Can you explain your home set-up, and what led you to it?
We were heavily involved in work and church, meaning that we needed a nanny and childminder. I felt that my working life had plateaued and I simply had lost all enthusiasm for it, whereas Jenni’s career was beginning to really take off. The consequence of all of this was that we weren’t happy as a couple, or as a family. Our children were suffering due to a lack of parental presence and being too tired to do anything outside of work and church.
The solution seemed to be for me to become ‘House Dad’ and Jenni to go full time, giving her the freedom to pursue what she was loving. Because we were in the family business, we could make these changes with very little, if any, disruption to family or work.
Also, we knew it was probably only for a season – not that I was expecting to go back full-time, but I knew a time would come when I would get work of some kind, as things settled.
How did you initially feel about this change?
Excited, because it was the first time that I personally could see a way out of the rat race. God was opening a door to release me to help re-align our lives. It’s now been three years, and I can’t see our roles switching back. One thing to say, is that in the run-up to me stepping back, God made me increasingly more and more aware of the importance of family, predominantly as us, the Fulton family, but also as a church.
How does it benefit you all?
As mentioned above, it frees me from the binds of the corporate world, it frees Jenni to pursue a career that she loves and is incredible at, and it gives the children the stability of always having a parent in the home – even when I’m strict or grumpy! I’m not a mother obviously, so they do miss out on that aspect, and I have come to realise that is hugely important, particularly for Bella.
And the challenges?
Being at home all day on your own can be a repetitive, boring and lonely place, especially when all your friends, mainly men, are at work, so I try to meet up with guys when possible and having somewhere else to go during the week also helps. There have been moments when I have felt less manly, but I’ve reminded myself why I’m doing it, and of course ‘who’ opened the door and that helps to clear my head.
It doesn’t bother Jenni, except when the house is untidy and there’s no chilled glass of Sauvignon Blanc waiting for her when she gets home… I wouldn’t have, and still don’t consider either of us to be part-time parents, but I know Jenni finds it difficult not being around as much as she used to be, especially when Zephy asks why she can't stay at home.
How have others responded to the changes?
Overall, people have been very positive about it and in many cases have wished that they could do the same, especially the dads. Jenni’s role has since changed a bit and now involves more travelling, both nationally and internationally, and some people questioned this and whether it was ‘right’ for her to be away for days, sometimes a week or two at a time, strangely this was often said by women who’s own husbands do similar or have more travelling with work. However, I didn’t really worry what people thought, as we knew it had been God who had opened the door.
What is the best thing about being a dad at home?
Simply being around for the kids and being free of the workload. My kids like it, but do miss their mum and wish I wasn’t as strict.
Do you ever get jealous of Jenni, or wish you were back at work?
I used to have moments of jealousy, but I would remind myself that being at home is equally, if not, more important than a ‘career’. I am now employed a day a week at church helping them with publicity, I’ve now set myself up as a freelance designer which has brought in a small amount of regular design work. So my season of full-time House Dad is gradually coming to an end.
Has your view of 'God the Father' changed since taking on a different role?
I’ve always had a strong view of God as a father. He is showing me the areas that I need to work on with Jen and each of the kids.
What would you say to a family considering the same?
Allow God to speak to you about it and show you where changes need to be made, because it might not require such a dramatic change, it might be that you just need to cut some things out of work or church or your social life in order to bring balance back. Take it to God. Although I didn’t get on my hands and knees to regularly pray about it and I certainly didn’t have a plan, I did think about it every single day and discussed it with God every single day as I went through my day.
Ultimately, it was God’s idea; He opened the door, but allowed us to decide whether to go through it or not – He is a loving father not a controlling one!
It doesn’t bother Jenni, except when the house is untidy and there’s no chilled glass of Sauvignon Blanc waiting for her when she gets home… I wouldn’t have, and still don’t consider either of us to be part-time parents, but I know Jenni finds it difficult not being around as much as she used to be, especially when Zephy asks why she can't stay at home.
How have others responded to the changes?
Overall, people have been very positive about it and in many cases have wished that they could do the same, especially the dads. Jenni’s role has since changed a bit and now involves more travelling, both nationally and internationally, and some people questioned this and whether it was ‘right’ for her to be away for days, sometimes a week or two at a time, strangely this was often said by women who’s own husbands do similar or have more travelling with work. However, I didn’t really worry what people thought, as we knew it had been God who had opened the door.
What is the best thing about being a dad at home?
Simply being around for the kids and being free of the workload. My kids like it, but do miss their mum and wish I wasn’t as strict.
Do you ever get jealous of Jenni, or wish you were back at work?
I used to have moments of jealousy, but I would remind myself that being at home is equally, if not, more important than a ‘career’. I am now employed a day a week at church helping them with publicity, I’ve now set myself up as a freelance designer which has brought in a small amount of regular design work. So my season of full-time House Dad is gradually coming to an end.
Has your view of 'God the Father' changed since taking on a different role?
I’ve always had a strong view of God as a father. He is showing me the areas that I need to work on with Jen and each of the kids.
What would you say to a family considering the same?
Allow God to speak to you about it and show you where changes need to be made, because it might not require such a dramatic change, it might be that you just need to cut some things out of work or church or your social life in order to bring balance back. Take it to God. Although I didn’t get on my hands and knees to regularly pray about it and I certainly didn’t have a plan, I did think about it every single day and discussed it with God every single day as I went through my day.
Ultimately, it was God’s idea; He opened the door, but allowed us to decide whether to go through it or not – He is a loving father not a controlling one!
"As a father shows compassion to his children, so the Lord shows compassion to those who fear him". Psalm 103v13
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