True Romance

I have recently been reading two books, which are quite different in genre. Both books can be pretty much summed up by their titles. One is called ‘Faithful Women and their Extraordinary God’ by Noel piper and the other ‘A weekend with Mr Darcy’ by Victoria Connelly. One is encouraging, thought provoking, challenging and faith stirring and one is about a boy who gets the girl, loses the girl and gets the girl back (Sorry if I’ve spoilt it!).

I enjoyed reading ‘A Weekend with Mr Darcy’. It took two days and it was like watching a movie for a couple of days, a nice bit of escapism and girlie-ness. I was especially amused by a line from a disgruntled boyfriend in the book;

“I know you women-you don’t care who the man is as long as he’s on a horse. Put Jabba the Hutt on a horse and you’d all be swooning over him”.

I enjoyed the book immensely but was very aware of the caricature of men throughout. They were pretty much brandished as losers, cheats and liars, apart from the handsome, funny, sensitive and romantic heroes of course.

 As I read the book, I was reminded of a blog I had read recently, it was interestingly titled “Beware Romantic Pornography”, written by Betsy Hart for The Gospel Coalition. She describes romantic comedies as stories which usually involve a wonderful woman and an idiotic man. The idiotic man does not realise how romantic he is until the wonderful woman shows him and he starts to talk about his feelings and as she quite rightly observes, it usually involves a fountain at some point.

 The title of the article is quite striking, but she is wanting to voice her opinion clearly and dramatically, as she says;

“Sexual pornography twists an understanding for men about real women’s bodies and sexual appetites, so romantic pornography twists the perception for women about real men and how they ‘ought’ to behave toward women, which tends to amount to… behaving like a woman”.

She makes such a valid point, and it was an interesting read. As a mum to my boys, I know I have a duty to teach them how to treat women but also to be secure in their masculinity, and not be feminised by the culture or the girls they meet. As a wife, I need to remember that the husband is made in the image of God. I’m not expecting the husband to arrive home on horseback this evening, however delightful and also amusing that might be, but I may well have let other incorrect expectations of him creep in from one too many romance novels. I need to let him be the man that God has made him to be, as well as keeping my eyes fixed on the ultimate husband Jesus Christ to captivate my heart, care for me and rescue me.

"So God created mankind in his own image,
in the image of God he created them;
male and female he created them."

Genesis 1v27

Come As You Are

This morning at church, I was thinking of one of Nirvana's songs, as you do. Maybe I was attempting to stay young, although the song I was thinking of was released in 1992, so I'm not sure how that will make me feel young! And I'm not sure Kurt Cobain would have thought that a mum at church would one day be thinking of his song. I know that his song is actually about people's expectations of others, but all I could think of was the words "Come as you are".

I walked into church this morning, and could see the husband sitting on the front row. I walked to the front, carrying five boy's jumpers, 2 kids work cards, a child's belt, a Play Station cable, a small knight, a pocket full of Lego and a naked Action Man! And that's when I thought of the song, 'Come as you are'. It made me smile, because I knew how true it was. I knew God had seen the morning, the fact that I dressed my youngest in the church lounge, and that I could come to Him just as I was, naked Action Man and jumpers in tow.

How wonderfully encouraging and refreshing, that God let's me come to Him just as I am, a sinner, a mess, a rushed mum, a jumper carrier. I had nothing to bring Him, I came to Him a bit like the Action Man I was carrying; naked, empty handed and not really able to do anything by myself. Whether I'm tired or flustered, I know I can come to Him just as I am. No qualification needed or tick list checked. Just me. Because of what Jesus has done for me, because He has made a way for me, I can come to Him! I sat down to hear the preacher talk about the Samaritan woman who had come to draw water. She came as a woman who actually put all her trust and comfort in men. She came as she was and Jesus approached her and offered her salvation. He didn't offer it to her because she was good or had it all together. He offered her salvation as a gift. I'm always moved by people's stories and as it was a baptismal service, there were testimonies to hear. I love that each person shared about God meeting them just as they were. It's not about getting it all sorted before we come to Him, Jesus let's us come to Him just as we are, offering us so many undeserved blessings.

"God saved you by his grace when you believed. And you can’t take credit for this; it is a gift from God. Salvation is not a reward for the good things we have done, so none of us can boast about it." Ephesians 2v8-9 

It's A Girl's World, But He's In It!

As I wrote recently in "It's a Boy's World, but I'm in it!" , there are things which I do just because I am a mum to boys and I want to be engaged in their physical, adventurous, all guns blazing, tree climbing blue world. I want to be involved in order to be able to relate to them, enjoy time with them and share Jesus with them. But it is time to hear from a dad of girls who wants to be involved in his girl's pink glittery world, for the same reasons. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Adrian Holloway.

I have never understood the need for glitter and 'make and do'. However,our house is often full of small creations made from toilet rolls, old strawberry punnets and fairy liquid bottles. It is very important that the majority of them are created before 8am and they are displayed for at least 2 weeks before they are forgotten about. They can then be transferred to the very, very top cupboard...a half way house that is used in case a) they are requested back b) they are sadly forgotten and make their way slowly but surely to the great recycling bin in the sky.

For me this table of activity is not inspiring, in fact if anything it seems, dare I say pointless. However, it is a time of learning and understanding, nurturing and bonding. If I share the passion for a Pritt Stick and a pink neon feather, I hope they in turn will learn to share my deepest desires.

Teaching our girls about having a true personal relationship with God, is the most important thing that I see I can do as a Father. This takes many forms from, my day to day responses to them, to our one on one God times. Our 'Daddy bible times' could probably be described as being unconventional. Julia, my wife, often expresses concern as to what the neighbours are hearing through the walls of our terraced house. Rather than sit and read bible stories in our house we prefer to go for the role play approach. Therefore Lazarus is often raised from the dead, Jesus is, possibly too graphically crucified and raised from the dead. Demons are cast and miracles are witnessed. Why? Simply because they love it, I love it and God's word is remembered.

