly, maybe one of us mothers, or it may have been one of the camera crew, may have possibly suggested it would be the back garden route because they could see it on the tracker. 

It was a perfect unsuspected ambush, met with highe pitched shrieks of "No", which made me and my mum friend question our choices, and grimace slightly at each other, before hearing the laughter and hilarity which ensued, just like we thought (hoped) it would. Ah success all round.

As parents, I believe we mostly have to get involved. We are to point out danger, (which granted, I did not do for my daughter before the ambush). We are to teach, to shape, to model. When kids are little we intervene even with a hand grab or a raised voice to convey trouble. As they get older, we intervene with wisdom, with advice, with steering towards or away from people, situations, choices. Children shouldn't be parenting themselves, we need to do that for them. We are meant to intervene,"to teach them, when sitting in your house and when along the road, when you lie down and when you get up". Deuteronomy 6v7 

One of the greatest ways we can intervene in our kids' lives, is to pray for them. And this we can do, even when they don't want our advice or wisdom. Or when we don't even know how we would intervene. We need to pray for them daily, not just leave them to it, leave it to nature to take its course with their lives. If they were stuck in a frozen ravine, if it was a matter of life and death, we would do all we could to help them out of it. Freshly challenged by the penguins, I think I need to up my prayers for my kids. It is a matter of life and death. That's all.