The Great Escape

I'm sitting on a train, alone. Well technically I'm not alone, I'm  with all the commuters to London. But I'm alone in the sense that it's just me that I know. I'm not talking to anyone. I'm not responsible for any of these people. None of these people need me. None of them are hoping I've got Fruit Shoots  and Cheddars on me. None of them are asking if we are there yet. None of them are climbing on me. None of them are dancing in the aisle and need me to ask them to move. They are all just quietly reading their papers or playing/emailing on their phones. 

I'm struck by the size of my bag. It's small and pink. It has a phone, my keys, a wallet and a book in it. That's it. No nappies, no wipes, no antibacterial hand gel, no Lego, no McDonalds toys playing Beyonce, no bits of broken biscuit at the bottom. No one would even know I'm a mum as I sit on this train. 


I'm off for a couple of days away with my sister in law. Between us we have seven boys, but for today and tomorrow, it's just us. Just us, no responsibilities, no one needing us, no bulk meals to prepare, no packed lunches to make, no buggy to push, no shoes to tie, no little teeth to brush, no uniform to put out, no one to serve. No responsibilities just adult conversation, chocolate, wine, pistachio nuts, books and the Pride and Prejudice series on dvd which I've never seen.


I am fully aware that I could treat these two days in one of two ways. I have recently read an article about escapism, so I know I could look at these two days as a way of escape. Avoiding my real life and opting for two days of all the things I don't get to do with a great sense of abandonment and escape; all that I deserve! 
Or I could look at these two days as a way of refreshment and rest in order to plug straight back into my real life. I could still get to do all the things I don't get to do, but view it as a blessing, rather than something I deserve. 


I know that one of the enticements of escapism would be to escape from God too. To have just 'me time' but what a wasted opportunity if I do this. Even though the husband and my boys don't need me these two days, I still have a responsibility to them. I have a responsibility to make sure I go home rested, refreshed, and with renewed energy for them, but also to go home with my relationship with God strengthened so that I can be all I have been called to be by Him.


I do not want to go home just rested to the avoidance of going home renewed. I do not want to go home after two days of just 'me time' to the avoidance of 'intimate me and God time'. I do not want to go home just knowing I have conversed and laughed with my sister in law to the avoidance of pouring out my heart to my heavenly father and saviour. I do not want to go back home knowing Mr Darcy a little better to the avoidance of knowing Jesus Christ better.


So I will laugh and chat and watch Mr Darcy's smouldering looks, I will drink a little wine and eat a little chocolate, but I will also plan to walk and talk with He who brings great rest and renewal and comfort and strength and joy. I need it for myself and I need it for those God has asked me to serve.


"but they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength;
they shall mount up with wings like eagles;
they shall run and not be weary;
they shall walk and not faint."
Isaiah 40v31

Claim the Reward

When it was raining recently, my oldest took off his hooded jacket, and gave it to his younger brother who's jacket didn't have a hood. He did it without any prompting. He selflessly loved his brother. Hallelujah! All the training of the past seven years paid off in this one incident. It encouraged me to keep going with all the daily seed planting and heart training, even when it looks like there is no fruit in teaching them. After all, God so gently and so patiently keeps training my heart even when I am slow to bear fruit!

I was so pleased with my boy, and told him so. I told him that God loves seeing selfless acts of love, because it is the essence of what He did when He gave His son to die for us. My son sometimes asks in these situations if he can tell his dad or if that's being proud. I find it hard to make a call on things like this so I leave it to the husband, and seeing as the husband wants to cultivate a home where our boys can talk to him about anything, he inevitably says yes to them.

It got me wondering about my own motivation to do things. Stopping to ask the questions "Am I doing this to look good? To impress someone? To make people think better of me?  To get recognised? To gain some kind of earthly reward or proud trophy?" Or am I doing it to be selfless, following Jesus example, and therefore bringing glory to God? I'd hate to think how many times my heart's motivation is wrong. I find it hard not even pointing out to the husband when I've hoovered or put the washing away. I want him to be pleased with me and say something fabulously encouraging about my selfless act. I want to get that small bit of earthly recognition. But the bible is very clear about such motivations. No reward from my Father in Heaven! Is it really worth seeking man's approval when I miss out eternally? I think not!