I want them to know that I will always listen to them, offer them advice when needed and endeavor to understand their needs when they initially seem alien to me. Ultimately I will love them unconditionally.

Being a Dad of 4 girls isn't necessarily how you might expect. I have spent hours of time sitting next to our older girls cheering on Fulham FC. I have even caught one of them getting up extra early on a Sunday to watch match of the day!

Adrian Holloway http://www.theshockofyourlife.com/

"Come On Lad"

While we were on holiday, we went for a walk to a place called Dancing Ledge. It was a lovely day for a walk; the sun was shining, there was a nice breeze, beautiful scenery, we had a picnic ready and knew it would end in a fun climb. A lovely day for a walk indeed! Unless you were a four year old boy who really wasn't up for a walk, then it was quite an ordeal. If you were four and you were tired and your legs were sore and you didn't care about the scenery or the breeze or the picnic or the climb, then it was not a lovely day for a walk.

Between ignoring the whining and complaining, being told off for the whining and complaining and being distracted from the whining and complaining, the walk turned out to feel a bit longer than it should. The husband was ahead pushing the youngest in the buggy, carrying the picnic and keeping up with the other two, while I was holding hands/dragging the reluctant four year old, attempting to enjoy some one to one time with him on a beautiful day. The husband held back and explained to the four year old that enough was enough, and that he was to enjoy the walk! Point well and truly made, daddy was listened to, the whimpering lessened and we looked for beetles which we were going to name Judy and Alex, but never found any.

That was only the way down! It had been quite a long way down, so I was wondering what the climb up would be like. Same situation as before; older two ran up, fueled by testosterone and a test of their manliness. The husband carried the two year old on his shoulders, as the buggy had been abandoned at the top of the climb. And I followed with a hot and tired four year old, who stood at the bottom and looked up and up and up to the top. It looked a long way up from my perspective, but from a tired four year-old's view, it looked insurmountable. At first he sat down, not defiantly, just defeated before he began! We played 'chase mum's shadow' which got him going, and we ate a few blackberries on the way for 'energy and strength'. But then he got weary of the climb. His head was low and his hands were pretty much dragging along the grass.

That's when we heard the shout come from the top; "ETHAN, YOU ARE DOING REALLY WELL. KEEP GOING. YOU CAN DO IT. YEAH. COME ON LAD". The voice of course was his daddy's voice booming loud and proud from the top. The weary four year old beamed his brightest smile as he looked up at his dad.
And with his eyes fixed on his dad, he ran and ran!

It was a wonderful moment and I could see my Heavenly Father in it all. How He knows me by name, because I am His child. How He loves me and He is so for me, encouraging me, rooting for me when I am weak and feeling defeated, reminding me that I am not defeated, drawing me to Himself, going before me, causing me to fix my eyes on Him, encouraging me to quit complaining and whining and listen to His voice and run. And when my boy ran to his dad, I ran alongside him, encouraging him to go to his dad. How wonderful to remember that once Jesus had ascended to Heaven, He sent the Holy Spirit to come alongside us, encouraging us, comforting and strengthening us, helping us along the way to fix our eyes on what Jesus has done for us and to run to the Father!

"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses,

 let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles.

 And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith.

 For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.

Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart." Hebrews 12v1-3

It's A Boy's World, But I'm In It!

We have just come back from a much needed holiday. We had a few days in a beautiful house, courtesy of an old friend, who let us use her home. We went to see Windsor Castle and Princess Katherine even gave me a signed postcard and novelty pencil (her handwriting is very similar to that of the husband's!!). And we went camping for a few days after. The husband isn't the biggest fan of living in a tent for a week. He says it would be better if it had a sofa, and a non air filled bed and if the walls were firstly not near his face when he slept, and secondly if they were made of brick not canvas.

There were a couple of new things I did. One out of politeness and one because I am a mum of boys. On the Sunday, we went to church and back to the pastor and his wife's house for lunch. We had a lovely time, and they were very hospitable to us. The boys realized that girls can be very cool indeed, especially with a snake, a tarantula, ferrets and dogs as pets. As a non fish lover, I was served home caught fish, with eyes and a tail and everything! I looked at my plate, and politely smiled. The husband correctly assessed the smile as one of slight despair, and asked the wife to give me a little help in cutting the fish which was staring at me. The fish was swiftly decapitated, de skinned and de boned, and it was actually delicious. First new thing!

Secondly, it was my birthday while we were away. I got nice presents which the boys thought were a bit of a let down; smellies, jewellery and a flowery bag. No Lego or Star Wars is seen as a bit of a disappointment in our house. We went to a swimming pool or more of a water world, with rapids and slides. My son asked me to go on the water slides with him which I did about 6 times. But then I went on the really fast one on my own, while the husband had all the boys. I'm not sure I would have gone on it if I wasn't a mum to boys. But I went on it twice, once for them and once for me. I was advised by a mum recently, a Bear Grylls kind of mum who has three older boys. She said that as they continue to get older, I should do more and more active things with them rather than sit out and watch. Not just letting the husband be the only one involved in the fun side of things, but for me to be an active part of it too. It is such a privilege to look after them and care for their needs, knowing that part of this is to get into their world and have fun with them. It's definately a boy's world, but I'm in it! This creates great opportunities to share Jesus with them and it also proves to be jolly good fun along the way!

