Mothering the Prodigal Son

It's Easter Sunday; the perfect day to read a testimony of God's Amazing Grace, while nibbling at a choccy egg or two. May I introduce to you a wonderful lady as she shares her story about 'Mothering the Prodigal Son'. (With his permission). It is the 14th post in the Mothering series, and is a hard but brilliant story of Redemption. Happy Easter.

How many kids do you have? What are their ages?

Two children, Adam aged 26 and Francesca aged 21

Were your kids raised in a Christian household? 

I became a Christian when Adam was aged about two but I had a period of drifting and backsliding, so it was eventually a Christian household! As a family we attended Stoneleigh Bible Week for a number of years which drew us into the Church of Christ the King community, and subsequently Newday (a Christian Youth event) which all of us have been involved with over the years. Both children gave their lives to God at an early age.

When did you notice Adam drifting from that committment to God? 

During Adam's late teens he became cynical and disconnected. This was at a time when his closest friends left for university or joined the forces leaving him without the peer group that he had grown up with. He then found new friendships through the work place which at the time were different and exciting. I think he took his Christian values into the friendships expecting them to be reciprocated but they were not, not in the way that he expected. He had developed a loyalty to them. He changed in order to survive this new life.

What did this new life look like for Adam? 

Initially it was pubs, clubs, girls and we later found out drugs. This resulted in Adam moving out of our home, of his own accord and moving into the home of friends in the church. His actions gave the impression that he was rejecting both God and us which was confusing as he wanted the security of living in another church family home with the same values and rules. As a mother, there was part relief that he had moved out as I did not have to continually witness his actions on a day to day basis. I remember one day, looking at Adam and saying “I have never had a son or been a mum before, this is all new to me." My heart ached so much at the time, it was as if something had ripped my insides out.

How did you and Nigel react to Adam's drifting away? 

I spent many hours crying; once I started it was very hard to get me to stop. I was also angry with Adam and in a way with God too. How could He let this happen to my once beautiful blond, full of life, baby boy? Nigel and I acted very differently, I'd cry and be very restless and he would be very pragmatic holding it together for me and Frankie, but he also had moments of anger and frustration.
At times all I wanted Nigel to do was to hold Adam up against the wall and give him a good hiding to knock some sense into him. (I'd like to stress that I am not actually a violent person!) I made an effort to see Adam although it usually hurt me. I'd try and chat with him over the phone or meet with him in town to keep the communication between us going. Nigel kept in contact by text, many of which were not responded to. We made a point of being consistent in our messages of our love to him.

What were your worries and fears in it all?

There were many, especially in the middle of the night; Would he end up in prison? Would he be found somewhere in a pool of blood? How much further was this journey going to take him away from God and from us? 

How did you feel as Adam's mum?

As a mum I felt rubbish, a failure, distraught. I felt that I had lost my son but had no grave to visit.

Did you blame yourself? Did you feel judged about it?

Being a mum, you always blame yourself. Should I have done this? Should I have done that? I was surrounded by very supportive and understanding friends who I knew were in it with me for the long term. The devil whispered lies and it is easy to see other families as 'perfect' so you can feel judged even though nothing is said and they only have love and compassion for you. 

How did you pray for Adam?

Together, Nigel and I prayed for Adam every day that he would be reminded of the prophetic words and truths spoken over him over the years. I prayed this verse in the middle of the night many a time.  "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." 
Philippians 4 v 6. 

I was encouraged a few years later when Keith Hazell, a man with a prophetic gift, spoke to Nigel and I about having a prodigal son who would return to God and that there would be a time of great restoration. We held onto this for many years.

Did you talk to Adam about it all?

God and church were not subjects that Adam would tolerate in a discussion, but other people had told him about this prophetic word which just seemed to antagonise him.

Were you able to show him love still?

Absolutely, even when I did not like what he was doing I never stopped loving him. I showed this by keeping in touch and trying not to be judgemental. 
Truly unconditional love.

What was the hardest part of it all?

There was one night when Adam ended up in Tunbridge Wells hospital with chest pains. Adam did not tell us about it, but the friends that he had been living with, phoned us. We went straight to the hospital arriving at about 11:00pm. We were told that they had found a shadow on his lungs. When we visited his bed side he did not want to speak to us. It was heartbreaking. Definitely an evening I will never forget. He was like a total stranger. 

What did you learn through this time?

I realised that I could not battle on in my own strength. I was exhausted emotionally and physically. The best thing I ever did was to surrender all responsibility for Adam to God and to let God have His way with him, trusting God's timing. Effectively I acknowledged that Adam was not mine but God's and that I may not see his restoration in my lifetime. This was an immense weight off my shoulders.

Nigel and I grew stronger as a couple and we found great strength together being able to share our own experiences as we walked alongside other couples going through similar situations. 

When did things start to change? 

Adam and a friend from church started travelling to work together which resulted in them spending a number of hours each day talking. This friend was able to have conversations with Adam, which as his mum, I just couldn't. This resulted in him breaking off an engagement and turning up at the church men's weekend. Adam was impacted by the guest speaker and felt that every talk was directed at him. God really did do a job on Adam! Guys that he thought did not care about him openly welcomed him, and shared how, for many years, they had prayed for him. This totally blew him away. One of the great things that I noticed was that after this weekend the eyes that had been dead for many years were now full of life. 

Have you spoken about it all with him? Has there been reconcilliation?

We have never needed to talk in depth about it, a hug from Adam speaks for itself. His gentle heart is so apparent. Adam's values and foundations are now firmly planted in God, we were especially aware of this as we watched him step up, pursue, lead in a relationship and become a married man last year. 

During his wedding speech he totally honoured both myself and Nigel and thanked us for putting up with him even during the rubbish times.
I came away from the wedding feeling totally elated and secure knowing that my son had now been launched into a new phase of his life with God at the centre.

Would you have done anything differently?

Nothing, it was part of my journey in God, as well as Adam's.