"Beware of practicing your righteousness before other people
 in order to be seen by them,
for then you will have no reward from your Father who is in heaven."
                                                                        Matthew 6v1

That's Not My Name

"Mum, can I have a drink?...Mum, I need you...Mum, can you wipe my bottom?...Mum, he hit me...Mum, where's my uniform?...Mummy...Mum, I've swallowed a piece of Lego...Mum, can you help me with my homework?...Mum, look at me jump...Mum, why did God put metal in the earth?...Mummy...Mum, I'm hungry...Mum, can I have Sport's Candy?...Mum, where's dad?...Mum, come see...Mum, can you deal with him...Mum, what you typing?...Mum, I need string and some glue...Mummy...Mum, I'm stuck...Mum, can you play with me...Mum, I'm hungry...Mum, maybe we should calm down with a DVD...Mummy...Mum, can you make Buzz a spaceship...Mum...Mum...Mum..."

After a day of this, I turned to our lodger and said "I think I might change my name". And her response was simply quite profound in that moment; "Mum isn't your name." Her comment stunned me, I don't think I believed what she said. Of course Mum is my name, I get called it a few hundred times a day. It is what I am most often referred to as. It is what I do, so it must be who I am. Even the husband will say things like; "Ask mum". That's me, that's who I am. That's my name!

But actually our lodger (and wise friend) is right. Mum is not my name. It is one of my roles; a challenging, wonderful, blessed role, But it does not define who I am. The husband sometimes asks me if I feel more like a mum or more like a wife. And if I answer 'mum', it usually results in him booking us a date night. Which is of course a result, so hopefully he's reading this! But of course 'wife' doesn't  define me either. So what does?

"In love he predestined us for adoption
 as sons through Jesus Christ,
according to the purpose of his will,
to the praise of his glorious grace,
with which he has blessed us in the Beloved." 
                                                  Ephesians 1v5-6

My identity is in Jesus christ. Because of what He has done for me on the cross, I am adopted and blessed as God's beloved. I am loved and forgiven and chosen and adopted as His. I am righteous in His sight because of Jesus Christ. I am my beloved's and He is mine. This is my identity, whilst being a mum and a wife, and anything else for that matter.

9 A Day

During a slightly stressful moment in our house, I sent a text to a couple of friends. Slightly tongue in cheek I asked "What are the fruit of the Spirit again and do I really have to try and show them all at the same time?" Their wonderful responses ranged from "I'm about to boil over myself" to "It's about dwelling in the Spirit, which enables us to show such fruit, it's not about 'trying harder'." In short, go and pray, rather than try harder and end up losing it at the boys!

I asked my eldest if he could remind me of the fruit of the Spirit and he did. It's one of the verses the husband has taught him. 

"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law."

Galations 5v22-23

We often ask him what the second part of the verse means, "And against such things there is no law". And because we often ask him, he was able to respond (in that way a child responds when his parents try to drum in a lesson) by saying that there is no limit to how kind and loving he can be to his brothers. Some of the lessons we teach our boys, seem so easy when we are teaching them to grasp something. But when I'm reminded to put that verse into practice, I can so easily forget this part. I tend to think that I have already been long suffering about something for long enough, or I have already showed that person kindness or gentleness. Or I was self controlled yesterday. Or my patience has run out. But I need to remember that there is no law (and no amount of reasoning, however good they seem) against such things.

My second son asked me what we were talking about, so I grabbed the teaching opportunity. I said that when we plant an apple seed in soil and water it and look after it, after time an apple tree grows and produces healthy apples. And likewise if we plant ourselves in Jesus then as we grow, we will produce fruit like kindness and gentleness. On asking him if he understood, he replied, "I am an apple!" Not put off, by his silly answer in a silly voice, I showed great patience by explaining it once more, in a very gentle, self controlled tone. I even acted out a seed being planted and growing healthy fruit and likened this to planting ourselves in the Holy Spirit, and us growing good fruit. I asked again if he had understood, and he replied, "Can I show you my Nanny McPhee impression by sticking pieces of Lego in my teeth?"