"And you must commit yourselves wholeheartedly to these commands that I am giving you today. Repeat them again and again to your children. Talk about them when you are at home and when you are on the road, when you are going to bed and when you are getting up."
Deuteronomy 6v6-7

Yes Sir, Yes Sir, Three Bags Full

With all this sheep talk recently, I have been thinking about how Jesus charges me to be a shepherd to my own flock, like He is the Good Shepherd to me. As a mum, I tend to four lambs. I tend to their needs, keeping them warm and safe. I feed them with food from Asda, rather than grass from a field. I don't lead them to a river to drink, but I do show them where the tap is. I call them and they know my voice and they come running straight away...mmm occasionally! They don't ever fall into ravines, but I do help them when they're stuck up a tree. I'm not allowed to shear them as I once did a terrible job of that, but the husband has taken on this role.I know each of them by name, although I do mix them up, much to their amusement. I aim to guide my lambs, care for them and love them. This is what shepherds do.

I also aim to protect them. Maybe I'm not protecting them from wolves and predators, like a shepherd would, but from other things which are dangerous for them. Things that will make them fearful or feel scared, things which will cause nightmares or take away their innocence, things which may even lead them to death.

So for instance, me or the husband, will watch new films with them. If it has a scary or sad scene, we may skip it for them or get them to look away or walk away until it has finished. Or we may talk through the scene with them. We know it is important to protect them at times, by preventing them from seeing or hearing or knowing certain things. But we mustn't wrap our children up in cotton wool. Sometimes our protection comes in the form of allowing them to see something and explaining why it is harmful and teaching them how to guard their own hearts and live godly lives. If we hear the news in the car, we turn the radio down because the content is often too adult for their young ears. But other times we talk to them about things in the news and pray with them about it.

We also protect their hearts by teaching them about sin and about God's enemy and his tactics.

"The thief’s purpose is to steal and kill and destroy.
 My purpose is to give them a rich and satisfying life." John 10v10

Our boys need to know that they will be tempted to sin. We want them to be prepared to protect themselves, and understand why they need to do it. So our six year old will now tell us when he thinks a dvd is too scary for him, and our seven year old will turn the news off when it comes on the TV. We want them to learn to protect themselves from temptation, whether it's temptation to vandalise property and disrespect authority, or whether its a sexual temptation. We want them to protect themselves from sin, and point them towards Jesus' protection, by making godly choices and following The Good Shepherd for themselves.

"Direct your children onto the right path,
and when they are older, they will not leave it." Proverbs 22v6

Have You Any Wool?

Due to the two year old's new love for all things Baa, I am aware of sheep again and again. I recently read John 10, and thought about Jesus' description of us as his sheep. (As I mentioned in my last post). He talks about thieves who come to steal the sheep, and why He cares for the sheep, and the fact that there are some sheep still to be found. It's hard to remember that he is talking about us as he refers to sheep, but He is. He talks about the sheep having eternal life and never being snatched from Him. He talks about Himself as the shepherd, the good shepherd who lays down His life for the sheep. But He also talks about Himself as the gate, which to be honest I haven't always understood.

I read something recently, which helped me understand it better. I read A Slice of Infinity, which is a daily reading from the Ravi Zacharias International Ministries (RZIM). It is written by a lady called Jill Carattini. She explained parts of John 10 in her daily reading, which was new to me, so I thought I would share her thoughts here;

As Jesus was standing in the temple preaching, He would have been surrounded by real "baaing" sheep. Sheep which were being bought and sold,  and then led through a door into the temple, in order to be used as a sacrifice. There was a gate on the north of the city of Jerusalem which the sheep were led through. It was fittingly called the Sheep Gate. When the sheep were inside the city, inside the temple, there was no way out. An entrance for the sheep, but no exit. They were then sacrificed for the sins of men and women. Jill Carattini writes "For first-century hearers of Jesus' words about sheep, such knowledge added to the shock of Christ's words: "I tell you the truth, I am the gate for the sheep.... I am the gate; whoever enters through me will be saved. He will come in and go out, and find pasture.""

The hearers of Jesus' words would have known that the sheep had no way out, that they were heading for death. For Jesus to say that He was the gate for the sheep, He was declaring that there was a way out for the sheep. And we remember that Jesus refers to us when He talks about sheep. So He was saying He was and is the way out from death for us. If we come to God through Jesus, we are rescued from death and given life. This is wonderful news for us, and a reminder that those who don't yet know Jesus as their rescuer and saviour are still heading for death, and we need to point them in the right direction, towards the gate, towards Jesus.

"I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.

 I am the Good Shepherd" John 10v11

Baa Baa Black Sheep

My two year old has started to appreciate all things Baa, (as in the animal). So every time we see a sheep or a cow, or a haystack for that matter, he shouts "Baa". Even as I write this, there is a Baa on Bob the Builder this morning. So he is making his point loud and clear with full animal noise and facial expression.

There are some fields we pass on our way home. One field is home to sheep, one to cows and one to haystacks, so for quite a long stretch of road he says Baa, and I have to say it back to him in acknowledgement of the Baas!

It has got me thinking recently about one of my favourite verses;

"He tends his flock like a shepherd: He gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart; he gently leads those that have young." Isaiah 40v11

'Tends his flock' is not a phrase that we use a lot, mainly because we are not shepherds. But to a shepherd, it would mean that he protects his flock from wolves and predators. He looks after his flock, caring for them, feeding them, guiding them, watching over them, leading them to fresh water, and searching for the lost ones. 'Tends to' can also be described as cherish, serves and cares for.  

I love this verse and take it personally. Jesus is my shepherd and I am part of His flock, one of His sheep. I am happy to be a Baa, because it means Jesus tends to me, cherishes me, serves me and cares for me. He feeds me, watches over me and guides me. He gathers me in His arms and carries me close to His heart. What a wonderful place to be. The verse also says that Jesus gently leads those who have young. I have young, four young lambs which I myself tend to. So Jesus is gently leading me as I look after them. Sometimes He leads me through rough terrain, and sometimes through luscious grassy areas. But He is always leading me, while protecting me and tending to me. I am close to the Shepherd's heart, close to Jesus' heart.

 

Keep Smiling!

I have noticed that mums have a look on their face that other mums totally understand. It is a smile of sorts, but not a natural smile. It's more of a strained smile; a tight, closed mouth smile which lifts both corners of the mouth up high to uncomfortable levels, and it is usually accompanied with a nod or head tilt or very wide eyes, or all three. Someone may look at that smile and think the lady was bordering on insanity or struggling with constipation, but another mum would look at that smile and she would just know.


She would know that that smile is trying to communicate an intense positive thought process, such as "I am rising above the current stresses", with maybe a touch of "I am carrying on regardless", and a slight hint of "This will not beat me." While inside she is silently screaming, "I'm a mother, get me outta here!!" You notice this look in the supermarket, on the school run, at church, and coming in and out of caravans at Newday.

And as a mum, there is a look that you give back. It is a smaller smile, a more natural one. Not as intense as the manic/constipated look described earlier.  It communicates to that other mum, "I understand" and it lets you know that you are going to be okay and that you will survive! Because in that moment, you want someone else to understand the stress or gritted teeth joy that you are experiencing.


I saw this understanding look as I was in the chemist at 10pm buying worm medicine. What a totally gross and embarrassing medicine to have to stand at a counter and ask for. The reassuring look came from the mum standing to the left of me not quite at this point, but when the pharmacist asked if there was anything else I needed apart from the worm medicine for my kids, and my hushed reply was "a bottle of head lice treatment please"...that's when the smile came. A comforting, "been there, done it" smile. She understood that the last thing I wanted to be doing that evening was buying these particular products, let alone having to admit that I needed them, revealing some of the secret horrors of motherhood. And then having to part with cash for the joy of owning such products. She also knew that that meant my following morning would be one of hair combing and linen washing! But she would also know that that is what you do as a parent, you care for your kids and help them, in all sorts of ways!


I was comforted by that lady's smile. And it caused me to smile too. I realised how I simply needed someone to understand my plight at 10pm that evening. No talk about it needed, just an understanding smile was enough. Its a tedious link, but I know My Heavenly Father understands my plight. He sees all and knows all. He knows what my groans are, the big heavy groans and the lighthearted almost comical ones. And He makes all grace abound to me because I am His daughter, so He knows what it is to love His kids, to love me. He knows I need looking after, and help and care when I get myself into a mess. And I know that the messes I get myself into are far worse than nits and worms!

 "And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work." 2 Corinthians 9v8

A Helping Hand

At a recent baby shower, we were asked to give the mum-to-be a word of advice. My piece of advice was that she should ask for help, and accept the help offered. Sounds like a simple bit of information to give someone, but it actually proves quite hard to do. That familiar sin called pride stops us from admitting we need help, asking for it and then accepting it.

I'm reminded of a recent Sunday after church. Sundays can be a little on the difficult side at times, as I have to get four boys from their Cogs groups, the husband usually has to talk to someone about something, the boys are tired and hungry and I have to get them to the car to wait for the husband. So on a Sunday like this, I crossed the road with the tribe and walked them towards the hot car. They weren't being altogether helpful. The baby's hunger and tiredness had evolved into relentless screeching and I couldn't find the magical dummy which brings peace to all mankind. There was silliness and hot and bothered, non brotherly love going on. So quite loudly I demanded some quiet and tried to get them all in their seats with their belts on.

Then it happened, I spotted the wife of an elder at our church, coming towards us, a loving caring lady, who would be happy to help me. So did I approach her? No I ducked down and hid behind a green van next to our car! I said "Oh God, please help me". And then I started laughing. How ridiculous! God actually helped me by pointing out my pride; scared of what she might think and not asking for the help she would gladly offer.

We say to our boys that it's good to do things on our own at times, but if were doing it on our own, because we're worried what people think, or because we think we know better or because we don't want to admit that we're weak, or incase we put people out, then that's just pride! But there I was hiding behind a van in case this kind lady thought I was weak and needed help!

The worst kind of pride is when we don't ask God for His help, we don't admit that we are weak or in need and we try to do it all in our own strength. Instead we hide behind a green van, or money, or a relationship, or working harder, or looking better, or  our own self worth. How much better would it have been for me to ask the elder's wife for a helping hand? And how willingly she would have given it to me! How much better is it for me to ask God for His help and how willing is He to give it to me? His words are strong in regards to our pride. He has offered us His help and a relationship with Him through His own son. He knows that I am weak and need His help, His strength, His joy, His peace, His salvation, His forgiveness, His guidance, His care...But it is a choice to seek Him or have no room for Him.

     "In his pride the wicked does not seek him; in all his thoughts there is no room for God." Psalm 10v4

"Though the LORD is on high, he looks upon the lowly, but the proud he knows from afar." Psalm 138v6

The Young People of Today

This week I have been blown away by people's willingness to just help. I am at Newday, a Christian youth event with my boys, occasionally with the husband, some folk from our church and about 6000 young people.
As I sat in a marquee with our church's youth for my breakfast, one of the leaders came in and said he needed five guys to help with the slop buckets. Straight away some lads stood up to volunteer and followed the leader out to do this gross job. 
Later on I approached one of our youth leaders and asked him if he would help me get my coats out of my car. He was completely willing and in the pouring rain, he set out to find my car and get our family's coats for me.
I had help from a lovely teenage girl who went and got two of my boys from the children's work. She didn't even need to think about it. Her heart was just willing to serve me.