I gave up and accepted that maybe the best way to teach him about the Fruit of the Spirit, was to model it to him, which is often a bigger challenge than teaching it!

Another Blue Toothbrush

Previous OneBluetoothbrush(Matt Hosier)

Just to clarify, I'm not pregnant as the title may suggest. But rather I've asked another dad of daughters to comment on life as One Blue Toothbrush. Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you Matt Simmonds.

Hello I’m not Emma, I’m Matt. Surprise. I have three daughters, ranging from 5 years old to 18 months. A few weeks back my eldest daughter opened our front door and proclaimed to a neighbour of ours that mummy couldn’t answer the door as she was changing the sheets because ‘daddy had an accident in the bed’. Since then lurid rumours have been spreading so I’d like to use the worldwide platform that Emma’s blog gives me to clearly state that this did NOT happen.
I can’t find even the most tenuous link to connect the above story to the following article Emma asked me to pen but ho-hum, I trust it got your attention.
I guess what it does give is a small window into the world of family Simmonds. We like to have fun, laughter and lots of it. Games of Rugby are frequent (I always win), shouting competitions are an occasional pastime (I win those too) and dancing competitions get the blood flowing on rainy afternoons (I don’t need to tell you who wins those). Having kids doesn’t have to be a chore, a fight or a battle.
As well as fun we major on themes like kindness, compassion, generosity, quick forgiveness, obedience etc. Oft quoted phrases include cheesy lines like ‘Simmonds Girls Share’ & ‘Guests Get Best’.

Much of our parenting rationale is influenced by something God spoke to us whilst Jo was pregnant with our third daughter about our daughter’s middle names; Grace, Rose & Joy. There was no deliberate intention in any of their names other than Grace being my mothers name, however we felt God say that these middle names would reflect each of the girls characters. That’s shaped our parenting and our prayers.

We’re also convinced it’s crucial that girls know the love of their dad, lack of space in this article precludes me from properly elaborating on ‘the why’. Although I will say briefly, that for girls in particular to be secure in my love isn’t the end goal, not really. Actually I want them to be secure in the love of God, but knowing the love of an earthly father will go a long way to helping them recognise love from their heavenly father.
Now, to be straight with you folks, I’m not the most tactile chap but I’ve deliberately put that to one side (with 3 girls that wasn’t difficult). My girls get kisses, cuddles, bundles, and tickles in abundance. I ensure my speech isn’t inhibited either; encouragement and affectionate language are so vital and I hope are dished from my lips in abundance.

One thing I didn’t tell you about the story at the beginning is that I discovered later that the UNTRUE comment was actually planted in my daughter’s fertile mind by my dear wife. Thanks love. Despite this deception Jo (my wife) and I work very much as a team. We’re now outnumbered so we have to work as a team. Parenting is very much like riding a tandem bike, you can’t go in differing directions and if you try, you’ll just fall over, together.

What's on Your Finger?

Yesterday I took a bag of vegetables to my friend's house. I knew I had people coming for dinner, and I wouldn't have proper time to chop the veg and prep for dinner after the school run. So after a few cups of coffee, lunch with four mums and seven kids, a tadpole disaster, a few discipline opportunities and a brief but honest chat, I headed off to the school run with the same bag of vegetables, unchopped. And my afternoon went something like this...

Pick up two boys from school.

Carry two sleeping boys and a bag of vegetables into the house.

Send oldest two to get out of their uniform.

Put a DVD on.

Make four drinks and four snacks. 
Start chopping vegetables. (Skip peeling)
Put thirty sausages under the grill.
Chop more vegetables.
Sort out a 'disagreement' between two boys.
Check sausages.

Say "Wait a minute" to the youngest calling me.

Start to turn sausages.

Say "Wait a minute" to the youngest calling me.

Wonder what is on youngest's fingers.

Smell youngest's fingers.
Gag on the smell of poo.
Shove sausages back under the grill.
Repeatedly say "Don't touch anything. Don't touch anything."

Grab wet wipes.