And I managed to get to an unexpected seminar because three of our youth offered to watch all four boys, and even treated them out of their own money.
I was encouraged because all of the people who I have observed helping have been under twenty. Why are they so willing? Why would they go out of their way in the rain? Or do the non glorious jobs? Because our young people are following examples. Whether it's the example of their parents, or by men and women in our church, or elders and their wives, or the examples of their youth leaders lives. Or the example of Jesus Himself.
Jesus loved his disciples and showed this by washing their feet. He wanted to make it clear that He had come to serve not to be served. He gave his life in place of our's to pay the price for our sin. The ultimate act of a servant, selfless heart.
We need to continue to be an example to our young people in how we serve. Would I have been willing to do the slop buckets? Or go out in the rain for someone? Or sacrifice a seminar so someone else could go? I hope I would. 
The next generation coming through often carries with it, a bad reputation.  But I wonder if they have had any examples to follow? Who has shown them the right way? Who has taught them to serve and respect? Are we willing to serve this next generation? Are we willing to be an example for them to follow? Especially those young people who have not had any good examples? Or do we expect to see it, without any part in it? 
So today, I'm honouring this next generation, especially the youth I have been served by this week.

Be Our Guest

Recently we told the boys that some very special guests were coming for dinner. We wouldn't tell them who, but laboured the point of how special these guests were by asking them to go and get changed into their best clothes, complete with ties, and be on their best behaviour.

I prepared a wonderful dinner, and the table had a table cloth and napkins. The husband wore a suit and I a pretty skirt and top with a flower in my hair. The boys were asking if it was The Queen. (I wish, I thought!) And started naming important people. We asked them to go outside and look for the guests. So they all skipped off to sit on the front wall, and excitedly wait for them to arrive.

Me and the husband went back in and closed the door. Our eldest came back and rang the doorbell, at which point we enthusiastically welcomed our boys in as our very special guests. We explained that they were the most important people we knew, and that the party was in their honour. With a happy tear in one of their eyes and a beaming smile on the other boys' faces, we sat down to our wonderful dinner party, followed by a dance off. (That's how most events finish in our house.)

We totally stole this idea off of a family we know. (Tony and Jackie, I salute you!) They said they were constantly blessed by their three daughters and their son, and they often had people at their house at dinner time, and their children were great with them. So it was their way of saying 'Thank You' to their kids. We loved the idea, and enjoyed repeating it. This weekend we were going to a BBQ with some old friends and we said there would be some special guests there. One of my boys suggested it was him and his brothers, so I know the point was made.

I am reminded of these verses.

In my Father's house are many rooms; if it were not so, I would have told you. I am going there to prepare a place for you.

And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am.
John 14 v2-3

Because of what Jesus has done for us, in making a way to the Father, we have the privilege of being His special guests where he has prepared a place for us. I wonder if there will be a dance off?

Frazzled

This evening could have gone one of two ways. It had been a bit of a full on afternoon; there had been an energetic wrestling match between the four boys, which had been going fine up until there were too many tears, there was extra washing to do, due to a poorly boy in the night, there was a brief thirty minute 'hello' from the husband between him coming home and heading back out, there was a head injury due to a car ramp being enthusiastically thrown by the baby, there was the dramatic loss of a Lego spaceman, there was an alien story to be written and that was all before dinner.

Putting the boys to bed alone, meant the baby followed me upstairs when I needed the four year old to settle. The older two were finding it hard to 'do something calm' before bedtime and the unsettled four year old got out of bed about six times. The last time he wanted his hideous red teddy bear which we got from the school fete for 20p. I was a bit short with him as I settled him back into bed, without his bear, and said a quick goodnight to them all.

I changed the baby and got him ready for bed, and I saw the hideous red teddy. I felt compelled to take it up to my boy. He gave me such a big smile as he took the bear and cuddled it. It brought him such comfort. And I tenderly kissed him and told him I loved him, because I do. Even when being a mum is hard, even when my boys are demanding, even when it's been a full on afternoon. I still love them. I just need to keep showing it and saying it. With the baby in his cot, I came downstairs and put some washing on, and sat on the lounge floor, frazzled and I wept.

At this point I knew I had a choice; I could put the television on and 'socially network' online, or I could cry to my heavenly father. I found myself doing the latter. I knew I could come into His presence so easily. There was nothing I needed to do or achieve or even say, I could just "be". And I could be comforted. I was reminded of how compelled I felt just to take my boy his hideous, but loved red bear. I remembered how comforted he felt over something so small, and I remembered how much I loved him as I kissed him goodnight. And I knew it was all just a tiny reflection of God's love for me, how compelled He is to love me, how He longs to comfort me, by His holy Spirit and whisper to me of His love and joy in me.

How beautiful it was to sit and weep at my father's feet. I didn't really say much. I just wanted to come into His presence and know of His love and His Holy Spirit's comfort, His refuge and His strength. And that's just what I did.

   "What father among you, if his son asks for a fish, will instead of a fish give him a   serpent; or if he asks for an egg, will give him a scorpion?

    If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will the heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him!"

                                                                                            Luke 11v11-13

It's a Dog's Life

Watching my smallest boy play with his new birthday 'Woof Woofs', or dogs as they're actually called to people who don't have a toddler in their house, I'm reminded of how similar my boys are to dogs!

They are ever so cuddly, they enjoy a splash in a muddy puddle, occasionally they smell, and they even lick me at times. They have endless energy and love to run. The smallest one especially, bounds up to new arrivals at our house like a puppy would; excited and jumping up at them. They want my attention, a pat on the head, a treat. They love to play with a ball, and they've been known to dribble.

I have found my boys throwing things and making their younger brothers crawl on their hands and knees to go "fetch" the item in their mouth. I have found them with my bag handle or their grandparents dog lead attached to their trousers, while again the older ones walk them around the house and garden. And I know they are highly amused when they are caught short and get the chance to see how high they can wee up a tree!

My boys, like dogs need training in obedience, so I had a look on a dog training website to look for similarities (I obviously have far too much time on my hands) and the correlation between dogs and my boys continued. According to the website, dogs need to be trained consistently.They need to know who is in charge and which behaviours are acceptable and not acceptable. They need to know clear boundaries in order to have a trustworthy and cooperative relationship with you. And when all this is done, you have a happy, healthy, well adjusted, outgoing, well respected canine citizen!!!

Maybe I won't read any more parenting books, I will just follow the above advice from a dog website and buy a bag of doggie treats?! No, my boys need consistent heart training not behaviour modification. Don't we all?!

"As a dog returns to its vomit, so fools repeat their folly."

Proverbs 26v11

"Train up a child in the way he should go;
even when he is old he will not depart from it."

Proverb 22v6

John

In order to have the husband home for dinner in between the Brighton conference sessions, we went and picked him up. As we were waiting outside the conference centre for him, my eldest noticed a homeless man asking for money. His response was a wonderful challenge and encouragement to me.

  "Mum, we should do something." He said to me.

I loved that that was how he was thinking, but I explained to my son that I didn't have any money on me, and I didn't have any food on me. Again, another challenging response;
  
"Well, maybe just go and talk with him, because that might be nice for him."

I explained that my son was right, but that actually I could not leave all the boys in the car on a busy road and go to help the man. My son sat and watched him, and said how sad he looked. So we said that there is always something you can do, and we sat in the car and prayed for him.
As the husband came to the car, I explained my son's heart for this man. Wonderfully, the husband said that he had been taken out for lunch, so he still had his lunch that I had made him that morning. The husband and my eldest jumped out of the car and headed off to meet the man. The husband introduced my boy to this man and his dog, and told him that our son had spotted him and wanted to give him some food. My son shook hands with John and left him eating his food.

My other son's response was that I should always have something, like money ready to give to people. I tried to explain that his heart was right but sometimes its hard to give money. But as a result, I made two extra lunches the next morning, just in case. After the school run, I wanted to honour my son's request and cultivate his heart, so I explained that I still had the two extra lunches and off we went for a drive into Brighton, looking for a homeless person to feed.

I had to stop myself from laughing as the two oldest sat in the back, looking out the windows, pointing and saying; "He looks homeless, give it to him." So, rather than play 'Spot the homeless man' and offend all the alternative looking Brightonians, I just kept a look out. But after driving for an hour, we remarkably couldn't find anyone. I explained to my son that his heart had been right and that God had seen his heart, even if we didn't get to give anyone any food. The two lunches went in the fridge and I was blessed not to have to make any for school the next day. I was also blessed to have a fridge, a kitchen, a home...

“Then the righteous will answer him,

‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink?

When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you?

When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?’

“The King will reply,
‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers, and sisters of mine, (John) you did for me.’ Matthew 25v37-40

To Do List

Yesterday, I attended the evening meeting at the 'Together On A Mission' conference in Brighton. What a privilege. I had had quite a busy day with school runs, nursery runs, sport's day, sweeping, washing, dinner making, picking the husband up from the conference etc... the usual things that make a mum's day feel a bit busy. So I was especially looking forward to some worship time.

As Phatfish and Kate Simmonds started to lead thousands of people in worship, I closed my eyes and started talking to God. The first thing I said was "Father, I am sorry that I haven't done my bit today."  I knew I hadn't managed a bible time today, and my prayers had been sporadic and mainly 'Help me' ones. I hadn't fulfilled my checklist of things that I probably should do if I'm going to come the presence of God. As soon as I had said it I laughed. I laughed because I heard how ridiculous it sounded, and I laughed because I know God is speaking to me about Grace at the moment! I laughed because I knew, and God knew that I was saying sorry for not having anything to bring to the table. When do I have anything to bring to the table with God? At what point can I suitably pray "Father, you know I've done so well today, so here I am for you." Ha! How ridiculous. I felt that gentle reminder again, that I don't actually have anything to bring to the table, ever. It's all about Him. His love for me. It's all about what He has done for me through His son.

 There is nothing I add to the deal. And even on my most super spiritual, bible reading, calm and gentle days, where I have trained the boys perfectly and led people to know Jesus, and served the husband, and spoken to him with the right tone and when I've prayed for hours about real issues not my own little needs....(I'm sure I must have had one of these days?!) Even when I have done all of this, what is it that I then think I bring to the table with God? 

Have I earned more of His love? Am I more accepted by Him? Is His death on the cross somehow more because I've ticked some spiritual boxes? I know it is right to obey God's word and live my life in a God glorifying way, but I also need to make sure I've got it the right way round. I need to ask myself, "Am I more righteous because of me, and what I have achieved, all the ticks I've done today or because of Jesus, and what He accomplished at the cross?" Thank God, it's because of Jesus every time! And that righteousness is then my foundation for obeying and doing. Thank you God for worship times where I am able to move quickly past self reliance and into your presence.

   "But when the kindness and love of God our Saviour appeared,  he saved us, not because of righteous things we had done, but because of his mercy.

    He saved us through the washing of rebirth and renewal by the Holy Spirit, 

whom he poured out on us generously through Jesus Christ our Saviour,  

   so that, having been justified by his grace, we might become heirs having the hope of eternal life." Titus 3v4-7

Turn to The Dark Side

There are brief moments in our household when peace and tranquility actually reign. But these are never found during the five minutes just before we do the school run. Organisation isn't one of my strong points, so the stress of searching for my own two matching shoes as well as eight little shoes of varying sizes, can be a little hectic. Mixed with grabbing two lunch bags, finding four coats, locating one baby, looking for two books in the right book bags, and the right amount of children can be a little on the stressful side for me. This is usually accompanied by a little brotherly shoving and joking, a timely dirty nappy and some high energy boys.