Wet wipe the youngest.
Antibacterialise youngest's fingers.
Strip the youngest.
Throw clothes near washing machine.
Change a nappy on kitchen floor.
Throw nappy in outside bin.
Antibacterialise my fingers.
Smell slightly burning sausages.
Say "No" to boys asking for raw carrots and apples.
Realise it's the only way to get fruit & veg in them tonight... 
Change "no to carrots and apples" to "Yes to carrots and apples".
Hand out four carrots.
Turn grill down.
Text someone to bring two chairs and milk tonight.
Chop some vegetables.
Fry some vegetables, with youngest on hip.
Hand out more carrots.
Put dummy in youngest's mouth.
Laugh.
Text the husband to ask for Estimated Time of Arrival.
Add half an hour to the husband's Estimated Time of Arrival.
Open some plum tomatoes.
Vaguely read recipe.
Tell youngest "Hot hot hot" as I move each sausage to the plates by hand.
Stop youngest drinking Antibacterial gel.
Take a photo of the table.

Laugh.

Quote to myself,

"You know when I sit and when I rise;
   you perceive my thoughts from afar.

 You discern my going out and my lying down;
   you are familiar with all my ways." (Psalm 139v2-3)

Feel encouraged by the fact that God is watching me and my day.

Feel encouraged that He is familiar with all my ways.

Hand out four plates of sausages.

Think the plates look a bit empty.

Remember they've had carrots and apples.

Butter some bread and give them chocolate biscuits.

Find a Bonus Feature on the DVD to keep them occupied for a few more minutes.

Throw vegetables, sausages and other stuff in a big pan and stick it in the oven.

Stop the youngest from playing with the clothes by the washing machine.

Praise the Lord for the sound of keys in the door.

Kiss the husband.

Notice him scan the kitchen and not react.

Start to clear the table.

Thank the husband for his help.

Clean two toilets.

Put four little people to bed.

Set the table.

Breathe.

The Heart of the Matter

Undoubtedly the Toy Story Trilogy rocks! What's not to love? A Space Ranger (now with Spanish mode) a Cowboy, fantastic story lines, humour, friendship, little green men, Barbie & Ken, plus heartfelt emotion. (Even the husband and his brother found the incinerator scene quite hard to watch!) We waited with anticipation for Toy Story 3 in our house. And it didn't fail to win our affection. I watched it on Christmas day, and bawled because I thought my boys were about to leave me to go to college! Then I realised I had about eleven years until that may start happening.

Now with all good kid's films, there is always a baddie. Boo...Hiss... Sid the boy next door, Stinky Pete the Prospector, and Emperor Zurg. But Toy Story 3 presents us with Lotso. Lotso is a soft cuddly bear who smells of strawberries, and comes across as very kind, gentle and caring. But no no no. Lotso is a mean, selfish bear. He was rejected and became a bitter and hard hearted 'not so cuddly bear'. There is a moment in the film, where Lotso has a chance to redeem himself. Woody helps the undeserving bear because he is in danger. But when he has a chance to help the others, he opts out and chooses to think only of himself. Boo...hiss...indeed!


I thought I'd use Lotso Bear's antics as an opportunity to teach the boys. So I asked them what they thought was wrong with Lotso. My eldest responded that he was nice on the outside, but inside his heart was selfish. We looked at Proverbs 27v19 "As in water reflects face, so the heart of man reflects the man." The boys needed the verse explaining to them, so I spoke to them about how if we look in water, we can see what our face looks like. And so it is with our heart. If we look at what we say and do, it shows us what our heart is like. We looked at Lotso's heart, and talked about his actions and his words. Mark Driscoll puts it quite clearly "Your heart is the reflecting of your identity, of your essence, of your nature. It is a reflection of who you are." And Lotso's identity, essence and nature shows us that his heart is cold, mean and selfish. He had allowed his rejection to turn into bitterness and selfishness.


We also looked at Psalm 51v10
"Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me." And we asked God to do that for us. We asked Him to make our hearts good and clean, and that people would be able to know what our hearts looked like, by looking at our words and actions. My hope for when we train and discipline our boys, is that their hearts are changed which is reflected in their behviour and not the other way round.