Such a morning was had in our house last week and the stress was added to by one of my boys making a few bad choices and not behaving well. I started to talk to him about how unhelpful he had been. But rather than calmly talking to him, explaining his mistakes and showing him his heart, I instead had a bit of an unnecessary rant at him. The kind of rant that is over the top, and not wise, not controlled, not godly, not gentle. I walked into the kitchen still moaning at him and as I turned towards him to carry on my rant, the song coming out of the kitchen speakers changed to the dark and gloomy  "Imperial March" from Star Wars, as if it it were my very own sound track.

Because of the dramatic song change and because of God's grace, we both burst out laughing! We talked about how it was the part in the film when The Emperor is telling Luke Skywalker to be consumed by anger, and that is exactly what I had allowed to happen. I had got angry rather than love my son. I had been consumed by my emotions rather than patiently taking time to explain. I had got stressed rather than have godly self control. I had tried to do the morning in my own strength rather than rely on God's. It was an amusing and humbling moment as I once again had to apologise to and be forgiven by my son and thank God for His faithful grace towards me. I'm so grateful that God never deals with me in anger, but is slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love.

We decided it would be a great idea, if every time I got a bit cross "The Imperial March" started in the background, because then I would be aware of my emotions and would be reminded to change my behaviour. Thankfully, I know I have the Holy Spirit, speaking to me and prompting  me in these moments to go to God and giving me the power to change my behaviour and my attitude. Now I just need to convince the boys that The Holy Spirit's power and the Jedi Force are very different.

"And he passed in front of Moses, proclaiming;

 “The LORD, the LORD, the compassionate and gracious God,

slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness.."

                                                                 Exodus 34v6

"Strangers On A Train"

As I sat on the train on the journey home, I found myself sitting next to a chatty, friendly stranger called Louise. She offered me and the other stranger at the table, a glass of wine each. And her and her boyfriend shared a glass. A new friend for the journey. We talked about books and films. I now have a new recommended film to view from Kieran, her boyfriend. We talked about home schooling with Chris the other stranger  at our table. We talked about our kids, the beauty of Quentin Blake (me and Louise share a love for his illustrations), we talked about Brighton and engagement rings. (Not sure the boyfriend will appreciate that part!) We talked about who would get killed off first if the train scenario was actually part of a book. It was a wonderful journey home.

I was struck by my new friend on the train. Her warmth, and generosity, and interest in people's lives. She wasn't afraid to give her opinion, or be open to other's thoughts. Anyone who shares their wine with me on the train, strikes me as kind and thoughtful, and selfless. She could've quite happily just drank wine with her man and conversed with him only, and that would have been totally acceptable. But I'm so pleased that her qualities shone beyond the awkwardness of strangers on a train.

This morning I received post, which I love. In this technological age, it is so nice to get hand written post from a friend. The letter was one of encouragement, and my friend reminded me that I am made in God's image. It made me think back to my encounter with Louise yesterday. I don't know her beliefs or if she holds any kind of faith, but the qualities of warmth, kindness, and a selfless attitude that she showed, reminds me that she too is made in God's image. Any act of kindness, hospitality, sacrificial love, or goodness that people show is because we are all made in the image of God, whether we choose to know Him or not. Today I will look for other examples of this and be encouraged by who God is as I see His image displayed in the people around me.

Then God said, "Let us make man in our image, after our likeness….”
So God created man in his own image,
in the image of God he created him;
male and female he created them.

                              Genesis 1v26-27

The Great Escape

I'm sitting on a train, alone. Well technically I'm not alone, I'm  with all the commuters to London. But I'm alone in the sense that it's just me that I know. I'm not talking to anyone. I'm not responsible for any of these people. None of these people need me. None of them are hoping I've got Fruit Shoots  and Cheddars on me. None of them are asking if we are there yet. None of them are climbing on me. None of them are dancing in the aisle and need me to ask them to move. They are all just quietly reading their papers or playing/emailing on their phones. 

I'm struck by the size of my bag. It's small and pink. It has a phone, my keys, a wallet and a book in it. That's it. No nappies, no wipes, no antibacterial hand gel, no Lego, no McDonalds toys playing Beyonce, no bits of broken biscuit at the bottom. No one would even know I'm a mum as I sit on this train. 


I'm off for a couple of days away with my sister in law. Between us we have seven boys, but for today and tomorrow, it's just us. Just us, no responsibilities, no one needing us, no bulk meals to prepare, no packed lunches to make, no buggy to push, no shoes to tie, no little teeth to brush, no uniform to put out, no one to serve. No responsibilities just adult conversation, chocolate, wine, pistachio nuts, books and the Pride and Prejudice series on dvd which I've never seen.


I am fully aware that I could treat these two days in one of two ways. I have recently read an article about escapism, so I know I could look at these two days as a way of escape. Avoiding my real life and opting for two days of all the things I don't get to do with a great sense of abandonment and escape; all that I deserve! 
Or I could look at these two days as a way of refreshment and rest in order to plug straight back into my real life. I could still get to do all the things I don't get to do, but view it as a blessing, rather than something I deserve. 


I know that one of the enticements of escapism would be to escape from God too. To have just 'me time' but what a wasted opportunity if I do this. Even though the husband and my boys don't need me these two days, I still have a responsibility to them. I have a responsibility to make sure I go home rested, refreshed, and with renewed energy for them, but also to go home with my relationship with God strengthened so that I can be all I have been called to be by Him.


I do not want to go home just rested to the avoidance of going home renewed. I do not want to go home after two days of just 'me time' to the avoidance of 'intimate me and God time'. I do not want to go home just knowing I have conversed and laughed with my sister in law to the avoidance of pouring out my heart to my heavenly father and saviour. I do not want to go back home knowing Mr Darcy a little better to the avoidance of knowing Jesus Christ better.


So I will laugh and chat and watch Mr Darcy's smouldering looks, I will drink a little wine and eat a little chocolate, but I will also plan to walk and talk with He who brings great rest and renewal and comfort and strength and joy. I need it for myself and I need it for those God has asked me to serve.


"but they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength;
they shall mount up with wings like eagles;
they shall run and not be weary;
they shall walk and not faint."
Isaiah 40v31

Claim the Reward

When it was raining recently, my oldest took off his hooded jacket, and gave it to his younger brother who's jacket didn't have a hood. He did it without any prompting. He selflessly loved his brother. Hallelujah! All the training of the past seven years paid off in this one incident. It encouraged me to keep going with all the daily seed planting and heart training, even when it looks like there is no fruit in teaching them. After all, God so gently and so patiently keeps training my heart even when I am slow to bear fruit!

I was so pleased with my boy, and told him so. I told him that God loves seeing selfless acts of love, because it is the essence of what He did when He gave His son to die for us. My son sometimes asks in these situations if he can tell his dad or if that's being proud. I find it hard to make a call on things like this so I leave it to the husband, and seeing as the husband wants to cultivate a home where our boys can talk to him about anything, he inevitably says yes to them.

It got me wondering about my own motivation to do things. Stopping to ask the questions "Am I doing this to look good? To impress someone? To make people think better of me?  To get recognised? To gain some kind of earthly reward or proud trophy?" Or am I doing it to be selfless, following Jesus example, and therefore bringing glory to God? I'd hate to think how many times my heart's motivation is wrong. I find it hard not even pointing out to the husband when I've hoovered or put the washing away. I want him to be pleased with me and say something fabulously encouraging about my selfless act. I want to get that small bit of earthly recognition. But the bible is very clear about such motivations. No reward from my Father in Heaven! Is it really worth seeking man's approval when I miss out eternally? I think not!

"Beware of practicing your righteousness before other people
 in order to be seen by them,
for then you will have no reward from your Father who is in heaven."
                                                                        Matthew 6v1

That's Not My Name

"Mum, can I have a drink?...Mum, I need you...Mum, can you wipe my bottom?...Mum, he hit me...Mum, where's my uniform?...Mummy...Mum, I've swallowed a piece of Lego...Mum, can you help me with my homework?...Mum, look at me jump...Mum, why did God put metal in the earth?...Mummy...Mum, I'm hungry...Mum, can I have Sport's Candy?...Mum, where's dad?...Mum, come see...Mum, can you deal with him...Mum, what you typing?...Mum, I need string and some glue...Mummy...Mum, I'm stuck...Mum, can you play with me...Mum, I'm hungry...Mum, maybe we should calm down with a DVD...Mummy...Mum, can you make Buzz a spaceship...Mum...Mum...Mum..."

After a day of this, I turned to our lodger and said "I think I might change my name". And her response was simply quite profound in that moment; "Mum isn't your name." Her comment stunned me, I don't think I believed what she said. Of course Mum is my name, I get called it a few hundred times a day. It is what I am most often referred to as. It is what I do, so it must be who I am. Even the husband will say things like; "Ask mum". That's me, that's who I am. That's my name!

But actually our lodger (and wise friend) is right. Mum is not my name. It is one of my roles; a challenging, wonderful, blessed role, But it does not define who I am. The husband sometimes asks me if I feel more like a mum or more like a wife. And if I answer 'mum', it usually results in him booking us a date night. Which is of course a result, so hopefully he's reading this! But of course 'wife' doesn't  define me either. So what does?

"In love he predestined us for adoption
 as sons through Jesus Christ,
according to the purpose of his will,
to the praise of his glorious grace,
with which he has blessed us in the Beloved." 
                                                  Ephesians 1v5-6

My identity is in Jesus christ. Because of what He has done for me on the cross, I am adopted and blessed as God's beloved. I am loved and forgiven and chosen and adopted as His. I am righteous in His sight because of Jesus Christ. I am my beloved's and He is mine. This is my identity, whilst being a mum and a wife, and anything else for that matter.

9 A Day

During a slightly stressful moment in our house, I sent a text to a couple of friends. Slightly tongue in cheek I asked "What are the fruit of the Spirit again and do I really have to try and show them all at the same time?" Their wonderful responses ranged from "I'm about to boil over myself" to "It's about dwelling in the Spirit, which enables us to show such fruit, it's not about 'trying harder'." In short, go and pray, rather than try harder and end up losing it at the boys!

I asked my eldest if he could remind me of the fruit of the Spirit and he did. It's one of the verses the husband has taught him. 

"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law."

Galations 5v22-23

We often ask him what the second part of the verse means, "And against such things there is no law". And because we often ask him, he was able to respond (in that way a child responds when his parents try to drum in a lesson) by saying that there is no limit to how kind and loving he can be to his brothers. Some of the lessons we teach our boys, seem so easy when we are teaching them to grasp something. But when I'm reminded to put that verse into practice, I can so easily forget this part. I tend to think that I have already been long suffering about something for long enough, or I have already showed that person kindness or gentleness. Or I was self controlled yesterday. Or my patience has run out. But I need to remember that there is no law (and no amount of reasoning, however good they seem) against such things.

My second son asked me what we were talking about, so I grabbed the teaching opportunity. I said that when we plant an apple seed in soil and water it and look after it, after time an apple tree grows and produces healthy apples. And likewise if we plant ourselves in Jesus then as we grow, we will produce fruit like kindness and gentleness. On asking him if he understood, he replied, "I am an apple!" Not put off, by his silly answer in a silly voice, I showed great patience by explaining it once more, in a very gentle, self controlled tone. I even acted out a seed being planted and growing healthy fruit and likened this to planting ourselves in the Holy Spirit, and us growing good fruit. I asked again if he had understood, and he replied, "Can I show you my Nanny McPhee impression by sticking pieces of Lego in my teeth?"

I gave up and accepted that maybe the best way to teach him about the Fruit of the Spirit, was to model it to him, which is often a bigger challenge than teaching it!